Child support question

[aka-mad4themouse]

I'm going to move this over to the Community Board. I think that you'll get a variety of answers there that can help you.

 

[Ilovemylife]

"The kid" is your husbands first born child.

I think your attitude towards him is obvious. That poor son, being replaced by Dad's "new" family.

Plain and simple, your DH needs to pay what he owes.

 

[Cindy's Mom]

Good point.


I am happily married with three children. So , I always side with the child I think it is sad when people resent the child (“the kid”) for whatever reason. The child did not ask to be born into this situation.

It breaks my heart to see fathers wishing away their child’s youth. They can’t wait until they turn 18 so they don’t have to shell out any more money for their own flesh and blood. They go on and create new families and the child from the previous relationship is now looked upon as a money sucker

I know that there are varying degrees of this scenario, and I am NOT accusing the OP of being in this kind of situation I think I was rubbed the wrong way by the callous reference of the child….”The kid”.

May God bless that “kid”. He doesn’t even live in the same state as his father. And, according to the OP, the mom seems a bit whacky. So, who does this “kid” have to look up to? I would be more concerned with why my step son quit school. It seems as if he is off to a rough start in life.

Again, my heart goes with the child

I was going to post something just like this, but you said it better.

 

[figment52]

Can the Livingston County Friend of the Court office help you? It is set up to "referee" parents in child support and custody issues. It is worth a phone call - if they can't help they may have other ideas.

Good Luck.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Does your husband have a relationship with his son? It sounds like he needs some guidance. Maybe he could come live with you and enroll in highschool there to finish up?

 

[Liberty Belle]

I think you're getting different opinions depending on which side of the situation the responders are on. If they're the recipient of child support, they're more likely to respond in favor of the mother receiving the support. If they're paying child support, they're more likely to empathize with your situation.
My opinion is that you should at least get advice from an attorney who is familiar with the laws in both states (assuming the child is in another state). You don't have to retain an attorney long-term-- just sit down with them once to find out your rights and obligations. It will be worth the investment, long-term.

Good luck.

We've neither payed nor received any child support. My husband's only children are my own. I think, though, that most kids at 18, especially if they haven't graduated highschool, still need financial assistance. I'd be more worried about my stepson finishing school than money I'm providing him.

 

[livie1205]

call a lawyer, do not ask here...I understand what you mean.....my dh is paying for daycare in his child support and my dss has not been in daycare for 3 years.We are in the process of filing to reduce it right now...not only does he not go to daycare but I keep him after school...he stays with us all during the school weeks.My dh is paying 150.00 a month towards daycare and 100.00 a month towards health care,life insurance and collage fund and his mom should be paying for dental and he has not had dental in at least 2 years now....

 

[hentob]

..... his mom should be paying for dental and he has not had dental in at least 2 years now....

Poor baby Can you or your husband take this child to a dentist so he can get his teeth checked?

That is awesome that you get him during the school weeks I am sure it feels good to have him in your house

 

[I_Know_You2!]

Supporting a child you haelped conceive shouldn't be based on "law." That is beyond pathetic. It seems you, too, are just looking for loopholes. BTW, that "woman in MN" is the one who has had to deal with said child for 18 years.

 

[RitaE]

Can your husband make a visit to his child and determine what is up with the school situation?

Finances aside, I'd find it worrisome if a child of mine was perhaps a HS drop out. I'd at least want to know where he was living and what school he was attending.

 

[Tink888]

Not going to judge you OP since I don't know you, your DH, the child, his mother or the circumstances.

In PA, a non-custodial parent is responsible for child support until the child turns 18 or finishes high school, whichever comes first. After that, there is no further responsibility other than what was agreed upon in the divorce (if the parents were even married) and it becomes a matter between the parent and CHILD and the discretion of the parent as to what financial assistance will be provided.

I would recommend contacting a MN attorney or searching the internet for MN child support guidelines as MN law will be applied since that is where the child resides. You could also try contacting MN domestic relations for information.

The mother/child should be willing to give you information as to whether -where the boy is going to college. It's in everyone's best interest, especially the boy's, to share that information.

At any rate, if the boy quit school and is now attending again - that is a good thing for him and his future.

 

[livie1205]

Supporting a child you haelped conceive shouldn't be based on "law." That is beyond pathetic. It seems you, too, are just looking for loopholes. BTW, that "woman in MN" is the one who has had to deal with said child for 18 years.

we pay for him out of pocket...we would not let him go without.

 

[sunnyday123]

So you are upset that your husband has to help support a child? I assume he fathered this child, it's not some random child off the street. And because they might not have the best relationship, he should not have to assist in his support? When the kids in your sig turn 18, are you going to walk them to the door with a bag and wish them good luck, and never give them a roof over their heads, food, clothes,etc? Sorry, but I have a real problem with the new wife moaning about how her husband always pays too much for another child, and what can be done about it to take some of that money away. It is not the kids fault the parents divorced. Maybe he should work on rebuilding their relationship.

 

[hentob]

we pay for him out of pocket...we would not let him go without.

So, why hasn't he been to the dentist in two years?


Yes. You would let your step son go without You were the one that refused to buy this child shoes. You broke my heart when I read that thread. You said you didn’t have the money. You were REFUSING to buy this child shoes because you were "broke".

You posted this on 7/18/2008::

this is why I am so upset...i may not be able to do that...I have to start buying my other sons (middle school) school supplies and clothes now AND I have to buy 4 tires for my van (have to they are bald) THIS week...I will not have the money for the football shoes by the time it starts..I HAVE to get the tires...for safety.We are tapped out for now.I can not even take from our vacation money because it is paid for disney has it....I am just going to tell her she has to buy them, she wanted him to play she needs to buy them.

And then on 8/11/2008 you posted how sweet your DH was because……

He told me that we are going to UPGRADE our 3 day fl resi tickets to AP for our trip in December so we can use them again! We were skipping epcot to do DHS this trip but now I get to do EPCOT! He does not like Epcot to much but we are going to at least go to walk the world showcase...yaah I do not make him go there every trip (its his trip too) but I am going to change his mind this year! lol I also made a ADR for my dd3 and myself for afternoon tea at GF........I cant wait! My dh is a tough guy you now manly man ::cop: lol and he keeps walking around saying "I cant wait for our trip!"

So, twenty some odd days later, you guys have money to upgrade your trip, but not for shoes for your husband’s son? It breaks my heart to see these kids get stuck in the middle like this. It is pathetic.

Here is some advice:: Do not make babies if you don’t want to support them. As a parent, you should be FIGHTING to give your child EVERYTHING he or she needs. Don’t worry about what the other parent is or is not doing. Worry about your child.

I don’t want to pick on anyone, but I think people forget how they treat their step children because they are caught up in the moment. They want to prove to the ex husband or wife that they have “done their part”.

This is all so very sad

 

[TomLovesBecky]

I think you're getting different opinions depending on which side of the situation the responders are on. If they're the recipient of child support, they're more likely to respond in favor of the mother receiving the support. If they're paying child support, they're more likely to empathize with your situation.

My opinion is that you should at least get advice from an attorney who is familiar with the laws in both states (assuming the child is in another state). You don't have to retain an attorney long-term-- just sit down with them once to find out your rights and obligations. It will be worth the investment, long-term.

Good luck.

Custodial mom here, and no I don't think an 18 year old out of high school should be getting child support. Now if the dad wants to help out with college expenses, great! But that money should go straight to the school IMO because that way the kid can't squander it. No way in hell should that money go to the mom. The kid is over 18 and out of high school, so therefore the mom isn't obligated whatsoever to support him anymore. Neither is the dad. Tough cookies if the custodial mom doesn't like it, either. If this has been a huge amount of support and she's worried that her gravy train has left the station, well, IT HAS, suck it up honey!!!!!!!!!

 

[I_Know_You2!]

DVCajun, some of us just believe that it is right to sopport the people you create. It doesn't have to do with who is getting money. I've been married 20 years, and I can tell you that my husband is a man of honor. He would never base taking care of our children on what a court ordered.

It amazes me how often it is the wife of the slacker dad that is whining about shild support. You knew he had children when you married him. They are a part of the package.

 

[twinklebug]

Woah, I'm getting confused here... who's thread is this?

I apologize for my angry tone with my 1st reply. I was mad. I felt anger from the OP regarding supporting her step son and my emotions kicked in. No, I don't know the whole story - that's why I asked for it in my first line.

As you can tell, I am 100% pro-supporting the kids. 18 yos may have the appearance of adults, may be legally declared as adults, but, they are a far cry from having the maturity or experience of an adult to be able to make it in this world. They are still kids intellectually (more apologies to those here who are of that age and feel otherwise I was there once too) Consider this: why is the national drinking age 21 if kids are legally adults at 18? Because th government feels 21 year olds to be far more capable of determining when drinking is appropriate and when it is not as well as when to stop. That's my take.

My feelings, and they may be off legally, are that when a parent has a child they are to be there for the child for the rest of their lives emotionally at the very least. Do I expect a 72 yo to be supporting a 52 yo? heck no... Do things happen to tear family apart? absolutely ... But this boy is 18. I don't care if at age 15 he got in his Dad's face and screamed "I don't ever want to see you again!" He's a child. It's the dad's place to yell right back "I'm here, I care about you and I always will! Get used to it!"

OP - he's your step son. If you don't love him that's sad, but fine. Please remember though, he is your children's brother (presumably half by blood) Try as you might, his difficulties with school and your and your DH's attitude toward supporting him now will rub off to some extent on your own kid's future. Make it a good future for all.

BTW - kids are there TO make us broke I think that's why so many folk look forward to the grandparent years, when we get to enjoy the kids, but might have some time and money left for ourselves.

Best of luck to you all

 

[sunnyday123]

Custodial mom here, and no I don't think an 18 year old out of high school should be getting child support. Now if the dad wants to help out with college expenses, great! But that money should go straight to the school IMO because that way the kid can't squander it. No way in hell should that money go to the mom. The kid is over 18 and out of high school, so therefore the mom isn't obligated whatsoever to support him anymore. Neither is the dad. Tough cookies if the custodial mom doesn't like it, either. If this has been a huge amount of support and she's worried that her gravy train has left the station, well, IT HAS, suck it up honey!!!!!!!!!

so, you are the new wife of a man who has kids from his first marriage, huh?

 

[livie1205]

So, why hasn't he been to the dentist in two years?


Yes. You would let your step son go without You were the one that refused to buy this child shoes. You broke my heart when I read that thread. You said you didn’t have the money. You were REFUSING to buy this child shoes because you were "broke".

You posted this on 7/18/2008::



And then on 8/11/2008 you posted how sweet your DH was because……





So, twenty some odd days later, you guys have money to upgrade your trip, but not for shoes for your husband’s son? It breaks my heart to see these kids get stuck in the middle like this. It is pathetic.

Here is some advice:: Do not make babies if you don’t want to support them. As a parent, you should be FIGHTING to give your child EVERYTHING he or she needs. Don’t worry about what the other parent is or is not doing. Worry about your child.

I don’t want to pick on anyone, but I think people forget how they treat their step children because they are caught up in the moment. They want to prove to the ex husband or wife that they have “done their part”.

This is all so very sad

FIRST OF ALL..YOU ARE WRONG READ AGAIN! SHE HAS NOT PROVIDED INSURANCE IN 2 YEARS! we have paid out of pocket! READ IT ALL E ....also we DID end up buying the shoes AND taking him to ALL the practices and games until we withdrew him because he was not keeping up in school.peopla should know what there talking about before responding...

 

[TomLovesBecky]

so, you are the new wife of a man who has kids from his first marriage, huh?

No, I was the one married before. My husband was never married before he met me and has no kids except the ones we have together. Why do you ask? I think what's fair is fair, that's all.