Cheerfully child-free. Anyone else?

[RC Fan]

For those of you who "always knew" they never wanted children, how early on did you know? I'm just curious.

Wow, I really don't know at what point that I realized I did not want kids. It really seems like it has been forever. I have a niece and nephew that I am very close to; we have joked that the kids have three parents. I really feel like I have done a bit of pretty much everything when it comes to raising those kids, except of course for delivering them.

 

[Muushka]

I thought I wanted kids when I was in my 20s. Then I saw the trouble my sister had with her 2 (nothing out of the ordinary, just not my cup of tea) and decided then that I didn't want any. But as a child growing up I never played with baby dolls or Barbie dolls either. I never babysat. No biological clock I guess.

 

[jimmalru80]

I love my three children and could NEVER imagine a life without them. I could care less about my, or, anyone's career. If a couple chooses to not have children, I have NO problem with that choice at all. They have their own choice, and I applaud them for it. It simply is not the choice for me, and I would hope that they who do not agree with me would give me the chance to express my view.

 

[robinb]

I was child-free by choice for the first 35 years of my life. If you asked me if I wanted kids in my 20's and early 30's and I would have looked at you like you were crazy! Me?!!? A parent?!?!

By my mid-30's I was happily married and I had a great career. My husband and I bought a house that we could afford on a single income just before we were married. I bought a convertible with a back seat. It was written in the stars. I was 38 when I gave birth to my daughter .

FWIW, I was never a "baby" person either. I never babysat and I didn't like small children. I probably held a baby less than a half a dozen times before I had my own and hers was the first diaper I remember changing.

While many of you may remain childfree by choice (and I respect that) the whole parent thing can sneak up on you (and all your friends and all your family) least expects it .

 

[goofygirl]

While many of you may remain childfree by choice (and I respect that) the whole parent thing can sneak up on you (and all your friends and all your family) least expects it

Nope. Not me. I would never let that sneak up on me. I'm way too vigilant!

 

[maddhatir]

For those of you who "always knew" they never wanted children, how early on did you know? I'm just curious.

I knew since me early teens. When people would make a fuss over a baby, I just didn't get it. To this day, if someone brings around a baby or shows me pictures of a baby, it bores me to death.

I can't remember a time when I was small that I said I wanted kids. I met DH when I was 16 and have been with him for almost 26 years- and we BOTH have never wanted kids. We are very lucky to agree on that. It was NEVER an issue with us.

It was not until 2001 when my SIL had her first child that I really was around a baby all the time. I was old enough to enjoy her. I did want to see her all the time- BUT! I was also glad to go home afterwards, just me and DH.

Everyone pretty much gave up asking when DH and I would have kids- everyone just knew we didnt want them UNTIL- my SIL had her baby and my MIL would say- "now doesnt that make you want to have kids?" UMMMMM NO! We have been DINKS for 22 years and you are NOW going to ask this question! Why would I want a kid-- because SIL just had one-- LEAVE ME ALONE! that is what I wanted to say!

SO-- I am a happy DINK! who spoils her niece and nephew!

 

[SplshMtn99]

But as a child growing up I never played with baby dolls or Barbie dolls either. I never babysat. No biological clock I guess.

Hey twin, me too!

 

[Uncle Remus]

I planned my life to be childfree and I couldn't be happier.
I do like kids...deep fried!

 

[WDWguru]

Looking back I think I knew at a young age - like 8 or 10 years old. I hated babysitting (did it once and that was enough for me), never played with baby type dolls, just Barbie. As my mom likes to say, I was born 30 years old, and always mature for my age. I never had that cooing instinct over babies and still don't, but I never really put it all together until one day in my early 20s it dawned on me that I didn't HAVE to have kids. I had a choice! It was like a revelation! Up to that point I knew I wasn't driven to do it but just assumed that something would "kick in" one day and I'd do it. After about 10 years of keeping the possibility open "just in case", DH got fixed and felt nothing but relief.

 

[WeLoveThePoly]

I think it's a wise decision for people who know in their heart that they don't want to have children not to have them.

I have one child - my DD turned 9 yesterday.

She was planned and I'm so glad she's here. The problem I always have is people asking "when are you having another child?". AH! When I tell people I'm not having another one (even though it's none of their business) they give me a hard time because they say it's not fair that she'll be an only child. I hate when people say that! DH & I don't plan on having any other children and really don't want another one. We are happy being just the 3 of us.

What is it with people?
> You are single people ask "Why aren't you dating anyone?"
> You start dating someone people ask "When are you getting engaged?"
> You get engaged people ask "When are you getting married?"
> You get married people ask "When are you having a baby?"
> You have a baby people ask "When are you having another baby?"

What, are ya gonna ask me when I plan on dying??



Debbie

 

[Mischa]

Not childfree by choice...we would have loed to have had children, but were unable to do so.

However, now that I am older and many of my freinds are starting to deal with the aggravations of teenager-hood, I am beginning to appreciate our childrefree status.

We're sort of in the same boat...dh & I would have loved to have a child and have tried and tried (and spent tons of money) on having one. So we are living childfree (but not by choice).

That being said - I do not think that folks who choose not to have children are selfish. It's your decision to make - not someone else's to make.

Now that dh & I are older (50+ & 40+ respectively) and have "found" Disney and became DVC members - having no kids - does make it alot easier to travel.

One thing I found kind of funny is that whenever I've been asked "how many kids" we have and I say "We have 2 furbabies" and whip out pictures of our dog & cat, the person(s) asking the question almost never has pictures of their 2-legged kids.

hugs,

 

[Muushka]

To those of you who have responded to this thread who did not choose to be child-free, a big hug .

 

[RC Fan]

Do you know what I find irksome? It is the prevailing attitidue that the deliberately child-free just have not 'seen the light' yet. That we all really want kids but just don't know it yet. This is kind of like the attitude of the religious when it comes to the non-religious: that the non-religious have not found 'the way' yet.

 

[Fitswimmer]

It is the prevailing attitidue that the deliberately child-free just have not 'seen the light' yet. That we all really want kids but just don't know it yet.

that goes hand in hand with the "something must be wrong with you" attitude. Having said that, I have a cousin with 5 kids-by choice and they get rude comments all the time like "don't you know what causes that yet?" Please.

Why can't we accept that there just may be different plans for us as people? If we all had kids, the planet would be buried in Pampers!! If we all choose not to have them, then the species dies out. You have to have a balance.

 

[KristaTX]

I have been watching this thread to make sure it didn't become an "us versus them" kind of thread. I'm happy to see that the only person who has done that was one who was aghast at those of us who have no kids, and that she's basically been ignored by everyone. Kudos for not turning this thread into a debate, for it certainly would be a useless and ridiculous one.

DH and I have chosen to have no children yet, and we may never decide to. We met in high school and celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary a couple of weeks ago. I'm 35 and he's 36, and we are approximately 1 and 1/4 income people . He's an engineer, and I'm an on-call registered nurse.

We might have kids some day, or we might adopt, or we might never decide to become parents. But for now, we are content with 2 cats and without kids .

 

[theSurlyMermaid]

FWIW, I was never a "baby" person either. I never babysat and I didn't like small children. I probably held a baby less than a half a dozen times before I had my own and hers was the first diaper I remember changing.

While many of you may remain childfree by choice (and I respect that) the whole parent thing can sneak up on you (and all your friends and all your family) least expects it .

Gosh, me neither. NEVER played with babies or dolls and was far more concerned with horses as a child. I was always uncomfortable/annoyed around kids and still am! Of course DH and I love going home after being around our friends' kids....they aren't ours. I expect that after the birth of our son we will still feel the same way! It's also incidentally, the way I feel about my sister's dogs...they're cute from a distance but ANNOYING if I have to deal with them in my house for extended periods of time. My dogs I obviously feel completely different about.

All I know is if it's some kind of requirement to have always been a baby-lover or natural around children, I'm in real trouble with this parenthood thing.

 

[goofygirl]

I have been watching this thread to make sure it didn't become an "us versus them" kind of thread. I'm happy to see that the only person who has done that was one who was aghast at those of us who have no kids, and that she's basically been ignored by everyone. Kudos for not turning this thread into a debate, for it certainly would be a useless and ridiculous one.

DH and I have chosen to have no children yet, and we may never decide to. We met in high school and celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary a couple of weeks ago. I'm 35 and he's 36, and we are approximately 1 and 1/4 income people . He's an engineer, and I'm an on-call registered nurse.

We might have kids some day, or we might adopt, or we might never decide to become parents. But for now, we are content with 2 cats and without kids .

Then who's that in your avatar? Until now I assumed it was your DD! LOL

 

[goofygirl]

Gosh, me neither. NEVER played with babies or dolls and was far more concerned with horses as a child. I was always uncomfortable/annoyed around kids and still am! Of course DH and I love going home after being around our friends' kids....they aren't ours. I expect that after the birth of our son we will still feel the same way! It's also incidentally, the way I feel about my sister's dogs...they're cute from a distance but ANNOYING if I have to deal with them in my house for extended periods of time. My dogs I obviously feel completely different about.

All I know is if it's some kind of requirement to have always been a baby-lover or natural around children, I'm in real trouble with this parenthood thing.

Well, what I do not understand is this:

If you never were "into" babies/kids, then why would you have any? This is what I don't understand. Is it in good faith that you think you'll be "into" your own kid? Do you ever think "what if I don't like my own child either?"

Speaking for myself, one of the reasons I do not want children is because I was never into children, still not, and I do not think I'd enjoy my own child, either. In fact, I know I'd probably regret having the child.

 

[Hixski]

Happily child free here. Not by choice, but that is a whole different story. I will be 47 in a couple of months. I still look like I am under 40 so of course I still get to hear the comments:

"You better hurry up you are not getting any younger." (Thanks so much, we tried for several years didn't work. I usually tell folks that too. At least I have the satisfaction to see them look like this. )

"If you wanted children why didn't you do everything possible to get one" ( First none of your business, but we just didn't. I have seen what some people go through to do everything possible to get one. DH and I decided that we did not want to do that. I even had someone tell me I must not have wanted a child too bad if I did not do everything to try to get one. Lovely, am I more selfish for not having one or not doing everything to get one. )

And my personal favorite:

"That must be why you have a dog since you don't have children." (Umm, no I have a dog because I love dogs."

So now here I am and child free. And HAPPY. After seeing some kids these days it sure makes it easier to say I don't regret the choice now.

 

[theSurlyMermaid]

Well, what I do not understand is this:

If you never were "into" babies/kids, then why would you have any? This is what I don't understand. Is it in good faith that you think you'll be "into" your own kid? Do you ever think "what if I don't like my own child either?"

Speaking for myself, one of the reasons I do not want children is because I was never into children, still not, and I do not think I'd enjoy my own child, either. In fact, I know I'd probably regret having the child.

I highly doubt I won't like my own child, but I can't tell you how I know that. I just do. Besides, dealing with other people's kids is not exactly representative of what life would be like with your own kid. I never grew up obsessed with weddings, didn't want to be married and was never even that into dating and I'm loving my husband and marriage. Did I always need to dream about being a bride to enjoy being one? Nope. Did I need to (LOL) obsess over other people's husbands? Nope (and thank goodness for that). Did I need to learn my lessons from watching people's marriages suck and think to myself, well, I'm never going to deal with THAT. Nope. And I'm happy as can be as a married woman.

It's the same story with most of my other choices. Everyone I knew told me how the bar exam would be the worst experience of my life. They went through it, they should know. Nope, not even close. Actually, sort of.....dare I say it, fun? The point is, if I got scared off by what I saw everyone else going through, I'd likely be hiding under my bed experiencing nothing.

I can also tell you MANY of the parents I know who are having a blast with this parenthood thing were the ones who never thought they wanted it. And I knew NO ONE (and I mean no one) who was obsessed with babies. BTW, yes, our child was much wanted and planned, not because we started cooing over other people's babies, but because we felt the time was right to add to our family. If you never get that feeling, great! I'm just pointing out that not all parents were shrieking over babies and knitting anticipatory booties their whole lives.