Cheerfully child-free. Anyone else?

[goofygirl]

I know this is CHEERfully child-free, but I have to rant for a minute.

I can't believe some people have the nerve to compare infertility to cancer.

Infertility does not wreck your body like chemo and other cancer treatments. Infertility cannot lead to a slow and painful death like cancer can.

What an insult to cancer patients and survivors!

But when you are infertile I guess it's "ok" to be bitter and take your grief out on anyone. They don't even like it when people around them get pregnant. They get all jealous and think only of themselves instead of being happy for the pregnant person. Pathetic.

Ok, back to being cheerful!

 

[mking624]

You know I saw this thread jump up to page 1 here on the CB, so I came on here hoping for a pick me up of how I can remember to keep cheer in my heart in spite of my struggles. Instead I come upon this:

I know this is CHEERfully child-free, but I have to rant for a minute.

I can't believe some people have the nerve to compare infertility to cancer.

Infertility does not wreck your body like chemo and other cancer treatments. Infertility cannot lead to a slow and painful death like cancer can.

What an insult to cancer patients and survivors!

But when you are infertile I guess it's "ok" to be bitter and take your grief out on anyone. They don't even like it when people around them get pregnant. They get all jealous and think only of themselves instead of being happy for the pregnant person. Pathetic.

Ok, back to being cheerful!

As someone who struggles with infertility, I find your post extremely offensive and insulting. Yes, it's hard for me when other people are pregnant...gee, how "pathetic" of me when I'm reminded every day of my life how my body fails to do what other womens bodies are able to do...and am reminded every month when my body puts me through excruciating physical pain. You're obviously "happily" child free. Some of us are not. Try not to insult people just because you are happy about your situation and others are not. This doesn't make you better than the rest of us. Pain is different for people and just because this isn't painful for you doesn't mean the rest of us have to grin and bear it. And for the record, no one said they're never happy for pregnant people, but there is nothing wrong with someone feeling hurt that they, too, can't share the experience. Yes, how horrible of us.

As far as comparing infertility to cancer, you might be surprised to learn that doctors make the same comparison. I've read in several books written by doctors that infertility patients are second only to cancer patients when it comes to what lengths they will go to in order to find a "cure". Some of the treatments for infertility DO cause my body to "flip out" due to the disease I have. As far as infertility not causing a slow and painful death, well that all depends on what exactly is causing the infertility.
An insult to cancer patients? I have family who have cancer, one who died from cancer, I participate in the Relay for Life every year. And they have even told me: "It really sucks what we (as in me and them) have to do to our bodies just to find a happy ending." The reason why it's compared is because people are a lot of times criticised for choosing treatment as though they were doing something wrong for getting any treatment at all. Infertility is a medical issue. People don't criticise cancer patients for getting chemo. And niether should a infertility patient be criticised for their choice of treatment. BOTH are medical issues and neither patient should be looked down on because they sought medical treatment for medical issues. Am I the same as someone with cancer? No, and I'd never say that. But it's not unfair for me to say that my choice for treatment should not be looked down on any more than someone with cancer choosing to get treatment.

I truly hope you never experience the treatment you have just so broadly given out.

Have fun in your cheerful thread, and I apologize to those who didn't feel the need to be so insulting.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

mking624, I happen to pop into this thread for the first time ever, as well, and was also surprised at that post.

GoofyGirl, I'm curious as to what inspired this post. Was it this comment, in the "what not to say to someone suffereing from infertility" thread?

“Maybe God didn’t mean for you to have children” – Ouch! Would you ever tell someone with cancer, that maybe God meant for them to die?

Clearly this post was not comparing infertility to cancer, but was comparing a rude, insensitive and insulting remark made to an infertile person, to a rude, insensitive and insulting remark that might be made to a person with cancer.

Big difference.

 

[goofygirl]

You're obviously "happily" child free. Some of us are not.

Then why are you on this thread? This thread is for the *HAPPILY* childfree. You have your own thread. Please stay there.

Sorry, but I'm not buying that you came here for "a pick-me-up." You came here to debate, and I am not going to debate anyone here.


Now.... let's get back to having fun:


So...........how you all doin', my childfree posse?? What are your plans for Easter?

 

[Ride Junkie]

I guess I always thought I was supposed to have kids, but the time has never seemed right. Besides, I think it's mainly because I'm too afraid! I see clips on tv about women giving birth, and is scares the bejeebies out of me!!

Plans for Easter?? DH and I are going with his parents to Vegas!! See, we don't need to have kids...we ARE the kids!

 

[diznygirl]

Then why are you on this thread? This thread is for the *HAPPILY* childfree. You have your own thread. Please stay there.

Sorry, but I'm not buying that you came here for "a pick-me-up." You came here to debate, and I am not going to debate anyone here.


Now.... let's get back to having fun:


So...........how you all doin', my childfree posse?? What are your plans for Easter?

Maybe she came here to get some advice on how to be "cheerfully" child-free, since maybe she will never have kids. Since a lot of people do make do without children and are happy, infertile couples could possibly learn from them.

Just a thought.

 

[02bBarbie]

Then why are you on this thread? This thread is for the *HAPPILY* childfree. You have your own thread. Please stay there.

That's odd - I saw you on an adoption thread a few days ago. Unless you suddenly have a yearning to adopt, I suspect you were there to chime in because you thought you had something constructive to add.

Mrs. Toad felt the same way on this thread.

It's a 2-way street honey

 

[Snow_White]

Maybe she came here to get some advice on how to be "cheerfully" child-free, since maybe she will never have kids. Since a lot of people do make do without children and are happy, infertile couples could possibly learn from them.

THANK YOU for saying what I was thinking. Some people are so cruel.

 

[mking624]

Then why are you on this thread? This thread is for the *HAPPILY* childfree. You have your own thread. Please stay there.

Sorry, but I'm not buying that you came here for "a pick-me-up." You came here to debate, and I am not going to debate anyone here.

Actually I didn't come here to debate. I saw the thread pop up on the first page and thought it was interesting and wanted to check it out. After a thread of how certain comments can be cutdowns, I thought it would be nice to read from people who were happy right where they were. Sometimes it's nice to read things like that. The last thing I expected was someone to belittle people who are already beating themselves up.

And don't tell me where I should stay. I'm not the one who brought another thread into this discussion...you didn't exactly have "pure" intentions when you posted what you did. For being so "happily" child free, you seem to take a lot of issue over this.....


diznygirl, 02bBarbie, and Snow_White, thanks for "getting" me. I'm just glad there ARE people who pave a way that shows how to be happy in spite of circumstances...and without belittling others.

 

[Caradana]

I'm 26 and loving life as a married couple with no kids. This is great. We travel, decorate, pursue our own hobbies, do all kinds of spontaneous stuff. Long term, we'll probably have kids, but it's not gonna be this year or next!

 

[wickness2]

add me to the child free list.

came across this pix. dont mean to offend anyone with it.

 

[PhotobearSam]

I love that pic...LOL

Well, I turn 35 this weekend (god, I am much too young to feel this **** old)

Well this is when everyone predicted that my biological clock would start to sound really loud. I just checked it and I think the battery in it died.

Seriously, we have friends who have decided to adopt but we are sure that he does not want a child but this is "what People expect" so they are doing it.

I love my life, my husband, our 3 perfect cats, our hobbies and our freedom. I told DH at least 3 times this week how much I love our family and our life. I am in love with our home and DH more than I can express. I could not see myself ruining it with a child.

I wish I could give my female reproductive organs to someone who really wants a child and can't have any. I feel bad that they don't get their dream as I have mine.

 

[wickness2]

I found a child free forum, some of posters are funny. Others ?????

heres another pix I found. I am not sure how to post a pix.

 

[plgrn]

I wish I could give my female reproductive organs to someone who really wants a child and can't have any. I feel bad that they don't get their dream as I have mine.

Wish I could sell mine on Ebay "24 year-old uterus. Never used." Then I could fund more Disney trips!

 

[wickness2]

This one is my fav. And last one to post.

 

[mking624]

I found a child free forum, some of posters are funny. Others ?????

heres another pix I found. I am not sure how to post a pix.

While I'd love to have a child, I absolutely LOVE this!! What a great spin on things!

 

[Hixski]

I found a child free forum, some of posters are funny. Others ?????

heres another pix I found. I am not sure how to post a pix.

This reminds me of the bumper stickers that make me laugh. They say: "My golden retriever (or other pet) is smarter than your Honor Roll Student".

 

[FINFAN]

While DH and I are not Child free, both of our kids plan on it! ( what does that say about us as parents? )
Anyway, reading this thread has been great for me, knowing that they are following their hearts (so far) and will enjoy life! My kids are DD 16 (almost 17) and DS 12. They see that life can be hard, they are working hard at school and work, they like to be able to travel and know you have to afford it, not charge it. They realize the world is already jammed and trees are coming down while McMansions are going up, both baby sit and are glad to get home afterward....DD asked me if it was selfish of her to not want kids, I said no, it is selfish to have a child if you know you would rather not. The child suffers more than you do. Admitedly, I wonder if we have done something to influence their choice...I mean, BOTH kids say no thanks...but hey, their freedom also means ours!


Pam

 

[dolcezena]

DD asked me if it was selfish of her to not want kids, I said no, it is selfish to have a child if you know you would rather not. The child suffers more than you do.

That's one of the things that drives me batty about my choice to be CF - that it somehow makes me selfish. Being selfish, IMHO, is having a child to replicate yourself. Please don't tell me that people don't have children for that reason, we all know some do. I'm not saying that's everybody's motivation, but it is for some.

Thinking about the kind of a future you want for a child that happens to be born to you isn't selfish, it's responsible. Putting the child's life first is what matters. I've said it before & I'll say it again, too many people don't appreciate the children that come into their lives, when so many others can't have them.

A woman who makes a CHOICE to be CF isn't selfish - someone who gets knocked up accidentally & decides to make the child her reason for being is. (Don't start jumping on me people who are in the "not right now kids" stage - I'm talking about completely unplanned pregnancies, where it's a complete whoopsie thing, ie-too young, unmarried, no other plans for their future)

Just my thoughts

 

[FINFAN]

dolcezena.....I am hoping you are agreeing with what I said to my DD? Not sure, but I find it interesting that at the young age of 16, she felt like she would be "selfish" to not have kids at some point in her life...but sounds like there is a LOT of pressure and "why not's?" out there. Sorry you have to deal with that...
If it makes you feel any better, when I have been having a bad day WITH kids, I have had to endure comments like, "If you can't handle it, you shouldn't have had any!" Like I had a crystal ball or something 17 years ago. So I guess both side get slammed!


Pam