Cannot believe this is happening. Teacher lied about my son.

[OceanAnnie]

As far as I know, it was not addressed. The reason? Because the other boy said he did not do it and the para said she was standing right there and it never happened(even though that has now been disproven). So they assume that my son is the one that is lying and pretty much told me that although not in those words.

It just makes me so angry that my son was the one that took the fall for everything. He was never asked what happened by ANYONE until I requested it. They talked to the para, talked to the boy and then called me and told me my son was the one lying.

Tell your DS to request to go to the clinic if this ever happens again. Tell him if the para says no, tell him to continue to ask someone else until he gets to go. If they are going to ignore and lie about your son, he needs to have documentation at the school about these type of altercations. Tell your DS to have the nurse call you if it should happen again. Bonus.

ETA- Did your DS say there were other students near that saw what was going on? It would be interesting to know.

 

[mhsjax]

don't take lightly to punishing for words or actions they deem inappropriate) warrants the OP to get to the bottom of it and make sure her son was rightfully accused.
/QUOTE]

The OP will never get to the bottom of this - the para says one thing, the boys say another. It will never go any farther than this. They are not going to bring in a lie detector professional - it's not like the para is being accused of child molestation. There is absolutely no good that will come from taking further action.

The teacher shouldn't have called the OP back after speaking to the para - I'm guessing, since the principal was brought in on such a little matter, there has been some history with the OP and the school.

Teacher lying=little matter. wow. Hope you aren't a teacher, wouldn't want a teacher that thinks lying is a little matter anywhere near my kids.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Kappy, what time frame are you going to request for a classroom change? After Winter break would be nice. Start anew after the holidays.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I agree. She is in for a long haul if she continues complaining over minor issues like this.

Since when is threat of major consequences a 'minor' issue???? (and the same goes for an educator caught in a bold-faced lie)

 

[kappy]

don't take lightly to punishing for words or actions they deem inappropriate) warrants the OP to get to the bottom of it and make sure her son was rightfully accused.
/QUOTE]

The OP will never get to the bottom of this - the para says one thing, the boys say another. It will never go any farther than this. They are not going to bring in a lie detector professional - it's not like the para is being accused of child molestation. There is absolutely no good that will come from taking further action.

The teacher shouldn't have called the OP back after speaking to the para - I'm guessing, since the principal was brought in on such a little matter, there has been some history with the OP and the school.

I think the principal was brought in because my husband wanted a meeting with the teacher (I could not be there) and he was upset. So the teacher brought him in. The principal does not even know who my son is, so we don't have a history or anything.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I have to do some work! Good luck with your meeting! We will be thinking of you. I hope for the best outcome for your DS.

Please keep us posted.

 

[Wishing on a star]

It just makes me so angry that my son was the one that took the fall for everything. He was never asked what happened by ANYONE until I requested it. They talked to the para, talked to the boy and then called me and told me my son was the one lying.

WOW..... Not okay... NOT okay.
yes, you are definitely correct in doing whatever necessary to look out for you son here.

 

[mjkacmom]

Teacher lying=little matter. wow. Hope you aren't a teacher, wouldn't want a teacher that thinks lying is a little matter anywhere near my kids.

What do you see happening if she pursues this? Do you see the para admitting that she wasn't there? Because it's not going to happen. If there were no other witnesses, so cameras, there is no proof. Period. So, if the OP continues, she will become "that parent," and yes, that might cause problems later on, let's face it. This is only first grade. I pick my battles over issues when I think I might have a chance of changing things. I've been an elementary school mom going on 9 years - I know the drill.

 

[mjkacmom]

I think the principal was brought in because my husband wanted a meeting with the teacher (I could not be there) and he was upset. So the teacher brought him in. The principal does not even know who my son is, so we don't have a history or anything.

So the teacher was nervous enough about your DH to bring in the principal? How upset was he? My DH had a meeting once with a teacher without me (I couldn't be there), and he was calm and collection (over a much more serious matter).

 

[mhsjax]

What do you see happening if she pursues this? Do you see the para admitting that she wasn't there? Because it's not going to happen. If there were no other witnesses, so cameras, there is no proof. Period. So, if the OP continues, she will become "that parent," and yes, that might cause problems later on, let's face it. This is only first grade. I pick my battles over issues when I think I might have a chance of changing things. I've been an elementary school mom going on 9 years - I know the drill.

Ok, well lets see. I have DS14, DD 12, and DS 10 so I have some experience also. Now, lets say that you are right and maybe you are in that nothing will ever come of this, here is how I would handle it. "I am sorry honey, I believe you apparently the Principal does too, he told me that the other child verified that the para was across the room. I am sorry she is lying, she is a teacher so she isn't held accountable because she is the adult. So from now on she has no authority over you what so ever and if they have a problem with that the school can come to me." Yep been an elementary school parent for a while, my school would not have dealt with it like this. I don't want a liar telling my child what to do, and he should have no respect for an adult that lies to save their own skin. I don't teach my child to just blindly follow an adult because they are an adult. They have to earn respect also. I also have to note that none of my kids have ever even come close to being in trouble for anything, their teachers give them nothing but glowing reports. But I tell my kids straight up how it is. I also tell them not to fight, but if a teacher won't listen when you have a problem, then take the kid out, you have my fill support. I don't play these silly political games.

 

[luvsJack]

My oldest is 28, I have been dealing with school issues for a few years here also. There are many things that I have let go and ther are many times I have bit my lip and not said anything; but an adult lying on my child? Nope, not one of those things. And I NEVER was considered one of "those" parents. If my child has done something wrong they all know to call me, I will be there in 5 minutes and take care of the problem. OTOH, the school better darn well be telling me the truth or be able to tell me why I am getting conflicting stories.

How could there not be any witnesses if this happened at lunch? Has anyone asked the other kids?

 

[Wishing on a star]

What do you see happening if she pursues this? Do you see the para admitting that she wasn't there? Because it's not going to happen. .... I pick my battles over issues when I think I might have a chance of changing things.

I think the OP realizes that she can't win the He said - She said, the Para is a liar game....

But, that does not mean that she does not need to address this.
That does not mean that she can not change things.

That still doesn't mean that a parent should let this kind of serious situation go... She said her son is beginning to show signs of emotional and psychological issues, negativity about school, etc.... No small thing! She stated that this has been an ongoing problem, and she has plead with the teacher to try to have these kids separated at least once before.

To be honest, I have seen schools disrespect parents who have had to advocate for their children, LIE, retaliate, the whole 'those parent' accusation thing.
It is really just sickening.

While the way this whole situation unfolded seemed to have gotten off to a very negative and rocky start... I fully believe that the OP needs to do just what she is considering.. Which is to go to a real face-to-face, sit-down, meeting, and let the school know that her son is being affected VERY negatively by whatever it is that is going on, and that either these two kids will be separated as much as possible IMMEDiATELY, and that there should be no more 'questionable' situations involving this other child and the Para.... Or, as the OP has mentioned... request that her child be moved to another classroom altogether.

The objective should not be to 'get the Para', 'prove the Para is a liar', etc...
The objective here should be to do what is best for the OP's child.
And, this is what I see the OP trying to do.

 

[Wishing on a star]

There are many things that I have let go and ther are many times I have bit my lip and not said anything; but an adult lying on my child? Nope, not one of those things.

This...

 

[mjkacmom]

Ok, well lets see. I have DS14, DD 12, and DS 10 so I have some experience also. Now, lets say that you are right and maybe you are in that nothing will ever come of this, here is how I would handle it. "I am sorry honey, I believe you apparently the Principal does too, he told me that the other child verified that the para was across the room. I am sorry she is lying, she is a teacher so she isn't held accountable because she is the adult. So from now on she has no authority over you what so ever and if they have a problem with that the school can come to me." Yep been an elementary school parent for a while, my school would not have dealt with it like this. I don't want a liar telling my child what to do, and he should have no respect for an adult that lies to save their own skin. I don't teach my child to just blindly follow an adult because they are an adult. They have to earn respect also. I also have to note that none of my kids have ever even come close to being in trouble for anything, their teachers give them nothing but glowing reports. But I tell my kids straight up how it is. I also tell them not to fight, but if a teacher won't listen when you have a problem, then take the kid out, you have my fill support. I don't play these silly political games.

You would really say that to a 6 year old? I'd just tell my child that I believe him, and that the teacher was mistaken. I'd never tell my child that a teacher has no authority over him or her, never. Let's set up our children to be teacher-haters, like there parents (and there are PLENTY of them on the dis). They're really successful in school.

 

[mhsjax]

I think the OP realizes that she can't win the He said - She said, the Para is a liar game....

But, that does not mean that she does not need to address this.
That does not mean that she can not change things.

That still doesn't mean that a parent should let this kind of serious situation go... She said her son is beginning to show signs of emotional and psychological issues, negativity about school, etc.... No small thing! She stated that this has been an ongoing problem, and she has plead with the teacher to try to have these kids separated at least once before.

To be honest, I have seen schools disrespect parents who have had to advocate for their children, LIE, retaliate, the whole 'those parent' accusation thing.
It is really just sickening.

While the way this whole situation unfolded seemed to have gotten off to a very negative and rocky start... I fully believe that the OP needs to do just what she is considering.. Which is to go to a real face-to-face, sit-down, meeting, and let the school know that her son is being affected VERY negatively by whatever it is that is going on, and that either these two kids will be separated as much as possible IMMEDiATELY, and that there should be no more 'questionable' situations involving this other child and the Para.... Or, as the OP has mentioned... request that her child be moved to another classroom altogether.

The objective should not be to 'get the Para', 'prove the Para is a liar', etc...
The objective here should be to do what is best for the OP's child.
And, this is what I see the OP trying to do.

Quotes are acting weird again, that part you quoted wasn't written by me, I 100% agree that the op needs to do what she is doing.

 

[kappy]

So the teacher was nervous enough about your DH to bring in the principal? How upset was he? My DH had a meeting once with a teacher without me (I couldn't be there), and he was calm and collection (over a much more serious matter).

I really have no idea why she brought him in. Maybe because it was out of her hands, maybe because it did not happen in her class, maybe it is protocal. I have no idea.

My DH is the most calm and collected person I know, sometimes to much. But you know when he is upset and calling and requesting a meeting immediately the next morning would let a teacher know that a parent is upset.

You would really say that to a 6 year old? I'd just tell my child that I believe him, and that the teacher was mistaken. I'd never tell my child that a teacher has no authority over him or her, never. Let's set up our children to be teacher-haters, like there parents (and there are PLENTY of them on the dis). They're really successful in school.

What I said to my son was that I believed him, trusted him and was proud of him for telling the truth because I know it was scarey to be called into the principals office. He was happy and he has not talked about it since.

 

[mhsjax]

You would really say that to a 6 year old? I'd just tell my child that I believe him, and that the teacher was mistaken. I'd never tell my child that a teacher has no authority over him or her, never. Let's set up our children to be teacher-haters, like there parents (and there are PLENTY of them on the dis). They're really successful in school.

Nope not teacher haters, in fact out of all my kids years at school I have had only 2 the I didn't care for And why in the world do you think I would actually stand up for a teacher that is lying. I have many friends that are teachers, I volunteer alot, I LOVE my teachers, but my kids teacher would never let this happen the way it did.

Oh by the way, lets teach kids that teacher can do whatever they want because they are teachers and that they are adults. WRONG. If this para lied to save her butt, there is no telling what she would lie about.

 

[mhsjax]

What I said to my son was that I believed him, trusted him and was proud of him for telling the truth because I know it was scarey to be called into the principals office. He was happy and he has not talked about it since.

Again, quotes are off. I agree with you 100%

 

[Hannathy]

Oh by the way, lets teach kids that teacher can do whatever they want because they are teachers and that they are adults. WRONG. If this para lied to save her butt, there is no telling what she would lie about.

This is what I would be worried about. What else will she lie about or has lied about?

 

[Kathi OD]

Normal children yes!! This child has been deemed a danger to the other children and needs 1:1 to prevent this. she can not stop him from hurting another child from across the room. she should be near the child at all times and across a cafeteria is not near the child. His learning to do things for himself should not come at the expense or harm of other children.

I know I'm coming late to the party, but where did OP state that the reason the other boy has a 1 on 1 is because he has been deemed to be a danger to the other children? You obviously don't spend much time with children who need a 1 on 1. Generally, being a danger to the other children is waaay down on the list of those reasons.

I wanted to clarify a couple of my statements. .....
I concede that there may be a special arrangement a child's IEP that would allow them a 1:1 and not have that person with them at all times. However, unless they and a meeting with the child's parents and amended the IEP, a teacher and a para can't just change things in the middle of the year. Also, because budgeting is so tight, in my experience as a parent an a special education advocate I rarely see a 1:1 listed anymore unless there is a behavior or social need. I could see a 1:1 being a few steps away where they could appear to be giving independence but actually could see and hear everything...not across the room.......

A well-written IEP will take into consideration the need to try different strategies over the course of the year to achieve the desired goals of the IEP. These strategies would be included in the original IEP, rendering additional meetings in order to change the IEP mid-year unnecessary. If your child's school isn't doing this already, the document and your meeting is nothing more than wasted paper and time.

Do you happen to have knowledge that it was a job related conversation or that it was of the utmost importance that she have that conversation at that particular moment?

Do you have proof it wasn't? No one knows who that other adult was.

I have never dealt with a person hired for this type of position, but I just cannot imagine that a transition time such as lunch is the time for her to be on the other side of a noisy lunchroom (and MOST lunchrooms are very noisy). I can only compare it to a caregiver hired to supervise children during lunch and she takes that opportunity to tell another caregiver what little Johnny did yesterday. Not the time. So for that reason, any conversation that is not an emergency=socializing.

Again, since you don't know who the other person was, or what they were discussing, this is a judgment you just can't make.

did you read the last half of my comment?

I was not trying to debate the issue but if her job was to be with this student during lunch and she was talking to someone about anything OTHER than an all out emergency, then regardless of the topic it should be considered the same as socializing. She should have been with the child she was hired to be with. Period.

Again, you just don't know how the child's IEP was written, who that other person was, or what they were discussing to make that judgment. Just because you feel she should have been standing a foot away from the child doesn't mean she was not doing her job.

Let's be honest, there really is no 100% way for someone who was not there to determine what exactly happened.
I'd drop it.
The best life advice you can give your son is to tell him that people make mistakes. Teachers, mom and dad, grandma and grandpa, best friends and girl friends, and your son will all make judgement mistakes. The people who can put themselves above that, are the ones that will thrive.
Life isn't fair.

This is by far the best advice I've read on this thread. It supports the child's version of the events without the parent becoming THAT parent at the school.

-----
I'll be honest, at this point, whether or not the para lied would be the least of my worries with OP's son. My concern is more that there seem to be issues regarding school that is causing the child stress. The meeting with the principal should be about that and how that stress can be reduced.