Cannot believe this is happening. Teacher lied about my son.

[kappy]

Kappy, how much does the principal know?

As far as I know, he only knows about this last incident. we have a meeting with him tomorrow at noon and we will be discusing everything that has gone on since the beginning of the year. We will see what happens from then. I believe our intention is to ask for our son to be placed in another classroom because we don't feel his current one is a good place for him to be.

 

[IDoDis]

I still don't get why so many people think it is OK for a paid staff person to lie?
And why is it OK for another child to be hurting another child. In our school system you are not even allowed to touch each other and can be sent home for doing so. Hitting is an automatic suspension.

It boils down to the other child was hurting the OP's child, and the staff person who was to be with said child lied about being there. That should be grounds for termination right there. And I would not want her in any position of authority over my child. I think this is why they are not letting you speak to her. They know she lied.

How is any of this the OP's childs fault?for using the wrong words?

Altho you shouldn't have to if I were you for the sake of your child I would be looking for another school because I would not want mine in such an environment.

No one knows if the para lied, just like no one knows if the child lied. Sounds like neither of them are telling the complete truth.

 

[OceanAnnie]

As far as I know, he only knows about this last incident. we have a meeting with him tomorrow at noon and we will be discusing everything that has gone on since the beginning of the year. We will see what happens from then. I believe our intention is to ask for our son to be placed in another classroom because we don't feel his current one is a good place for him to be.

I think you are being prudent with having the meeting updating the principal, and in making your request.

Make sure you go to the meeting with written goal(s), a requested date for the goal(s) to be met, and a projected follow up meeting.

Has your DS ever had any behavioral issues prior to this year?

 

[kappy]

I think you are being prudent with having the meeting updating the principal, and in making your request.

Make sure you go to the meeting with written goal(s), a requested date for the goal(s) to be met, and a projected follow up meeting.

Has your DS ever had any behavioral issues prior to this year?

No, he has not had issues such as thing in prior years. This all really started this year.

 

[Hannathy]

No one knows if the para lied, just like no one knows if the child lied. Sounds like neither of them are telling the complete truth.

The principal told the OP that 2 different kids separately told him the Para was across the room she said she was with the child. I call that telling a lie.

 

[Hannathy]

At your meeting I would also ask how they plan on keeping the boys apart because being together is nothing but trouble for your child.

I would also want to know why the Para allowed the other boy to twist your child's arm is she was standing right there?

 

[OceanAnnie]

No, he has not had issues such as thing in prior years. This all really started this year.

Make sure you reference that.

Whatever you do make some bullet lists of important dates, events, questions, comments. You will need it. It is easy to get off point during meetings. A question can throw you off track. Nice to have something to jog your memory.

I hope it all goes well and you are satisfied after the meeting. Please keep us posted.

 

[CathrynRose]

Hmmm.... I haven't even read the responses, as I can imagine what half of them say.

I'll just tell you my little ounce of wisdom. I was an honor roll child, taking excelled classes. Had some ridiculous IQ (I haven't taken a test in years, I'm sure it's dropped. ) I really loved school. I had a lot of fun, and just gobbled up whatever they threw at me. I *loved* it. Then I got into Mrs. Bratek's 5th grade class.

I hated her. I hated school. I dreaded waking in the morning. I played sick a LOT to avoid that wretched woman. She was horribly mean, and vile - and singled me out, constantly. I cried in the bathroom's at school more times than I can count. She yelled at me at recess once, I went behind the swings and was crying so hard, I peed in my pants (just what every 10 y/o child needs, right?) So... being the smart cookie I actually was , I fell into a big sloppy melting snow bank. *Phew* Issue resolved. Along with getting picked up, as it was afternoon recess and my mom took me home. Score!

That woman was SO mean to me. I was a kid! A child!!! 10 years old for cripes sake! OMG I get chills thinking of the way she would glare at me. It was awful.

Long story not so short.... I hated school from that point on. My grades sucked, from that point on. They were even gonna hold me back in 7th grade, but my mom talked them out of it. In 2 years, I went from excelled classes, to being held back? No one thought "Gee, this is odd?", other than my mom?

(Trying to sum this up) That disgusting woman spoiled school for me. It was never the same, and I dropped out the DAY I turned 16.

I'm on you and your child's side. Just because they're teachers, doesn't mean they don't or won't do or say things, they should not.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I do think this parent is making too big of a deal out of this and is coming on too strong (and that's saying a lot if you knew me). However you're slightly wrong with this statement. If a child has a one-on-one para they should be near that child. They are not there to supervise any other children so there is no need for them to be across the room. A child who is given a one-on-one is likely prone to sudden, impulsive decisions and a para wouldn't be able to stop him from hurting himself or other from across the room.OP: you really need to drop this. There is no way they are going to admit that the para wasn't nearby if that is what she's supposed to do per the other child's IEP. If she was across the room, they know they're wrong and breaking federal law by not following the IEP. It's also likely (based on my experiences) that this is a common occurrence. They are not going to admit this.

Talk to your DS about his own actions. Tell him you believe in him. There are a few really grumpy aides at my kids school and DD gets very upset when they yell at the children. Not totally over the line, just really grumpy (my friends who are also aides confirm that they are just unhappy people). I couldn't get her to understand that I couldn't call the school over every grumpy incident, but I wanted her to know that I believed her and didn't think that the aides should have reacted the way they did. When I was at a loss as to how to explain these kind of people to DD I once told her that they needed more fiber in their diets. She cracked up and from then on when she would describe some minor grumpy behavior incident we would look at each other and say "fiber". She knows I'm on her side and doesn't take things so personally. Sometimes when I'm in a bad mood and I know I may have been unfair I apologize and say that I must need fiber too. I want her to know that everyone has bad days and some have more than others.

This is not true at all. I was a one-on-one aide to an autistic child who wasn't a danger to anyone, nor was he the least bit impulsive. Due to his disability, he needed constant direction to function in a special ed classroom and my job was to direct him to do the same tasks as the rest of the kids. Without adult guidance, he would be happy to spin in a corner or sit and stare at the wall. My being assigned to him had nothing to do with him being dangerous.

My own son had a one-on-one when he started middle school. His Asperger's was causing him great anxiety over the middle school schedule and assignments. He had a hard time staying on task and getting his homework assignments straight. I requested a one-on-one to help him before it was determined that he should be transferred to a specialized school.

I can assure everyone that those of us who are Teaching Assistants are not out to lie about kids or get them in trouble. We're not generally "grumpy" or "unhappy people." If we didn't truly enjoy our jobs and want to be at a school each and every day, we wouldn't be there. The people who aren't meant to do the job get weeded out very quickly. They just don't last beyond a year or two. I'm starting my 9th year working in a classroom. I've seen many, many parents (with kids in and outside of my class) who want to know another child's diagnosis and the terms of their IEPs. It's a total violation of the child's privacy for us to say anything. Parents can spill all they want about their own kids, but we keep it confidential.

It's also important to know that we constantly change how we deal with certain kids and their behaviors. It could be that the teacher and aide of the child in the OP's message decided to try a new strategy with him. We're already 1/3 of the way into the school year and perhaps it was time to loosen the reigns on the child and have the aide stand back to see how he functioned. I would never, ever assume she was "socializing," especially based on the report of a 1st grader. No one but the aide knows why she was talking to someone that day so speculating is useless.

I can also say that it is not appropriate for a parent to request a meeting with another child's aide. I do not meet with or discuss sensitive issues with parents without my teacher present. I talk to parents at drop-off and pick-up time about general issues (did he eat his snack today; was he coughing much; how he is doing with his toileting, etc.). If a parents asks a more in-depth question (how is he doing on his goals; he said another child hit him; I noticed a scratch on his face), I direct them to the teacher. If the teacher needs me to give my input on the question, I will talk to the parent with the teacher there. She's ultimately responsible for the classroom and most information should come from her.

OP: I can understand why you're concerned about the situation. Instead of focusing on the details of what happened on that specific day, try to look at the big picture. Is your son really close with the other boy? Is it a healthy friendship for your son or would you rather he distance himself from the boy? From this point, what would you like to see happen in terms of the boys' interaction? Don't dwell on who was talking to whom, who was/wasn't doing their job, who you think owes your son an apology. Look at what can be done to remedy the situation. It's always best to approach a school situation with a solution.

 

[daisyduck123]

I realize you're upset but I think you're probably making a mountain out of a molehill. If my child had come home with this note, I'd have reminded her not to say the word "kill" and let it go.

Yep!

 

[Hannathy]

a CNA in a nursing home is given the 1:1 assignment to a person in a wheelchair to help them with their tray and to monitor them. She pushes the person into the dining room and then goes across the room to talk with another CNA, person she was supposed to be 1:1 says something she of course can't hear over the cafeteria, person stands up out of wheelchair and falls and breaks their hip. When family asks how did this happen we are paying for 1:1 and CNA says I was right there, I don't know how it happened. injured person says I said I had to go to the BR she didn't come back over so I tried to go myself. and 2 other people say the CNA was across the room.but she says she was right there.

I would bet a Disney vacation this board would be hanging the CNA out to dry for lying and not doing her job.

Why is this any different? same thing.

 

[mickeywho?]

OP, have you spoken with the other child's parents? Not in an accusing..your son is a bully...kind of way...just a word in their ear about the lack of supervision their son seems to be receiving from the so-called aide. If that was my child I would be in there asking for a review at the least!

I think you're right about moving your child away from that classroom. Your son needs to have adults around him that will stand up for him - not assume he would lie to get himself out of trouble. If this were to happen again they would still point the blame at him.

 

[cm8]

a CNA in a nursing home is given the 1:1 assignment to a person in a wheelchair to help them with their tray and to monitor them. She pushes the person into the dining room and then goes across the room to talk with another CNA, person she was supposed to be 1:1 says something she of course can't hear over the cafeteria, person stands up out of wheelchair and falls and breaks their hip. When family asks how did this happen we are paying for 1:1 and CNA says I was right there, I don't know how it happened. injured person says I said I had to go to the BR she didn't come back over so I tried to go myself. and 2 other people say the CNA was across the room.but she says she was right there.

I would bet a Disney vacation this board would be hanging the CNA out to dry for lying and not doing her job.

Why is this any different? same thing.

 

[gottaluvPluto]

OP, I believe you are doing the right thing by pushing the issue. First off, they sent a note home saying the next time the child will have bigger consequences. Well, what are those bigger consequences .... being expelled? With todays silly zero tolerance it is possible that you might find your child in this situation and it may not even be his fault. I would also get down to the bottom of this problem because it will get bigger and I would demand an apology to my son.

Good luck!

 

[Wishing on a star]

I can also say that it is not appropriate for a parent to request a meeting with another child's aide.

The OP would not be requesting a meeting with 'another child's aide'.
I really don't know where you are coming from with that????

The OP would be requesting a meeting with a school staff member who has made a serious allegation against her son, has sent home a note that threatened 'serious consequences', and whom the OP has good reason to suspect that this staff member has lied about the alleged situation. (the other child's personal IEP information would not be involved AT ALL.)

Not only completely appropriate.
But, actually almost a responsible parent's obligation.

 

[h518may]

I am one to say stand up for you DS. There were a few times when I was in school that my mother came to my defense. I always loved that she believed me over an adult. In this world parents are very willing to believe the adult over the child, but all people lie at some time. It's hard for me to believe two little boys would lie the same way.

It also sounds like moving your DS might be the best answer.

Good luck with the principal.

 

[PaulaSB12]

I've gotta say, I have to agree. I have no idea if your son is lying about what he said or not, it wouldn't surprise me, because he's a kid, but that's really not the point anymore. I can't imagine 2 kids that age, would get together and figure out that they should both lie about where the para was. It just doesn't make sense and seems really unlikely. I'm not sure what else you can do, but I agree that I certainly wouldn't trust not that para at all, or really the school for that matter. Good luck!

So just because he is a child he is lying and just because the para is an adultthey are not? Also this child was assaulted by this disabled child why is nothing being done about that? Or is being disabled a good excuse to twist a child's arm so badly they shout you are killing me?

 

[tw1nsmom]

This is not true at all. I was a one-on-one aide to an autistic child who wasn't a danger to anyone, nor was he the least bit impulsive. Due to his disability, he needed constant direction to function in a special ed classroom and my job was to direct him to do the same tasks as the rest of the kids. Without adult guidance, he would be happy to spin in a corner or sit and stare at the wall. My being assigned to him had nothing to do with him being dangerous.

My own son had a one-on-one when he started middle school. His Asperger's was causing him great anxiety over the middle school schedule and assignments. He had a hard time staying on task and getting his homework assignments straight. I requested a one-on-one to help him before it was determined that he should be transferred to a specialized school.

I can assure everyone that those of us who are Teaching Assistants are not out to lie about kids or get them in trouble. We're not generally "grumpy" or "unhappy people." If we didn't truly enjoy our jobs and want to be at a school each and every day, we wouldn't be there. The people who aren't meant to do the job get weeded out very quickly. They just don't last beyond a year or two. I'm starting my 9th year working in a classroom. I've seen many, many parents (with kids in and outside of my class) who want to know another child's diagnosis and the terms of their IEPs. It's a total violation of the child's privacy for us to say anything. Parents can spill all they want about their own kids, but we keep it confidential.

It's also important to know that we constantly change how we deal with certain kids and their behaviors. It could be that the teacher and aide of the child in the OP's message decided to try a new strategy with him. We're already 1/3 of the way into the school year and perhaps it was time to loosen the reigns on the child and have the aide stand back to see how he functioned. I would never, ever assume she was "socializing," especially based on the report of a 1st grader. No one but the aide knows why she was talking to someone that day so speculating is useless.

I can also say that it is not appropriate for a parent to request a meeting with another child's aide. I do not meet with or discuss sensitive issues with parents without my teacher present. I talk to parents at drop-off and pick-up time about general issues (did he eat his snack today; was he coughing much; how he is doing with his toileting, etc.). If a parents asks a more in-depth question (how is he doing on his goals; he said another child hit him; I noticed a scratch on his face), I direct them to the teacher. If the teacher needs me to give my input on the question, I will talk to the parent with the teacher there. She's ultimately responsible for the classroom and most information should come from her.

OP: I can understand why you're concerned about the situation. Instead of focusing on the details of what happened on that specific day, try to look at the big picture. Is your son really close with the other boy? Is it a healthy friendship for your son or would you rather he distance himself from the boy? From this point, what would you like to see happen in terms of the boys' interaction? Don't dwell on who was talking to whom, who was/wasn't doing their job, who you think owes your son an apology. Look at what can be done to remedy the situation. It's always best to approach a school situation with a solution.

I wanted to clarify a couple of my statements. First of all, I don't think that all aides are grumpy, unhappy people. There are a couple of aides at our school who are. Several others are my friends and many truly care about my DS and have done what they could to help them.

I concede that there may be a special arrangement a child's IEP that would allow them a 1:1 and not have that person with them at all times. However, unless they and a meeting with the child's parents and amended the IEP, a teacher and a para can't just change things in the middle of the year. Also, because budgeting is so tight, in my experience as a parent an a special education advocate I rarely see a 1:1 listed anymore unless there is a behavior or social need. I could see a 1:1 being a few steps away where they could appear to be giving independence but actually could see and hear everything...not across the room.

I tend to believe the child in this case because in our school the paras, and sometimes the teacher and principal don't always know the details of special education law (this is particularly the case on our school). I'm sure many of the aides in our school are just following orders of the administration when they make copies, supervise the playground from one location with other aides, and do any other classroom aide duties.

I also tend to believe this case because in my experience schools often lie to cover their errors (if the aide embellished where she actually was...and I'm sure the principal confirmed her position in the room with other adults before telling the OP...then everything else she said was suspect). Not necessarily teachers or paras lie, but schools. When I'm in a meeting discussing my sons IEP or issues at school, I can tell who doesn't agree with the administration. They're the ones with their eyes down. They won't actually lie, but they won't speak out against their bosses and risk their jobs.

Just because your school district does things a certain way doesn't mean they are actually following special education law. School districts are continually being sued for breaking IDEA and being found guilty. I'm sure you're doing what you think is best and what your bosses say you should do. However that doesn't mean that is exactly the way the law was written.

 

[Skywalker]

Can you clarify something? You said both boys agree that she was across the room. But did the other boy also agree your son was telling the truth about his arm being twisted, or does the boy agree with the teacher on that, that he was being egged on by your son.

Because it just seems like all 3 stories are different.

Your son says teacher was across the room and other boy twisted his arm.

The other boy says teacher was across the room and your son as egging him on with that word.

Teacher says she was right there and your son was egging him on with that word.

Frankly I don't see how it will ever be sorted out.

I'm with the camp that says move along.

 

[luvsJack]

talking = socializing?

Do you happen to have knowledge that it was a job related conversation or that it was of the utmost importance that she have that conversation at that particular moment?

I have never dealt with a person hired for this type of position, but I just cannot imagine that a transition time such as lunch is the time for her to be on the other side of a noisy lunchroom (and MOST lunchrooms are very noisy). I can only compare it to a caregiver hired to supervise children during lunch and she takes that opportunity to tell another caregiver what little Johnny did yesterday. Not the time. So for that reason, any conversation that is not an emergency=socializing.