Cannot believe this is happening. Teacher lied about my son.

[Magic Mom]

Because according to the principal, her job is to be with the child to help him with his tray and getting it to his table. How could she be doing that from across the room? If she was across the room talking to an adult, then she was not doing her job.

She doesn't have to stand next to him every second. If they were in line then he didn't need her assistance at that moment. But regardless, what I meant is why would she lie about your son?

 

[luvsJack]

First off, if you drop every incindent as is suggested by folks on the dis; you would never say anything about anything. I mean really, what hill are some of you willing to die on? Ya'll do realize that at some point it really may be necessary to speak up for your child, right? Also, yes teachers talk but I certainly don't think you should let just "whatever" happen to your child because of this fact.

Op, at the very least I would let the principal know that I expect an apology. Both boys, seperate from each other say that the para was on the other side of the room and SHE said she was "right there" then she was lying. Regardless of whether she could witness or hear the incident from where she was, she lied about where she was standing. But, I think an apology to you would be sufficient. Its not about how important saying the word "kill" was, its that the para lied about it.

If you feel your child is treated unfairly in the future, start documenting each time. If you find a pattern, go back to the principal. Maybe the para isn't completely doing her job and your son is getting blamed for what the child she is supposed to be watching is doing?

 

[kappy]

She doesn't have to stand next to him every second. If they were in line then he didn't need her assistance at that moment. But regardless, what I meant is why would she lie about your son?

Like I said, her job is to be with him regardless if she thinks he needs her assistance or not. She was not with him and he could have been inflicting harm on another child. So maybe she lied to save her butt?

 

[Kat77]

Like I said, her job is to be with him regardless if she thinks he needs her assistance or not. She was not with him and he could have been inflicting harm on another child. So maybe she lied to save her butt?

Sorry but you are very wrong. Paras are not hired to hover over children. A good para will stand back and wait to intervene.

 

[crashbb]

Why do you know so many details about another child's IEP and the exact job description of his aid? As the parent of that child, I'd be very angry that you had this information.

 

[Agri]

Like I said, her job is to be with him regardless if she thinks he needs her assistance or not. She was not with him and he could have been inflicting harm on another child. So maybe she lied to save her butt?

Maybe she did, maybe she didn't. Unless you are going to find your son a new school, you need to be careful about how you handle things. The incident involved the *para*, not your child's teacher, so you should have been talking to the *para* from the get-go. The para is not assigned to your son, so whether or not she is doing her job or not is not your problem. As extreme as it sounds, a previous poster is correct. What you *can* control in this situation is *your* reaction - and to a lesser extent, your son's.

If he is always getting in trouble because he's buddies with another kid who cannot really be punished because of his IEP (which sounds really dumb to me, personally), you need to keep them separated during school hours. Invite the other kid over to your house, but tell your son if he's always getting into trouble when he is around this kid, maybe he should not be around the kid so much. I would not want my kid to be around someone who twists his arm so much he ends up yelling out "Stop it, you're killing me!" for all to hear. That is not a friend, in my opinion. There are good friends and bad friends and it sounds like this kid is a bad friend.

My guess, after years of experience with kids, is that no-punishment-IEP-boy knows he can't be punished and likes to egg other kids on to get *them* in trouble, knowing that he has no consequences for his actions.

 

[kappy]

Sorry but you are very wrong. Paras are not hired to hover over children. A good para will stand back and wait to intervene.

The principal himself said that she is responsible for standing with him in line, helping with with his tray and getting him to a table to sit. There is a difference between standing back, and standing across the room.

Why do you know so many details about another child's IEP and the exact job description of his aid? As the parent of that child, I'd be very angry that you had this information.

I don't know. This is what the teacher and principl told us.

 

[Magic Mom]

Why do you know so many details about another child's IEP and the exact job description of his aid? As the parent of that child, I'd be very angry that you had this information.

Exactly.

 

[Magic Mom]

Like I said, her job is to be with him regardless if she thinks he needs her assistance or not. She was not with him and he could have been inflicting harm on another child. So maybe she lied to save her butt?

It isn't necessarily their job to stand over them every second. That would take away from any sort of social interaction they get from being in an inclusive classroom.

 

[tvguy]

Let's be honest, there really is no 100% way for someone who was not there to determine what exactly happened.
I'd drop it.
The best life advice you can give your son is to tell him that people make mistakes. Teachers, mom and dad, grandma and grandpa, best friends and girl friends, and your son will all make judgement mistakes. The people who can put themselves above that, are the ones that will thrive.
Life isn't fair.

 

[luvsJack]

May I ask why it is assumed that BOTH boys are lying and the one adult is telling the truth? Obviously the principal thinks the boys are being truthful or he/she wouldn't have mentioned it to the OP.

The para may not be hired to stand right over him, but something tells me she is not paid to stand on the other side of the room and socialize either. I would think transition times like lunch are when she is needed to be fairly close to him.

 

[kappy]

Maybe she did, maybe she didn't. Unless you are going to find your son a new school, you need to be careful about how you handle things. The incident involved the *para*, not your child's teacher, so you should have been talking to the *para* from the get-go. The para is not assigned to your son, so whether or not she is doing her job or not is not your problem. As extreme as it sounds, a previous poster is correct. What you *can* control in this situation is *your* reaction - and to a lesser extent, your son's.

If he is always getting in trouble because he's buddies with another kid who cannot really be punished because of his IEP (which sounds really dumb to me, personally), you need to keep them separated during school hours. Invite the other kid over to your house, but tell your son if he's always getting into trouble when he is around this kid, maybe he should not be around the kid so much. I would not want my kid to be around someone who twists his arm so much he ends up yelling out "Stop it, you're killing me!" for all to hear. That is not a friend, in my opinion. There are good friends and bad friends and it sounds like this kid is a bad friend.

My guess, after years of experience with kids, is that no-punishment-IEP-boy knows he can't be punished and likes to egg other kids on to get *them* in trouble, knowing that he has no consequences for his actions.

We have tried to talk to her, twice. The teacher just keeps telling me that she will talk with her about it. So she is the one putting herself in the middle.

I had requested that they be kept seperate about a month ago when it seemed that this kid was doing things and the others were getting into trouble for it. The teacher said that she could "try". When it was brought up to the princial on Monday he said it would not be a good idea since they seem to like each other so much. So what? I don't know if this kid does not have a lot of friends so they think it would be bad for him? I don't know. But neither one liked the idea.

 

[palavra]

Let's be honest, there really is no 100% way for someone who was not there to determine what exactly happened.
I'd drop it.
The best life advice you can give your son is to tell him that people make mistakes. Teachers, mom and dad, grandma and grandpa, best friends and girl friends, and your son will all make judgement mistakes. The people who can put themselves above that, are the ones that will thrive.
Life isn't fair.

Amen! I think this is one of the best posts I've seen here

 

[tw1nsmom]

Sorry but you are very wrong. Paras are not hired to hover over children. A good para will stand back and wait to intervene.

I do think this parent is making too big of a deal out of this and is coming on too strong (and that's saying a lot if you knew me). However you're slightly wrong with this statement. If a child has a one-on-one para they should be near that child. They are not there to supervise any other children so there is no need for them to be across the room. A child who is given a one-on-one is likely prone to sudden, impulsive decisions and a para wouldn't be able to stop him from hurting himself or other from across the room.

OP: you really need to drop this. There is no way they are going to admit that the para wasn't nearby if that is what she's supposed to do per the other child's IEP. If she was across the room, they know they're wrong and breaking federal law by not following the IEP. It's also likely (based on my experiences) that this is a common occurrence. They are not going to admit this.

Talk to your DS about his own actions. Tell him you believe in him. There are a few really grumpy aides at my kids school and DD gets very upset when they yell at the children. Not totally over the line, just really grumpy (my friends who are also aides confirm that they are just unhappy people). I couldn't get her to understand that I couldn't call the school over every grumpy incident, but I wanted her to know that I believed her and didn't think that the aides should have reacted the way they did. When I was at a loss as to how to explain these kind of people to DD I once told her that they needed more fiber in their diets. She cracked up and from then on when she would describe some minor grumpy behavior incident we would look at each other and say "fiber". She knows I'm on her side and doesn't take things so personally. Sometimes when I'm in a bad mood and I know I may have been unfair I apologize and say that I must need fiber too. I want her to know that everyone has bad days and some have more than others.

 

[Magic Mom]

May I ask why it is assumed that BOTH boys are lying and the one adult is telling the truth? Obviously the principal thinks the boys are being truthful or he/she wouldn't have mentioned it to the OP.

The para may not be hired to stand right over him, but something tells me she is not paid to stand on the other side of the room and socialize either. I would think transition times like lunch are when she is needed to be fairly close to him.

And how do we know she was socializing?

 

[palavra]

May I ask why it is assumed that BOTH boys are lying and the one adult is telling the truth? Obviously the principal thinks the boys are being truthful or he/she wouldn't have mentioned it to the OP.

The para may not be hired to stand right over him, but something tells me she is not paid to stand on the other side of the room and socialize either. I would think transition times like lunch are when she is needed to be fairly close to him.

You are making an assumption here. THe principal only told the parent what the boys had said. That does not mean that the principal agrees with the boys.

I think quite a lot of assumptions are being made about the para here. How do we know whre she was and what she overheard?

 

[mjkacmom]

Let's be honest, there really is no 100% way for someone who was not there to determine what exactly happened.
I'd drop it.
The best life advice you can give your son is to tell him that people make mistakes. Teachers, mom and dad, grandma and grandpa, best friends and girl friends, and your son will all make judgement mistakes. The people who can put themselves above that, are the ones that will thrive.
Life isn't fair.

You have 2 kids word against an adult. I don't know how teachers are with their para's, but a Principal will almost always support a teeacher in this situation. The para is not going to say she was wrong, and is not going to apologize. I'm going to have kids in our elementary school for 14 years straight, so I know to pick my battles.

 

[Brit17]

I am not sure how high fucntioning the other child is but as your son is in first grade and will be at the school for a few more years and it's only december i say that this is not the hill you want to die on.
Most of my very good friends are teachers and frankly, teacher's talk. Para's talk. I would just drop it.

Lara

Sad, but unfortunately, some do ... a quick story (Reader's Digest version)... my friend had an issue with a popular teacher in her DD's elementary school ... she addressed it with the principal & superintendent and thought the matter was resolved ... the following school year, her DD started to be afraid of school, not wanting to go, having panic attacks, etc. ... so over the course of a few months, my friend had numerous meetings with her teacher, principal, school psychologist to figure out what was troubling her daughter ... when no one could come up with an answer or solution, she went to the Superintendent as a last resort ... he actually did a private investigation on his own and found out that my friend's DD was being bullied & picked on by some teachers in her elementary school! ... (most likely because of my friend's complaint regarding the popular teacher from the previous school year) ... the Superintendent was mortified by his findings and the teachers were reprimanded, (not much more could be done because of tenure) ... my friend then had the option to sue the school district or transfer her DD to another school in the same district ... since she wasn't planning on moving out of town, and to avoid anymore trouble for her daughter, she chose the latter and transferred her daughter to another school ... and thankfully, her DD now is no longer afraid to go to school anymore or having anymore panic attacks and is having a great school year this year ...

I'm not saying that this could/would happen in the OP's case ... but sometimes we need to choose our battles carefully ...

 

[WDSearcher]

Like I said, her job is to be with him regardless if she thinks he needs her assistance or not. She was not with him and he could have been inflicting harm on another child. So maybe she lied to save her butt?

Do you know why she was standing across the room? Was she answering a question for someone? Helping someone else out? Was there a reason she needed to be across the room? Did the boys see what called her over there?

I'm supposed to be at my desk all day, but for various reasons, I need to move to other parts of the office. Doesn't mean I'm not doing my job.

 

[kappy]

What makes me the most sad about this whole thread is the amount of people telling me to not stand up for my son because "teacher's talk" and they will take it out on my son. How sad for a parent to have to choose between standing up for their own child, or letting it go because they don't want the consequence that is sure to come.

I have let a lot of stuff go this year, believe me. This one I am choosing to stand up for my child. Right or wrong. If it has a bad affect on how he is treated, I will pull him out of the school. The superintendant lives in my neighborhood as well, and my friend walks with his wife everyday. She has been pushing me to get him involved all year because of the stuff my son has been going through since the beginning of the year. I have not done so hoping to be able to work things out without getting that high up invloved. In fact, this is the first time the principal has been invloved. Maybe she is right.

BTW - my sister, who is the principal of an elemantary school, said that the school handled this all wrong and thinks that I am right for standing up for my son.