Cancelled Wedding

[RedAngie]

According to cousin, the bride saw fiancé and his ex-girlfriend getting real cozy in a restaurant late spring. Fiance begged forgiveness, said it didn't mean anything, that ex-GF was coming on to HIM. Bride foolishly forgave him. Last weekend, bride comes home earlier than expected and finds ex-GF sleeping naked in their bed, and fiancé was in the shower. Supposedly the words "it's not what it looks like" were uttered by fiancé.

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We're going to DL in California in about five weeks and I don't want to OD on the Mouse by going to one of the Florida theme parks too.
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I'm curious as to fiancé's explanation for what it WAS if it wasn't what it looked like.


We're going to DL in late October too.

 

[littleblackegg]

In theory, yes. DH and I lived together before we got married, but did not use any of our wedding or shower gifts before the actual wedding for this very reason. Even though there was no chance of us calling it off, it's always been part of bridal etiquette that it is poor form to use the gifts before the wedding because they should be returnable.

i've never known anyone who called off a wedding though, so never had to test the practice to see how many actually do it.

I agree. The gifts should be returned. Since this is an uncomfortable and difficult task, hopefully a parent or friend or two will assist.

 

[arminnie]

Many, many decades ago it was common to get married young to your first real boyfriend. I met my BF my first weekend at college and dated him until graduation when we were engaged. I insisted on a year to get my career started before we married. As the year was coming to an end I had the dress, church reserved, etc when I just decided that I could not go through with it about 2 months before the wedding.

He moaned and wailed and claimed that I had broken his heart - BUT he married the woman he'd been cheating with 2 weeks later. And then proceeded to stalk me long distance for DECADES. Total jerk. If anyone is from McComb, MS think of the most obnoxious jerk attorney that you know and that would be him. I so dodged a bullet there. When I confronted him onetime about his cheating ways he told me that "he hadn't cheated with nearly all the women he could have cheated with." Total bottom feeder.

My cousin was engaged to a doctor from Stanford that her family adored. She was 3-4 months out from the wedding when she called it off. She had reconnected with a guy that was a policeman in a tiny town. They have now been married for almost 20 years and are very happy. She made the right decision.

In my case I remember thinking "If I never marry ever I'd still be better off than with this jerk." But my now DH is great. We now live about 100 miles from my old fiancé in New Orleans. Several people are from his home town. All I have to say is "who is the biggest jerk attorney in McComb" and they immediately say his name.

I used to feel sorry for his wife - yes he's stayed married to her for many decades - until people told me that she cheats as much as he does. I guess their marriage works for them.

 

[jdb in AZ]

My sister had to cancel her wedding after the deposit had been paid on the reception center. Apparently the groom's parents talked him out of getting married. My sister is a delightful person -- she's lucky she escaped marrying into that family. Her 2nd engagement didn't work out either, but they didn't have a date set. Third time was the charm -- she just celebrated her 30th anniversary.

 

[manning]

Partner talked to my cousin last night. Partner, cousin, and mother of the bride have been friends since high school. Cousin is also supposed to be going to the wedding and then have a week's vacation in Florida.

According to cousin, the bride saw fiancé and his ex-girlfriend getting real cozy in a restaurant late spring. Fiance begged forgiveness, said it didn't mean anything, that ex-GF was coming on to HIM. Bride foolishly forgave him. Last weekend, bride comes home earlier than expected and finds ex-GF sleeping naked in their bed, and fiancé was in the shower. Supposedly the words "it's not what it looks like" were uttered by fiancé.

I don't know if this is true, but cousin is usually level-headed and reliable, not flakey.

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Cousin is still taking her Florida vacation with her DH. She's urging partner and me to still go. "Maybe we can go to Disney/Universal/Sea World one day." Partner wants to go. I'm undecided. We'll probably still go. Perhaps one of the Disney water parks one day. I've never been to one. We're going to DL in California in about five weeks and I don't want to OD on the Mouse by going to one of the Florida theme parks too.

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Shower gift. Partner neither wants nor expects it to be returned. If it is, we'll use it ourselves, give it to one of our kids, re-gift it to someone, or donate it to Goodwill or another charity.

 

[bumbershoot]

I haven't known anyone personally to do this, but I know someone about to get married that I WISH would cancel their wedding...

Yes.

It's not anyone now, but my best friend was getting married back in, oh...the late 90s. She wasn't a big communicator, but what she did tell me about him wasn't making me happy. Ultimately it seemed that ALL they had was attraction; everything she believed in, he believed the opposite. It was going to be a lifetime of arguments over everything. I remember driving out to a big concert/festival a few hours from here, quietly and lightly sort of begging her to just postpone it until they could really talk about all of these things. She wanted to, but she "couldn't", because she didn't want to disappoint people. She didn't see *herself* as being worthy of not disappointing.

So they got married, until 2004ish, when she called at midnight asking if she could come over, because she had just found out that her husband had been cheating on her. It all came out NYE when she hugged him and felt something in his jacket pocket, and reached in and pulled out a phone she had never seen; started as a "where did this come from?" because one of the big life issues they didn't agree on was his willynilly expenditures, and ended up finding out it's how the other woman contacted him...

Sigh.

She's now married to a wonderful guy that she dated for quite awhile, had REAL conversations with, and they make reasoned decisions *together*. She has serious health problems, and while her first husband magically developed shingles and couldn't be there with her when she was hospitalized (I'm not downplaying shingles, but if your wife is touch and go and might die, you put on a biohazard suit, gloves, and a mask, and you go sit with your wife) (and it turned out he had put a down payment down on a new apartment JUST before she ended up in the hospital, to move in with the other woman, and his wife getting sick was a big inconvenience for him)....when she had a transplant a few years into the relationship with the now-2nd-husband, he was there 100% for her, almost more than her sisters were. I felt sad because she didn't need *me*, but I was so so so so happy that she had a proper love to take care of her.


But it sure would have been nicer for her to never have that first experience.

When I confronted him onetime about his cheating ways he told me that "he hadn't cheated with nearly all the women he could have cheated with." Total bottom feeder.

Holy heck. (you sure he lives in MS? because it sure does sound like the 1st husband in my story above! (also a lawyer) (cheated with his legal secretary))

 

[Shelly F - Ohio]

I would take the trip. Its the start of F&W you have everything booked. GO

 

[NewRVLady]

I would take the trip. Its the start of F&W you have everything booked. GO

is this supposed to be on another thread?

 

[Allison]

is this supposed to be on another thread?

No, the OP said they were trying to decide whether to go ahead and take the trip to Orlando where the wedding was supposed to be.

 

[Dread Pirate]

No offense to anyone living there, but I'm glad the wedding wasn't supposed to be in someplace like Evansville, Indiana.

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As a Hoosier, although not in E'ville, no apologies needed!!! We live here, so we totally understand. LOL

 

[domesticking]

Pity when that happens.

 

[Rhombus]

I'm curious as to fiancé's explanation for what it WAS if it wasn't what it looked like.


We're going to DL in late October too.

LOL....yeah, I wonder what BS story the fiancé told the bride. But cousin didn't share that info with my partner; that is, if cousin even knows in the first place.

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Cool.....maybe I'll be sitting right behind you on California Screamin'.

As a Hoosier, although not in E'ville, no apologies needed!!! We live here, so we totally understand. LOL

If the "destination wedding" was in Evansville, we probably would have declined the invite.

 

[Rhombus]

I would take the trip. Its the start of F&W you have everything booked. GO

Yep...we're still going. Partner said I could stay home if I wanted, but SHE'S going. I know that means if I value my life, I'll be going to.

Thank you for such an excellent suggestion. Partner nixed my waterpark idea, and the Food & Wine event at Epcot is right up her alley. We've never been to one at Epcot. And the timing is perfect too!! There was a wine tasting festival this past weekend in my own town. We tried to go yesterday, but it was so crowded it filled to capacity by 1pm. I heard they started letting in guests again after 3pm, but by then she didn't want to go anymore. So I'm pretty sure she'll flip out when I mention Epcot's F&W festival.

I have no experience with FP+, however. If we buy Epcot tickets online tonight, would we be able to link them to MDE and make FP+ reservations for this coming Sunday? Assuming anything good is remaining, of course. Heck, I'd be willing to accept one for Ellen's Energy Adventure. Or we can get there right at rope drop and get the big rides out of the way in the first few hours.

Thanks again for the awesome idea.

 

[mummabear]

Hmmm, speaking of which, should the bride return the gift partner gave her at the wedding shower? Not that she wants it back, it was some type of storage organizer thing that was on the registry from Bed Bath and Beyond that cost about $20

I think the etiquette would be to return it but as others have said that doesnt mean it will happen and I wouldn't sweat it if it doesn't happen.
I would also point out that depending on the story of the cancellation the bride may not be in a headspace to immediately return the gifts (with a wedding to cancel and the emotional upheavel, the possibility of finding new place to live and dividing assets etc)