Cancelled Wedding

[Turn the Page]

No.

But I do know several couples in which at least one of them knew the marriage was a mistake and went ahead with it anyway.

My "favorite" was the couple who both knew before the wedding that they were not a good match, but decided to go ahead with it because her parents were paying for the wedding and his parents were paying for the honeymoon and they thought "Free party! Free vacation!" They also thought all of the cash gifts were free money and returned in as many of the gifts as possible for cash or store credit. THEN -- about 2 weeks after returning from their "free vacation", did they announce to all and sundry that they were getting an annulment because they had gone into the wedding knowing it was going to end. They were shocked, SHOCKED I tell you, when both sets of parents came down on them like hammers and demanded repayment of the wedding and honeymoon costs, plus demanded that they return the gifts. They did not return the gifts nor did they repay their parents. HUGE family drama on both sides. It does intrigue me that they thought they were a bad match since their values -- or lack thereof -- do seem to match each other quite well.

Well good for the parents for trying at least. Hey, if you realize right before the wedding that it's a mistake and back out then I say good for you (except for the PP's that discussed people who had done it multiple times.....that's ridiculous). But if you go through it anyway for the free party and free money then you deserve what you have coming to you.

 

[Jaya]

I don't recall anyone canceling last minute but I have known several couple who've gotten married after being together for quite a few years, one a couple decades and then gotten divorced a couple weeks or months later. I've always felt most of them were too afraid to back out and went ahead with it anyway. A good half of them were chronic break up, get back together couples. The ones that had been together for decades are still doing it 30+ years later. I'd much rather see someone call things off then put each other through that kind of crap.

I've never understood why people who can't get along as a couple think that getting married is going to magically change everything. A couple fights like cats and dogs for five years and then goes ahead and gets married.....what? That little piece of paper isn't going to change anything, is it?

 

[Turn the Page]

I've never understood why people who can't get along as a couple think that getting married is going to magically change everything. A couple fights like cats and dogs for five years and then goes ahead and gets married.....what? That little piece of paper isn't going to change anything, is it?

Maybe they thought since it would be harder to split up it would make them work harder at it?

Still ridiculous and just plain stupid but it's a thought.

 

[PrincessElena]

Oh goodness, I have a good one. My friend was about 4 weeks away from her wedding. She got breast implants 3 months before her wedding and decided it would be a good idea to test the new babies out with a guy and girl she became friends with. That little affair with those two lasted just a few times until her DF found out about the tryst. He called it off and she was devastated. I believe I still have the bridesmaid's dress hanging in a closet at my parent's house. Fast forward to at least 15 years..she is dating someone, but has never been married and has no children. The wedding she was supposed to have must've cost an absolute fortune. I remember her saying she couldn't get much of her money back because it was so close to the date. Her parents were very wealthy, so I'm sure it didn't affect them any.

 

[Tiffylv]

.

 

[leebee]

I wish my brother had called it off. He was a week shy of 21, she had just turned 21, just graduated from college. It'd been an on-again, off-again relationship since junior year of high school, and my sister, mom, and I knew it wasn't going to last. We were nice about it, though, gave it a chance (my sister and I even threw the rehearsal dinner for them). Well... on the morning of the wedding my brother had a talk with my sister about being unsure. She told him it wasn't too late to call it off. He said, "NO, I'll do it; we can always get divorced," and they did, about 12 years and 4 kids later.

 

[justgrace]

Crap I just remembered I guess I do "know" somebody that did this! It was when DH and I first started dating. He flew to Texas to be a groomsman for a friend. They did rehearsal dinner the night before, and in the morning the bride and groom did photos before the afternoon ceremony at an off-site location. After the photos but before the ceremony, the bride and groom took separate limos to the church. When they got to the church, the groom-to-be said he couldn't go through with it. He wouldn't get out of the limo. The bride's dad and brothers came out to try to reason with him but he wasn't budging, so it erupted into a fist fight. The groom took off in the limo. My DH heard from the guy a few months later and he ran off to Korea to teach English I guess. I don't know what happened with the bride. This was almost 10 years ago. I never met him so it didn't occur to me when I first read this thread.

Well that's interesting, to say the least...

 

[justgrace]

My SIL has called off 4 weddings. The first one was 1 week before the wedding. I had just met DH so I didn't really know his sister very well, but no one seemed that surprised. They all really liked the guy, though.

#2 was a couple years later and they decided to elope. They were going to fly somewhere to do it, I can't remember where, but the day they were supposed to leave she just disappeared. No one heard from her for 3 days, not even her 5 year old son, who was staying with my MIL. She never did talk to the fiancé, she just moved all of her stuff and her son's out of their apartment. The fiancé called everyone in the family, completely distraught, because he had no idea what happened. No one had the heart to tell him that after she moved out of their home, she and her son moved in with another guy.

#3 was the worst of them all. She was engaged to a really great guy, very sweet and kind, and he was wonderful with her son. No one really believed she would follow through, but we liked the guy so much we were all hoping this was it. 2 months before the wedding, she abruptly left the fiancé, kind of like what happened with #2. She had learned she was pregnant and it wasn't the fiancé's baby. She moved out of the house she shared with the fiancé and straight into the baby's father's home, with plans to marry. Her son was a mess. He truly loved the fiancé and was devastated when they broke up. Plus, the new guy was a jerk and did not teat her son very well. A few weeks later, she miscarried. She moved out the next day and tried to go back to the fiancé. He took her back, but a few months later, he called it quits. He tried to do it for her son, but she had hurt him too much. We had become very good friends with the fiancé and we felt terrible for him.

When she told us about #4, everyone was like "OK, whatever." She got really upset because no one seemed happy for her. Since my MIL refused to give her any money, she and the fiancé decided to have a BBQ in their backyard, with the wedding beforehand. At this time, she was living in a different state than the rest of the family, except for us. We lived a few minutes away from her. A few days before the wedding, she moved out when her fiancé was at work, hired a moving truck, and moved back to her home state. She never said a word to the fiancé, or us for that matter. She didn't even say good-bye to us or our kids. And she didn't give her son a chance to say good-bye to his friends. She picked him up from school early and left. We never really did find out what happened. But we weren't surprised.

That's what you call a "hot mess" of a situation! That's nuts!

 

[NHdisneylover]

My SIL has called off 4 weddings. The first one was 1 week before the wedding. I had just met DH so I didn't really know his sister very well, but no one seemed that surprised. They all really liked the guy, though.

#2 was a couple years later and they decided to elope. They were going to fly somewhere to do it, I can't remember where, but the day they were supposed to leave she just disappeared. No one heard from her for 3 days, not even her 5 year old son, who was staying with my MIL. She never did talk to the fiancé, she just moved all of her stuff and her son's out of their apartment. The fiancé called everyone in the family, completely distraught, because he had no idea what happened. No one had the heart to tell him that after she moved out of their home, she and her son moved in with another guy.

#3 was the worst of them all. She was engaged to a really great guy, very sweet and kind, and he was wonderful with her son. No one really believed she would follow through, but we liked the guy so much we were all hoping this was it. 2 months before the wedding, she abruptly left the fiancé, kind of like what happened with #2. She had learned she was pregnant and it wasn't the fiancé's baby. She moved out of the house she shared with the fiancé and straight into the baby's father's home, with plans to marry. Her son was a mess. He truly loved the fiancé and was devastated when they broke up. Plus, the new guy was a jerk and did not teat her son very well. A few weeks later, she miscarried. She moved out the next day and tried to go back to the fiancé. He took her back, but a few months later, he called it quits. He tried to do it for her son, but she had hurt him too much. We had become very good friends with the fiancé and we felt terrible for him.

When she told us about #4, everyone was like "OK, whatever." She got really upset because no one seemed happy for her. Since my MIL refused to give her any money, she and the fiancé decided to have a BBQ in their backyard, with the wedding beforehand. At this time, she was living in a different state than the rest of the family, except for us. We lived a few minutes away from her. A few days before the wedding, she moved out when her fiancé was at work, hired a moving truck, and moved back to her home state. She never said a word to the fiancé, or us for that matter. She didn't even say good-bye to us or our kids. And she didn't give her son a chance to say good-bye to his friends. She picked him up from school early and left. We never really did find out what happened. But we weren't surprised.

Wow she is a peach,isn't she? What an awful way to treat all those men and a HORRIBLE thing to do to your son.

 

[barkley]

Yep, my wedding was called off. My fiancé announced three weeks before the wedding that he just "couldn't" do it and that he needed "time". We agreed to call off the wedding and give him some time to "think" about it. He wanted the ring back. He then proceeded to get married to his old girlfriend ON THE DAY WHEN OUR WEDDING WAS SUPPOSED TO BE.....talk about a slap in the face. Of course, there was a little blessed event about six months later that explained why he "couldn't" go through with it. He actually did me the biggest favor in my life by backing out; I married the right guy three years later.

I just wish he had been up-front with me. I would have been glad to sell her the dress, the bridesmaid dresses, the wedding decorations, etc. It would have been nice to recoup some of the expenses. My parents were not upset about the money; they were just glad I wasn't marrying the guy. I heard he gave her my ring; I hope she enjoyed it. Their marriage didn't last too long.

you just reminded me of one-and absolutely be thankful your ex backed out as i'll explain below.

it was a friend's brother who was going to be married. the brother had been dating the bride to be for at least a few years and the wedding date was set w/friend set up to be matron of honor (the bride to be had been a bridesmaid at friend's wedding a couple of years prior). fairly close to the wedding date the bride to be backs out of wedding and engagement to friend's brother to.............................become engaged to......................my FRIEND'S HUSBAND turns out that friend's husband and brother's fiancée had been having an affair that PREDATED FRIEND'S marriage and engagement by at least a year (so at least 3 or 4 years of the 4 or 5 years she had been dating the brother).

friend and brother never saw it coming, never had a clue. when she could bring herself to even speak to her then husband she asked why he had married her in the first place if he was supposedly in love w/her brother's by now ex fiancé -he claimed he felt like he couldn't back out of the wedding because it would have 'upset everyone' (yeah, like it didn't upset everyone more when the truth came out). friend said when everything came to light it hit her-the bride to be had been very teary at friend's wedding which was unusual b/c the woman wasn't 'the emotional type'. friend had chalked it up at the time to her being 'such a great friend and so happy for me on my special day', nope-she was teary b/c she wasn't the one getting married to the groom (yet).

wedding called off, friend divorced-3 families devastated (friend's ex's family adored her, became enraged at him/bride to be's family adored friend's brother, disliked friend's ex, became UBER enraged at bride to be).

 

[brookmey]

That's awful and her poor son! I hope his mom's inability to commit doesn't mess him up too much later down the road. Seems like she did a lot of messing around on the side every time no matter if it was a good guy or not.

That's what you call a "hot mess" of a situation! That's nuts!

Wow she is a peach,isn't she? What an awful way to treat all those men and a HORRIBLE thing to do to your son.

She is something. I swear to God she's a sociopath. I've never seen someone use and throw people away (not just men) the way she does and then feel nothing for how she impacted them. Her son turned out to be a pretty good kid, but he does have a some issues. He's 18 now and a few years ago he met his dad for the first time, which has been one of the best things for him. I think it really helped my nephew get some direction and stability in his life.

 

[brookmey]

you just reminded me of one-and absolutely be thankful your ex backed out as i'll explain below.

it was a friend's brother who was going to be married. the brother had been dating the bride to be for at least a few years and the wedding date was set w/friend set up to be matron of honor (the bride to be had been a bridesmaid at friend's wedding a couple of years prior). fairly close to the wedding date the bride to be backs out of wedding and engagement to friend's brother to.............................become engaged to......................my FRIEND'S HUSBAND turns out that friend's husband and brother's fiancée had been having an affair that PREDATED FRIEND'S marriage and engagement by at least a year (so at least 3 or 4 years of the 4 or 5 years she had been dating the brother).

friend and brother never saw it coming, never had a clue. when she could bring herself to even speak to her then husband she asked why he had married her in the first place if he was supposedly in love w/her brother's by now ex fiancé -he claimed he felt like he couldn't back out of the wedding because it would have 'upset everyone' (yeah, like it didn't upset everyone more when the truth came out). friend said when everything came to light it hit her-the bride to be had been very teary at friend's wedding which was unusual b/c the woman wasn't 'the emotional type'. friend had chalked it up at the time to her being 'such a great friend and so happy for me on my special day', nope-she was teary b/c she wasn't the one getting married to the groom (yet).

wedding called off, friend divorced-3 families devastated (friend's ex's family adored her, became enraged at him/bride to be's family adored friend's brother, disliked friend's ex, became UBER enraged at bride to be).

Wow, that's really messed up. Your poor friend, I can't even imagine what that was like for her.

 

[barkley]

Wow, that's really messed up. Your poor friend, I can't even imagine what that was like for her.

it was terrible for her-and her brother but over time she got over it, met a great guy who she married and had a child with. she also continued to get holiday and birthday cards from her ex in-laws (who never really accepted their son's new wife into the family/had a somewhat estranged relationship w/him after the whole mess) and could even joke about it. if an engagement was announced among her friends at work she might ask the bride to be if they had an unmarried brother, and if they replied 'yes' she would tell them to make sure their brother brought a really ugly date to the wedding.

 

[Turn the Page]

you just reminded me of one-and absolutely be thankful your ex backed out as i'll explain below.

it was a friend's brother who was going to be married. the brother had been dating the bride to be for at least a few years and the wedding date was set w/friend set up to be matron of honor (the bride to be had been a bridesmaid at friend's wedding a couple of years prior). fairly close to the wedding date the bride to be backs out of wedding and engagement to friend's brother to.............................become engaged to......................my FRIEND'S HUSBAND turns out that friend's husband and brother's fiancée had been having an affair that PREDATED FRIEND'S marriage and engagement by at least a year (so at least 3 or 4 years of the 4 or 5 years she had been dating the brother).

friend and brother never saw it coming, never had a clue. when she could bring herself to even speak to her then husband she asked why he had married her in the first place if he was supposedly in love w/her brother's by now ex fiancé -he claimed he felt like he couldn't back out of the wedding because it would have 'upset everyone' (yeah, like it didn't upset everyone more when the truth came out). friend said when everything came to light it hit her-the bride to be had been very teary at friend's wedding which was unusual b/c the woman wasn't 'the emotional type'. friend had chalked it up at the time to her being 'such a great friend and so happy for me on my special day', nope-she was teary b/c she wasn't the one getting married to the groom (yet).

wedding called off, friend divorced-3 families devastated (friend's ex's family adored her, became enraged at him/bride to be's family adored friend's brother, disliked friend's ex, became UBER enraged at bride to be).

As to the bolded, that is a complete load of horse puckey. If the affair had predated your friends marriage and engagement then he was cheating before he even proposed which makes his argument that backing out of the wedding would have upset everyone completely invalid. He was already cheating WAY before that.

 

[Rhombus]

Partner talked to my cousin last night. Partner, cousin, and mother of the bride have been friends since high school. Cousin is also supposed to be going to the wedding and then have a week's vacation in Florida.

According to cousin, the bride saw fiancé and his ex-girlfriend getting real cozy in a restaurant late spring. Fiance begged forgiveness, said it didn't mean anything, that ex-GF was coming on to HIM. Bride foolishly forgave him. Last weekend, bride comes home earlier than expected and finds ex-GF sleeping naked in their bed, and fiancé was in the shower. Supposedly the words "it's not what it looks like" were uttered by fiancé.

I don't know if this is true, but cousin is usually level-headed and reliable, not flakey.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Cousin is still taking her Florida vacation with her DH. She's urging partner and me to still go. "Maybe we can go to Disney/Universal/Sea World one day." Partner wants to go. I'm undecided. We'll probably still go. Perhaps one of the Disney water parks one day. I've never been to one. We're going to DL in California in about five weeks and I don't want to OD on the Mouse by going to one of the Florida theme parks too.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Shower gift. Partner neither wants nor expects it to be returned. If it is, we'll use it ourselves, give it to one of our kids, re-gift it to someone, or donate it to Goodwill or another charity.

 

[Pamlur]

The daughter of my mother's best friend; dress bought, invitations sent out, he decided to go back to his first wife. She was devastated.

 

[design_mom]

My cousin called off his right before the invitations went out. My aunt (cousin's mother) had cancer. My uncle traveled for my work, and my cousin is... well, I don't have a very high opinion of him. My cousin's girlfriend-then-fiance was a saint, though... and she did a LOT of care-taking for my aunt.

A couple of months before the wedding the fiancé was diagnosed with cancer herself (there were investigations of a cancer-cluster.) Anyway, my cousin said "Nope. Can't go through this again." and dumped her shortly after she was diagnosed...about 6 weeks before their planned wedding. Three months later, he married someone else and their invitations had "Today, I marry my best friend" all over them. I think the rest of the family was pretty dumbfounded.

I am still not sure I have the full story of what's going on. The new wife is either a good actress or she had no idea that everyone thought it was a little odd that they were getting married within 3 months of him dumping his cancer-stricken fiance who'd been "like family" to all of us for years. Part of me wonders if my cousin had her "on the side" while fiance #1 was busy caring for his sick mother. Maybe finance #2 didn't even know she was the other woman. (Like I said, my opinion of my cousin is not very high.) But that section of the family does not like to talk about unpleasant things, so I'll probably never know.

 

[bjscheel]

I just remembered one from several years ago. DH's aunt was going to marry her long-time/part-time? live-in...he was a truck driver and gone a lot so I'm not clear whether they were on-again/off-again a lot, or he was just gone. I was supposed to play piano for it so I got some music together. The evening of rehearsal DH told me we were just going to his parents' instead, there wasn't going to be a wedding. I kept asking if he was sure because I didn't want to miss rehearsal if he was wrong!

It was going to be very casual, no actual invitations and I doubt if they had spent much if anything. They may still be together, we don't hear much.

 

[barkley]

As to the bolded, that is a complete load of horse puckey. If the affair had predated your friends marriage and engagement then he was cheating before he even proposed which makes his argument that backing out of the wedding would have upset everyone completely invalid. He was already cheating WAY before that.

the ex was raised in a cultural group where if you dated someone over a certain period of time it was the expectation that it would lead to marriage (friend was from a similar but not as rigid on this issue culture) . friend's ex began involvement with the bride to be after he had been dating my friend for a few years, but before their formal engagement. he knew that as far as his family/culture was concerned my friend was 'marriage material' while the bride to be was not.

in hindsight friend and her brother wondered if the whole relationship between brother and bride to be was a plan on the ex's/bride to be's part to ensure they could remain in close proximity to one another and be able to continue their relationship because the ex had encouraged friend's brother to initially ask bride to be out. they thought that the ex was fine sleeping w/ his brother in law's 'girlfriend' but when it was going to transition to her becoming his sister in law and 'auntie' to any future kids it skeeved him out (if someone like that can be skeeved by anything) so the whole charade had to end.

 

[Turn the Page]

the ex was raised in a cultural group where if you dated someone over a certain period of time it was the expectation that it would lead to marriage (friend was from a similar but not as rigid on this issue culture) . friend's ex began involvement with the bride to be after he had been dating my friend for a few years, but before their formal engagement. he knew that as far as his family/culture was concerned my friend was 'marriage material' while the bride to be was not.

in hindsight friend and her brother wondered if the whole relationship between brother and bride to be was a plan on the ex's/bride to be's part to ensure they could remain in close proximity to one another and be able to continue their relationship because the ex had encouraged friend's brother to initially ask bride to be out. they thought that the ex was fine sleeping w/ his brother in law's 'girlfriend' but when it was going to transition to her becoming his sister in law and 'auntie' to any future kids it skeeved him out (if someone like that can be skeeved by anything) so the whole charade had to end.

I'm not sure what I find more disturbing. That the whole thing happened at all or that there is reason to suspect that much thought went into it.