Cancelled Wedding

[Pakey]

I just had friends go through this in July. Wedding was to be first weekend in August; couples' shower was 4th of July weekend. Bride-to-be's family came into town for the couples' shower and the night before the shower, at the family dinner, the groom-to-be out of the blue announced that he didn't want to go through with it and got up and left the family dinner. I belong to a fairly tight circle of friends, both of the individuals are in this circle, and it's been awkward since then. He avoided us for awhile but now only comes to events if she isn't coming and he's very quiet instead of his usual outgoing/joking self. He has never said why he called it off but we know there's not another party involved for either one of them. He reimbursed her for all costs she had incurred.

 

[scoutie]

My first wedding was cancelled. My fiancé had cheated on me, so I called off the wedding. In hindsight, it was the best thing that ever happened to me, but at the time it was humiliating and painful.

 

[Jaya]

Yep, my wedding was called off. My fiancé announced three weeks before the wedding that he just "couldn't" do it and that he needed "time". We agreed to call off the wedding and give him some time to "think" about it. He wanted the ring back. He then proceeded to get married to his old girlfriend ON THE DAY WHEN OUR WEDDING WAS SUPPOSED TO BE.....talk about a slap in the face. Of course, there was a little blessed event about six months later that explained why he "couldn't" go through with it. He actually did me the biggest favor in my life by backing out; I married the right guy three years later.

I just wish he had been up-front with me. I would have been glad to sell her the dress, the bridesmaid dresses, the wedding decorations, etc. It would have been nice to recoup some of the expenses. My parents were not upset about the money; they were just glad I wasn't marrying the guy. I heard he gave her my ring; I hope she enjoyed it. Their marriage didn't last too long.

 

[NewRVLady]

My friend's DD called off her wedding-
I know he was older-met in college when she was freshman
He was in Military and once he got stationed far away, the reality of being a military wife and being far from home 'got to her"

Mom complained about beautiful dress already bought-I wonder if she would use if she does marry someone else?

 

[LJSquishy]

Yikes! I've never really understood people that cancel their weddings at the last minute...can't you tell well before the wedding day that they're not the right person? I did attend a wedding of a friend who I knew would get divorced...we lost touch, but sure enough, they divorced after only 2-3ish years. She and I were both married in the same year...I've been married for 9 years.

Anyway, I would cancel the trip and rebook for a longer trip if you can, especially if you'd be turning the trip into a Disney trip.

And, yes, all gifts should be returned -- however, I would assume there is a lot of embarrassment going on right now so whether they will actually return gifts or not is unknown at this point.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

DW & her first fiancé. I don't know if they had actually set a date though. He called it off - said he didn't want to get married, just keep dating instead. DW had paid to furnish their apartment, so she kept the ring (it made a nice downpayment on the one she now wears ). Turns out, he'd had someone on the side for quite some time. The 2 of them did eventually marry & AFAIK, are still together 20+ years later.

 

[sonnyjane]

Yikes! I've never really understood people that cancel their weddings at the last minute...can't you tell well before the wedding day that they're not the right person? I did attend a wedding of a friend who I knew would get divorced...we lost touch, but sure enough, they divorced after only 2-3ish years.

I think a lot of people feel so much pressure to go through for the sake of appearances, or because things have already been paid for, etc. It takes a lot more bravery to cancel the wedding last minute and I think many people don't.

A coworker of mine had a rocky relationship to start but really wanted to get married and start a family. Everyone politely questioned her to make sure she was confident moving forward. They planned the wedding, parents paid for it, got married, went on their honeymoon, and moved into separate apartments 6 weeks later! They are now getting a divorce. I feel bad for her but there were a ton of red flags!

 

[brookmey]

My SIL has called off 4 weddings. The first one was 1 week before the wedding. I had just met DH so I didn't really know his sister very well, but no one seemed that surprised. They all really liked the guy, though.

#2 was a couple years later and they decided to elope. They were going to fly somewhere to do it, I can't remember where, but the day they were supposed to leave she just disappeared. No one heard from her for 3 days, not even her 5 year old son, who was staying with my MIL. She never did talk to the fiancé, she just moved all of her stuff and her son's out of their apartment. The fiancé called everyone in the family, completely distraught, because he had no idea what happened. No one had the heart to tell him that after she moved out of their home, she and her son moved in with another guy.

#3 was the worst of them all. She was engaged to a really great guy, very sweet and kind, and he was wonderful with her son. No one really believed she would follow through, but we liked the guy so much we were all hoping this was it. 2 months before the wedding, she abruptly left the fiancé, kind of like what happened with #2. She had learned she was pregnant and it wasn't the fiancé's baby. She moved out of the house she shared with the fiancé and straight into the baby's father's home, with plans to marry. Her son was a mess. He truly loved the fiancé and was devastated when they broke up. Plus, the new guy was a jerk and did not teat her son very well. A few weeks later, she miscarried. She moved out the next day and tried to go back to the fiancé. He took her back, but a few months later, he called it quits. He tried to do it for her son, but she had hurt him too much. We had become very good friends with the fiancé and we felt terrible for him.

When she told us about #4, everyone was like "OK, whatever." She got really upset because no one seemed happy for her. Since my MIL refused to give her any money, she and the fiancé decided to have a BBQ in their backyard, with the wedding beforehand. At this time, she was living in a different state than the rest of the family, except for us. We lived a few minutes away from her. A few days before the wedding, she moved out when her fiancé was at work, hired a moving truck, and moved back to her home state. She never said a word to the fiancé, or us for that matter. She didn't even say good-bye to us or our kids. And she didn't give her son a chance to say good-bye to his friends. She picked him up from school early and left. We never really did find out what happened. But we weren't surprised.

 

[cmarsh31]

I haven't known anyone personally to do this, but I know someone about to get married that I WISH would cancel their wedding...

Yup. Sigh. Need to go get dressed now to go.

 

[wilkeliza]

My SIL has called off 4 weddings. The first one was 1 week before the wedding. I had just met DH so I didn't really know his sister very well, but no one seemed that surprised. They all really liked the guy, though.

#2 was a couple years later and they decided to elope. They were going to fly somewhere to do it, I can't remember where, but the day they were supposed to leave she just disappeared. No one heard from her for 3 days, not even her 5 year old son, who was staying with my MIL. She never did talk to the fiancé, she just moved all of her stuff and her son's out of their apartment. The fiancé called everyone in the family, completely distraught, because he had no idea what happened. No one had the heart to tell him that after she moved out of their home, she and her son moved in with another guy.

#3 was the worst of them all. She was engaged to a really great guy, very sweet and kind, and he was wonderful with her son. No one really believed she would follow through, but we liked the guy so much we were all hoping this was it. 2 months before the wedding, she abruptly left the fiancé, kind of like what happened with #2. She had learned she was pregnant and it wasn't the fiancé's baby. She moved out of the house she shared with the fiancé and straight into the baby's father's home, with plans to marry. Her son was a mess. He truly loved the fiancé and was devastated when they broke up. Plus, the new guy was a jerk and did not teat her son very well. A few weeks later, she miscarried. She moved out the next day and tried to go back to the fiancé. He took her back, but a few months later, he called it quits. He tried to do it for her son, but she had hurt him too much. We had become very good friends with the fiancé and we felt terrible for him.

When she told us about #4, everyone was like "OK, whatever." She got really upset because no one seemed happy for her. Since my MIL refused to give her any money, she and the fiancé decided to have a BBQ in their backyard, with the wedding beforehand. At this time, she was living in a different state than the rest of the family, except for us. We lived a few minutes away from her. A few days before the wedding, she moved out when her fiancé was at work, hired a moving truck, and moved back to her home state. She never said a word to the fiancé, or us for that matter. She didn't even say good-bye to us or our kids. And she didn't give her son a chance to say good-bye to his friends. She picked him up from school early and left. We never really did find out what happened. But we weren't surprised.

That's awful and her poor son! I hope his mom's inability to commit doesn't mess him up too much later down the road. Seems like she did a lot of messing around on the side every time no matter if it was a good guy or not.

 

[Minnesota!]

Yes. SIL called off wedding to BIL about 7 months before. Dresses had already been purchased, halls reserved. They broke up for a while. Back together. Have been together ever since, but never married.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

Yes, sisters wedding was cancelled 2 months before, AFTER we put our deposits down for our bridesmaids gowns. Never recouped the money on those. They had a 5 year old together. Dad of the year took off and left both of them.

Then the same sister met DH's best friend from high school at a wedding we were all invited to, and married him a year later - used the same silk flowers from her cancelled wedding, and made us all buy new yellow dresses from a different place because she was too embarrassed to go back to the first one. She also bought a different bridal gown. Ehhh...mom paid for the first dress, refused to pay for the 2nd.

5 years and two kids later, they divorced.

Now, she is getting married again in Oct. She has already bought her (3rd) wedding gown, asked *his* sisters to be the bridesmaids (she knew we would all say NO!) and now we get to travel 5 hours to go to this wedding and give a gift. Whoopee.

I should have invested in a 401K-type program to have funds to pay for all of the money its costed me for her three weddings! I *hope* this is the last one!!!!

 

[wilkeliza]

Oh I totally just remembered the my future sister-in-law cancelled her 2nd wedding. It is to complex to even begin explaining all the issues that happened and stuff still going on over 2 years later. All I know is he was still legally married to his first wife but had a religious divorce from her. He lied to the SIL about that and to make things worse he told people he was religiously married to future SIL but not legally married to her so that people in his community didn't force him out for having a child out of wedlock. Now she is on wedding #3 to the guy she has been off and on with for 20+ years. We are all hoping this one goes through and lasts because we are all traveling out of country this time.

 

[wenrob]

Yep, my wedding was called off. My fiancé announced three weeks before the wedding that he just "couldn't" do it and that he needed "time". We agreed to call off the wedding and give him some time to "think" about it. He wanted the ring back. He then proceeded to get married to his old girlfriend ON THE DAY WHEN OUR WEDDING WAS SUPPOSED TO BE.....talk about a slap in the face. Of course, there was a little blessed event about six months later that explained why he "couldn't" go through with it. He actually did me the biggest favor in my life by backing out; I married the right guy three years later.

I just wish he had been up-front with me. I would have been glad to sell her the dress, the bridesmaid dresses, the wedding decorations, etc. It would have been nice to recoup some of the expenses. My parents were not upset about the money; they were just glad I wasn't marrying the guy. I heard he gave her my ring; I hope she enjoyed it. Their marriage didn't last too long.

Wow! Did you ever dodge a bullet. He sounds like a real winner.

I don't recall anyone canceling last minute but I have known several couple who've gotten married after being together for quite a few years, one a couple decades and then gotten divorced a couple weeks or months later. I've always felt most of them were too afraid to back out and went ahead with it anyway. A good half of them were chronic break up, get back together couples. The ones that had been together for decades are still doing it 30+ years later. I'd much rather see someone call things off then put each other through that kind of crap.

 

[E&Cmom]

I had a friend cancel her wedding about a month in advance. This was about 10 years ago. We already had our airline tickets to fly across the country. We were given credit to use within the year and ended up using it to go to Hawaii. She married someone else a few years ago but we couldn't attend the wedding.

 

[nkereina]

So glad you posted this, OP! I'm actually in a pickle as a result of the same situation, but a different kind of pickle.

I'm 29 and have a group of girlfriends from high school that all keep in touch. One of the girls in the group moved to Atlanta for college (we live in NY). About 7 years ago, she became engaged and invited us all to Atlanta for the wedding. For a bunch of full time college students, it was a lot for us to scrape together the money for airfare and 3 nights in a hotel. But we did it. About three days prior to the wedding, she suddenly called it off (valid reason, long story). We decided to go to Atlanta anyway and make a weekend out of it, and so we could support her.

Fast forward to present day, and the same friend is engaged again. She's getting married the Saturday after Thanksgiving in Atlanta. We were told of this in late July. Invitations were mailed a day or two ago. She's been giving us grief and is being resentful because none of us are able to attend. Flights are insanely expensive being Thanksgiving weekend, and it's also a time we all spend with our families with two of us already having plans for the holiday weekend. She conveniently has forgotten about the time we all did scrape together the funds for what should have been her first wedding. Sigh!

 

[Shmily1]

I tried to for my first wedding but my mom said no way because of all the money we had spent on it. Our next family wedding is on September 26 (funny that you posted about that date!) and it's my DD's wedding.

 

[wendy46001]

Yes had a cousin cancel. Thank god we didn't get beyond picking out fabric for dresses. She already bought her dress and rented a hall. We were just about to book airline tickets when we got the call. Her fiancé just decided he couldn't do it, so they broke up. Fast forward seven years, few random live in boyfriend/girlfriends they off and got married (we weren't invited).

 

[superme80]

Way before I was born my Aunt called off the wedding to my Uncle TWICE! It turns out she was having anxiety issues, but really wanted to marry him. He got her to the court house as quick as he could! Thy have been married for over 40 years.

Their daughter was engaged and ended up canceling it a few months before it was supposed to take place. Didn't get all the details, but I guess he was a jerk and it would have been a huge mistake. She ended up marrying a really great guy about 2 years later.

Don't get me started on the weddings I wish were canceled. I pretty much called it on all of them. Except for one , they are all divorced.

 

[Andtototoo]

No.

But I do know several couples in which at least one of them knew the marriage was a mistake and went ahead with it anyway.

My "favorite" was the couple who both knew before the wedding that they were not a good match, but decided to go ahead with it because her parents were paying for the wedding and his parents were paying for the honeymoon and they thought "Free party! Free vacation!" They also thought all of the cash gifts were free money and returned in as many of the gifts as possible for cash or store credit. THEN -- about 2 weeks after returning from their "free vacation", did they announce to all and sundry that they were getting an annulment because they had gone into the wedding knowing it was going to end. They were shocked, SHOCKED I tell you, when both sets of parents came down on them like hammers and demanded repayment of the wedding and honeymoon costs, plus demanded that they return the gifts. They did not return the gifts nor did they repay their parents. HUGE family drama on both sides. It does intrigue me that they thought they were a bad match since their values -- or lack thereof -- do seem to match each other quite well.