Bringing a guest that is NOT a Disney Fan? WWYD?

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Or maybe even letting the husband go have a vacation on his own if he wants. There are plenty of families that vacation separately.

True but I also think if you do too many of those when it's a vacation that a child and parent does and then the other parent goes off and does their own trip and this is the pattern you can more easily forget couples time.

I know married couples who do their own solo trips but then often have 1 trip every so often together. I've seen one spouse do solo trips when the other spouse hates to travel. But when it's a spouse who wouldn't mind going on vacation just not to a particular destination and the other spouse keeps going to that destination I don't think IMO it's solving a disagreement that has come up more than once by just having the other spouse go off and do their own vacation. Believe it or not the OP can compromise too, having a love of Disney doesn't mean you can't vacation elsewhere every now and then. It can be just as easy to see issues with that in terms of family harmony.

 

[Jsharp13]

Wow so many comments and great feedback. Please believe me - I value all these comments no matter what the perspective is!

One thing I should have added in my original post - we vacation a lot as a family. Usually 3 good sized trips each year. This would be a little bonus type trip (haha not little in price as we all know!!). A 4-5 night get away after schools out. And we have also done tiny 2 person trips here and there over time : me and hubby, hubby and son, me and son. So we would absolutely have at least three full whole family vacations next year in addition to this.

 

[mylilnikita]

OP, YOU are NOT responsible for his having a good time.

I echo others I’d have a conversation and set some boundaries.
No whining moaning if he wants to do that he doesn’t get to spoil your time

 

[Jsharp13]

So I guess I'll be blunt with my reactions after reading your post. I don't mean to offend but your husband sounds like a jerk, NO, I'll go one further and say he sounds like a word that rhymes with "mass-whole." I'm hoping he's perfectly nice since you married and had a child with him, but to call your interests "stupid" or "weird?" Your husband was so dismissive of your interests that it caused an argument? That's not cool. We all have different interests. My wife is not into Disney either; she really doesn't see the point in spending all of that money for the fake Eiffel Tower in Epcot when we could (and have) hop on a plane and see the real one for probably a little cheaper. But I adore Epcot. That said, she would never call my enthusiasm for the World/Disney stupid. It's just not her jam. And so when I go to the world, I go myself and have a guys weekend with my buddy who works at the parks. He's my age, we have the same interests in music and have a great time. If you can't be YOU on vacation, if you can't be goofy or sing or eat whatever at whatever time or wear silly ears, then what kind of a vacation is it? Go with your son and have a blast and leave the Debbie Downer at home. (I seriously don't mean to offend, but it really grinds my gears when a partner calls their partner's interests stupid if they don't share the same interests. My wife and I have interests on complete opposite ends of the spectrum, and that's perfectly ok.)

I definitely appreciate this perspective. We did have a very serious conversation about that attitude towards something that is important to me and I’m hoping it sunk in.
I’m 110% on board that Disney isn’t for everyone. And I’m actually not even trying to convince him to love it either. Just some middle ground if possible…

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I definitely appreciate this perspective. We did have a very serious conversation about that attitude towards something that is important to me and I’m hoping it sunk in.
I’m 110% on board that Disney isn’t for everyone. And I’m actually not even trying to convince him to love it either. Just some middle ground if possible…

Why does there have to be middle ground in this situation? Your middle ground is making someone go who doesn't like so much of what Disney is about, I don't see that as middle ground I see it as you wanting to still continue going but without having someone nag in your ear about going without them.

You may say you understand Disney isn't for everyone but then contradict that by saying you want compromise. It's a very big gamble that someone would actually enjoy it and have high odds against that. Irrespective of your husband's rude demeanor towards you it doesn't seem fair either to nudge him into liking it.

Wow so many comments and great feedback. Please believe me - I value all these comments no matter what the perspective is!

One thing I should have added in my original post - we vacation a lot as a family. Usually 3 good sized trips each year. This would be a little bonus type trip (haha not little in price as we all know!!). A 4-5 night get away after schools out. And we have also done tiny 2 person trips here and there over time : me and hubby, hubby and son, me and son. So we would absolutely have at least three full whole family vacations next year in addition to this.

But have you done a recent trip just you and your husband? Couples time is important too. You seem to do trips with your son a lot (both of you) but what about those tiny trips for you and your husband?

 

[VandVsmama]

Some food for thought:

Theme Park Fatigue:
My DH is often plagued by TPF on every Disneyland or WDW trip that our family goes on. Over the years, I've found that the following formula works for our family of 4:

• make it to rope drop (or close to it) every morning. Go go go on rides all morning.
• Stop for lunch break.
• Afternoon break at hotel for DH. Sometimes kids & I do hotel break, too. We play it by ear.
• Have attitude that you do NOT need to spend every waking moment with each other the entire time. When DH starts to get grumpy, he goes off on his own. Kids & I do something else and we meet up later. He usually goes somewhere to unplug from theme park people and watches a Star Trek rerun on a tablet. Yes, even in a hotel lobby or in a quiet spot at a quick service restaurant.
• Back in theme park around 5 pm. Then dinner.
• Rides until we're tired.
• Leave for hotel.
• Lather, rinse, repeat.

What I think YOU should do:

1. if you want to stay at AKL, then stay at AKL. AKL has a lot of lovely spaces to tuck yourself away in and forget that the outside world exists. Downside is that it's all bus transportation. If DH doesn't like this, then rent a car and he can drive himself to wherever the heck he wants to go.
2. Go ahead and make your & son's theme park plans. Tell DH what parks you'll be in each day. If DH wants to join you, that's great. If he opts out that day, then make sure that EVERYBODY has the attitude that THIS IS OK, TOO!
3. Go in with an expectation between you & DH that he WILL need downtime away from theme park crowds each day. clearly, your DH needs more time than you do at WDW to recharge his batteries. However, if he requires/expects that both you & son will also be by his side every hour of the day, THAT is not a reasonable expectation.
4. Ask your DH to pick THE #1 thing that he wants to do on the trip. Try to get that #1 thing done in the first couple of days. Make sure that DH has an attitude of "everything else we get to do after that is icing on the cake."
5. Do #4 with your son as well. Make sure that DH knows what son's #1 thing is.
6. YOU need to pick YOUR #1 thing. And YOU also need to have the attitude that once YOUR #1 thing is accomplished, everything else is icing on the cake.
7. DH needs to know and accept that yes, you WILL be acting goofy, silly, etc. with your son on the trip. And he needs to know and accept that he will see other adults being the same way. If he's not ok with this, then he should stay home. No Grumpy Gil's or Negative Nancy's allowed.
8. If you want a character breakfast, then book a character breakfast and include DH, but also tell him that he doesn't have to bother joining you if he doesn't feel like it. BUT if he DOES join you & son at the character breakfast, then there's no stupid comments allowed from DH mocking or criticizing any adults who are having a grand time with characters.
9. Ask DH what HIS goals are for the trip. WHY does he want to go? What does HE want to do? What are HIS expectations?

 

[RDR_BU]

Hey. Long posts. We miss you Low Key.

 

[Lord Manhammer]

Why does there have to be middle ground in this situation? Your middle ground is making someone go who doesn't like so much of what Disney is about, I don't see that as middle ground I see it as you wanting to still continue going but without having someone nag in your ear about going without them.

You may say you understand Disney isn't for everyone but then contradict that by saying you want compromise. It's a very big gamble that someone would actually enjoy it and have high odds against that. Irrespective of your husband's rude demeanor towards you it doesn't seem fair either to nudge him into liking it.

But have you done a recent trip just you and your husband? Couples time is important too. You seem to do trips with your son a lot (both of you) but what about those tiny trips for you and your husband?

All couples seek middle ground and compromise. That's part of being married. Why browbeat the OP by saying she's trying to force him to come along or is contradicting herself when she said in the first post that she was already planning on going without him but HE was the one who suddenly insisted at the last minute. The OP is just trying to find a way to satisfy her whole family.

A true compromise would be him saying "honey, wdw isn't my jam but you and the kid go have fun. While you're gone, I'll plan a trip for the two of us that we'll both like." That way he's respecting her own interests but also planning something they can do together.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

All couples seek middle ground and compromise. That's part of being married. Why browbeat the OP by saying she's trying to force him to come along or is contradicting herself when she said in the first post that she was already planning on going without him but HE was the one who suddenly insisted at the last minute. The OP is just trying to find a way to satisfy her whole family.

A true compromise would be him saying "honey, wdw isn't my jam but you and the kid go have fun. While you're gone, I'll plan a trip for the two of us that we'll both like." That way he's respecting her own interests but also planning something they can do together.

That's why I said in this situation. Compromise isn't forcing someone to go who doesn't. It to me here means she makes room for him in a different way and still goes on her upcoming son/mother trip (which i never said the OP shouldnot do). IRL you wouldn't be as likely to see people say what is being said here about having him still go. But this is a Disney centric board, sometimes people need perspective and that means remembering Disney as a go to destination isn't everyone's brand of fun.

I've been married for 10 years and compromise to me would not be making my husband go to a place he abhors that just makes me want something just because I want it. I can find alternatives. That is why I mentioned middle ground because the OP hasn't even considered not doing Disney, does that sound like compromise to you? Rhetorical here, just food for thought.

Also why browbeat about the husband being a jerk, so it's okay for you to malign her husband but not okay for me to have my opinion just because it's not fully on the OP's side?

 

[Lord Manhammer]

That's why I said in this situation. Compromise isn't forcing someone to go who doesn't. It to me here means she makes room for him in a different way and still goes on her upcoming son/mother trip (which i never said the OP shouldnot do). IRL you wouldn't be as likely to see people say what is being said here about having him still go. But this is a Disney centric board, sometimes people need perspective and that means remembering Disney as a go to destination isn't everyone's brand of fun.

I've been married for 10 years and compromise to me would not be making my husband go to a place he abhors that just makes me want something just because I want it. I can find alternatives. That is why I mentioned middle ground because the OP hasn't even considered not doing Disney, does that sound like compromise to you? Rhetorical here, just food for thought.

Also why browbeat about the husband being a jerk, so it's okay for you to malign her husband but not okay for me to have my opinion just because it's not fully on the OP's side?

But I'll reiterate - OP was originally planning on going with the kid until the husband chimed in to suddenly want to go. She doesn't want to make her husband go somewhere he abhors, and if you pay attention to her original post, it sounds like she doesn't even want him there as he'll rain on her parade. And why should OP not go to WDW just because the husband doesn't want to, especially if the kid is excited for it? To me compromise is, you do you (sometimes), me do me (sometimes), and us do together (more often than sometimes); and if we occasionally do things on our own or with our own comrades, that's cool. This is how my wife and I do it and we've been together 14 years so we're doing something right.

And yes, and maybe this makes ME a jerk, I don't know (and don't care), but I feel perfectly fine with maligning someone who calls their partner's interests stupid and immature. That's being disrespectful to your spouse and being disrespectful is being a jerk...at least in my book.

But as you quipped, these are all perspectives that the OP can take and do with what she wishes.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

But I'll reiterate - OP was originally planning on going with the kid until the husband chimed in to suddenly want to go. She doesn't want to make her husband go somewhere he abhors, and if you pay attention to her original post, it sounds like she doesn't even want him there as he'll rain on her parade. And why should OP not go to WDW just because the husband doesn't want to, especially if the kid is excited for it? To me compromise is, you do you (sometimes), me do me (sometimes), and us do together (more often than sometimes); and if we occasionally do things on our own or with our own comrades, that's cool. This is how my wife and I do it and we've been together 14 years so we're doing something right.

And yes, and maybe this makes ME a jerk, I don't know (and don't care), but I feel perfectly fine with maligning someone who calls their partner's interests stupid and immature. That's being disrespectful to your spouse and being disrespectful is being a jerk...at least in my book.

But as you quipped, these are all perspectives that the OP can take and do with what she wishes.

Go back and re-read the OP, the guy doesn't want to go to  Disney he just doesn't want to be left behind again, like I said I think he might be a bit jealous. I have said now a few times the OP should keep this upcoming trip but then go on a couples only trip (preferably) or another family trip as my suggestion. I don't disagree about the husband with my earlier comments that doesn't mean I can't have an opinion about the OP either. I didn't say anything about it not being fine about you saying what you did about her husband but don't get all up on me just because I'm not in total agreeance about the OP. If it's fair to call the OP's husband an ******* I think it's fair to say what I did.

Many threads have we had where people warn away going with those who don't really like Disney? It's for a reason, you don't want the Debbie downer, the one complaining about the ears everywhere, the one complaining about the crowds, the one making sarcastic remarks about adults at Disney, the ones who hate the heat and then that's not even going into the costs. If they split time what will he do with his time alone and will he complain about it or whine that he was left alone. I'm not on the husband's side, but I don't think it's as cut and dried as he's such a horrible person either. I think the OP has found a wonderful place to bond with her son but there are other places to go where you aren't stuck with another person who really doesn't like it.

The last time the husband went was 8 years ago, Disney is a lot different than back then and he was with his 6 year old, totally different vibe.

It just sounded like to me the OP's family does family trips and kid/parent trips but where are the couples trip even just one recent one even just a small one? If it's happened OP didn't say it had unless they responde to my question.

Someone suggested couples therapy, I think it would be good for both, maybe there's a disconnect being masked as something else.

 

[pindecisive]

All couples seek middle ground and compromise. That's part of being married.

A true compromise would be him saying "honey, wdw isn't my jam but you and the kid go have fun. While you're gone, I'll plan a trip for the two of us that we'll both like." That way he's respecting her own interests but also planning something they can do together.

Middle ground implies that two people have such vastly different perspectives that they need to stretch to meet each other, thereby shifting their internal boundaries for one another.

I disagree that's what marriage is about.

During the years I've known my husband I've grown more like him, and he's grown more like me. We respect one another's viewpoints by staying open to new experiences and we often end up preferring what the other orders. He brings a unique perspective to my life.

I don't ever feel forced to shift my boundaries for him and I would never expect him to shift his boundaries for me. I married someone similar to me in many ways, but at heart we love being together, so when something happens, like food poisoning, or a flight cancellation we don't take it out on one another. We just come up with options for what to do next or instead.

Being able to manage frustration, annoyance, and anger at a situation and not take it out on your partner is part of having healthy EQ. Reacting with kindness when your partner loves something, or being supportive when they interact with the world around them, those are all things that make someone a good partner.

It sounds like OP, that your husband doesn't have the communication skills or the EQ to be a good partner to you. And at the end of the day, marriage is fundamentally a partnership.

 

[Robbie Cottam]

I hates crowds. He hates lines. I dislikes waiting, plans changing, disarray.
I enjoy, pools water parks, amazing meals,

i skip rope drop,
i speed a couple hours in the park unless it is after hours,
i like after hours
i enjoy moonlight magics,
i also enjoy the spring and watching the local bands play,


let him go at his own speed,
take breaks, pools days, etc

meet for meals

what could go wrong

 

[Lord Manhammer]

I didn't say anything about it not being fine about you saying what you did about her husband but don't get all up on me just because I'm not in total agreeance about the OP. If it's fair to call the OP's husband an ******* I think it's fair to say what I did.

LOL Relax, I was challenging you, not getting all up in your grill.

Based on the OP's followup, it sounds like they go on lots of family vacations together. But maybe they don't like traveling together as a couple. Maybe they are one of those families who does all of their traveling with their kid. Relationships come in all shapes and sizes.

Look the OP husband could be a real Keanu Reeves (named by Time Magazine as the nicest guy in the world) but all we have to go on is the OP comments that their partner belittled their love of Disney. But hey, maybe some counselling could do them both a world of good.

 

[Lord Manhammer]

Middle ground implies that two people have such vastly different perspectives that they need to stretch to meet each other, thereby shifting their internal boundaries for one another.

I disagree that's what marriage is about.

Not really what I meant. But every marriage is different so you do you.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

LOL Relax, I was challenging you, not getting all up in your grill.

Based on the OP's followup, it sounds like they go on lots of family vacations together. But maybe they don't like traveling together as a couple. Maybe they are one of those families who does all of their traveling with their kid. Relationships come in all shapes and sizes.

Look the OP husband could be a real Keanu Reeves (named by Time Magazine as the nicest guy in the world) but all we have to go on is the OP comments that their partner belittled their love of Disney. But hey, maybe some counselling could do them both a world of good.

No need to tell me to relax. You're the one who chose to quote me on it, I just gave you my response. Definitely relationships comes in all sizes but I'm not sure I'm the one who needs that reminder given the comments here. Agree therapy could do some good there for them

 

[Karin1984]

Yeah, a lot of conversations are necessary and not just about the trip. Based on your first post.

But for now, stop accommodating him and put the ball in his corner. Ask him why he wants to come and how HE is going to contribute to make this trip a success. This trip was meant as a mother-son trip he is joining. This trip did not start with him, he is joining an existing group and HE has to work hard to be accepted in the group. Not the other way around.

We did have a very serious conversation about that attitude towards something that is important to me and I’m hoping it sunk in.

Don't just hope. Look at his actions and words. And every time he does fall back in old behavior, which very well might happen, you need to speak up. If you let it slide once in a while, it will not change in the long run.

You might be able to find a middle ground, but based on your first post you have a long way to go.

 

[Miffy]

OP: First of all, stay at AKL! It's amazing there, you have a savanna-view room booked, and you will not regret one second of your stay. So what if it takes a few extra minutes to get back to the room midday? Take a rideshare and spend a couple of extra bucks.

Second of all, if your DH really wants to go, then, sure, he can go. But, if I were you, I'd make it clear to him that you and your son are going to have the type of WDW vacation that you like. After all, you two are the ones who are the Disney people and it was your vacation before he asked to accompany you. Tell your DH he's welcome to join in with you and your son whenever he wants and to do whatever he wants at any time as well.

Third: If your DH does indeed go, do NOT bend over backwards to make the trip acceptable to him. The main reason not to do this is that whatever you do, if he's not having a good time, you can't fix that for him, so there's no point in trying. I don't even believe in compromise here. It's your and your son's vacation. DH is a tagalong. And, being a tagalong, he has to either go with you and your son, doing what you two enjoy, or he can go his own way and find things that he likes. After all, he's an adult. He doesn't need you or anyone to plan his day for him. At least, I hope not!

Next, I'm disturbed--and I don't know you or your DH--that your DH was so cruel to you about your love of Disney. The "creepy" part especially upset me. I'm a Disneyphile but I understand there are plenty of people who aren't. I'm tired of trying to explain to people why I love Disney--I only try when I'm confronted on this topic--because I never press anyone to tell me why they love what they love, no matter how uninteresting, boring, or "creepy" it may seem to me. I don't have to justify any of my likes and dislikes. They're not hurting anyone else and I'm enjoying them.

For example, I despise coffee and anything coffee-, mocha-, or toffee-flavored. It just tastes horrible to me. But I don't accuse anyone else who likes/loves it of having an unacceptable preference and I expect other people to leave me alone on this topic as well. I cannot change my taste buds. Or my love of Disney. Or my enjoyment to be there. And neither should you.

Finally, I think, if humanly possible. you and your DH need to have a digging-deep discussion about his insults. Instead of steering clear of talking about this for fear of having another argument, it'd be much better for both of you if you could find a way to talk about this without anger. For that, a counselor or other mediating presence might be quite helpful.

 

[dvcgirl67]

Yeah, a lot of conversations are necessary and not just about the trip. Based on your first post.

But for now, stop accommodating him and put the ball in his corner. Ask him why he wants to come and how HE is going to contribute to make this trip a success. This trip was meant as a mother-son trip he is joining. This trip did not start with him, he is joining an existing group and HE has to work hard to be accepted in the group. Not the other way around.


Don't just hope. Look at his actions and words. And every time he does fall back in old behavior, which very well might happen, you need to speak up. If you let it slide once in a while, it will not change in the long run.

You might be able to find a middle ground, but based on your first post you have a long way to go.

Completely agree with Karin1984. But also had another couple of thoughts. I reread your original post OP, and came away thinking that there's more to this. For one thing, you came to a Disney fan site to tell us that your husband thinks that your new-ish fascination with Disney is weird...creepy even. Most people here, even those of us on the CB, either still have the "Disney bug" or at least have had it at some point. And so, in many ways, you're preaching to the choir.

I actually don't have the bug any longer...not since around 2004-ish when DH and I lived in Orlando for a few years and Disney changed for us as a result. We've only been on vacation there once since we moved back to NJ in 2007 and that was a big family trip with my sisters families, my parents...etc. We sold our DVC points in 2007. DH and I don't have children, but in 2010 we went when my niece and nephews were 5, 4 and 3 years old. It was a "one and done" for my sisters and their kids....they've never been back. And I suspect that's how it is for the majority of families. That's likely the way your husband saw it.

Most people don't understand the Disney "bug", and so I wonder if this is part of your husband's take on this. You've clearly gone down the rabbit hole on this and I do think that can be kind of a "huh?" for your partner. So in that regard, I'd try and at least understand his trepidation with respect to another Disney trip.

On the other hand, I sense that your husband is probably not just grumpy with respect to this trip/topic. My father could be like this, and as a result, we as a family did what he wanted to do. We vacationed where he wanted to go. And as children, and especially as teenagers, we could easily sense the tension between my parents. Your son senses this tension as well.

 

[TwoMisfits]

So, I guess I'll be contrary.

The son wants dad to go. So, it's not even about dad, and how he'll be on vacay. The son wants to share a moment with both parents at the happiest place on earth. So, I'd do it.

I'm not sure why Op feels she needs to hide her park going strategy or change it wildly with her spouse? It would seem that instead, a discussion of how the trip goes with her son and how they were planning it would be in order and then the spouse can decide if he also wants to dress up or get ice cream at 10am or if he'd rather sleep in those mornings and catch up later. In fact, the son should be part of the discussion, so dad can know that's what both of the current vacay goers want.