Hello forum members and all who chimed in. I appreciate the thoughts. As promised, we had a pretty good talk about many things (Disney and those issues being only a part of it, those other details aren't important here).
The ultimate decision is.... I will take my trip with my son, and DH is going to join, for part of the trip. DS is looking forward to showing my husband a few of the really fun things we think he would like. Together we will build an itinerary for 3 1/2 days to highlight some of those things, and include things we have not done before too.
I have some good confidence in my plans to use G+ and ILL to keep wait times reasonable (not zero, but reasonable). I'm going to splurge on a Deluxe resort for that time, in hopes that the downtime we spend at the resort is enjoyable for all.
Then after a few days, DH will return home. DS and I will move to our favorite Value resort, and spend two more days just goofing off together too.
I'm a little apprehensive, but also trying to embrace this chance to have some family time together and share some Disney fun. Thanks again for everyone's tips and ideas.