Bringing a guest that is NOT a Disney Fan? WWYD?

[LuvOrlando]

My only concern would be if he will disrupt you and your son being able to have a nice time. So I guess you should think about your son, would he be ok to break from dad and have fun with you or would he end up feeling guilty? Son wants dad there but presumably has an expectation that dad will lighten up, which may or may not be the case. Since you can't know for sure, even if you ask, I would do a very short test trip (maybe a weekend) and either you'll know next time it'll be great or DH will never want to go again, but damage will be minimal.

Not everyone loves all things the same, but some people can suck it up buttercup and others are just party-poopers and LOVE to spread their displeasure. In my experience bringing people who don't love over the top when the whole vibe is over the top just bring everyone else down. The fact you are voicing concern makes me think your DH can be the balloon popper sort who could easily destroy what is a special mom and son thing if DH behaves with derision towards your boy for enjoying what he sees as inappropriate fun. This is a tricky age and you have a special bond with your son, I would be very protective of this special tradition you have with your boy.

Good luck

 

[sam_gordon]

I think this should require a conversation between all three of you. What are your expectations, son's expectations, DH's expectations? What if your expectations aren't being met? Are there certain activities DS wants DH to attend? Is DH willing to meet you and DS at the park if you two rope drop? Is DH willing to leave the park on his own to go back to the room if he wants a break? Is he willing to just sit on a park bench and wait for you?

This seems like a lack of communication issue more than a vacation issue.

 

[Jsharp13]

I am really, really grateful for all of your time to write, discuss, debate and offer both support and alternate perspectives. Please believe that I am reading each one and it is giving me a lot to think about.

Of course there are other pieces and details and our relationship that I don't include here. It's hard to give a snapshot without a background book! But I will say that we do have a very good relationship in general, although we have some separate and different interests, we have LOTS in common too. We've been married over 20 years. As I said it one follow up (sorry I did not include this earlier; I should have): we have always taken many, big family vacations since even before our son was 1. We have taken a handful of couples only trips as well. We've each done a small amount of short 1:1 trips with our son too.

Hubby dislikes things Disney, crowds, lines. I would never push him into doing any of that. Likewise, I dislike 10 miles hikes up mountains and if wants to do that, I say, be my guest! I'll stay back! So my goal is not to convince him how great Disney is. But, as we all know, there are a few things at Disney that are so cool, even a non-Disney guy would like them. I think those are the things he wants to go and try out. But without all the "other" stuff.

I am going to have a talk with him in a couple weeks to get a gauge on his true interest. At one time I mentioned something like, "It would be great if you could come for about 2 days" and he did ask if that would be an option. So we may discuss that. It will be a couple weeks due to work and school schedules but I am going to follow up here since so many of you were kind of enough to share your time and ideas to help give me some different perspectives.

 

[Lord Manhammer]

I am really, really grateful for all of your time to write, discuss, debate and offer both support and alternate perspectives. Please believe that I am reading each one and it is giving me a lot to think about.

Of course there are other pieces and details and our relationship that I don't include here. It's hard to give a snapshot without a background book! But I will say that we do have a very good relationship in general, although we have some separate and different interests, we have LOTS in common too. We've been married over 20 years. As I said it one follow up (sorry I did not include this earlier; I should have): we have always taken many, big family vacations since even before our son was 1. We have taken a handful of couples only trips as well. We've each done a small amount of short 1:1 trips with our son too.

Hubby dislikes things Disney, crowds, lines. I would never push him into doing any of that. Likewise, I dislike 10 miles hikes up mountains and if wants to do that, I say, be my guest! I'll stay back! So my goal is not to convince him how great Disney is. But, as we all know, there are a few things at Disney that are so cool, even a non-Disney guy would like them. I think those are the things he wants to go and try out. But without all the "other" stuff.

I am going to have a talk with him in a couple weeks to get a gauge on his true interest. At one time I mentioned something like, "It would be great if you could come for about 2 days" and he did ask if that would be an option. So we may discuss that. It will be a couple weeks due to work and school schedules but I am going to follow up here since so many of you were kind of enough to share your time and ideas to help give me some different perspectives.

I think that I speak for all of us when I say best of luck.

 

[DeeBee3]

I think you can make it work and you have a lot of good takes on the thread.

If you want to splurge for deluxe, consider renting DVC points. If you want AKL, do it. Try a split stay? We just stayed at Riviera and LOVED the skyliner. We also love Epcot so we didn't go anywhere other than HS and Epcot. We were there during the pass through of the hurricane and we lucked out with no downtime for the skyliner. It just worked out.

Just a way your husband would have multiple places to go with easy access to transportation.

 

[maxaroni]

I would sit with your DH & your DS and have a talk about everyones wants/needs. Can you come to some compromises? Have your DS tell you DH that he wants him to come but also wants to have a trip like you and he have had. How can we make this work? If you split up and do what you want, can you come to a compromise about including your DH in things to make everyone happy. Tell him you would love to have him come as a family trip but with everyone having different wants/needs, we have to come to some sort of an agreement. If your DH wants to hang out at the resort one day, will that be okay with you & your DS? Make it sound like a true family vacation and do not belittle anyones feelings.

 

[Jsharp13]

That's why I said in this situation. Compromise isn't forcing someone to go who doesn't. It to me here means she makes room for him in a different way and still goes on her upcoming son/mother trip (which i never said the OP shouldnot do). IRL you wouldn't be as likely to see people say what is being said here about having him still go. But this is a Disney centric board, sometimes people need perspective and that means remembering Disney as a go to destination isn't everyone's brand of fun.

I've been married for 10 years and compromise to me would not be making my husband go to a place he abhors that just makes me want something just because I want it. I can find alternatives. That is why I mentioned middle ground because the OP hasn't even considered not doing Disney, does that sound like compromise to you? Rhetorical here, just food for thought.

Also why browbeat about the husband being a jerk, so it's okay for you to malign her husband but not okay for me to have my opinion just because it's not fully on the OP's side?

You have made really good points here and I should have been more clear in my original post. We do plan several other family vacations to different destinations that we all enjoy, and have things that appeal to all, 2, or 3 of us (or extended family too as we sometimes take MIL or BIL/SIL/ family too). If this was our ONLY trip, you are most correct - I would be horrible to say I want to go to Disney and you have to go and like it! This Disney is just a mini trip that would be in addition to at least 3 other large family vacations next year.

 

[jimmymc]

FOMO is real, even if going to Disney isn't an ideal trip for your husband. I would plan the trip with your son the way you two would want to, show those plans to dad, and see what his opinions are. He always has the option to go back to the resort while you're still in the parks.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

It seems like there’s an awful lot of tip-toeing around the husband’s wants, needs, moods and criticisms. This is something I’m familiar with and frankly, it sucks. Perhaps the pp who mentioned counseling is on to something in that regard. (I have more thoughts about it but I’ll leave it at that.)

I’m emotionally exhausted just reading the thread!

What should be a fun trip to Disney to lighten life’s load, shouldn’t be this hard. Life is too short and trips are too expensive to have an adult Eeyore dragging their feet with us when we go.

Over the years there have been many threads here where one spouse doesn’t like going to WDW and usually they just trade off going on a hunting trip with the boys or something, and all’s well.

OP, you mentioned a timing thing with “four years left” with your son before college, etc. Both of my kids are several years past college and we all still enjoy trips together. We have two coming up this fall and winter (Disney and non-Disney) that we’re all looking forward to. Point being that it all doesn’t have to end at any particular age if you continue to enjoy traveling together.

Re-reading the OP, it seems both the son and the wife (OP) tried to tell the DH what fun they’d had once they went with friends who knew how to really do Disney, and they wanted the DH to go with them so they could show him what they learned, too. I find that really sweet! OP has put a lot of effort into thinking of which things he’d enjoy while there. So it sounds to me like they would enjoy having him there, but she is afraid of how he’ll react if things aren’t going exactly his way. Naturally OP would like to have their family together (as she’s stated) but doesn’t want the fun she and her son have learned to have, ruined by selfish-type behavior that he’d displayed while there in the past. To me, that seems reasonable.

I agree that what’s in order is really a deep conversation about expectations. Not sure how trustworthy he’ll be if he says he’ll go with the flow, but then reverts back to old ways. Hopefully he’d be true to his word, for everyone’s sake. The vibe of the trip has already been altered. From past experience (not at Disney, thankfully), there’s nothing worse than being on a trip with people that are making you uncomfortable or unhappy.

OP I hope you can work this out with your husband. I agree with you, if he saw Disney in a different light, perhaps he might come around. But it is a bit of a gamble. I’m going to offer a suggestion that, should he go, you consider staying somewhere with a nice Club Level, where he can enjoy the club lounge if he gets tired of the parks. It’s homey in there, staff are usually great, he can watch a game on TV or find a quiet spot to use his electronics or whatever. They also have food and drinks available most of the day, including alcohol, and it’s a bit of a nice splurge while there. AKL has one, but there are others, too, that are also really nice. Views from the Poly lounge are spectacular. Wilderness Lodge is awesome. CSR has a very nice one, as well. Something to think about. (I feel like it would be perfect in this situation, actually. We actually wind up saving money on food and beverages so in some ways it sort of pays for itself, but it depends how you use it. PM me if you want more information.)

 

[Cadiewampus]

I have no idea where to place this topic; please let me know if I should move it!

Here's my background as brief as I can make it:
Mom (me!), Dad our and our 14 y.o. son. This piece is important to me but it might not resonate with everywhere here - he and I both work full time and I have always worked full time. I bring in half the income in our house.

We did a BIG family Disney trip when my son was 6 and we did EVERYTHING and it was pure MAGIC. That once in a lifetime trip. We didn't think we would return.

Then, my son and I went again in April 2022 (he was 12 y.o.), and January 2023 (13 y.o.) Just the two of us. But we met my friends - a couple that are super duper Disney experts and we spent a great deal of time with them, having fun and learning about Disney! We loved it! We had so much fun, riding rides, eating snacks, staying up late, being silly and goofing around!

I want to go one more year, just me and my son, in May 2024. He'll be 14.

When we returned from our last two trips, we talked up Disney pretty highly about all the fun things that my husband would enjoy. He loves Star Wars! There are so great meals! Guardians! Tron! Pandora at Night! Epcot food and drinks!! So, we were trying to get him to come with us in 2024.

BUTTTTTT... he is NOT a Disney person. I mean NOT a DISNEY PERSON. He hates crowds. He hates lines. He dislikes waiting, plans changing, disarray. Now, I have become pretty skilled with my use of ILL, G+, rope drop... I'd be adding in some Extended Evening Hours and Disney After Hours, which will keep crowds a bit lower and waits to a minimum.
However, also, he is not a fan of the Disney theming and adult involvement. He thinks adults going to Disney is weird, dressing up and wearing Ears is strange, doesn't want anything to do with parades or a human dressed up in a costume like a character. He thinks it is all immature and stupid, to the point that we got in a huge argument over it. My interest in Disney is stupid, creepy, why would I ever want to go, my teenage son does not want to go, etc. etc. etc.

So, I said, well forget you! My son and I will go anyway and have a great time next year. I quadruple checked that my son actually still wanted to go (he does!) and we've discussed some of our plans, itinerary, what we'd like to repeat from prior trips and what we want to do differently this time.

Well, this weekend my husband says, "Oh? I thought I was going with you? I'd like to go because our son wants me to go. Why are you telling me I can't go and we can't have a family trip." Now suddenly it is a problem that I'm doing a mother-son trip. I reminded him that while there are some things in Disney that we would really love, and we would definitely love to have him with us to share in that, the balance of the trip is really not for him and he would not be happy. And, to be honest, even worse than that, I would NOT be happy. My carefree, silly, acting like a kid, eating ice cream at 10 am, getting stuck in a monsoon, browsing in shops and trying on the silly hats - all of that will essentially go out the window. I will be planning, replanning, rechecking wait times, moving rides, removing rides, jumping through hoops, standing on my head... basically anything I can do to make sure that he is not miserable, upset, delayed, waiting in lines, avoiding all the kiddie silliness. And, even if I do that... what if a ride breaks down and the other waits are high? What if I can't get the best dinner reservation? What if the bus is just leaving as we walk up? What if he sees that waffles are $10 on a paper plate? What if there is an issue with our room or location? I am not one to "get stressed over Disney planning" but I just foresee problems and arguments if he comes with us.

On the other hand, if my son wants him to come, who am I to say that he cannot come? Should I abandon the trip I had planned for the two of us, and work to plan a trip that is more like something the three of us could enjoy? That may mean no character meals, it certainly means no ice cream at 10 am. It would be heavy on the thrill rides, low on parades. It would be high on the unique dining and adult drinks. It would be low on shopping and browsing.

Or, another thought I had... do a little of both? Have my husband join us for 2 days. Maybe 3. Hopper tickets to hit the bit stuff at the key parks. Hollywood Studios after hours. Some good restaurants. And, then send him back home. My son and I stay and finish up our fun and silly stuff that we like. This makes my itinerary a little chopped up and of course, cost more for hopper passes. (For example, I would easily spend a full day or almost two at MK; but I would go with my husband and son to do maybe 5 things and then leave the park, possibly for a resort break or heading elsewhere. That means when he goes home and it is just me and my son, we'll be back to MK again to repeat those things and add in our silly stuff, like Jungle Cruise in the dark, fireworks, and riding Haunted Mansion a bunch of times).

A final thought was have him come for the full trip, but basically dictate when to join us and when to go back to the resort to swim or relax or whatever. Come with us for this morning, and then go back to the pool and relax until we come find you in the evening. Or, go have some beers in Epcot while my son and I ride Remy and Frozen. Kind of a 50/50 trip.

What do I do here? What would YOU do?

As I'm writing this I know I am making him sound very grumpy. He is. But, I know he would absolutely be a kid in awe walking into Galaxy's Edge. Rise of the Resistance would blow him away. He'd ride Guardians as many times as I could pay for. He'd have a blast at Biergarten or Raglan Road. We'd have an epic time Trader Sam's. I have a long list of things that would be amazing for him and with him, but am I just sour that it would mean I would not get the fun mom and son trip that I had before? Help!

My two cents worth is all three of you go and quit planning every second of the day. Just play it by ear. Let your husband do what he wants and you do what you guys want. Every trip we have every been on (last one two years ago) is virtually no planning, other than what park we are going to what day. The four of us have always had a good time.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

You have made really good points here and I should have been more clear in my original post. We do plan several other family vacations to different destinations that we all enjoy, and have things that appeal to all, 2, or 3 of us (or extended family too as we sometimes take MIL or BIL/SIL/ family too). If this was our ONLY trip, you are most correct - I would be horrible to say I want to go to Disney and you have to go and like it! This Disney is just a mini trip that would be in addition to at least 3 other large family vacations next year.

I appreciate you responding. To clarify it's your husband joining I was referring to not that you shouldn't still go on this upcoming one.

I almost said this earlier to another comment but here's a bit more of what I was meaning. I didn't really want to go to Jamaica it was kinda ehhh to me but my husband really wanted to go so we did in 2018. BUT we love beach vacations so in this I compromised for the location. Jamaica was fine the Appleton Rum estate amazing and the YS Falls neat but the rest just so so. We agreed don't really need to go back and that we should have stayed on the cliffs rather than 7 mile beach area.

Husband always talked about Mexico because of cheap all inclusives. I never had any interests in Mexico but for our 10th anniversary (several months ago) we went to Cancun after years of him talking about it every now and then, again it's a beach vacation I compromisedon the location. The view was amazing, Chichen Itza breathtaking, Xcaret park really cool (evening show a can't miss) but Isla Mujeres just so so. I'd go back. But neither of these were ones when I hate so much about what makes those places those places. We wouldn't go to a place someone really doesn't like because well it wouldn't be enjoyable. Heck we don't tend to go back to places preferring to explore new (aside from Disney and Universal) and yet here i am in Vegas right now on our 5th trip since 2019 we found it kinda works for us as a quick getaway.

But your husband dislikes so much of what Disney is about, so when I said forcing that is more what I meant. We here all get the love and can find ways to go around a dislike here and there but it's because we overall still have a love for Disney. Yeah he invited himself but not to a place he would actually enjoy or its concept based on your comments so that's why I went down the other route of it's not really about Disney here prompted him to say he wants to go. My main concern is he'd be sour grapes on the trip and so I'd probably find the best way you know to nudge him to go on a different trip all together, really I'd be most curious as to why he all of a sudden wants to go.

I do hope if he goes he can at least put on that happy face enough for it to be a good one and that he knows his limits and hangs back elsewhere if it's too much

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Have your DS tell you DH that he wants him to come but also wants to have a trip like you and he have had.

I can understand verbalizing to dad if the son wants to go but I would be wary about doing too much further. The kid is 14, dad has already put son in the middle by saying the son really doesn't want to go mom doesn't need to put her son in middle as well by having him be the convincing party. Although perhaps an exploration of if the son trying to appease a parent here might be one to really think about. I took it face value that the son really does enjoy Disney and the trips with his mom and took it more like a disingenuous jab for the husband's part for his comment but I guess there could be a different thing going on.

 

[maxaroni]

@Mackenzie Click-Mickelson Good point.

None of it is easy as we navigate through life. DH & I always tried to include DS30 in our trip planning and take his viewpoint & suggestions into consideration. Our feeling was that it was his vacation, too. He may not have always picked the location, sometimes we gave him a choice of A or B, but when planning out activities, we valued his input.
Therefore, my thinking was that OP & DS were planning this trip. DS wants dad to go, everyone should sit and hash it out. What is everyones expectations? Is this particular trip doable as a family? Have DS express why he wants dad to go and perhaps OP could say that they would like him to go, IF we can work this out. IF not, OP & son go it alone.

 

[cabanafrau]

Hopefully my comments can be accepted as food for thought rather than negative, but OP, is there any room for the idea that your Disney enthusiasm overrides your objectivity somewhat? I ask because I personally find it notable that your DH apparently told you your son doesn't want to go and you state you quadruple checked with your son, which gives me the idea you found your husband's statement credible and had doubts even after asking your son three times so you asked yet again.

You clearly enjoy Disney very much and have had great trips with your son the past two years, of course you want to go again, completely understandable. I find it hard to believe given the info. you've shared about your family that your son is not aware that his dad doesn't share the enthusiasm for a Disney trip. Looking at your son's age I notice that it wouldn't be surprising that he's undergone some significant changes since your first mother/son trip. Maybe he's having a really difficult time telling you directly he'd really like to do something else because he knows how much you really want to do the trip -- and that you want to do the trip how you want to do the trip. Maybe your son does want to go, but wants to do the trip differently than what you have done in the past. I honestly wonder if you'd truly hear (and accept) his ideas if he wanted to do it differently than what you have your heart set on? He may be reaching the phase where he's the human equivalent of a sloth and dreads the idea of getting up for rope drop and knows your expectations.

Don't need glasses to see you want to minimize any effects your husband's possible presence would bring to your planning. Go back and read your response when someone merely made a suggestion about how the Skyliner aspect might be a solution to allowing your husband to easily slot in and out of the itinerary at will. Sounds like Skyliner might make the transportation aspect a bit more palatable to your DH -- but you're hesitant because you've really got your heart set on AKL because you do. Of course a bunch of Disney fans are going to relate to the idea of planning your trip to do it the way you want if at all possible, we all can relate. The reality is it's not just your trip. Clearly your son doesn't get an equal say in selecting where you stay because he's not footing the bill. If he shared a preference with you would you factor that into your decision? Seems like your husband should get at least as much consideration in the planning as your son.

Maybe I have the wrong end of the stick, but I'm just basing it on your words that jumped out at me when I read them.

 

[White Cat]

Too much thinking and over planning. If he wants to go he can go and do what he wants. The planning would drive me crazy. Maybe it is him as well. Luckily my spouse and I are very similar that when we want to go somewhere we just go, Hop on a plane and go.

 

[Jsharp13]

Hopefully my comments can be accepted as food for thought rather than negative, but OP, is there any room for the idea that your Disney enthusiasm overrides your objectivity somewhat? I ask because I personally find it notable that your DH apparently told you your son doesn't want to go and you state you quadruple checked with your son, which gives me the idea you found your husband's statement credible and had doubts even after asking your son three times so you asked yet again.

You clearly enjoy Disney very much and have had great trips with your son the past two years, of course you want to go again, completely understandable. I find it hard to believe given the info. you've shared about your family that your son is not aware that his dad doesn't share the enthusiasm for a Disney trip. Looking at your son's age I notice that it wouldn't be surprising that he's undergone some significant changes since your first mother/son trip. Maybe he's having a really difficult time telling you directly he'd really like to do something else because he knows how much you really want to do the trip -- and that you want to do the trip how you want to do the trip. Maybe your son does want to go, but wants to do the trip differently than what you have done in the past. I honestly wonder if you'd truly hear (and accept) his ideas if he wanted to do it differently than what you have your heart set on? He may be reaching the phase where he's the human equivalent of a sloth and dreads the idea of getting up for rope drop and knows your expectations.

Don't need glasses to see you want to minimize any effects your husband's possible presence would bring to your planning. Go back and read your response when someone merely made a suggestion about how the Skyliner aspect might be a solution to allowing your husband to easily slot in and out of the itinerary at will. Sounds like Skyliner might make the transportation aspect a bit more palatable to your DH -- but you're hesitant because you've really got your heart set on AKL because you do. Of course a bunch of Disney fans are going to relate to the idea of planning your trip to do it the way you want if at all possible, we all can relate. The reality is it's not just your trip. Clearly your son doesn't get an equal say in selecting where you stay because he's not footing the bill. If he shared a preference with you would you factor that into your decision? Seems like your husband should get at least as much consideration in the planning as your son.

Maybe I have the wrong end of the stick, but I'm just basing it on your words that jumped out at me when I read them.

Thank you, I do appreciate these thoughts, even if they seem a bit contrary to where I am coming from. I have learned a lot reading other perspectives. I'm a smart person and can appreciate different view points and recognize when I can learn from them, even when they don't match my own!

Just some small explanations (which I hope don't come across as excuses):

I knew my son wanted to go. Before all this drama, months and months ago, I asked him if he wanted to do a Disney trip again and he was super excited. He was hoping we'd be able to go in May of this year (but since we were there in January, I couldn't really swing another a few months later! So we agreed to plan at the end of this school year). I knew he really wanted to go. My husband was pretty negative however, and it made me doubt myself and my son. I should not have doubted. He is very excited and if I said we decided not to do the trip he would be crushed. So, I checked only out of my own self doubt. I wanted to be sure that he has a "way out" of this trip if he actually didn't want to go and maybe wanted to do something else instead. He was adamant that he wants to go and cited several things he was looking forward to. So at this point, I believe he is enthusiastic.

100% agree about his age, a full blown teen, changed since our first trip, and also a bit of that sloth phase. Totally on point! Our first trip we did a ton of stuff (but it was Spring Break, quite busy, and very high crowds). Our second trip - man, we did it all! Sun up to sun down! It was low crowds and we maximized that by covering so much each day!
But, for this trip, something he and I already talked about - it would be a very different trip! In general since we hit almost everything on our last couple trips, this would be a trip of leisure, taking our time, hitting our favorites, not rushing around. He is a night owl so we said no rope drops. I would splurge for a deluxe resort (even for just part of the time perhaps) so that we could capitalize on those Extended Evening Hours. I would pay extra for the After Hours at HS. In general, May has later park closings that January so we would certainly going to bias our trip to late days in the park. He also said he wanted pool time, and we will build that in each day (especially in the heat of May!). He loves a breakfast buffet (another check box for staying at AKL and planning to hit Boma one morning). Lego store, check. Shopping, check. Snacks and snacks and snacks, check. He also wanted ASMu where we stayed last time so we'd do that too (split stay with AKL, perhaps). We definitely chatted about it and planned teen boy approved trip (I think). So, you are very correct - I love Disney and a lot of what I want to do here is for me. But I am very cognizant of what he may like or not like at his age. (We do on IASW though for the laughs!) But I will be sure to be very open and listen to things that he may prefer as we go on.

Your points here are well taken. I feel like my discussion with husband is my trip with you included vs. changing this to our family trip.

 

[slo]

OP…..when you go to WDW, do you make an itinerary?

I‘m neurotic about my itinerary and I know many people are going because they like to “wing it”, which is great for them, but not me

This past trip I told my DD19 that she could make the itinerary which was not easy for me to relinquish control of that , but I wanted her to know that her thoughts matter. She actually did this and said - no way, that stresses me out - LOL! So I told her - let’s make it together, and that’s what we did - it was a fun project with a great outcome for both of us.

When my DH comes with, he is very much included in the itinerary. Our next trip is December 2024 and all 3 of us have stated where each of us wants to eat and what each of us wants to do. I have all this written down and will build it into our trip - everyone’s “must do“ will happen if I can make it happen. This itinerary will probably change 100 times, until the ADRs are made.

My point is….if everyone has a say (my finger is pointing at your DH) then everyone should hopefully have some element of fun. This does mean that some may be doing something they don’t want to do, but oh well, that’s how it is.

I do hope this all works out for you

 

[cabanafrau]

Thank you, I do appreciate these thoughts, even if they seem a bit contrary to where I am coming from. I have learned a lot reading other perspectives. I'm a smart person and can appreciate different view points and recognize when I can learn from them, even when they don't match my own!

Just some small explanations (which I hope don't come across as excuses):

I knew my son wanted to go. Before all this drama, months and months ago, I asked him if he wanted to do a Disney trip again and he was super excited. He was hoping we'd be able to go in May of this year (but since we were there in January, I couldn't really swing another a few months later! So we agreed to plan at the end of this school year). I knew he really wanted to go. My husband was pretty negative however, and it made me doubt myself and my son. I should not have doubted. He is very excited and if I said we decided not to do the trip he would be crushed. So, I checked only out of my own self doubt. I wanted to be sure that he has a "way out" of this trip if he actually didn't want to go and maybe wanted to do something else instead. He was adamant that he wants to go and cited several things he was looking forward to. So at this point, I believe he is enthusiastic.

100% agree about his age, a full blown teen, changed since our first trip, and also a bit of that sloth phase. Totally on point! Our first trip we did a ton of stuff (but it was Spring Break, quite busy, and very high crowds). Our second trip - man, we did it all! Sun up to sun down! It was low crowds and we maximized that by covering so much each day!
But, for this trip, something he and I already talked about - it would be a very different trip! In general since we hit almost everything on our last couple trips, this would be a trip of leisure, taking our time, hitting our favorites, not rushing around. He is a night owl so we said no rope drops. I would splurge for a deluxe resort (even for just part of the time perhaps) so that we could capitalize on those Extended Evening Hours. I would pay extra for the After Hours at HS. In general, May has later park closings that January so we would certainly going to bias our trip to late days in the park. He also said he wanted pool time, and we will build that in each day (especially in the heat of May!). He loves a breakfast buffet (another check box for staying at AKL and planning to hit Boma one morning). Lego store, check. Shopping, check. Snacks and snacks and snacks, check. He also wanted ASMu where we stayed last time so we'd do that too (split stay with AKL, perhaps). We definitely chatted about it and planned teen boy approved trip (I think). So, you are very correct - I love Disney and a lot of what I want to do here is for me. But I am very cognizant of what he may like or not like at his age. (We do on IASW though for the laughs!) But I will be sure to be very open and listen to things that he may prefer as we go on.

Your points here are well taken. I feel like my discussion with husband is my trip with you included vs. changing this to our family trip.

It's hard to include all the details for a written discussion involving so many people, so I don't read your info. as excuses at all. It sounds like some of the requests your son has made might work well with your husband's preferences. Who knows, maybe even instinctually he might bring out a better blend of your two preferences of how to do this trip just by virtue of being the offspring of both of you? Hopefully some compromising tweaks will make it possible for all three of you to enjoy without any one of you feeling like the only one bearing the burden of someone else's choices. IMO it generally works pretty well for a core group who wants to do a Disney trip. I always feel for the posts I read about people who plan a trip with extended family, the BFF's family, etc. and it just winds up as an endless string of compromises for all involved to the point where everyone looks back and says they didn't have the best time because they were always waiting around for one, hurrying for another, eating someplace only a couple were insistent on or missing out on X because of the simple logistics of satisfying a group. Hopefully the three of you have an easy time of working out a happy solution.

 

[fla4fun]

Here’s my two cents. . .

Have you had a family meeting with the three of you to discuss the itinerary of the trip? 13 was the age when I was allowed to spend time away from my parents in the parks for the first time (same park but not together, in the days before cell phones) so I think a 14 year old is old enough to participate in the discussions of what everyone wants to do on the trip. If Dad is not wanting to participate in the things the son thinks are fun, the son may change his mind about wanting Dad on this particular trip. It may be, as the family time grows shorter, that there are more of the mini trips where it’s mom/son, dad/son and family together somewhere that all three people enjoy. The trip is as much about the son as the parents, and I think he should be part of the planning. His time with his parents is growing short as well. Don’t make his memories of these last trips be that either Mom was stressed or Dad was grumpy.

My dad wasn’t super into Disney at first. He hated crowds as well. He took us on the obligatory annual trips from the Midwest, but once we moved to Florida, he wasn’t interested in doing that anymore. What he didn’t know was that there is a whole world of different recreational activities he could do that had little to do with the theme parks. He enjoyed hanging out in FW and renting a boat or a bike, or going fishing. He liked going around to the different resorts during the day when many people were in the parks. When I got my first job, I paid for a week long on site vacation for my parents, my sister, and me, and he was the first one to ask when we could go back. In the course of a week, he might spend a half a day in each park, and spend the rest of the time on other pursuits. We were happy when he spent time with us, and happy to let him go his own way as well. I know we all made minor compromises during the trip, but it wasn’t a big deal since we were all doing it.

I hope you find a way to have an enjoyable trip. This whole discussion makes me think how difficult it would be for an introvert and an extrovert to go to Disney World together. . .

 

[Jsharp13]

Hello forum members and all who chimed in. I appreciate the thoughts. As promised, we had a pretty good talk about many things (Disney and those issues being only a part of it, those other details aren't important here).

The ultimate decision is.... I will take my trip with my son, and DH is going to join, for part of the trip. DS is looking forward to showing my husband a few of the really fun things we think he would like. Together we will build an itinerary for 3 1/2 days to highlight some of those things, and include things we have not done before too.
I have some good confidence in my plans to use G+ and ILL to keep wait times reasonable (not zero, but reasonable). I'm going to splurge on a Deluxe resort for that time, in hopes that the downtime we spend at the resort is enjoyable for all.
Then after a few days, DH will return home. DS and I will move to our favorite Value resort, and spend two more days just goofing off together too.
I'm a little apprehensive, but also trying to embrace this chance to have some family time together and share some Disney fun. Thanks again for everyone's tips and ideas.