Bridal Shower: Writing Your Own Address on the Envelope of a TY Card

[EMom]

I'm not really bothered by it. In the day and age of most brides and grooms working full time, I would think it would be appreciated.

I always think it's a bit odd that those who most vehemently claim how TACKY it is and anybody who knows proper etiquette would know this are the ones who have said they'd write lazy *** bride in the return address or write a note on the envelope giving their disapproval!

I'd bet almost anything that etiquette experts would say that is far worse than the original faux pas.

Etiquette aside, it's just rude and nasty behavior. I mean really putting a bride "in her place" for something that in all likelihood somebody else planned on what's supposed to be a happy day? That's just ugly and petty.

If you're so stringent on having things done your way, maybe you shouldn't attend gatherings for others. Especially since wedding traditions and etiquette vary widely both regionally and culturally. What white Anglo-Saxon experts say is not the be-all end-all of wedding etiquette in the U.S., let alone anywhere else.

I think ONE person has said something about writing "lazy bride." Hardly a hoard.

And all this blather about saving the bride so much time. It takes 20-30 seconds for her to address an envelope and her guests have already spent hours on her shower, between shopping, travel and attendance. A few seconds hardly seems a burden. As for not having addresses... If you know them well enough to solicit a gift, I'd think you know where they live or work. If not, the hostesses could make the effort to get that info. I've hosted many showers and have always managed to give the bride/mother to be a guest list with addresses at the end.

I don't care if the bride has a job and is busy. So are her guests. If it is too much work for the bride to address the envelopes, the hostesses should do it for her. You can have a raffle with just names on a piece of paper, without an address. (Although I applaud the skill shown at using a game to pass along the bride's job to her guests.)

It boils down to this. Whose job should it be? The gift giver, who has already done their part? Or the gift recipient, who would have to spend perhaps two minutes per guest thanking them? To me, the answer is plain.

 

[Dizlvr]

I think ONE person has said something about writing "lazy bride." Hardly a hoard.

And all this blather about saving the bride so much time. It takes 20-30 seconds for her to address an envelope and her guests have already spent hours on her shower, between shopping, travel and attendance. A few seconds hardly seems a burden. As for not having addresses... If you know them well enough to solicit a gift, I'd think you know where they live or work. If not, the hostesses could make the effort to get that info. I've hosted many showers and have always managed to give the bride/mother to be a guest list with addresses at the end.

I don't care if the bride has a job and is busy. So are her guests. If it is too much work for the bride to address the envelopes, the hostesses should do it for her. You can have a raffle with just names on a piece of paper, without an address. (Although I applaud the skill shown at using a game to pass along the bride's job to her guests.)

It boils down to this. Whose job should it be? The gift giver, who has already done their part? Or the gift recipient, who would have to spend perhaps two minutes per guest thanking them? To me, the answer is plain.

Whose job is it? Its not really a job, and if you think it is or if you believe doing your part ends at a gift well maybe you should avoid all social outings where you may be asked to go above and beyond your "job" there.
The answer for me is plain too, I don't see doing a little something to help out the bride (or mom) who is most likely a friend or family member as a big deal, and I certainly don't think of it as a job. My "part" at that shower is to be there to support my friend and show them how much I care for them, and that means I have no problems with doing something extra for them.

 

[Minnesota!]

I also don't understand the people that are talking about all this time and money spent on a gift and all the time and money they devote to it. When I'm going to shower, I look at the registry, figure I want to spend about 50 bucks, grab whatever's close to 50 bucks, done! I'm usually at Target once or twice a week anyways, so I just do it then... takes no extra time out of my day, and really 50 bucks is not going to make or break. Not something that I sweat. These people that are making it sound like they're picking out a royal jewel and should have their feet kissed for it, are eyeroll worthy.

It's a shower....a gift grab, in dis-speak. You are there to make the brides/mom's life easier. With gifts, time, and yes...envelopes. Making it about you and "all you put into it" is.....tacky.

 

[Skywalker]

can you imagine the twisted knickers if the thank you card was printed on a printer, or *gasp* a printed label?
I'm faint just thinking about it.

A printed label sounds fine, if the bride does it herself...but don't you think it would be pretty bad if each guest was asked to print their own at home and bring it along lol? Actually I could see that being the next step, not only print or handwrite your own envelope, in fact why not just buy your own thank you card (that way each guest could get something they really like!), and fill it all in referencing your specific gift (after all you already know what you got the bride, less work for her to keep it all straight), then just buy the stamp and mail it to yourself - because the bride is so busy! (Cause the rest of us don't have lives, loves, kids, jobs, and stress!) If the bride has two hours to attend a party in her honour and open gifts for herself, she has time to write thank you notes.

(And by the way, I don't buy that the bride doesn't know about this going on...seems nowadays any "hostess" of the shower is really just a front for the real master minds: the bride and her mom lol.)

Anyway, I find it amusing how some people get so offended at there being any kind of rudimentary etiquette standards whatsoever lol. Its really not that hard.

 

[bethbuchall]

I've done this only once (though I don't go to tons of showers either) about 23 years ago when the church women had a baby shower for the pastor's wife. In that setting, I actually thought it was a good idea. Yes, the pastor's wife would have access to all the addresses, but it would have been more difficult than working from an actual guest list. The envelopes were also used to draw to see who took home the table centerpieces.

For a more regular shower, I wouldn't do it myself, but I wouldn't take any offense if I were asked to address an envelope.

 

[CookieandOatmeal]

It's a shower....a gift grab, in dis-speak. You are there to make the brides/mom's life easier. With gifts, time, and yes...envelopes. Making it about you and "all you put into it" is.....tacky.

Just because someone expects a little common courtesy doesn't mean they are making it all about them. Just because someone is having a baby, getting married, etc. doesn't mean the world revolves around that one person. I don't exist in this world to make anyone's life easier and I don't expect anyone to make my life easier either.

Thinking about it more now- I did make the bride's life easier by getting a gift off her registry that she wanted and not some random item hanging around my house that I'm looking to regift (now that is tacky) or something that was on sale. By doing that, she doesn't have to waste time returning items.

 

[dollarmite]

It's lazy, rude and tacky.

If the gift recipient doesn't have all the guests' addresses, then someone at the shower can arrange for the guests to write them on a mastersheet and the bride/whoever can address the envelopes from that. It'd also come in handy later when/if the guest of honour needs to send the guests something else in the mail.

 

[blana]

I went to a bridal shower this past weekend (yes it was in a restaurant with about 50 women) and I was given a blank envelope by one of the hosts to write my own address on so the bride wouldn't have to spend time doing that when she writes out thank you cards. I did it but I thought it was a bit ridiculous that she couldn't spend a few extra minutes writing out the addresses herself. It may not be the bride's idea but her mom or MOH but I thought it was super tacky. I'm 29 and got married last year. I would never dream of asking guests to write their own envelopes. Am I just super old school or is this a new trend?

When I was young, this was somewhat common. Mainly at church showers, where you may not HAVE everyone's address, since it was open to everyone who came to the church.

 

[bcwife76]

I did it when I was a bridesmaid in a wedding in 2002; when I got married in 2004 my bridesmaids did it for me. I personally think it's a great idea. No one at my shower (I had 30 guests) seemed to complain about it and if they did, they kept it from me.

 

[bcwife76]

People find the silliest things to get annoyed about

Ain't that the truth!

 

[Tiffylv]

.

 

[mjkacmom]

I think in this day and age, the host should use the labels she had created for the invites, and given them to the bride to be. That way, no one has to address the envelopes!

 

[CookieandOatmeal]

I did it when I was a bridesmaid in a wedding in 2002; when I got married in 2004 my bridesmaids did it for me. I personally think it's a great idea. No one at my shower (I had 30 guests) seemed to complain about it and if they did, they kept it from me.

I didn't complain at the shower either or call up the bride/MOB to voice my opinion either.

 

[leebee]

I've been asked to address an envelope a few times and thought it seemed a bit silly. A shower is nothing but a gift grab so it seems that the recipient could at least handle the thank yous. The guests did their part now do yours.

Were the thank you notes printed on recycled paper? That's an important issue for me.

I think it's tacky to ask guests to address their own thank you notes. It bothers me that people are more concerned about their own time and convenience than they are about thanking someone who does something nice/considerate for them. Unfortunately (to me), "convenience for me" seems to be the direction in which the world is headed in many respects.

I still can't get past the concept of raffles at a shower! I have never seen this done and it just seems wrong. I guess I expect a raffle to be held in conjunction with a fund raising event, and while a shower might be considered to be "fund" raising, as you are saving the guest of honor from having to spend her own money to get these things, I always think of a shower as a celebration, and I want to give a gift to express my happiness for you. I don't know; raffles at a shower just feels odd to me. Do people still get party favors at a shower? Isn't that enough? (I know, I know... but still... ). Showers (bridal, baby, whatever) sure have changed from the ones I grew up attending.

 

[Minnesota!]

Just because someone is having a baby, getting married, etc. doesn't mean the world revolves around that one person. I don't exist in this world to make anyone's life easier and I don't expect anyone to make my life easier either.
.

Actually, for a few days, it does revolve around them. Everyone deserves a few days of their life to be celebrated. Life sucks too much in "real life" to not be allowed a few days for life to be blissfully happy and easy.

I feel like its my duty to live my life to make others easier. So much hate and selfishness in this world, if I can make someone's life easier, damn straight I am going to do it. 20 seconds for me = half hour for them. A half hour they could be with their new husband, baby, or hell, taking a nap.

 

[mickeymedic]

I have never been to a shower where guests write their address on an envelope, but I think it's a great idea. I don't understand why so many people seem to be offended by this practice. I think what stands out to me the most as I read through the replies is the group of people who are saying that they spent time and money shopping and wrapping a gift so how dare they be asked to address an envelope. Well, if it is that much of an imposition to shop for a gift and wrap the gift, then don't go to the shower. Seriously. This isn't a big deal. No one is slapping you in the face.

I wish I had done this at my own shower (over 15 years ago.) Writing is physically painful for me after about 5 minutes thanks to an early-onset of autoimmune arthritis. The longer I write, the sloppier my handwriting becomes. Add to that a touch of dyslexia and writing address can be a real challenge. With guests addressing their own envelopes, you can guarantee that the envelope is addressed correctly. And for people like me, it makes the process of getting thank you cards out in a timely fashion much easier. If you like and/or love the person whose shower you are attending, why wouldn't you spend 20 seconds to address your own envelope and save them 30 minutes of work? It doesn't sound to me like the bride is being lazy or selfish. It sounds to me like those complaining are being self-centered. If writing an envelope is a deal-breaker for you, just don't go. Problem solved. I'm sure the bride will be just fine with your decision.

 

[antmaril]

Actually, for a few days, it does revolve around them. Everyone deserves a few days of their life to be celebrated. Life sucks too much in "real life" to not be allowed a few days for life to be blissfully happy and easy.

I feel like its my duty to live my life to make others easier. So much hate and selfishness in this world, if I can make someone's life easier, damn straight I am going to do it. 20 seconds for me = half hour for them. A half hour they could be with their new husband, baby, or hell, taking a nap.

Very nice post. I agree with you 100%. I have no problem addressing an envelope at a shower. My best friend's daughter did this at her baby shower last October. I received the thank you note a few days after the shower and it was beautifully written and thoughtful. Did it mean less to me because I had addressed the envelope? Absolutely not! What she wrote in the card made ME feel special. Honestly, life is too short to fret about such things.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Good manners that don't at all involve a desire to help others or give them a break by completing a simple task doesn't inconvenience you at all? Again, the level of "thank you" expected-not a note that is written to express gratitude for your gift-that's not enough, but the requirement of a bride-written address that makes the level of "thank you" ok.

"Thank you for the lovely gift" indicates the bride doesn't really give a rat's backside who gave her what.

I don't think you're talking about having good manners. You're more talking about doing a good deed by filling out the address on the envelope and giving the bride a break.

I'm not a Boy Scout, or some acquaintance of the Wizard of Oz. Guests are guests and shouldn't be tasked with any of the bride's/bridal party's duties.

 

[kaytieeldr]

The bride probably didn't plan her shower and probably wasn't the one asking, it was most likely her bridesmaids.
And I didn't say anything about NOT getting a thank you, this is about you getting one but it doesn't quite make YOUR standards of what a thank you to you should be. Yes, that definitely makes YOU the one with the issue.

Yeah that is exactly what I said.

You get a thank you note, but yet there is an issue with it, whether its because its not dripping with appreciation, or because it doesn't include a picture, or god forbid the bride didn't address the envelope herself. That to me means you are the one with the issue, not the bride. Some people are never happy, and some people just like to complain.

Not at all. The thank you note should indicate the bride knows what she's thanking each guest for, though.

 

[alicat8]

"Thank you for the lovely gift" indicates the bride doesn't really give a rat's backside who gave her what.

Cool. But writing the address does? I'm not really sure what your comment has to do with my opinions here...