Bridal Shower: Writing Your Own Address on the Envelope of a TY Card

[kaytieeldr]

Does not bother me ONE BIT. This is an easy way to be sure that the bride has the proper address for everyone.

But so does the guest list - if not from the shower itself, then the wedding guest list.

Why make it harder? I have no problem with this trend.

It takes you 1 minute to write your address & saves the couple a ton of time.

So with 50 guests, this would take a half hour, total, when the couple works together. Respectfully, that's not even a ton of time in a single day.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Just because someone expects a little common courtesy doesn't mean they are making it all about them. Just because someone is having a baby, getting married, etc. doesn't mean the world revolves around that one person. I don't exist in this world to make anyone's life easier and I don't expect anyone to make my life easier either.

Thinking about it more now- I did make the bride's life easier by getting a gift off her registry that she wanted and not some random item hanging around my house that I'm looking to regift (now that is tacky) or something that was on sale. By doing that, she doesn't have to waste time returning items.

What's tacky about regifting? I have a slow cooker and a toaster oven still in the boxes...

 

[kaytieeldr]

Cool. But writing the address does? I'm not really sure what your comment has to do with my opinions here...

OMG, I misread your response! Mine has nothing to to with your way of thinking.

 

[sharonmickey]

The last bridal shower I went to all the attendees were asked to write there name/address on an envelope. More than a month later I did receive a very generic thank you. At least I got a thank you.

 

[aprilgail]

Lazy, rude and tacky. Seriously the guests take time out of their lives to purchase a gift and attend a shower and the lazy bride can't even be bothered to look up an address? That really is sick.

 

[barkley]

I have never been to a shower where guests write their address on an envelope, but I think it's a great idea. I don't understand why so many people seem to be offended by this practice. I think what stands out to me the most as I read through the replies is the group of people who are saying that they spent time and money shopping and wrapping a gift so how dare they be asked to address an envelope. Well, if it is that much of an imposition to shop for a gift and wrap the gift, then don't go to the shower. Seriously. This isn't a big deal. No one is slapping you in the face.

I wish I had done this at my own shower (over 15 years ago.) Writing is physically painful for me after about 5 minutes thanks to an early-onset of autoimmune arthritis. The longer I write, the sloppier my handwriting becomes. Add to that a touch of dyslexia and writing address can be a real challenge. With guests addressing their own envelopes, you can guarantee that the envelope is addressed correctly. And for people like me, it makes the process of getting thank you cards out in a timely fashion much easier. If you like and/or love the person whose shower you are attending, why wouldn't you spend 20 seconds to address your own envelope and save them 30 minutes of work? It doesn't sound to me like the bride is being lazy or selfish. It sounds to me like those complaining are being self-centered. If writing an envelope is a deal-breaker for you, just don't go. Problem solved. I'm sure the bride will be just fine with your decision.

in your situation, I as a guest at an event for you (and therefore likely a friend or family member aware of your physical issues) would have no issue writing out my address on an envelope to minimize your pain. my son has similar issues with his small motor skills that extend to so much as effectively using a keyboard to type out written notes. in ds's case I write out the addresses or we generate labels from a guest list, it takes seconds to adhere them/he uses more of a fill in the blanks type of preprinted thank you note. in the case of something like a graduation party, those invited know about his challenges/physical pain with writing and have expressed genuine appreciation that he still puts in the time and tremendous effort to send them a thank you note.

in your case/my ds's case w/ thank you notes-I feel that's different vs. what's been largely discussed on this thread. I don't think anyone is/would bash someone for soliciting guests at an event to pre-address their own envelope if absent doing it will cause a physical hardship/pain on the guest of honor's part but if it's simply because the guest of honor doesn't want to have to take the same 20 seconds to address each envelope that they are asking of their guests it's not because of a barrier for them it's because of their personal choice.

 

[Dizlvr]

Not at all. The thank you note should indicate the bride knows what she's thanking each guest for, though.

What does that have to do with anything I've said about addressing your own envelope?

 

[littleblackegg]

It means if I'm giving the bride a gift, I sure as hell ain't gonna do her work for her, or otherwise kiss her butt. If that means I have issues, I'm quite content to have them.

You do not have issues. Thank you notes are personalized correspondence from the couple to the gift giver. Time and care go into them.

 

[Dizlvr]

Cool. But writing the address does? I'm not really sure what your comment has to do with my opinions here...

Yeah, that poster also quoted me and her response has nothing to do with the point of my posts.

 

[Dizlvr]

You do not have issues. Thank you notes are personalized correspondence from the couple to the gift giver. Time and care go into them.

But we are talking about writing an address on an envelope, not the actual note included in the envelope. And yes if you get a personalized thank you from the gift receiver and you have a problem with that because you addressed the envelope you do have issues.

 

[barkley]

"Thank you for the lovely gift" indicates the bride doesn't really give a rat's backside who gave her what.

I'm not a Boy Scout, or some acquaintance of the Wizard of Oz. Guests are guests and shouldn't be tasked with any of the bride's/bridal party's duties.

I have to confess-I sent a few wedding gift thank you notes out like this but it was because despite writing on the back of every card what gift was received and even creating a list that matched names and gifts there were about 3 guests at our wedding that we could no way figure out what they gifted us. neither dh nor I knew them or anyone associated w/them (some far flung old friends of his parents from prior church) so it wasn't like we could put out feelers and get a definitive answer. I ended up just doing a generic kind of 'thank your for your generosity in sharing our special day together'.


funny thing though-about 3 years after dh and i married, his mom calls us on the phone and tells us that she pulled out the dressy suit she wore to the wedding to get it dry cleaned for another formal event..............there was a sealed card in the pocket that one of these church friends had handed to her and asked that she put in the wedding card box but she had forgotten to I guess that prior to calling us about it she called her friends and started apologizing like crazy (figured they had never gotten a thank you note, must think dh and I were awful, ungrateful brats) and her friend was genuinely very surprised we'd not timely gotten the gift because "I remember getting their nice thank you note"

so sometimes a very generic thank you note is a 'c.y.a.' from the recipients who want to express their thanks but are not entirely sure what they are thanking you for

 

[Mizzoufan]

I know I'm in the minority but I hope if I give you a gift you tell me thank you personally and don't send me a worthless thank you card that I just throw away and you spend money a stamp.

 

[Miskey]

Life is much too short to be offended over such nonsense. Life is so much harder when your panties are always in a knot. Trust someone that is starting to get a little older, try to enjoy life more and not let such trivial and meaningless things impact your life.

 

[Monykalyn]

that the gift recipient just sees the thank you note as an obligation or something to check off on their to-do list vs. an actual expression of thanks/appreciation. I'm not a stickler when it comes to thank you notes-if the person thanks me personally (or by phone) I don't think it's necessary but I do feel it's a nice gesture on a recipients part if I don't have regular communication with them and I've sent something by mail (like graduation gifts).

Seems this is what is rubbing most the wrong way. I was a bit taken aback the first time I was asked to address my own envelope while not a huge deal I did wonder why I was doing the writing instead of her bridal party - isn't that what they are there for? I see that they had lots of time for dinners out and parties but not helping with writing addresses?
And the next step will be asking you to address two envelopes-you know since they don't have time or energy to write out the wedding invites either

I attended a bridal shower this past Saturday-no asking to address my own envelope-and this morning I received an email thanking me for the gift and attending her shower and commenting on how glad we have kept up our friendship-it was very sweet and I loved getting an email instead of another paper/card that I will end up pitching out anyway.

 

[oneandonlytara]

I've been to both bridal and baby showers where this has been done. I don't have an issue with it at all. I've always gotten hand written thank yous back as well. I look at it as maybe they want to ensure they have the right address or something. I don't think it's tacky in the slightest. Besides, in the midst of planning a wedding or taking care of a newborn, the last thing I'd want to do is go through and find everyone who attended my shower's address.

Just my .02 though.

 

[cluvsdisney]

I've been to both bridal and baby showers where this has been done. I don't have an issue with it at all. I've always gotten hand written thank yous back as well. I look at it as maybe they want to ensure they have the right address or something. I don't think it's tacky in the slightest. Besides, in the midst of planning a wedding or taking care of a newborn, the last thing I'd want to do is go through and find everyone who attended my shower's address.

Just my .02 though.

The hosts of the bridal shower should have the addresses since they presumably sent an invitation for the shower. The bride and/or groom should have it since anyone invited to the shower should be invited to the wedding.

 

[BigAlsGal]

I don't need a thank you. If I went through the effort of getting you a gift and coming to your shower it's because I love and care about you and I know you love and care about me. A thank you card, while considered "proper etiquette" is unnecessary, as our relationship transcends such trivial garbage.

I typically don't attend the weddings of people I don't know well. Thanks but no thanks for the invite.

 

[Nettester]

I remember a shower once that the hostess passed the envelopes while we were all sitting in a circle. I had NEVER heard of such a ritual. Ugh, I was so embarrassed by how tacky this was, I just wanted to sink into the floor! Meanwhile, the bride-to-be was snickering with some people about how she'd seen this done before and it was SUCH a good idea. Um, yeah, it felt like she probably suggested it to her hostess. It just seemed like the thank you note obligation was a big burden joke. It was awkward. Clearly other guests were taken aback too. But no one dared make a scene. So everyone dutifully wrote their address on the envelopes (myself included). All the while, I was thinking, honestly, I don't care if you send me a thank you note or not. I'd rather have either a nice note 100 percent sent out by you, or nothing at all. This address your own note just felt like a stupid waste of paper. Wow what a thrill to get something in the mail I addressed to myself. If I ever encounter this again, I think I'll just politely pass. To be fair, I was probably crabby because the hostess also totally ran out of food, so I barely had lunch. And I'm just not a fan of stupid shower games. So . . . maybe I'm biased.

 

[Ress76]

I've seen this for a bridal shower and a baby shower. My very close gf was the bridal shower and it really annoyed me. If you're hitting someone up to give you stuff, you can at least bother to address the thank you.