Bridal registry

[SandraVB79]

sometimes i buy from the registry, sometimes not-most times if i'm buying something with colors (linens and such) i use the registry for a guide to the preferences of the b/g.

i have to say-in some cases not sticking to the registry can be a blessing to the bride and groom. as an example we had a wedding invite this past summer, when i went to the websites for the stores i initialy thought the first one had been miscoded because the couple had no kitchen items at all-and the only plates, cups and such were all coded as only wanting 2 each (as in 2 dinner plates, 2 cereal bowl, 2 spoons, 2 forks, 2 knives...)-but this was the case with the entire registry.. now we knew both the b/g and thier immediate family realy well-and both were 'kids' ( from our perspective) who had never lived away from home, had no household items at all, were not being handed down any. these were also kids who loved to entertain with all their couple friends over for dinners and brunches...and had preexisting plans for family and friends to come stay with them for visits in what would be their future home. all i could wonder was if people would have to take turns or eat in shifts after those 2 items in each category was used and re-washed (and then what would they prepare food in-they had no pots, pans, bowls-no utensils they commonly used 'at home' to prepare food with).

found out after the fact that the 'happy couple' had 'spaced' on the fact that mom would'nt live with them and clean utensils/plates and such would always be washed and at the ready that mom/dad 'would'nt need' all their kitchen 'stuff' and would just pass it off to them (so who needs to register for it) and that 'that stuffs cheap, we'll just pick it up at the store when we need it' (these are kids who are going to be on a majorly crimped one income budget while the dh finishes school-and the dw has to start re-paying student loans).

apparantly the registry choices did'nt come to light until the gifts started arriving-and the parents began to see that it was largly little chachkies, decorater items (accent pillows, vases and such the couple thought were 'so cute')-with no kitchen items (or linens for that matter) and only 2 settings of dishes (not china-standard daily dinner wear and stainless steel utensils). the parents were ultimatly thrilled to see more practical items arrive from folks who went 'off' the registry (and while the b/g were'nt thrilled at the time-when they moved into their own place and found they could'nt prepare the basic dishes they had 'at home'-and that buying all that 'stuff' was'nt as cheap as they thought/or remotely in their budget-they were appreciate of the minimal 'practical' items they received as well).

OT, but it kinda scares me to read that such clueless people are off starting a "family" together!

 

[Poohnatic]

I've purchased off registry items, but usually it was because I knew the couple well and knew that they had a need. 90% of the time, however, I give the couple a check.

My current employer is a retailer that provides a gift registry, so I see people coming in and print out the registries for them all day long. It's interesting to see things like Barkley mentioned-nothing really practical on them (and we're a store full of practical things).

However, the strange thing (to me) is how many brides return items that are on their registry that weren't duplicates. It's as if they didn't really want to put on the registry what they wanted.

For a long time, the etiquette mavens condemned the gift registry. They've relented somewhat, but they all say the same thing: it's just a guideline. Anyone who feels that no one can purchase items off registry risks coming off as a Bridezilla.

Suzanne

 

[LoveWDW]

My son and DIL had a registry for their child, my first grandchild. But I assumed the registry was just something for gifts if you couldn't make up your mind. I had a great time buying things for my grandchild-to-be not paying attention to a registry. It was much nicer than trying to locate things on a list.

However, my eyes were opened when they confided in me that they were disappointed that more people didn't use the registry. That it was things that they really wanted. I didn't realize that it was all that important to them. I'd think that they would not depend on others to provide their baby items, but still, since those are what they wanted, it did seem sad.

Could someone please tell me etiquette about registries? I am giving a baby shower for my other DIL and assume I do not include information about a registry unless a guest asks?

 

[SandraVB79]

To respond on the OP: yes, somehow it's rude from the bride to comment on the gifts you get.
But from another point of view, yes, I would also be disappointed if I had a registry and people would come with completely different items. I think that's also rude from the guests. Yeah, I know, it's not obligatory to buy from the registry, yada yada yada, but for chrissake, those are items the couple would really like!
Buy from the registry or give them money/ GC from the store where they registered. Why would you want to give them something you're not even sure of they'll like???????

The only reason I could imagine is that the couple only registered for very expensive items, that don't fit within your budget. Well, in that case, give them a GC for the store, they'll be able to pay the difference and still get something they'll like.


So, personally, I think it's rude from both parts.
But that's just me.

 

[Beth76]

I can see the bride's point. Come on, everyone knows that brides and grooms get gifts. I might complain a little too to my close friend if I was getting stuff that I didn't want or like. As long as she's not being bridezilla about it or complaining to people directly, I would cut her some slack.

 

[rt2dz]

I don't think anyone should complain about ANY gift they receive, but I can understand annoyance (and maybe she is just venting to a good friend).

We recieved many things not on our registry. Some were very great items, and quite thoughtful--everyone should have them. I know because we already had them, which was why they were not on the registry. And it WAS a lot of work to return them. And some of them couldn't be returned. I still have things, 8 years later, that are in boxes just taking up room in my house with very little storage.

We also received many items in duplicate off our registry which was a pain. People purchased the same item elsewhere so it looked like it wasn't purchased; one example is we wound up with four sterling silver cake stands. Really, one was enough.

I do have to say, if a large number of people are buying off her registry, then maybe she doesn't have a wide enough range of things to purchase from. Perhaps she should think of going back and adding to her registry. Or maybe she has really bad taste; I buy off the registry, but only something I personally like.

 

[KelNottAt]

DH and I had just bought our first home and moved in together when we got engaged. We were young, starting out, and - honestly - barely making ends meet.

So, yes, I/we looked forward to our bridal registry as a way to help us set up our home. Alas, most of my shower guests figured that since we already bought our home - and were living together - we must not need household items.

I got no less than 24 sexy nighties at my "main" shower. I really really needed some basic supplies, not lingerie. So, yes, I was a bit bummed out. I would have taken any sort of household item - whether it was on the registry or not. But I got teddies instead.

I never EVER expressed my disappointment to anyone other than DH. I wrote nice thank yous and tried to do all the right things as a gift recipient. But, based on my own experience I established a new personal rule: Always stick to the registry.

 

[LoraJ]

I went to a shower last year where I got the couple the spice rack they wanted from the registry. They ended up getting 3 other spice racks, none which they wanted and they had to return the other ones. That is a pain in the neck for them when they are in the midst of planning their wedding.

If you can't afford what they put on their registry, then maybe you should just get them a gift card or something. Because there is a chance someone will get them the item they requested.

 

[mjkacmom]

I have seen some registries that were doozies, $80 pillowcases, $500 pots and pans. I expect couples would be grateful for any toaster oven and not upset it wasn't the $150 model they had their eye on. Many people just can't afford to buy the high end stuff many couples are expecting. I think a pretty picture frame or candles not on the registry would be appreciated as well, but it seems not to be the case.

I received SO MANY picture frames, vases, and candleholders! I would never purchase these items for a bridal shower (we live in the land of cash wedding gifts).

 

[okeydokey]

I don't think anyone should complain about ANY gift they receive, but I can understand annoyance (and maybe she is just venting to a good friend).

We recieved many things not on our registry. Some were very great items, and quite thoughtful--everyone should have them. I know because we already had them, which was why they were not on the registry. And it WAS a lot of work to return them. And some of them couldn't be returned. I still have things, 8 years later, that are in boxes just taking up room in my house with very little storage.

We also received many items in duplicate off our registry which was a pain. People purchased the same item elsewhere so it looked like it wasn't purchased; one example is we wound up with four sterling silver cake stands. Really, one was enough.

I do have to say, if a large number of people are buying off her registry, then maybe she doesn't have a wide enough range of things to purchase from. Perhaps she should think of going back and adding to her registry. Or maybe she has really bad taste; I buy off the registry, but only something I personally like.

There were actually tons of items on the registry, most of which were indeed purchased. In the case of this wedding, her parents are going way in debt to give her a very extravagant wedding. I guess she expects this from them, but I would feel guilty about being so picky about things. I never had a registry at all but did tell my Mom that if anyone needed ideas I could use a coffeemaker, blender etc, then the people purchased the one they could afford and wanted to give.

 

[mjkacmom]

My son and DIL had a registry for their child, my first grandchild. But I assumed the registry was just something for gifts if you couldn't make up your mind. I had a great time buying things for my grandchild-to-be not paying attention to a registry. It was much nicer than trying to locate things on a list.

However, my eyes were opened when they confided in me that they were disappointed that more people didn't use the registry. That it was things that they really wanted. I didn't realize that it was all that important to them. I'd think that they would not depend on others to provide their baby items, but still, since those are what they wanted, it did seem sad.

Could someone please tell me etiquette about registries? I am giving a baby shower for my other DIL and assume I do not include information about a registry unless a guest asks?

I think you should use the registry for baby items. I know I researched every highchair, car seat, swing - I wanted specific ones (which I bought - they didn't have electronic registering when #1 was born). Baby equipment is expensive, a lot to buy at once. I'd much rather receive the exersaucer I picked out, than dozens of receiving blankets, rattle, towels, bottles...

I've never received a baby shower invitation without a note telling where the parents to be were registered.

 

[DMickey28]

My son and DIL had a registry for their child, my first grandchild. But I assumed the registry was just something for gifts if you couldn't make up your mind. I had a great time buying things for my grandchild-to-be not paying attention to a registry. It was much nicer than trying to locate things on a list.

However, my eyes were opened when they confided in me that they were disappointed that more people didn't use the registry. That it was things that they really wanted. I didn't realize that it was all that important to them. I'd think that they would not depend on others to provide their baby items, but still, since those are what they wanted, it did seem sad.

Could someone please tell me etiquette about registries? I am giving a baby shower for my other DIL and assume I do not include information about a registry unless a guest asks?

As for the baby registery, most of the stuff on there is stuff that we will need for the baby, general stuff like bath stuff, toys blankets etc. However there are a few items that if we got similar but different products I would probaby return it and pick up specifically what was on the registry. This goes for the car seat, pack and play and matress that I threw on there. I would do that b/c I choose those items specifically for safety reasons! Howver, I would not be dissapointed and I am fully planning on purchasing those items myself but figured I might as well put them on there b/c who knows!!!

I hate registries and showers. It makes me feel bad. However, especially for the baby I know people what to get stuff for the baby and everything so we are doing it!

 

[okeydokey]

On a side note, what's the rule about using the stuff you get at a shower before you are married. Do you put it away or use it right away?

 

[dreamcometrue]

it is kind of frustrating though when people buy things that are not on your registry! I have had that happen on both my wedding and baby shower! People would buy us things we just did not need. We had a color theme going on and wanted to add to that theme! When I get invited to a wedding or baby shower, and they have a registry, I always buy from it! Sometimes I add something extra that is NOT on the registry, but the main gift always comes from it!

 

[okeydokey]

it is kind of frustrating though when people buy things that are not on your registry! I have had that happen on both my wedding and baby shower! People would buy us things we just did not need. We had a color theme going on and wanted to add to that theme! When I get invited to a wedding or baby shower, and they have a registry, I always buy from it! Sometimes I add something extra that is NOT on the registry, but the main gift always comes from it!

I buy from the registry too, but would not expect to hear snide remarks from the bride about those who don't.

 

[UrsulasShadow]

We also received many items in duplicate off our registry which was a pain. People purchased the same item elsewhere so it looked like it wasn't purchased; one example is we wound up with four sterling silver cake stands. Really, one was enough.

I'm guilty of this one. I get the list from the store they register at, then I look for the items at the best possible price. Yeah, for sure it messes with the "registry", but is there a way to have it taken off the registry? I doubt the store is going to be happy to do it, and who wants the B/G to know you shopped around for a better deal? So, them's the risks of registering at an upscale store, I guess.

 

[UrsulasShadow]

I think you should use the registry for baby items. I know I researched every highchair, car seat, swing - I wanted specific ones (which I bought - they didn't have electronic registering when #1 was born). Baby equipment is expensive, a lot to buy at once. I'd much rather receive the exersaucer I picked out, than dozens of receiving blankets, rattle, towels, bottles...

I've never received a baby shower invitation without a note telling where the parents to be were registered.

Wow, you must run with a high-end crowd!

You might rather get the exersaucer, but I might rather give a pile of onesies and jammies. So, should I skip your shower altogether (speaking from the hypothesis that you might have relatives like me)?

 

[rt2dz]

I'm guilty of this one. I get the list from the store they register at, then I look for the items at the best possible price. Yeah, for sure it messes with the "registry", but is there a way to have it taken off the registry? I doubt the store is going to be happy to do it, and who wants the B/G to know you shopped around for a better deal? So, them's the risks of registering at an upscale store, I guess.

Oh, I do it too. I have no problem with people doing it, but it is a pain for the couple. The department store we registered at required you to make an appointment for returns/exchanges and within a certain time period (6 months). Our schedules at the time made that very difficult. So, I do empathize with the PIA of it. And, yes, you can remove it from the registry, but that also required an appointment--and you don't even know to remove the gift until you receive it (which depending on when the person actually ships it) could be awhile.

**************************

Also, I would never "down grade" an item on the registry. If you have someone who likes to cook, their is a huge difference in pots & pans, blenders, toasters, etc. If that item is out of your range, choose something else in your range. Being a coffee snob, I'm picky about coffee makers.

But do feel free to upgrade. DH co-workers went in and got us a grill, nicer than the one we registered for. We needed one, picked one out that we thought 2-3 people might go in on, but they were 7 and went and got us very top of the line. We also registered for a basic toaster, but had someone who (thankfully) had the foresight to buy us one that is way nicer. The other probably would have been replaced by now, but the one we got is still in great condition & has "grown" with us.

 

[mjkacmom]

Wow, you must run with a high-end crowd!

You might rather get the exersaucer, but I might rather give a pile of onesies and jammies. So, should I skip your shower altogether (speaking from the hypothesis that you might have relatives like me)?

Shower gifts generally range between $25 - $50, depending upon how close you are. I would MUCH rather receive an exersaucer that a few people chipped in to buy, than more onsies. My oldest dd is 10, and I think I STILL have quite a supply of baby wash and powder! If you don't have much to spend, diapers are really appreciated. Please no stuffed animals - 5 kids later, and I probably have 500 in my home now.

 

[mjkacmom]

Oh, I do it too. I have no problem with people doing it, but it is a pain for the couple. The department store we registered at required you to make an appointment for returns/exchanges and within a certain time period (6 months). Our schedules at the time made that very difficult. So, I do empathize with the PIA of it. And, yes, you can remove it from the registry, but that also required an appointment--and you don't even know to remove the gift until you receive it (which depending on when the person actually ships it) could be awhile.

**************************

Also, I would never "down grade" an item on the registry. If you have someone who likes to cook, their is a huge difference in pots & pans, blenders, toasters, etc. If that item is out of your range, choose something else in your range. Being a coffee snob, I'm picky about coffee makers.

But do feel free to upgrade. DH co-workers went in and got us a grill, nicer than the one we registered for. We needed one, picked one out that we thought 2-3 people might go in on, but they were 7 and went and got us very top of the line. We also registered for a basic toaster, but had someone who (thankfully) had the foresight to buy us one that is way nicer. The other probably would have been replaced by now, but the one we got is still in great condition & has "grown" with us.

That happened to me. I really wanted a good set of knives, so I registered for them. They are something I would like to have, but I wouldn't go out and spend the $, because I can suffer through cheap knives. So yes, someone bought me a $30 set of cheap knives, which, 12 years later, I'm still using, because now that I have a house and children, I really can't justify spending $ on knives. But I still want them!