Boys and Public Restrooms

[deedeetoo]

I agree that it depends on the place. My ds is 7 and now protests going in the ladies room. I usually let him go into the mens room now unless it is a really crowded place and then its more because I'm worried he will get lost then anything. I do stand outside the door and have to admit I get nervous if he takes longer than I expect.

 

[Momvic5]

Ok.. I feel better. It disturbed me to think that someone thought it was inappropriate for me to take my DS6 into the ladies restroom. It has never occurred to me to not take him into the ladies restroom. It is just what we have always done. Of course, my husband will take him into the men's restroom when he is with us but when he's not, into the ladies restroom we go.

Family restrooms are a definitely!

 

[Stinkerbell317]

Don't feel like you have to defend your good parenting. That woman was in the wrong, not you. I am STILL not comfortable with my DS8 going into a public men's room, alone!

 

[lillygator]

I don't think there is a perfect age....some children will mature faster than others. I have no problems with it - you have to keep your child safe.

 

[BeckyScott]

Yep, the OP was much more polite than I would have been.

Let's see. My 10 y/o goes in the men's room by himself, but when he started depends on where we were. Someplace small and familiar, he was probably 6. Someplace larger and not familiar, I still hover the door. We try to use the family restrooms when possible, and DH goes with him if he's there.

My 8 y/o is autistic so imho the rules do not apply. He does not go by himself, because he still has trouble handling buttons and zippers, and is fascinated by automatic-eye sinks. I have let him go in with older DS a few times, if it was a restroom that was basically unoccupied and I could stand at the door yelling thru the crack. But seriously, I do this whole routine when I take him in the bathroom, I talk to him, and if anyone has ears they'd figure out he was in with me because he needs assistance.

I do remember once a few years ago, I let older DS go in the Wal-Mart back bathroom by himself, because it was empty. I was hovering the door and a guy went in there. A few minutes later the guy gets done (I guess) comes out, and I asked him if my son was still in there. (a silly question, in retrospect, as there is only one door) He looked back in and said yep, he's playing in the sink, and held the door open for me so I could tell DS to quit playing and get out.

 

[cinjam]

I do remember once a few years ago, I let older DS go in the Wal-Mart back bathroom by himself, because it was empty. I was hovering the door and a guy went in there. A few minutes later the guy gets done (I guess) comes out, and I asked him if my son was still in there. (a silly question, in retrospect, as there is only one door) He looked back in and said yep, he's playing in the sink, and held the door open for me so I could tell DS to quit playing and get out.

That was funny! Probably because if there is water to be played with anywhere near my boys (and I am not there to redirect) they will find it!

 

[moxiecola]

My 2 oldest boys are 11 and 8. They are allowed to go to the mens room together. If there is ever a time when they are not together I take them with me to the ladies room. I don't give a you know what people think. We had an incident less than 5 minutes from my house were a perv groped an 11 year old boy in a McDonald's bathroom. Another time at a Resort an hour from here a kid was raped in the men's room. So unfortunately for women who do not want to see older kids (or any kids) in the ladies room, they will be, and I will make no appologies for it! Is that lady going to protect your kid from the perv who's waiting in there? Or comfort your child because they are freaked out to ever use a public rest room again?? I don't think so. She should mind her own business and STEP OFF!!

 

[robinb]

This is always a hot topic and it usually goes down hill pretty quickly. I will give you my opinion and I hope that I don't contribute to the down-hill decline, LOL. I will also make it clear that I have a daughter and not a son and that I do not have a "better safe than sorry" protective parenting style.

I think that the OP did the right thing and handled the situation well. That being said, I think that at 6 -7 years old boys should start to use the men's room alone. As people say, on a case by case basis. I don't expect people to send their sons into truck stop bathrooms alone ... but I think that 6-7 is the age where they can start getting their "feet wet" by allowing them more freedoms in a safer environment.

As boys get older, I would expect that they use the men's room alone more often. I support mom's hovering at the door 100%! It means that you care for your kids and are concerned with their safety. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

What is the age limit? I know that I would start to take a second look at kids older than 3rd grade (8 or 9) in the ladies room. I know that my 3rd grade DD would be embarrassed to see her male classmates in the girls' bathroom. I also think that boys over 10 (4th - 5th grade) should be using the men's room alone on a regular basis. I have no problem with boys that age using the ladies room if the mom gets a "bad vibe" from a particular men's room. We all have to listen to our "mom radar". However, I think that older boys using the bathroom with their mom should be the exception and not the default.

 

[KelleyD]

I personally think 6 is about the limit and I do believe we need our children to learn basic acceptable public behaviors starting at school age.

Yeah well it won't be my DS BEHAVIORS that I would be worried about. Playing in a sink or flushing the toilet more then once are nothing compared to predators just waiting for a kid to walk in alone.
How many stories do you need to read, walmart bathrooms,,,heck I even feel bad for grown men going into rest areas on the parkways/highways. They just did another bust of a rest area in NJ...

My ds is only 13 months but there is no way I would let anyone else dictate when it is "safe/appropriate" for him to use a mens room.

 

[meandtheguys2]

This is always a hot topic and it usually goes down hill pretty quickly. I will give you my opinion and I hope that I don't contribute to the down-hill decline, LOL. I will also make it clear that I have a daughter and not a son and that I do not have a "better safe than sorry" protective parenting style.

I think that the OP did the right thing and handled the situation well. That being said, I think that at 6 -7 years old boys should start to use the men's room alone. As people say, on a case by case basis. I don't expect people to send their sons into truck stop bathrooms alone ... but I think that 6-7 is the age where they can start getting their "feet wet" by allowing them more freedoms in a safer environment.

As boys get older, I would expect that they use the men's room alone more often. I support mom's hovering at the door 100%! It means that you care for your kids and are concerned with their safety. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

What is the age limit? I know that I would start to take a second look at kids older than 3rd grade (8 or 9) in the ladies room. I know that my 3rd grade DD would be embarrassed to see her male classmates in the girls' bathroom. I also think that boys over 10 (4th - 5th grade) should be using the men's room alone on a regular basis. I have no problem with boys that age using the ladies room if the mom gets a "bad vibe" from a particular men's room. We all have to listen to our "mom radar". However, I think that older boys using the bathroom with their mom should be the exception and not the default.

Two thumbs up from a mom of three boys.

Will say no more...I do tend towards avalanches on this topic...

 

[chessie2008]

I have a 5 yr old ds and I would not send him a public bathroom by himself. It is really irritating that people feel free to tell you how you should raise your children or when you should do or not do something. I just have to think of it this way - you won't make everyone happy (and shouldn't worry about trying to do so) - if you sent him at 4 you would have someone comment that they can't believe you would do that when he is so young! I would rather err on the side of being too cautious and be safe than be sorry later.

 

[snow88]

I had a similar experience in Miami airport. Like I would let my 3 yr old son go into a men's bathroom there alone. He's tall for his age. He looks 15 yrs old but he's 13 yrs old now. At the time, he looked about 6 yrs old, I guess. Anyway, this lady says in Spanish, "she's bringing that big boy in the bathroom." My Spanish is a little rusty but I understood that. I could understand if he was 10 or so but he was only 3 yrs old. I didn't answer her because I was too shocked and worried about catching my flight.

 

[ILoveDisney&Cruising]

I am so with you! And you handled the situation beautifully with the woman at Kohl's!

I will purposefully drive out of my way to shop at a few Targets that have single-user restrooms, in fact I did so today (one has it near the pharmacy & another store, near the entrance). And Starbucks has gotten more than its fair share of business from us as we are traveling (same with Chipotle) as I very much appreciate their one-stall restrooms for the same reasons mentioned here. I love those places anyway, but their bathroom situations are an added benefit! I SO wish retailers would build more facilities to accomodate parents of opposite sexed children!!

 

[graygables]

I have 4 girls. I also grew up in Europe, so seeing boys in the ladies room doesn't faze me one bit. Heck, I'm just happy to NOT see them going in the bushes!

I have a friend who taught her son to whistle and he would go into the men's room and have to whistle the whole time he was there. She kept her foot in the door and ignored any odd looks. Another friend liked this tip, but her son couldn't whistle, so he either hummed or she gave him a coach's whistle that he softly blew. That way, he could also blow loudly if he needed to alarm.

 

[swea_pea1]

My DS is 6 and would rather stand there and wet himself before going into the ladies' room so off to the mens' he goes. When it's just he and I, I stand outside the door and he has to hum the whole time he's in there...if the humming stops, I walk in. He knows the rules and he does not want his mom in there with him so he complies. So far he's never stopped humming, which I'm thinking he would if somebody strange approached him.

I wouldn't look funny, let alone comment, on somebody bringing their son in the ladies' room though. I agree with the "depends on the child" sentiment. I wish DS would go in with me, he just won't so I had to come up with an alternative.

ETA: greygables, I must have been posting at the same time as you!

 

[WantToGoNow]

My son is 6 and he does go alone into the men's room at restaurants and smaller stores while I wait outside the door. At the mall, amusement parks, etc. if dh isn't there to take him to the men's room, he goes with me.

 

[Dallas_Lady]

Seriously, if you think about it...allowing a child...even a child who is 7 or 8, into a men's bathroom alone is a pretty big decision...he is being exposed to men who are...well exposed and exposing himself. Not that there is anything sinister going on, but it sure does remove a barrier of protection. You need to be very aware of the maturity of your child before you let him into a men's bathroom by himself. My step son has ZERO awareness of his own body and what he is doing with it. It would not occur to him to protect his privacy,or the privacy of others.

I agree, and I am usually pretty laid back about things. But the last place I want my small child to be alone with strangers is a place where everyone is taking their clothes off. So, my boy will be going to the bathroom with me until I think he is mature enough to handle the men's room. It has never bothered me to see little boys in the women's room.

When we were at WDW, DH asked me "Why is the line for the women's room always so long?" I replied, "The men's room only has men using it. The women's room has women, little girls and little boys."

 

[DevilDuckie]

It is really irritating that people feel free to tell you how you should raise your children or when you should do or not do something.

I doubt this woman was offering parenting advice. She was stating that she was not comfortable with a male that size and age in the ladies room she was using. While I disagree with her boundary, her having one is not in and of itself wrong. If you bring a 12 year old into the ladies room I am darn well going to speak up and it isn't about your parenting, it's about my desire to not be co-ed in the ladies room. My line is probably around 10. Clearly this lady had a lower threshold. I'm not saying the OP should accomodate it, but it wasn't about anyone telling her how to raise her child.

 

[daisyduck123]

You did right MOM!!

IMO, 6 years old is too young to be going into the Men's bathroom on their own. My DS10 did not start going alone until he was 9yo.

 

[GothTink]

Why on earth would that woman think it was any of her business? My son was 8 when he started going in the men's room on his own.