Black-tie requested…wedding apparel issues. 2nd update -post 137

[sk!mom]

Websites via The Knot are pretty standard these days and usually are where you go to RSVP. I love the convenience and enjoy looking at the details. However when your dress code requires a FAQ and examples, you are being far too picky for me.

 

[clh2]

This is mostly what DH and I will be wearing,,,literally, it is my MOB dress from our daughter’s wedding. DH will be wearing same suit, perhaps a different tie. No silver shoes-I got rid of those right after the wedding, my feet said never again! I’ll be wearing black shoes with a moderate heel. DD will be wearing a bridesmaid dress, with a cleavage down to her waist, and a slit up to her upper thigh. She is thrilled.

The dress is sleeveless, I definitely like it better with the jacket, and, I am not buying something new for this wedding. I will not be renting the runway, etc.

the interesting thing, DD’s wedding was in January, and it was -4 degrees. the dress is pretty lightweight.

my concern, all the way back to first post…I just do not want to be in it all day.

 

[DLgal]

These are seriously gorgeous! Love the black and white one…but the bride would freak out if someone was wearing white.

Come on. Are you serious? Black and white (mostly black) is NOT the same as wearing an all white dress. What is wrong with this bride? Are you just messing with us now?

 

[MamaMermaid]

Come on. Are you serious? Black and white (mostly black) is NOT the same as wearing an all white dress. What is wrong with this bride? Are you just messing with us now?

Some brides really check that bridezilla box...

 

[clh2]

Come on. Are you serious? Black and white (mostly black) is NOT the same as wearing an all white dress. What is wrong with this bride? Are you just messing with us now?

Not kidding/messing with you.
I have a cute fun white top that I wanted to wear to the shower. I asked my DD if that would be ok, and DD said absolutely not. i had a similar, but not quite as fun brigh pink top, and wore that instead.

 

[HopperFan]

HopperFan…these are all gorgeous! I especially love the black and white one. The bride would freak out at the white pants, that is for sure!!

That one caught my eye too!! There are so many different ones we could do pages - I had no idea until I went to the last wedding.

This was the MOB - she looked so chic, so beautiful, so dressy yet way more comfy than me. I'm pretty much running out of must-go to weddings but I am keeping this idea in mind in case.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Not kidding/messing with you.
I have a cute fun white top that I wanted to wear to the shower. I asked my DD if that would be ok, and DD said absolutely not. i had a similar, but not quite as fun brigh pink top, and wore that instead.

Was that more your daughter trying to error on the side of caution?

I wouldn't say avoid all things white but if I had another shirt/attire I could wear I probably would. I think most people try to stay away from white or the wedding colors if they know what they will be although that doesn't mean there's anything necessarily wrong with white I think most people just try and think ahead. While I don't see anything truly wrong with the black and white pantsuit I could see how if it was too much white that might be a bit off putting to see. Although the farther away you are from the wedding couple the less of an issue that is.

I don't have a dog in the fight, my dress was champagne not white.

Why were you invited to the shower? I thought you were invited to the wedding to keep the son-in-law company? Do you have a closer relationship to the bride than we know about? All of that talk of skipping the wedding and going to the reception to me would seem rude if you were invited to the shower and attended but that's just me.

 

[sk!mom]

Not kidding/messing with you.
I have a cute fun white top that I wanted to wear to the shower. I asked my DD if that would be ok, and DD said absolutely not. i had a similar, but not quite as fun brigh pink top, and wore that instead.

Wait, now you can’t wear a white top to a shower? I have never attended a shower with a stated dress code. The accepted “code” around here would be casual dresses, slacks or even nice jeans with a dressier top and shoes depending on the venue.

 

[kymom99]

Wait, now you can’t wear a white top to a shower? I have never attended a shower with a stated dress code. The accepted “code” around here would be casual dresses, slacks or even nice jeans with a dressier top and shoes depending on the venue.

Never heard that either. Honestly, that’s a little over the top. I didn’t notice what anyone wore to my showers.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Wait, now you can’t wear a white top to a shower? I have never attended a shower with a stated dress code. The accepted “code” around here would be casual dresses, slacks or even nice jeans with a dressier top and shoes depending on the venue.

I don't think can't is the right word. I think people just try and stay away from white for wedding events as much as they can. I think y'all are making it a bigger ruckus than it actually is TBH.

 

[DLgal]

Not kidding/messing with you.
I have a cute fun white top that I wanted to wear to the shower. I asked my DD if that would be ok, and DD said absolutely not. i had a similar, but not quite as fun brigh pink top, and wore that instead.

You must really like this woman. This would have been an easy invitation to return with my regrets that I couldn't attend.

 

[HopperFan]

DD wedding, one of her very good friends came to the wedding in a dressy jumpsuit/pantsuit. IT WAS WHITE WHITE! So many people were so upset about it, couldn't believe she would do that, how upset my DD Must be.

Nope. DD said "She has very dark skin and that white looked stunning on her. It was a pantsuit, she wasn't walking down the aisle or in the wedding. I'm am happy to have her at my wedding."

NOTE: No guests were allowed to walk down the aisle, they entered from the outside so no one was really highlighted in the ceremony room.

Would I wear white, NOPE, just like I won't wear red BUT if my DD was fine with it not sure why so many tried to stir the pot. Honestly so many people complain about so many things at weddings, and to hosts, that it's weird. Gossip on your ride home.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Honestly so many people complain about so many things at weddings, and to hosts, that it's weird. Gossip on your ride home.

That's what I've gotten to on a lot of wedding threads. A lot point the drama finger at the wedding couple (usually the bride) or the in-laws (usually mother-in-law) but I tend to see a lot of drama on the other side too (and sometimes wonder if the drama is being created when none or little was there before).

 

[HopperFan]

That's what I've gotten to on a lot of wedding threads. A lot point the drama finger at the wedding couple (usually the bride) or the in-laws (usually mother-in-law) but I tend to see a lot of drama on the other side too (and sometimes wonder if the drama is being created when none or little was there before).

Agree but I do think a bride trying to dictate their guests attire beyond "Semi Formal" OR to demand something that is going to make many uncomfortable and wishing they were somewhere else is a problem. To tell someone that basically to attend if you don't own then you must purchase a gown or rent (they are expensive to rent) to come to my wedding at 1 pm is selfish. OP is driving hours (in attire), giving up their weekend, renting a hotel room, assume giving a gift ... at some point enough is enough. The girl is a bridezilla and ironically OP isn't the only guest likely talking about it, that will be some's memories of it.

Clearly to THIS bride her demands of some image for IG (no one is really in photos at the wedding other than bridal party and immediate family) are more important than her guests being there. That just says it all.

Which mother-in-law? Depends on which side of the family you are a guest of. Bottom line weddings bring out the worst in people, and I think most of that is the planners .. so Bride Groom and Parents. What was important for us was have a planning meet with DD to go over BUDGET and who is responsible for what. Her and SIL set their priorities and the planning began. Were there glitches, yes .... MIL but the situation created was fine with me because it moved all the work on us and we could insure a lovely event. Did it cost us a chunk more than we planned? Yes. Am I fine with it? Yes. DD/SIL were thrilled with end event.

 

[Imzadi]

This is mostly what DH and I will be wearing,,,literally, it is my MOB dress from our daughter’s wedding. DH will be wearing same suit, perhaps a different tie. No silver shoes-I got rid of those right after the wedding, my feet said never again! I’ll be wearing black shoes with a moderate heel. DD will be wearing a bridesmaid dress, with a cleavage down to her waist, and a slit up to her upper thigh. She is thrilled.

The dress is sleeveless, I definitely like it better with the jacket, and, I am not buying something new for this wedding. I will not be renting the runway, etc.

the interesting thing, DD’s wedding was in January, and it was -4 degrees. the dress is pretty lightweight.

my concern, all the way back to first post…I just do not want to be in it all day.

View attachment 677474

I like this dress but I wouldn't want to be stuck in it all day either, especially in 90+ degree weather.

Can you simply wear a short, dressy dress during the day and sit off to the side of the church during the ceremony so you & DH are not in the pictures? Then switch to this gown for the reception. You didn't mention your part in the wedding other than being the mother of a bridesmaid. That role usually isn't in the wedding ceremony church photos. I'd just make sure I was always off to the side of those photos. Then you'd just be part of the crowd, especially when sitting down and your legs aren't shown. Unless there are only 10 guests, this shouldn't be a problem. Don't over-think this.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Clearly to THIS bride her demands of some image for IG (no one is really in photos at the wedding other than bridal party and immediate family) are more important than her guests being there. That just says it all.

I do think a bride trying to dictate their guests attire beyond "Semi Formal" OR to demand something that is going to make many uncomfortable and wishing they were somewhere else is a problem.

TBH that's a lot of assumptions and wording that isn't known. It's actually a prime example of what I was talking about creating drama where there isn't necessarily one.

Demand? Dictate? Demand? Uncomfortable? I mean come on how would you know how would any of us know and how does the OP know unless she heard it straight from the bride's mouth and it was with a tone? As far as comfort I mean I sorta lean towards sympathizing with men here. We went to a visitation for a prior coworker Thursday it was heat index of 106 (heat advisory too) and all the men are wearing slacks and long sleeve button up shirts. While the visitation was in a church just getting out of the car, walking into it, etc was enough. Meanwhile I wore a knee length black skirt although I opted to wear 3/4 length sleeves. I can tell you I was far more comfortable than my husband.

It's safe to say people go to events in clothing that isn't the most comfortable, I mean me wearing my body shaper for hours gets annoying, it's soooo nice to take it off and breath normally again lol but that doesn't mean someone is dictating. And comfort is hard to tell for everyone. My sister-in-law in the 14+ years I've known her has never once worn a shorter dress, not a cocktail, not knee length, it's always a longer dress or in more recent years pantsuits. Meanwhile I prefer shorter dresses (knee length or higher) especially because of my body type but I've gather that for her she's uncomfortable in wearing shorter. So for what this wedding is asking she would be right at home, irrespective of the heat she wouldn't wear a shorter dress anyhow. Who am I to assume she would prefer shorter dress. Obviously the OP is uncomfortable but I wouldn't speak for every guest.

It's all very much making a ruckus where there isn't necessarily one. OP is likely politely overthinking the ensemble and it's coming out in the comments. I see it all the time on threads like these, people practically salivate at the chance to lunge at the bride and sometimes there's things going on where it's like "hmm yeah ok...that's really bad" and other times it's like come on peeps it's not that big of a deal. It's not the end of the world to wear some white but I can on the other hand understand why people prefer to avoid it and from the OP they asked their daughter and their daughter said no. Maybe the bride was ultra picky and said no no way and it's also possible the daughter was thinking just like you mentioned with the wedding guests how it might come off but isn't something she addressed directly with the bride, but of course people trip over themselves to point the finger.

Why is it wrong for a couple to want a look? I would think if they were calling out extremely specific things like everyone must wear this and this and this and this yeah that's too much. IDK aside from the gaffe at suggesting a specific place to get attire they seem to have oops on the name of the type of attire. I honestly suggest the OP ask the bride herself if what she would truly want to wear is okay. It's all sorta of drama making where there likely is not a need.

 

[HopperFan]

TBH that's a lot of assumptions and wording that isn't known. It's actually a prime example of what I was talking about creating drama where there isn't necessarily one.

Demand? Dictate? Demand? Uncomfortable? I mean come on how would you know how would any of us know and how does the OP know unless she heard it straight from the bride's mouth and it was with a tone? As far as comfort I mean I sorta lean towards sympathizing with men here. We went to a visitation for a prior coworker Thursday it was heat index of 106 (heat advisory too) and all the men are wearing slacks and long sleeve button up shirts. While the visitation was in a church just getting out of the car, walking into it, etc was enough. Meanwhile I wore a knee length black skirt although I opted to wear 3/4 length sleeves. I can tell you I was far more comfortable than my husband.

It's safe to say people go to events in clothing that isn't the most comfortable, I mean me wearing my body shaper for hours gets annoying, it's soooo nice to take it off and breath normally again lol but that doesn't mean someone is dictating. And comfort is hard to tell for everyone. My sister-in-law in the 14+ years I've known her has never once worn a shorter dress, not a cocktail, not knee length, it's always a longer dress or in more recent years pantsuits. Meanwhile I prefer shorter dresses (knee length or higher) especially because of my body type but I've gather that for her she's uncomfortable in wearing shorter. So for what this wedding is asking she would be right at home, irrespective of the heat she wouldn't wear a shorter dress anyhow. Who am I to assume she would prefer shorter dress. Obviously the OP is uncomfortable but I wouldn't speak for every guest.

It's all very much making a ruckus where there isn't necessarily one. OP is likely politely overthinking the ensemble and it's coming out in the comments. I see it all the time on threads like these, people practically salivate at the chance to lunge at the bride and sometimes there's things going on where it's like "hmm yeah ok...that's really bad" and other times it's like come on peeps it's not that big of a deal. It's not the end of the world to wear some white but I can on the other hand understand why people prefer to avoid it and from the OP they asked their daughter and their daughter said no. Maybe the bride was ultra picky and said no no way and it's also possible the daughter was thinking just like you mentioned with the wedding guests how it might come off but isn't something she addressed directly with the bride, but of course people trip over themselves to point the finger.

Why is it wrong for a couple to want a look? I would think if they were calling out extremely specific things like everyone must wear this and this and this and this yeah that's too much. IDK aside from the gaffe at suggesting a specific place to get attire they seem to have oops on the name of the type of attire. I honestly suggest the OP ask the bride herself if what she would truly want to wear is okay. It's all sorta of drama making where there likely is not a need.

The OP posted exactly what was on the website, including directions to rent a gown or buy one on Amazon. Length isn't even the issue as I have a SIL that wears maxi dresses EVERYWHERE to "cover". The bride requested gowns.

I just went through a wedding with DD, not looking to lunge at anyone, certainly appreciate "a look" as DD went with Semi-Formal hoping for upscale attire for a lovely adult EVENING. She left it at that. She did not make any demands. She didn't suggest where people shop for their clothes.

OP gave more than enough direct information via website, MOB, daughter. And honestly the last thing a bride wants is guests contacting them with questions, that is what these websites are for. They are usually very busy the last couple months. Bride states gowns.

 

[sk!mom]

Why is it wrong for a couple to want a look? I would think if they were calling out extremely specific things like everyone must wear this and this and this and this yeah that's too much. IDK aside from the gaffe at suggesting a specific place to get attire they seem to have oops on the name of the type of attire. I honestly suggest the OP ask the bride herself if what she would truly want to wear is okay. It's all sorta of drama making where there likely is not a need.

I’ll go ahead and say, “OK Boomer” to myself before I say the following…

The desire for a “look” is one of the worst things social media has brought us. When you start dictating guest’s clothing down to suggesting shopping options, it’s time to dial back your expectations.

My DD certainly had a desire for an aesthetic and every vendor asked to see her Pinterest vision boards. She kept her look expectations to venue, floral, and wedding party clothing. The things that my wallet put her in control of. Her dress code section on the knot said something like, “We’ll be the most dressed upped we’ve ever been but you should come dressed for an outdoor ceremony and then a great party.” I don’t remember what anyone wore other than the wedding party and myself. Everyone managed to dress themselves in a way that was perfectly fine and not noteworthy.

We’re in Texas so I’m sure that there was more than one man out of 190 guests in boots, blazer, and starched jeans. I still remember Garth at the inauguration and those bothered by his attire. Those of us in Texas were like, he could get married in that get up down here.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

The OP posted exactly what was on the website, including directions to rent a gown or buy one on Amazon. Length isn't even the issue as I have a SIL that wears maxi dresses EVERYWHERE to "cover". The bride requested gowns.

I just went through a wedding with DD, not looking to lunge at anyone, certainly appreciate "a look" as DD went with Semi-Formal hoping for upscale attire for a lovely adult EVENING. She left it at that. She did not make any demands. She didn't suggest where people shop for their clothes.

OP gave more than enough direct information via website, MOB, daughter. And honestly the last thing a bride wants is guests contacting them with questions, that is what these websites are for. They are usually very busy the last couple months. Bride states gowns.

Sorry calling someone a bridezilla, demanding, dictating, etc from what's written, it's all much ado about nothing; IDK why most default to some horrid situation, I don't immediately think like that. Sometimes things really are out of hand but it's nowhere near as frequent as people around this board discuss it IMO.

And if OP doesn't feel like contacting the bride or her daughter for clarification guess she can decline or go with what's written on the website/invite. Honestly I'm not even certain why the OP was invited, it almost sounds like her daughter wants her there for familiarity (maybe she doesn't know many IDK) I guess but for most weddings you don't invite the bridemaid's mother to a shower when that person has no relationship with the bride and the OP isn't her daughter's plus 1 as that's her husband.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

When you start dictating guest’s clothing down to suggesting shopping options, it’s time to dial back your expectations.

IDK isn't social norms around attire all about expectations? Why do we have what we have? Why do we have customary attire for anything really? Why any of it. I already agreed it can get over the top but so many of these things don't go over the top it comes more across like whining...but like not really whining if that makes sense.


And I also said there was a gaffe with the specific suggestion, I'm going to guess the bride knows some people who may be at a loss of where to start and wanted a gentle nudge although it can come across as a social faux pas

If the bride is like this scene...I'll go with it's a bit over the top (about 1min in starts the scene)

But what was listed for the OP..not ideal for her in particular but not worth the slew of comments here. YMMV.