Black-tie requested…wedding apparel issues. 2nd update -post 137

[clh2]

Sorry calling someone a bridezilla, demanding, dictating, etc from what's written, it's all much ado about nothing; IDK why most default to some horrid situation, I don't immediately think like that. Sometimes things really are out of hand but it's nowhere near as frequent as people around this board discuss it IMO.

And if OP doesn't feel like contacting the bride or her daughter for clarification guess she can decline or go with what's written on the website/invite. Honestly I'm not even certain why the OP was invited, it almost sounds like her daughter wants her there for familiarity (maybe she doesn't know many IDK) I guess but for most weddings you don't invite the bridemaid's mother to a shower when that person has no relationship with the bride and the OP isn't her daughter's plus 1 as that's her husband.

We do know the parents of the bride. Our DD has known the bride for 12 years, they worked together in High school. We got to be somewhat Friends with the parents, and I adore the the bride’s twin too. We even watched their dog while they went on a 2,5 week vacation several years ago.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

We do know the parents of the bride. Our DD has known the bride for 12 years, they worked together in High school. We got to be somewhat Friends with the parents, and I adore the the bride’s twin too. We even watched their dog while they went on a 2,5 week vacation several years ago.

I wondered if you had a closer relationship but when I asked that earlier you didn't respond so kinda went left up in the air. That's why you initially got comments from posters about why your son-in-law needed company as the above information was left out. I would have led with that So you're not really there to keep your son-in-law company, you're there because you've known the bride for a long time and have more than just an acquaintanceship with them. Hope you have a good time celebrating it with them

 

[disykat]

I'd be tempted to skip it or else wear a summery maxi dress that would "qualify" as long.

 

[aprilgail]

I have never in my life experienced anyone going to just the reception. In any of my circles that would be a no go unacceptable thing to do. I'm from the NE and live in the SE.

Once went to wedding for a friend who was a teacher - invited a couple special students to wedding but not reception. That is understandable.

really? I am from the northeast and it is very commo to skip the wedding ceremony and just attend the wedding. Many people don’t bother with the whole church wedding thing anymore and just get married at the venue-sure makes it more pleasant and easy!

 

[Sinder]

Since you accepted the invitation I would abide by the Bride’s wishes.

It is really as simple as that. It doesn’t matter if as a guest we think its wrong to have a formal wedding at 1PM, or whether or not the Bride knows what semi-formal means, or whether you think she’s a Bridezilla, or selfish. I’m sure I’m missing something else people had an issue with. Once we say yes we will attend we should respect the wishes and accept the terms of the invite. If we care that much that we can’t take one day out of our lives to wear something we aren’t 100% comfortable in, or just don’t want because we think it’s too demanding then mark the NO box in the reply.

 

[easyas123]

Since you accepted the invitation I would abide by the Bride’s wishes.

It is really as simple as that. It doesn’t matter if as a guest we think its wrong to have a formal wedding at 1PM, or whether or not the Bride knows what semi-formal means, or whether you think she’s a Bridezilla, or selfish. I’m sure I’m missing something else people had an issue with. Once we say yes we will attend we should respect the wishes and accept the terms of the invite. If we care that much that we can’t take one day out of our lives to wear something we aren’t 100% comfortable in, or just don’t want because we think it’s too demanding then mark the NO box in the reply.

Excellent point. We all have a choice, and if we accept the invite then we accept the stipulations associated with it.

 

[DLgal]

Since you accepted the invitation I would abide by the Bride’s wishes.

It is really as simple as that. It doesn’t matter if as a guest we think its wrong to have a formal wedding at 1PM, or whether or not the Bride knows what semi-formal means, or whether you think she’s a Bridezilla, or selfish. I’m sure I’m missing something else people had an issue with. Once we say yes we will attend we should respect the wishes and accept the terms of the invite. If we care that much that we can’t take one day out of our lives to wear something we aren’t 100% comfortable in, or just don’t want because we think it’s too demanding then mark the NO box in the reply.

I mean, I agree with you on this point. However, that this was even posted on a message board indicates some sort of discomfort about the whole situation, or at least a feeling that something is a bit off.

I am unsure what the OP is really looking for here. Validation that her dress "qualifies" for the stated dress code? Validation that the bride is being unreasonable in her demands? Validation that this wedding sounds like more hassle than it's worth? I don't know. But every post by the OP makes this bride sound worse and worse.

Weddings are pretty personal events, and I think people get caught up in feelings of obligation when they are invited to one, and have a hard time marking that "no" box, even when their gut instinct is to not attend.

 

[Kae]

Black tie semi formal sounds contradictory to me, but what do I know?

right

 

[NotUrsula]

OP, if you really feel you must go and wear your blue dress all day, perhaps purchase a coordinating scarf and wear that instead of the jacket for the service? It would be cooler than a full jacket, but a typical scarf is much less of an an investment. I'd also wear sandals and skip any hosiery; which should also help with feeling cooler. (I will bet you any money that you'll be seeing peeks of flip-flops under some of those "formal" gowns in the daytime. I would also bet that there will be a lot of hi-low hems, and a LOT of bare shoulders -- something that's a wee bit questionable for church in many denominations.)

It's perfectly all right to have a formal wedding in the afternoon, but formal clothing for daytime is not the same as formal clothing after six, and you kind of make yourself look silly by insisting on a particular standard of dress when you apparently don't really know what that standard actually is. Western women haven't worn floor-length gowns at lunchtime since before the first World War. "Black Tie" is also an after-6 standard; the equivalent daytime clothing for a man is actually a morning suit (or "stroller" -- with tails and a waistcoat.) I think it's rather amusing that the bride is willing to give the men a pass on her formality standard, but not the women. (It would almost serve her right if all of the ladies showed up wearing hats and gloves.)

As to the question of what's wrong with wanting "a look"? What's wrong is that it is a wedding ceremony, not a costume ball or a theatrical performance. (Not to mention that cameras are not going to see the legs of any guests not seated in the front row, anyway.)

 

[Sinder]

It's perfectly all right to have a formal wedding in the afternoon, but formal clothing for daytime is not the same as formal clothing after six, and you kind of make yourself look silly by insisting on a particular standard of dress when you apparently don't really know what that standard actually is. Western women haven't worn floor-length gowns at lunchtime since before the first World War. "Black Tie" is also an after-6 standard; the equivalent daytime clothing for a man is actually a morning suit (or "stroller" -- with tails and a waistcoat.) I think it's rather amusing that the bride is willing to give the men a pass on her formality standard, but not the women. (It would almost serve her right if all of the ladies showed up wearing hats and gloves.)

As to the question of what's wrong with wanting "a look"? What's wrong is that it is a wedding ceremony, not a costume ball or a theatrical performance. (Not to mention that cameras are not going to see the legs of any guests not seated in the front row, anyway.)

Well some of us just aren't such judgmental people. We don't really care that the Bride dares do the wrong thing when it comes to the time of formal attire. And we don't care that the Bride wants her wedding ceremony, reception and pictures to have a certain feel and look.
But I guess some of us just aren't as perfect as others. Maybe we are just happy and excited to share a very special day with someone.

 

[TwoMisfits]

I guess I'm the only person who can dress and undress in about 5 minutes, even in a formal dress. I've done that many times between long-wait wedding to receptions. Have a button up T-shirt and shorts and Crocs/sandals and enjoy some "bum" around time without touching the hair and makeup...

 

[AustinTink]

I guess I'm the only person who can dress and undress in about 5 minutes, even in a formal dress. I've done that many times between long-wait wedding to receptions. Have a button up T-shirt and shorts and Crocs/sandals and enjoy some "bum" around time without touching the hair and makeup...

Problem solved. It's really not a big deal.

 

[HeatherC]

Black tie semi formal is a contradiction. I would STILL wear a regular dress to ceremony and change later. What is she gonna do, yell at you for violating the dress code.

 

[anniemae]

Eh, I would honestly just wear something fancy and not worry about dress codes. I would absolutely dress nice and appropriate for a wedding, but am at an age where comfort is more important. If the bride wants me to wear a gown, I would be happy to if she paid for it. Otherwise, I dress myself.

I went to a very formal evening wedding and I saw people wearing sneakers. One older lady told me she could not wear shoes due to bunions and arthritis. So she wore sneakers. Nobody cared. That's the way it should be.

 

[kymom99]

This thread reminded me of something. When I got married the first time in the late 80s, things were so different. I had a beautiful church wedding with a reception at a different church hall. We probably invited 250 but we didn’t have RSVPs. We had a buffet meal catered. But one thing in particular that comes to mind, my cake was typical for that time. Probably 4 tiers. I picked out a topper that was a glass heart with some blue netting around it instead of the traditional bride and groom. Someone from my then husband’s side, not his mom or grandma or anyone like that. I can’t even remember who it was gave us a precious moments bride and groom. I liked it. It was a nice gift. But the expectation was that it would go on top of our cake, I was told. I suggested we put it on the cake table, but I was told they would be offended. So I can’t remember exactly but what we did was put those pillars between layers 2 and 3. We either put he figurine in there or the topper I picked out and the other on top. It all worked out fine. Well, except the marriage lasted 2 years.

I’m not trying to act like I’m better than anyone, but I could never imagine a bride going along with that today. And I don’t remember what anyone wore but I don’t remember anyone wearing anything out of the ordinary for the occasion. I would rather my guests be comfortable.

 

[clh2]

2nd update:

On a whim, I stopped by a local consignment shop today, and picked up a black jumpsuit for $18.98. Totally solves my “I do not want to wear a formal floor length dress to the church” problem.

I can then decide, most likely based on weather/temperature or what other women are wearing to the church, if I want to switch to my Mother of the bride dress or stay in the jumpsuit.

I appreciate everyone’s comments!

 

[1GoldenSun]

There will likely be a lot of people pulling up to the parking lot, peering out of their windows to get a gander at what everyone else is walking in wearing, and either breathing a sigh of relief or gunning it to the nearest public restroom to change into the alternative outfit they've got hanging up in the backseat.

 

[MamaMermaid]

2nd update:

On a whim, I stopped by a local consignment shop today, and picked up a black jumpsuit for $18.98. Totally solves my “I do not want to wear a formal floor length dress to the church” problem.

I can then decide, most likely based on weather/temperature or what other women are wearing to the church, if I want to switch to my Mother of the bride dress or stay in the jumpsuit.

I appreciate everyone’s comments!

Perfect!!

 

[ilovevacation]

@clh2 any update?

 

[clh2]

Oh my goodness…I have updates!

1. Temps were in the high 90’s, one of my biggest fears. Jumpsuit was perfect. DH and D-SIL did not attend the ceremony. It was perfect changing out of jumpsuit for a couple of hours before I got into my long/formal wedding.
2. Of the 185 people invited, only 85 attended. Many regrets came with “I don’t have the required apparel”.
3. Per the frequently asked questions; attire at the church was also long gowns, dark suits. everyone at the church was “proper”.
4. One woman had a dress only “gasp” down to her mid calf. It was a cute dress!
5. My daughter spent over $2k on this opportunity to be a bridesmaid. This includes bachelorette party, dress, being required to stay at the hotel where the reception was at. My daughter and 2 other bridesmaids declined having hair and make-up done on the wedding day. (Cost was $300, plus tip).
6. The bridal gown was gorgeous.
7. Bride’s twin was maid of honor. She gave a very long speech. The speech ticked off the bride. Bride ripped Into her twin after the speeches. This made the mother of the bride cry. (sadly, the speech was pretty bizarre).
8. My daughter has said she needs a long break from the bride. Bride got a little peeved that my daughter needed to take 2 or 3 pumping breaks on the wedding day, where my daughter and all bridesmaids needed to be present from 7am through the end of reception. Bride also got annoyed that my DD needed pumping breaks during bachelorette weekend too.
10. One of my favorite outfits that a wedding guest has on, was actually a 3-piece pantsuit. The pants actually had a lightweight shimmer flowy fabric draped from the waist. Then the top was sleeveless, and then had a short waisted sheer-ish jacket. Color was a light mauve.
11. One of the bridesmaids spent $5K on the wedding, bachelorette party, 2 round trip flights from California, hotel for wedding weekend. This person was really irritated About the total expenses. Another bridesmaid was in tears at the bachelorette weekend due to the costs being unreasonable.
12. Bride made sure all bridesmaids knew to where something conservative to rehearsal dinner, since grooms family was conservative. Yet, my daughter needed to buy body tape, in an effort to make sure she did not have a “low cut dress” wardrobe malfunction with the bridesmaid dress.
13. We had a great time at the wedding, but I felt bad for the twin, as she is really sweet.