Black-tie requested…wedding apparel issues. 2nd update -post 137

[TLSnell1981]

Oh my goodness…I have updates!

1. Temps were in the high 90’s, one of my biggest fears. Jumpsuit was perfect. DH and D-SIL did not attend the ceremony. It was perfect changing out of jumpsuit for a couple of hours before I got into my long/formal wedding.
2. Of the 185 people invited, only 85 attended. Many regrets came with “I don’t have the required apparel”.
3. Per the frequently asked questions; attire at the church was also long gowns, dark suits. everyone at the church was “proper”.
4. One woman had a dress only “gasp” down to her mid calf. It was a cute dress!
5. My daughter spent over $2k on this opportunity to be a bridesmaid. This includes bachelorette party, dress, being required to stay at the hotel where the reception was at. My daughter and 2 other bridesmaids declined having hair and make-up done on the wedding day. (Cost was $300, plus tip).
6. The bridal gown was gorgeous.
7. Bride’s twin was maid of honor. She gave a very long speech. The speech ticked off the bride. Bride ripped Into her twin after the speeches. This made the mother of the bride cry. (sadly, the speech was pretty bizarre).
8. My daughter has said she needs a long break from the bride. Bride got a little peeved that my daughter needed to take 2 or 3 pumping breaks on the wedding day, where my daughter and all bridesmaids needed to be present from 7am through the end of reception. Bride also got annoyed that my DD needed pumping breaks during bachelorette weekend too.
10. One of my favorite outfits that a wedding guest has on, was actually a 3-piece pantsuit. The pants actually had a lightweight shimmer flowy fabric draped from the waist. Then the top was sleeveless, and then had a short waisted sheer-ish jacket. Color was a light mauve.
11. One of the bridesmaids spent $5K on the wedding, bachelorette party, 2 round trip flights from California, hotel for wedding weekend. This person was really irritated About the total expenses. Another bridesmaid was in tears at the bachelorette weekend due to the costs being unreasonable.
12. Bride made sure all bridesmaids knew to where something conservative to rehearsal dinner, since grooms family was conservative. Yet, my daughter needed to buy body tape, in an effort to make sure she did not have a “low cut dress” wardrobe malfunction with the bridesmaid dress.
13. We had a great time at the wedding, but I felt bad for the twin, as she is really sweet.

It's not unusual for only half the invited guests to attend. I am totally shocked that ANYONE actually stated they didn't attend because of the required apparel. How gauche! IMO YES it is expensive to be part of the wedding party...it's a given. Oh and weddings can be stressful for those intimately involved.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I am totally shocked that ANYONE actually stated they didn't attend because of the required apparel.

Agreed. Highly unusually that a good amount would actually give the reason. It's usually considered best to be vague or not give a reason at all and simply decline "no". Who are these types of people that the bride and groom know that would actually be so brash as to say why? Or is there an exaggeration going on or a telephone game and who is gossiping about this stuff such that the OP knows these details?

 

[kymom99]

It's not unusual for only half the invited guests to attend. I am totally shocked that ANYONE actually stated they didn't attend because of the required apparel. How gauche! IMO YES it is expensive to be part of the wedding party...it's a given. Oh and weddings can be stressful for those intimately involved.

It doesn’t have to be a given. I’ve never spent an obscene amount to be in a wedding.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

It's not unusual for only half the invited guests to attend. I am totally shocked that ANYONE actually stated they didn't attend because of the required apparel. How gauche! IMO YES it is expensive to be part of the wedding party...it's a given. Oh and weddings can be stressful for those intimately involved.

It wasn't expensive to be part of my wedding party so I don't agree that it needs to be a huge expense. I asked the girls to buy any short navy dress they liked. Shoes of their choice. I offered make up if they wanted because I was getting mine done at my parents' house but certainly not necessary. It was my second wedding so I chose not to have a shower or bachelorette party. Also because I'm located in Philly, wedding was in NY, maid of honor in NJ and bridesmaid in NC I felt that would have been a lot to ask everyone to get together another weekend. (For the record, for my first wedding I did a local wine tasting afternoon and dinner out for my bachelorette so nothing ridiculously expensive there either). I was very cognizant and mindful of not being a huge financial burden to anyone who was doing me the honor of supporting me at the wedding for both my first and second weddings.

My husband also asked his guys to just buy light khaki linen pants (no specific store) and a white shirt and wear boat shoes (preferably navy but whatever). We provided the bow ties.

 

[DLgal]

It's not unusual for only half the invited guests to attend. I am totally shocked that ANYONE actually stated they didn't attend because of the required apparel. How gauche! IMO YES it is expensive to be part of the wedding party...it's a given. Oh and weddings can be stressful for those intimately involved.

It should not cost anyone in the thousands to be part of a wedding party. That's just ridiculous.

 

[MamaMermaid]

Glad your DD is going to take a break from this girl… she doesn’t sound nice at all.

 

[Disneylover99]

7. Bride’s twin was maid of honor. She gave a very long speech. The speech ticked off the bride. Bride ripped Into her twin after the speeches. This made the mother of the bride cry. (sadly, the speech was pretty bizarre).

Sounds like a fun time. Lol. I’d love to watch the video of this.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Bride sounds like a whacko.

 

[Imzadi]

Bride’s twin was maid of honor. She gave a very long speech. The speech ticked off the bride. [. . .] (sadly, the speech was pretty bizarre).

Bride sounds like a whacko.

So does the twin.

 

[MillauFr]

It's not unusual for only half the invited guests to attend. I am totally shocked that ANYONE actually stated they didn't attend because of the required apparel. How gauche! IMO YES it is expensive to be part of the wedding party...it's a given. Oh and weddings can be stressful for those intimately involved.

Why not be blunt? People are so wimpy now days and can't take anyone else dishing it out at them. The whole disaster weekend was probably a direct result of no one telling the bride she needed to tone it down.

 

[superme80]

Thank you for the update!!!!

 

[VandVsmama]

Sounds like that wedding will result in the end of more than a few friendships that the bride has.

I give it 5-7 years and they'll be divorced.

 

[TLSnell1981]

It should not cost anyone in the thousands to be part of a wedding party. That's just ridiculous.

I think it depends on the venue and events planned. Not all nuptials cost the wedding party thousands of $$$$ but some are quite expense....especially a formal and/or black tie affair. Destination weddings can be pricey too. This is known from the beginning. Although "expensive" can be quite subjective. Some can afford it and obviously opt in.

Why not be blunt? People are so wimpy now days and can't take anyone else dishing it out at them. The whole disaster weekend was probably a direct result of no one telling the bride she needed to tone it down.

Maybe because it's tacky and uncalled for? A nice evening dress doesn't need to be outrageously priced.. I've been on a cover wearing a variation of a LBD that I picked up on sale for well under a $100. I had to giggle when asked who the designer was. I had no idea. It made me look great and was inexpensive.

I will say it again whether large or small...simple or fancy weddings are stressful.

 

[Kennywood]

 

[TLSnell1981]

I'm supposing the "disaster" weekend is very subjective. Hopefully it was enjoyable and meaningful to the bride and groom...at least some guests. Did the bridesmaids have a clue of the responsibilities and cost prior to accepting their "duties". If so why complain? Surely the bride could've chosen others more amenable. Was the woman in a mid calf dress embarrassed by her choice or was it okay? And regarding the sister with the long bizarre speech. Yeah been there...heard that and felt sorry for the bride. It was the bride's show and if she requested conservative clothing...what's the problem?

Some didn't like the bride's clothing requirements, spending money, the venue or the weather. Would've been a happier day for the bride and groom if the dissenters had stayed home instead of picking her choices apart and complaining.

I have NEVER attended a wedding and walked away with such animosity for the affair it's pretty sad IMO

It doesn’t have to be a given. I’ve never spent an obscene amount to be in a wedding.

What is obscene to some may be acceptable to others bottom line if the member of the wedding party felt this way...decline. It is the BRIDE'S DAY...not the wedding party or guests.

 

[kymom99]

I'm supposing the "disaster" weekend is very subjective. Hopefully it was enjoyable and meaningful to the bride and groom...at least some guests. Did the bridesmaids have a clue of the responsibilities and cost prior to accepting their "duties". If so why complain? Surely the bride could've chosen others more amenable. Was the woman in a mid calf dress embarrassed by her choice or was it okay? And regarding the sister with the long bizarre speech. Yeah been there...heard that and felt sorry for the bride. It was the bride's show and if she requested conservative clothing...what's the problem?

Some didn't like the bride's clothing requirements, spending money, the venue or the weather. Would've been a happier day for the bride and groom if the dissenters had stayed home instead of picking her choices apart and complaining.

I have NEVER attended a wedding and walked away with such animosity for the affair it's pretty sad IMO


What is obscene to way may be acceptable to others bottom line if the member of the wedding party felt this way...decline. It is the BRIDE'S DAY...not the wedding party or guests.

I’m not sure people in a wedding party know the couple’s plans when asked to be in the wedding.

 

[BrianL]

Um, that's a Briderannosaurus Rex, actually. It's the same thing really, just with shorter arms.

 

[MillauFr]

I’m not sure people in a wedding party know the couple’s plans when asked to be in the wedding.

Agreed. Wouldn't be surprised at all if it was a bait and switch job.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I’m not sure people in a wedding party know the couple’s plans when asked to be in the wedding.

Not always no. My cousin's wife last Christmas was telling me about her story where she felt horrible but backed out of being a bridesmaid during the bachelorette weekend. It was apparently a doozy. And no things were not that bad in the beginning.

That said from the OPs update it sounds like those in the wedding party probably had resentment and more than a little during the whole process. At that point you have to ask yourself is that really worth that? Probably not so while not ideal just back out. It's not worth tears due to financial stress, it's not worth tallying up all the expenditures if you're getting that upset. The bride will either figure out she's run everyone out or she'll get others to take their places.

Obligation obviously has a strong hold sometimes but just saying no needs to also be an option too.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Agreed. Wouldn't be surprised at all if it was a bait and switch job.

For the most part I think stress gets to couples. I don't normally hear of many stories where the bride has some ulterior motive although yes sometimes that does happen. The vast majority it's just rearing its ugly head the stress of it all. The saying "brings the worst out of people" for weddings and funerals is widely said for a reason. Doesn't really excuse the behavior but the intention usually isn't some bait/switch thing.