Beacuse I don't want kids, that's why! *pardon my rant..*

[Piglet4Ever]

DH and I will be married 13 yrs and we decided not to have kids a long time ago. We love our life the way it is and we have lots of nieces and nephews and friends with kids that we spoil rotten so we have the best of both worlds, and that is what I always say to anyone who asks.

 

[Sleepy]

People can be so rude and when the children question is concerned, complete strangers think it's ok to comment!!
My sister is one who doesn't want children and thankfully none of our family members have ever been so rude as so say she is selfish!!! It's personal choice some people want them others dont so what?!!
I have 2 kids and had them close together, in Italy 2 in normally your limit so when people asked are you going to have anymore I replied I dont know, I was met with lots of "what are you thinking? 2 is enough", "dont be silly and have any more" and a post woman at my work told me I am not allowed to have anymore children!!!!!!!! this is from a stranger!!!
I wonder where peole get there manners from sometimes!!

Totally off topic, but where are you?

 

[Gabes_mommy]

I don't know why people think child bearing is such an open topic - to me it is very personal.

DH and I have one DS and we are not planning on having any more due to me have 3 miscarriages all around 12 weeks. I decided after my last m/c and subsequent d & c that I could never go through that again. DH agreed and we are happy to be a family of 3. However people ask me when we are having another child ALL THE TIME and then I usually end up telling them that I physically can't have any more and the whole sordid tale. I hate it! It's no one's business and then people act all awkward, "oh I'm so sorry..." - are you really sorry? Then why didn't you mind you own business to begin with?

I guess I needed to rant too.

 

[Andy B]

I am going to be a bit controversial here, marriage is the default condition to have children, although there are many other relationships which make up society today the common way children are brought into the world is still in a marriage. By entering into that relationship you have raised expectations that having children was one of the reasons for getting married and for a lot of people it goes hand in glove with that.

 

[bicker]

(Politely "We haven't decided to have children."

And if there is a follow-up, look at the questioner like they're crazy rude, and either turn to someone else and raise another subject, or just walk away.

 

[PatsMom]

The rudeness of some people is unbelievable! A couple not having children could be for any number of reasons, most of them pretty personal. And no one else's business.

My ex-husband and I used to get asked the question. I was young and sensitive and it used to make me cry - I didn't have a nice way to say because I had cervical cancer and the Air Force doctor's botched the surgery and left me with a post op infection that they refused to recognize that left so much scarring I'll never have children naturally". So I just used to say we felt we were too busy to deal with a child and the chance of deployment was too high. But I thought that the question was very, very rude.

Current husband and I are never asked - my little miracle baby was born 5 months before we got married! We did get asked several times about having a brother or sister for her but were able to just answer that we felt we were too old to deal with a second child.

I love some of the suggestions for answers - wish I'd had them back when it mattered! The question itself is extremely rude in my opinion and deserves a rude answer if you've got one ready!

 

[themilesfamily]

OP, I'm sending a little humor your way. Here's a page full of snappy comebacks for when people ask you that question. (Some are a bit rude and I'm certainly not suggestion you really use them -- but just hoping to give you a smile.)

My favorite response to, "When are you going to have a child?" When Johnny Depp offers to sleep with me.

Another good one, "I'm waiting to see how yours turn out."

http://ask.metafilter.com/46353/Good-answer-for-the-question-When-are-you-going-to-have-children

 

[bicker]

Relevant thread links:

Childfree Disney fans?

For those happily childfree, what do you...

 

[java]

Perhaps a "I'd rather not discuss it" would suffice. Although I can't see why saying you're not sure if you you want children at all should be their business either? I think it's great that you thought about it and have made a decision. Not everyone needs to be a parent.

Oh and by the way people can be just as rude if you have kids. I got the "Did you plan this?" question when I had my 4th child. Why is that your business?

 

[Colleen27]

For some reason, otherwise pleasant, rational people seem to lose all common sense and manners when the subject of having kids comes up. It doesn't even matter what the decision is - not to have any, only to have one, to have more than two, when to have them. It all draws rude and thoughtless comments at some point, and I'll never understand why people think the reproductive decisions of others are open for comment.

 

[bicker]

This falls into that whole category of situations whereby people feel that their way of living is the only valid way, and all other ways are therefore wrong. It applies, most surely, to the "having children" versus "not having children" dichotomy, but also to many other similar sets of personal life-choices.

Times are changing, in our society, very slowly (at times) and in fits-and-starts, with some back-sliding on occasion, but overall, we are progressing as a society towards greater acceptance of the differences between people, and greater acceptance of the validity in the differences between how we all choose to live. I can remember when our choice along these lines was actively questioned each time it came up. I think if we were starting out today, that sort of thing would happen a lot less than it did then.

 

[Colleen27]

I don't know why people think child bearing is such an open topic - to me it is very personal.

DH and I have one DS and we are not planning on having any more due to me have 3 miscarriages all around 12 weeks. I decided after my last m/c and subsequent d & c that I could never go through that again. DH agreed and we are happy to be a family of 3. However people ask me when we are having another child ALL THE TIME and then I usually end up telling them that I physically can't have any more and the whole sordid tale. I hate it! It's no one's business and then people act all awkward, "oh I'm so sorry..." - are you really sorry? Then why didn't you mind you own business to begin with?

I guess I needed to rant too.

The one I get sometimes that shocks me is "Are they all your DH's?". There's a 7 year gap between DD1 and DD2, because we struggled with repeated miscarriages without an identifiable cause and eventually gave up on trying. DD2 was a completely unexpected blessing several years after we threw in the towel on having a 3rd. But apparently, to the thoughtless and the nosy, a large age gap between siblings indicates divorce/remarriage. If I'm feeling especially witchy, I do give the short version of the whole story and watch the questioner squirm, but generally I go with a simple "Yes" and fume silently at the stupidity of some people.

 

[java]

The one I get sometimes that shocks me is "Are they all your DH's?". There's a 7 year gap between DD1 and DD2, because we struggled with repeated miscarriages without an identifiable cause and eventually gave up on trying. DD2 was a completely unexpected blessing several years after we threw in the towel on having a 3rd. But apparently, to the thoughtless and the nosy, a large age gap between siblings indicates divorce/remarriage. If I'm feeling especially witchy, I do give the short version of the whole story and watch the questioner squirm, but generally I go with a simple "Yes" and fume silently at the stupidity of some people.

Oh I forgot that one. I get that too! I always say no all different fathers

 

[Colleen27]

Oh I forgot that one. I get that too! I always say no all different fathers

Once, on an especially bad day, I came up with a great answer to that one. When a rather rude, touchy-feely woman at the mall asked me if they all had the same father, I actually said "I don't know, but I'm hoping we'll get on Maury soon to find out" (she'd already made a rude comment about teen parents and how I was too young to have "all those kids", and I kind of lost my temper just a little ). I wouldn't say something like that to a thoughless-but-well-meaning question, but that chick just rubbed me the wrong way, trying to touch DD(then 3mo) in her carrier and making so many assumptions about my family.

 

[mommykds]

First of all, it's your choice. You do not have to make excuses or explanations to anyone.

Dear Abby wrote something in response to a woman who had the same questions thrown upon her. Abby said that when you are met with rude or invasive questions the response should be met with "Why do you ask?"

Good luck to you.

 

[The Princess]

People can be just so rude. Next time say MYOB!!!

 

[LoraJ]

I do not mind if people ask me the question, as long as they do not give me a hard time about my answer. But most of the time, I am made to feel horrible for my decision. I am told I will die alone, how wonderful motherhood is. I am told it does not matter how I feel now, I will want one at some point.

Now that I am 40 I tell everyone that there is no way I will be having my own. But maybe I will adopt a 16yo when I am 60. But of course when I say that, they point out that I can still conceive a child, look at so and so.

I just do not give anyone a reason why anymore. Because they always have a comeback. It's very aggravating.

 

[happygirl]

Today the dreaded question came up: "When are you going to have kids?"

I've been married two years and this question pops up more and more often. It's rarely, "Are you going to have children?" Only "when." However, this is only a small thing and nothing to get upset over.

Then comes my answer, "I don't think we're going to."

This leads immediately to questions ranging freely from my reasons for not wanting them to my possible character flaws. These can include anything from how I must not be a "real" woman to how I'm selfish and self centered. Everyone from family, to co-workers, to near strangers feel free to comment.

GRRR!

I can forgive the question. It's really just making conversation. But the personal opinions on my life choices I can do without, thank you very much! No one wants to know why someone does want kids. No one questions their motivations or if they'll even be decent parents... And, for goodness sake, there are many other ways to positively contribute to the planet other then simply populating it!



Okay, I'm done now. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest without having to resort violence of some kind...

I really don't think you owe anyone a answer

 

[luvmy3]

Next time someone asks you can say you don't plan on having children because you don't want to raise them in a world where people are rude enough to think its their business why other people aren't planning on having children. Maybe thay will shut them up.

 

[Serena]

I had pretty much escaped it. My early answer was not yet, but having fun trying. My parents really didn't like that answer and stopped asking. But after my sister had her twins all of a sudden it had turned into a contest. Since my sister caught up with me it was my turn to have more. Uh, no.