Asking adult child to pay towards household expenses

[White Cat]

Since he had been living alone for 5+ years, neither of us know what his financial circumstances were when he got the cat. Nor where the cat came from (ie, whether he sought out a pet or just ended up with a cat). Or is it your position that renters shouldn't have pets?

Renters should not have pets. If they are saving for a home. I look at renters as not having stable means to purchase a home. In most cases.

 

[CAPSLOCK]

Should renters also not have kids?

 

[White Cat]

It also can be very lonely when you are first starting out, living on your own and a pet can be a lifesaver. Of course, there can always be unexpected vet bills, but just maintenance of a cat is like $25/month - I doubt having the cat is what caused him to not be able to afford to live in Miami anymore.

Maybe not. But having a cat in his case shows poor decision making skills. What other bad decisions were made. $125 Nikes?

 

[White Cat]

Should renters also not have kids?

I think many people who have children aren’t equipped to properly raise them.

 

[DisneyHardin]

Maybe not. But having a cat in his case shows poor decision making skills. What other bad decisions were made. $125 Nikes?

I've had pet cats since I was 8 years old. I am a well functioning adult and generally make good decisions. I'm not sure why having a cat shows that someone has "Poor decision making skills".

It seems kind of ironic that you are bashing on cat owners, but have "cat" as part of your username.

 

[lovin'fl]

Sometimes cats or other animals find you. It may not have been expected, but suddenly you are in love and you can't just give them away. They become part of the family. I have a cat, and while I can easily cover the associated expenese, I'll go hungry before she does!

Yes. He got the cat when he lived in NC and could afford life. Kitten was found in grocery parking lot. Cat is now 7. The son has lived on his own that long. So I guess since 20 not 21. Maybe 19. Can't just get rid of him when money was tight.

 

[slo]

I don’t often get sucked into ongoing threads, but this one has had me intrigued and I’ve been keeping up on it.

I have a few things to add…..

*My DD26 has been living on her own since she was about 20yrs old - if she returned home, she would absolutely be paying rent. I have no idea how much - that would be decided at the time.

*DD20 is moving out in 2 weeks and is getting her first apartment by her college - she will be paying the rent there (splitting it with her BF). If she needed to come home after grad school, we will give her a grace period to live at no charge so she can save some money. This DD won’t stay with us long, she’s very independent. But if she still needed to after the grace period, she will be paying rent.

*On the topic of someone suggesting that someone’s son should get rid of a cat - OMG - I couldn’t believe I read what I saw. To question someone’s love and loyalty to their pet is just cold. I question, how someone could get rid of a pet like yesterday’s news unless there was no other choice. I’ve seen some heartless things said on these boards, and this one is in the top 10. Yikes!

 

[soccerdad72]

I’ve seen some heartless things said on these boards, and this one is in the top 10. Yikes!

I'm guessing at least half of that Top 10 is all from one poster (and his various iterations).

 

[aprilgail]

My child is 27 with a good job. Still living at home. Spends at least $500 a month eating out and likely much more. Graduated with a masters degree and no debt because we saved money and contributed to the expenses. Bought a brand new vehicle with cash. Pays for friends expenses on group trips and eating out. I am feeling priced out of Disney vacations and have started thinking that I should ask for a monthly contribution to the household expenses such as utilities. It does kinda bother me that friends are financially subsidized but I pay all the household expenses. I feel a bit weird asking for money so I can go on vacation. Anyone find themselves in this situation? I could use some advice on the right thing to do.

You are about 4-5 years overdue with this! Should have started paying rent as soon as they graduated and got a job!

 

[abbyandangel]

I think this has been a helpful discussion. With everything in life, there are many reasons why a situation may be as it is and many possible solutions. Nobody really knows what they would do until faced with a situation. I appreciate the time others have taken to share their thoughts and experiences. I have benefited from the wisdom of others. I get the feeling that others that have engaged here may have benefited as well. For what it’s worth, I would never suggest getting rid of a pet unless it was absolutely the last resort. There are a lot of things I would do without before I would do that and then only if the pet could be better cared for elsewhere.

 

[slo]

My child is 27 with a good job. Still living at home. Spends at least $500 a month eating out and likely much more. Graduated with a masters degree and no debt because we saved money and contributed to the expenses. Bought a brand new vehicle with cash. Pays for friends expenses on group trips and eating out. I am feeling priced out of Disney vacations and have started thinking that I should ask for a monthly contribution to the household expenses such as utilities. It does kinda bother me that friends are financially subsidized but I pay all the household expenses. I feel a bit weird asking for money so I can go on vacation. Anyone find themselves in this situation? I could use some advice on the right thing to do.

I just realized when I posted my reply, I did not answer to your original post.

*My advice, would be to decide on a reasonable rate to charge your child.
*After that, sit down with your child, and have an adult conversation on why it's time for them to start paying you rent. I, personally, would not say it's so you can take a Disney trip. I would say it's because an extra person equals more electricity used, more water used, more groceries being bought and etc.
*I, personally, would give them a grace period of a month to start paying. Telling them they need to start immediately would be kinda crappy, IMO.
*If they push back, then I'd nicely tell them that if they can find somewhere else for less expensive, than they should pursue that, and your feelings won't be hurt. I'd also tell them they have a month to find that new place (the grace period) or they need to pay rent.

I hope your child doesn't give you a hard time and that they cooperate with you. Money has a way of destroying relationships, and I pray it doesn't destroy yours with your child. But it is time to drop the hammer with this, because it definitely appears that you are being very taken advantage of, and that is not fair to you at all. You have been a good mom, and now it's time for them to be a good ADULT child.

Good luck and God Bless!!!

 

[Smugpugmug]

Renters should not have pets. If they are saving for a home. I look at renters as not having stable means to purchase a home. In most cases.

So I assume your next suggestion for renters would be to lay off the avocado toast and Starbucks?

 

[TippyThomas]

So I assume your next suggestion for renters would be to lay off the avocado toast and Starbucks?

Probably something about staying off the lawn as well.

 

[kdonnel]

I look at renters as not having stable means to purchase a home. In most cases.

For the most part, when looking at it from a strictly financial basis, removing emotion from the equation, it is almost always better to rent than buy a home in the current market.

https://www.globest.com/2023/03/09/the-math-supports-renting-a-home-over-buying/?amp=1

https://business.fau.edu/executive-education/price-to-rent-ratios/national-data/index.php

The renters you are discounting are possible making shrewd financial decisions.

 

[disneychrista]

Renters should not have pets. If they are saving for a home. I look at renters as not having stable means to purchase a home. In most cases.

Not all people want to own a home.

 

[Kooks and Bay Bay]

At 27 with a well paying job and the ability to eat out whenever they want and pay for friends yes I do think its reasonable to ask them to contribute.
Explain that its not that you don't want them there but also explain how much money they would be paying if they actually lived on their own so you're not asking for THAT much if you're only asking for xyz amount in comparrison.

Stop thinking about it like its your kid "paying for you to go on vacation".
Its not.
What it is is your adult child helping to pay for SOME expenses that they would be fully responsible for if they did not live with you.
Its helping you be able to live a bit more comfortably regardless of a Disney vacation and you can use the money how you so choose.

 

[HeatherC]

We’re talking about adult “children”, not 5 year olds learning to save money by putting some of their weekly allowance into a recipe box. Either charge rent, or offer to assist in financial planning by supporting them in creating a budget, including a commitment to save a portion of their income. Don’t play some game where you charge them “rent” when you’re really saving money for them. That teaches nothing and does nothing to develop good habits.

And don’t call it a “gift” if you’re just giving them something back that was theirs to begin with and you never really needed to take in the first place.

We are talking about adults…. Not kids. It IS rent they are paying! Parents can then “gift” them money for a down payment. Doesn’t matter what the money comes from. Get it…it is a gift. Hopefully, by then you have already “taught” them what they need to know about finances. If not, then you didn’t quite do your job as a parent. Especially if these “kids” are headed for 30 years old. We are not talking 21 year olds here.

 

[irlandaise]

I look at renters as not having stable means to purchase a home. In most cases.

Huh?? How do you think most people become homeowners? Do you think they buy houses right after finishing college, rather than renting for years while they build up funds for a house?

 

[irlandaise]

Not all people want to own a home.

Indeed. I have a friend in her 70s who has held very lucrative jobs in Silicon Valley but for whatever reason has never wanted to buy a house or a condo.

 

[Pink Partridge]

My child is 27 with a good job. Still living at home. Spends at least $500 a month eating out and likely much more. Graduated with a masters degree and no debt because we saved money and contributed to the expenses. Bought a brand new vehicle with cash. Pays for friends expenses on group trips and eating out. I am feeling priced out of Disney vacations and have started thinking that I should ask for a monthly contribution to the household expenses such as utilities. It does kinda bother me that friends are financially subsidized but I pay all the household expenses. I feel a bit weird asking for money so I can go on vacation. Anyone find themselves in this situation? I could use some advice on the right thing to do.

What if you just sighed sadly one day and said "The cost of living is getting crazy. I am very stressed about it. I think we may need to sit down and work out a plan where you will be contributing towards the household expenses."

Be keen to her reaction. Hopefully she hugs you and says "Let's sit down now".

We allow adult children to live at home for as long as they want. Free. Not even a dime for food. But, damn, they better be packing their lunches for work and saving every penny. And they do.