Asking adult child to pay towards household expenses

[tvguy]

We recently updated too. And switched insurance carriers. We are now paying less for more! I encourage everyone to shop around.

As for your daughter, I too have full functioning twenty-somethings living at home. Their salaries are astronomical. Yet, we do not accept any money from them. The cost of living with us is showing us monthly what they have saved for their future homes. That's all. They don't have privacy in that area, because I feel that is our business. At this point, it's like a brag fest. They are both so proud of what they have saved. They are now competing to see who has saved the most.

They will definitely be able to purchase homes by next year. Nice homes. And I am happy to have helped by letting them stay here. But the end game is moving out and home ownership.

We have an older child that basically had the perfect storm a few years ago. High paying job and very low interest rates. Was able to buy without these painful housing issues at the moment. But we would have helped her too if she needed it.

I see nothing wrong with allowing adult children to live rent free, but they have to understand what an amazing gift it is and show respect to the situation.

I have always found shopping around for insurance coverage to be futile. The prices for individual coverages may vary, but in my case, the total cost of my auto, home, umbrella and life insurance ends up the same. And now here in California, just finding a company that stills accepts new customers can be tough. Fires and floods are taking their toll, and all those huge personal injury settlements those lawyers advertise on TV are really hitting the insurance industry hard.

 

[goofyernmost]

Cats and Dogs are two different animals. Dogs work their way into being an expensive luxury now, but cats still remain very low maintenance as long as they stay healthy. But I'm old and can remember vividly that neither animal was expensive back in the day. Again healthy is the key here. But dogs usually ate table scraps and leftovers plus a minor amount of dry dog food and cats were close to the same diet. Plus they could go outside and take advantage of wild cuisine. We never heard that chocolate was bad for a dog or any of the other modern maladies. We didn't have "Cages" or massive amounts of chew toys, beds and gourmet food. I noticed the other day that in Walmart they have devoted three isles of just pet paraphernalia instead of the 6 feet that once was more than enough at earlier times.

My daughter pays mightily for health insurance for her dog and has for years. The dog is 11 years old and recently was diagnosed with cancer which required surgery. The insurance paid for most of that but she still had to pay out a deductible then the insurance company immediately raised the premium $100.00 per month. I liked it better when animals were just pets and not family members. They were great companions and fun to be around but whatever emotional bind we had was light and needed to be because at best their life span is short and then we had a lot less baggage to deal with when their time came.

However, they are living creatures and not something that one should just cast aside when money gets tight. Compared to many other things they are a small expenditure. One night in an expensive restaurant or even just bar could easily cost more than a month of reasonable pet care.

 

[Uncle Coaster]

I am the adult child in my household. I lived out of town for twenty years until the company I worked for closed. I ended up with a job near my home town and moved back home while I was selling my place. That ended up taking almost a year and then my parents asked me to stay because I was a help to them around the house

The house is still in their name and we split the cost to add on so that I had a bigger space. I do not pay rent but took over the property tax, buy anything they see online for them, and then randomly contribute cash if I feel this hasn’t been enough. I admit one time in the eight years we’ve been in this situation my Mom asked for some cash to help out. That was my fault.

I am not recommending this as a solution but it has worked well for us. They are more likely to buy stuff for themselves than if they were spending their “own money”. I hope the OP can find a solution that helps. I agree that a 27 yo should be carrying their weight.

 

[nancipants]

I am the adult child in my household. I lived out of town for twenty years until the company I worked for closed. I ended up with a job near my home town and moved back home while I was selling my place. That ended up taking almost a year and then my parents asked me to stay because I was a help to them around the house

The house is still in their name and we split the cost to add on so that I had a bigger space. I do not pay rent but took over the property tax, buy anything they see online for them, and then randomly contribute cash if I feel this hasn’t been enough. I admit one time in the eight years we’ve been in this situation my Mom asked for some cash to help out. That was my fault.

I am not recommending this as a solution but it has worked well for us. They are more likely to buy stuff for themselves than if they were spending their “own money”. I hope the OP can find a solution that helps. I agree that a 27 yo should be carrying their weight.

My friend moved back home after she got divorced. She works a freelance job so isn't in a position to get her own place. Her parents are aging, so they like having her around to help care for them. Ideally she'd like her own space, but the situation works for them.

I think in these situations it's less about the financial contribution of the adult child living at home, but rather how are they contributing overall.

 

[NeedMoreMickey]

I have the opposite problem. Our 33 year old daughter moved back home for two months as she is selling her house and did not want to deal with people touring her house while she is home. She's going back to school in Germany for three years. She is a Costco member. We have too much food. Why does a 33 year old woman living along buy a 3 pack of 44 ounce bottles of Heinz catsup? 2 five pound bags of oatmeal? 2 4.5 pound bags of chocolate chips? A 2 pound bottle of onion powder?

You had me until you think she bought to many chocolate chips. Who doesn’t need 9 pounds of chocolate chips?

 

[Disneybuckeye]

I have always found shopping around for insurance coverage to be futile. The prices for individual coverages may vary, but in my case, the total cost of my auto, home, umbrella and life insurance ends up the same. And now here in California, just finding a company that stills accepts new customers can be tough. Fires and floods are taking their toll, and all those huge personal injury settlements those lawyers advertise on TV are really hitting the insurance industry hard.

We just changed all our policies for multiple homes, cars, boats, and umbrella. We saved over $1400. Every place is different and they should not check just because yours never changes. Every situation is different.

 

[cabanafrau]

Thank you! I am proud of her. I did not share all the specifics of the situation but I have a lot to be proud of. She does pay her own personal expenses. She is on our auto insurance but she does pay her part. She did buy a new car but we still have the one we got used when she left for college. It’s over 15 years old and started having issues so she bought a new reliable vehicle. She has continued to pay for repairs on the old one and also pays the insurance. We’ve hung onto it and all use it if what we typically drive is in the shop but she has spent quite a bit on it lately. I don’t know why she saved a lot before college and seems to have struggled since. She has more money than her friends. I think sometimes she pays because she’d be stuck sitting at home if she didn’t. Since my first post she and the deadbeat boyfriend broke up. The world of dating is very different than what I experienced nearly 40 years ago. There are some things we need to work on but she isn’t the horrible person some have painted her to be. She’s only been out of school 3 years. It’s not like her life is ruined because she’s drifted off course a little. At least she doesn’t do any number of things that would be much worse. I grew up with no parental involvement and way too much responsibility. I didn’t have a healthy role model for parenting and have not done everything right. I did ask for advice and appreciate that I got some great suggestions. I don’t think I expected so much judgement and criticism but that’s ok. I think I’ve had enough now. I feel thoroughly beaten up. I don’t need her money. I am frustrated that Disney has gotten so expensive but the experience so much less. It used to be my happy place but not so much anymore.

No one here who's a parent did everything right either, no matter what they might post. We do the best we can and hope and pray for the best where we lack or messed up.

You're exactly right, your daughter has drifted off course. Unfortunately course correction is going to require some changes and some sacrifices -- not exactly things anybody welcomes. Despite what some of the comments here say she cannot (and should not) be expected or attempt to shift to helping with a share of household expenses, go to work and save literally every other dime. Life should be lived and that will require some expenditures. Learning to calibrate a good balance and moderation of spending is the goal -- not squeezing the life out of every nickel every moment of every day. That's a skill she'll also need as she moves onto complete independence in the future.

 

[sheilafri]

Not all people want to own a home.

Yes! My parents just sold their house and are now in an apartment. It is well past time for the move imho. They haven’t had the ability to care for a house for years. DS bought a condo a couple years ago. He hates yard work, works long hours and I think of it as a step removed from renting. Home ownership is a personal decision. It may be right for you and wrong for someone else. It also is not necessarily tied to financial means so shouldn’t lead to judgments about a person’s financial situation.

 

[tvguy]

We just changed all our policies for multiple homes, cars, boats, and umbrella. We saved over $1400. Every place is different and they should not check just because yours never changes. Every situation is different.

Wow, That would be 35% lower than what I pay combined a year for my auto, homeowners and umbrella. Everytime I checked in the past, the biggest price difference was $25. But I do need to call by auto insurance company and put my deductible back to $1,000. We bought a new Toyota in 2020 and Toyota Financial required the deductible be no more than $500. My wife and I have been married 42 years and until that requirement always had a $1,000 deductible.

 

[tvguy]

You had me until you think she bought to many chocolate chips. Who doesn’t need 9 pounds of chocolate chips?

My wife has been making a lot of chocolate chip muffins and cookies in the nearly two weeks she our daughter moved back in with us. She actually took me to Costco yesterday, I had never been. I must confess I bought a 5 pound container of potato salad. Store bought potato salad always looks sooo good, and usually disappoints. My mom's potato salad recipe is much better.

 

[cabanafrau]

We recently updated too. And switched insurance carriers. We are now paying less for more! I encourage everyone to shop around.

As for your daughter, I too have full functioning twenty-somethings living at home. Their salaries are astronomical. Yet, we do not accept any money from them. The cost of living with us is showing us monthly what they have saved for their future homes. That's all. They don't have privacy in that area, because I feel that is our business. At this point, it's like a brag fest. They are both so proud of what they have saved. They are now competing to see who has saved the most.

They will definitely be able to purchase homes by next year. Nice homes. And I am happy to have helped by letting them stay here. But the end game is moving out and home ownership.

We have an older child that basically had the perfect storm a few years ago. High paying job and very low interest rates. Was able to buy without these painful housing issues at the moment. But we would have helped her too if she needed it.

I see nothing wrong with allowing adult children to live rent free, but they have to understand what an amazing gift it is and show respect to the situation.

Sorry, I cannot imagine the bolded, just cannot wrap my brain around it. I say this as a mom with a 20-something living at home while pursuing her career, her master's and saves for her future. Her older sister is independent, but has been home for various stretches when her work brings her back in state for different projects. During the initial stages of Covid she moved back home with us for quite a few months and rented out her condo in another state since she was working from home and decided it was preferable not to be in a solo living situation at the time.

Both of our daughters have long demonstrated their work ethic, their character, their personalities and individual traits, etc. We know they're taking care of business without needing to be privy to their business with documentation. We sent them off to college on our dime without ever asking to see proof of their academic results. I'm sure your kids are equally up to the task. Sorry, I just don't understand your expectation of documentation -- repeatedly, no less.

 

[barkley]

I have learned a few things by this conversation. I did update our auto and home insurance. We’ve had the same coverage for years and it was no longer adequate. I also learned that we need an umbrella policy. I didn’t know that existed. That department closed before I was able to talk to someone so I’ll do that tonight. Until I get all of that completed I don’t know if she needs removed from our policy or not.

an umbrella policy is excellent added protection and i've found it very affordable ($223 per year for $1 million in coverage). another type of coverage that costs very little (in my experience) to add is UNDER INSURED motorist. many if not most people have uninsured motorist so that if they are in an accident with someone (who is at fault) absent insurance they can utilize their own coverage but many people in cutting back on expenses are opting to drop their coverage to the minimums their individual state mandates which can be very inadequate for repairs, medical bills and lost wages if you are receiving end of an accident due to no fault on your own part. we were in a very minor accident a handful of years back and the minimum coverage the other driver had tapped out at about 70% of our expenses so having this coverage on our policy made up for the short-fall.

 

[Pink Partridge]

Sorry, I cannot imagine the bolded, just cannot wrap my brain around it. I say this as a mom with a 20-something living at home while pursuing her career, her master's and saves for her future. Her older sister is independent, but has been home for various stretches when her work brings her back in state for different projects. During the initial stages of Covid she moved back home with us for quite a few months and rented out her condo in another state since she was working from home and decided it was preferable not to be in a solo living situation at the time.

Both of our daughters have long demonstrated their work ethic, their character, their personalities and individual traits, etc. We know they're taking care of business without needing to be privy to their business with documentation. We sent them off to college on our dime without ever asking to see proof of their academic results. I'm sure your kids are equally up to the task. Sorry, I just don't understand your expectation of documentation -- repeatedly, no less.

Everyone is different for sure.

We are extremely open about finances, budgets, investments, retirement plans, etc. We weren't always like that, but have found it beneficial to talk openly about money within our home.

Once they move out and are on their own, we would never ask them their financial status. Although the one that lives on her own did just tell us about her amazing and well deserved bonus

Again, I know others have different family dynamics. This works for us and our very successful children.

 

[cabanafrau]

Everyone is different for sure.

We are extremely open about finances, budgets, investments, retirement plans, etc. We weren't always like that, but have found it beneficial to talk openly about money within our home.

Once they move out and are on their own, we would never ask them their financial status. Although the one that lives on her own did just tell us about her amazing and well deserved bonus

Again, I know others have different family dynamics. This works for us and our very successful children.

Openness is a different concept from what I was discussing. Our kids didn't have any issue discussing with us how things were going in their academic pursuits, high school, college, whatever. It's somewhat the same with many other things, such as finances, budgeting, etc., although a lot of that perspective is in broader brushstrokes since we don't see the need to be privy to any nitty gritty details of bank balances, take home pay, retirement amounts, how much they spent on their vacation, etc.

They demonstrated an understanding of pursuing their education for their own goals, not ours, and we let them take the wheel. They decided on their career path, picked their school of choice and we sent them off because we knew they were responsible and they followed through without need for us monitoring their progress. Sure, they discussed with us what they were doing, how it was going, etc., We weren't disinterested. We simply didn't feel the need for any heightened vigilance.

Financial matters have kind of a similar trajectory. Trained them with the basic guardrails as they grew up and let them handle things for themselves as they aged and matured into the responsibilities. As they arrived at different phases of adulthood we gave them our best guidance and answer any questions they ask and trust them to handle it responsibly because that's who they've always demonstrated they are. I guess for me it's just, yep, those are my leopards, same spots they've always had, no documentation needed to tell me that.

 

[Pink Partridge]

Openness is a different concept from what I was discussing. Our kids didn't have any issue discussing with us how things were going in their academic pursuits, high school, college, whatever. It's somewhat the same with many other things, such as finances, budgeting, etc., although a lot of that perspective is in broader brushstrokes since we don't see the need to be privy to any nitty gritty details of bank balances, take home pay, retirement amounts, how much they spent on their vacation, etc.

They demonstrated an understanding of pursuing their education for their own goals, not ours, and we let them take the wheel. They decided on their career path, picked their school of choice and we sent them off because we knew they were responsible and they followed through without need for us monitoring their progress. Sure, they discussed with us what they were doing, how it was going, etc., We weren't disinterested. We simply didn't feel the need for any heightened vigilance.

Financial matters have kind of a similar trajectory. Trained them with the basic guardrails as they grew up and let them handle things for themselves as they aged and matured into the responsibilities. As they arrived at different phases of adulthood we gave them our best guidance and answer any questions they ask and trust them to handle it responsibly because that's who they've always demonstrated they are. I guess for me it's just, yep, those are my leopards, same spots they've always had, no documentation needed to tell me that.

Your kids sound awesome! And you sound like an amazing mom

 

[cabanafrau]

Your kids sound awesome! And you sound like an amazing mom

I don't think anybody would dislike having them for a next door neighbor, which I think is a pretty solid recommendation.

 

[kymom99]

My wife has been making a lot of chocolate chip muffins and cookies in the nearly two weeks she our daughter moved back in with us. She actually took me to Costco yesterday, I had never been. I must confess I bought a 5 pound container of potato salad. Store bought potato salad always looks sooo good, and usually disappoints. My mom's potato salad recipe is much better.

Add some pepper. That always helps.

 

[mjkacmom]

Add some pepper. That always helps.

I don’t think pepper can help grocery store potato salad. Besides homemade, there is only one deli where I will buy it (little place open for at least 50 years, cash only, they make wonderful homemade food). I don’t make it much because I enjoy it way too much and it’s certainly the healthiest salad.

 

[tvguy]

Add some pepper. That always helps.

Never used pepper. Most potato salad has too much mustard in it, not enough onion or egg, and of course it HAS to be made with mayo, not miracle whip.

 

[kdonnel]

I have always found shopping around for insurance coverage to be futile. The prices for individual coverages may vary, but in my case, the total cost of my auto, home, umbrella and life insurance ends up the same. And now here in California, just finding a company that stills accepts new customers can be tough. Fires and floods are taking their toll, and all those huge personal injury settlements those lawyers advertise on TV are really hitting the insurance industry hard.

We changed companies a couple years ago and saved a little over $2000 across auto, home, and umbrella.

Insurance is very state specific. While you might have found it futile that does not mean it is futile for everyone.