Asking a friend to join your vacation

[rg35]

This was the wrong place to ask a question like this, to be honest. People answer based on their own emotional and personal feelings without regard to all situations being different.

It was nice of you to consider including your daughter's friend in the first place with the understanding that having a friend there would be a great addition to the trip.

You offered to cover the % of the trip that you can best afford, and there was nothing wrong with that. Anyone who thinks that it was wrong to ask someone to come along without intending to cover the entire cost of the trip needs to check their entitlement at the door. You were up front and direct about the expectations which allowed the other party to make a decision based on hard numbers.

There's nothing wrong with anything that you did. I don't think most people who go to Disney every year or multiple times per year (which makes up a large portion of the population of active users here) are able to grasp the perspective that for some people, visiting Disney does require socking away every spare dollar for a long period of time. It sounds like you are in that situation, and it sounds like the other family could be in the same situation. $900 or $1100 may not seem like a lot of money to some people, but to a lot of people it's a large sum of money. I get why you did what you did, and I don't know why anyone would be offended by being on the other side of the request.

 

[angierae]

We paid for DD17 (then) to bring a friend in 2012, but there were circumstances: We got free dining, so feeding her wasn't an issue. We were already going to pay for the hotel room. And so basically we covered her park tickets and her flight. She brought her own spending money, and at the last minute her mom gave me $400, which I turned around and spent on the girls anyway.

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask the parents to pay, with the understanding that the answer might well be no, because that's a lot of money.

 

[Nancyg56]

I think also people won't tell you to your face the response you don't want to hear these days.

The Internet is a funny place. People shoot out exactly how they feel be it positive or negative.

I personally don't know what I would do in your case. I would feel bad asking someone for money if I was taking their kid bout would prob hope they would send money. Lol.

why is the trip so much for 4 days? Only thing I can guess is cause u r staying at the gf or poly or another deluxe.

If that is the case As a parent and knowing Disney I would be saying u are asking my kid to go and staying at such an expensive place why not stay somewhere cheaper so it will be less of a burden on my needed to pay for my kid to go with ur kid. I also would be saying that my kid doesn't need the meal plan cause they don't eat that much. So

Maybe my take on this even though I said above I don't know what I would do. I would pay for he room and meal plan cause those are items that can be cut down to make the trip cheaper and I would ask the parents to pay for the air and park ticket and spending money. I thinks fair if we talking a deluxe room and meal plan. Again I say those cause they can be controlled to be cheaper but u r picking to upgrade to these. Oh same with the party stuff

I also think that based on the responses, it is easy to see that this is a touchy subject in general. On a message board you can share your feelings, but when you have this discussion with a friend, you enter into circumstances that a lot of people prefer not to enter.

 

[RustManFan]

When I took my DD's boyfriend with us for their h.s. graduation present I offered to pay for everything that was the same whether he came along or not plus his share of Amtrak Auto Train. That includes the campsite at FW. He paid for his ticket and food other than the groceries we got for the campsite. Since we drove back to NJ over a few days time I also paid for all gas and motels for 2 or 3 nights.

 

[KaSe]

Sorry the friend can't go, but good for you planning such an amazing surprise! Sounds like a super fun way to spend a 16th birthday & I hope it's an incredible memory for you both.

And you know, we had friends invite us to go on a cruise with them a few years ago -- actually, they've invited us twice. Absolutely no one assumed they'd be paying our way just because they said, "It'd be great if you could come!" One time we were able to swing it financially & we had a blast. The other time, we just didn't have the extra money to go so we declined politely (and then came over for dinner to ooh & aah over their photos when they got home). It never affected our friendship.

 

[Mikey2016]

I think its sweet that you did that.

I would if I was able just pay the entire thing since you invited her but I know times like today Disney is costly but maybe ask what they can pay then just pay the rest or tell them you want to invite them and to start saving up.

 

[Vijoge]

You are braver than I am. There is no way I would surprise a 16 year old girl with a trip to WDW. At that age my DD was making her own plans and would have things to do that couldn't be cancelled like school projects, sports, drama, choir, job and plans with friends. Even during school breaks and summer she always has something going on.

We're taking four granddaughters in January, one of whom will be 17. (They girls don't know about the trip.) She is going to be thrilled. She may have plans, but nothing that will trump a trip to WDW! I have no fear of that. She does have a job and I will arrange beforehand for one of her friends to cover her shift.

 

[powellrj]

We're taking four granddaughters in January, one of whom will be 17. (They girls don't know about the trip.) She is going to be thrilled. She may have plans, but nothing that will trump a trip to WDW! I have no fear of that. She does have a job and I will arrange beforehand for one of her friends to cover her shift.

Good luck!

 

[MakiraMarlena]

You've already let them know how much you are willing to pay and how much you expect them to pay. Maybe tell them that you need an answer at a certain point before you would incur fees for removing her from a package reservation (by the paid in full date). (If your reservation is not a package then you can remove her anytime.)

I don't think there is a problem asking the friend's parents to pay part or all so long as the person who asks is ready and prepared to take "no" for an answer. You've "plussed" this trip with a lot of extras, and that drives the price up, so I'd assume you're prepared for the girl's parents to say "no."

Seems to be a thought out there that an invitation creates an obligation for the invitee to accept, or makes the invitee believe they have an obligation to accept. Which isn't the point of an invitation. One can say sorry, no, I can't accept.

 

[minniemous]

This was the wrong place to ask a question like this, to be honest. People answer based on their own emotional and personal feelings without regard to all situations being different.

It was nice of you to consider including your daughter's friend in the first place with the understanding that having a friend there would be a great addition to the trip.

You offered to cover the % of the trip that you can best afford, and there was nothing wrong with that. Anyone who thinks that it was wrong to ask someone to come along without intending to cover the entire cost of the trip needs to check their entitlement at the door. You were up front and direct about the expectations which allowed the other party to make a decision based on hard numbers.

There's nothing wrong with anything that you did. I don't think most people who go to Disney every year or multiple times per year (which makes up a large portion of the population of active users here) are able to grasp the perspective that for some people, visiting Disney does require socking away every spare dollar for a long period of time. It sounds like you are in that situation, and it sounds like the other family could be in the same situation. $900 or $1100 may not seem like a lot of money to some people, but to a lot of people it's a large sum of money. I get why you did what you did, and I don't know why anyone would be offended by being on the other side of the request.

The OP did say in one of her posts that she has gone to Disney World multiple times with her family and usually does quick service but because this is her daughter's 16th birthday they were going all out and saving for many extras that they usually do not do. It is not quite the picture you are painting of someone scrimping for that one lifetime trip Disney or even second or third trip. The OP is actually just like the majority of people on the boards that love Disney World as a vacation and have to save for it. It is also different because it is a Birthday celebration for her daughter. This trip as she has put it is all about her daughter's 16th birthday and her happiness and therefore is trying to bump up that experience with the addition of a good friend.

In this situation I personally feel that the right thing to have done is to offer to pay for more of the trip or downsize the trip in order to include her friend. If I thought it would make my daughter so happy to have her friend with her at Disney to celebrate a special birthday I think that would take importance over the moderate resort and all the other stuff.

Entitlement has nothing to do with it. It is simply a difference of opinion in what is the proper thing to do. I would not want to put someone on the spot like that especially when it is a trip all about celebrating my daughter's birthday. I do not think it is the right thing to do and many agree with me and many disagree. I think entitlement argument is way off point here. The fact that she was worried about offending the parents shows that she herself questioned the propriety of the invitation.

She is perfectly in her right to invite the friend and ask for every cent she is expending but many do not feel given all the circumstances (being a birthday celebration etc.) it was a proper thing to do. I have no doubt that the OP is a good person and had no bad intentions. Furthermore I do not think people who disagree with my viewpoint on this issue are "cheap people". In the same respect there is no need to feel everyone who feels different from you is "entitled". Also $900 would not feel like a lot of money to the "entitled" people you are talking about. It is more like most of those people recognize how much that can be and how it can put someone on the spot.

 

[jscottnc]

We have actually done this four times and have actually picked up the entire cost three times (back when I had more dollars than sense). The last time I suggested that the friend cover the cost of admission media (about $350 for the number of days we were going) and it was quickly agreed. (Still have more dollars than sense but the ratio is getting closer.) Next trip any tag-alongs will be responsible for admission media and transportation (~$600), we'll house and feed. I am sure I will be informed how this works out.

 

[piccolopat]

Since you are on a budget, you might rethink the dining plan. For many families, the plan costs more than what they would have normally ordered. That seems to add pressure to only go to the most expensive restaurants and order the most expensive menu items. Personally, we like the freedom of going where we want and ordering what we are in the mood for.

 

[amberpi]

$1100 covers her dining plan, park tickets, airfare, Christmas Party ticket, and Gospel Brunch ticket.

Do you know this child/parents/family would be ok with a "gospel brunch?" The money is one thing, the religious stuff quite another, no?

 

[hookedonears]

I'm planning a surprise trip for my daughter's 16th birthday. I have asked the parents of one of her friends if her friend could come on the trip with us if we paid for $200 of the cost for her to join us (which would still leave them paying about $900). I haven't heard anything back yet from them. I hope I didn't offend them by asking them if she could go and if they could pay that much. I know my daughter would love to have her friend go on the trip with us and it will make the surprise just that much better. I really like this girl. She's a very sweet girl and I like her family too. Frankly, I'd love to take her whole family if I could. If they decide to let her go and something should happen that makes them decide not to let her go later, would she be able to be taken off of the reservation? How would that work? Any advice? Thanks!

$200? There's an old saying that would apply here, but I don't think it would be PC for many in this crowd.

 

[Nancyg56]

$200? There's a phrase that would apply here, but I don't think it would be PC for this crowd.

Lol!! Be nice! Lol!

 

[IrishNYC]

My takeaway from all this? I'd love to have friends as generous as all of you seem to be.

I cannot imagine one single friend of our family footing the bill for any part of a vacation for us, or the parents of any of my child's friend's inviting her along to Disney at all, and footing the bill, nor would we ever dream of inviting a friend along for our only child, whether we paid the full cost, a portion of the cost, or not a single cent.

 

[Nancyg56]

My takeaway from all this? I'd love to have friends as generous as all of you seem to be.

I cannot imagine one single friend of our family footing the bill for any part of a vacation for us, or the parents of any of my child's friend's inviting her along to Disney at all, and footing the bill, nor would we ever dream of inviting a friend along for our only child, whether we paid the full cost, a portion of the cost, or not a single cent.

It depends on how you feel about it. If we wanted to ask a friend of our DGD along with us, we would pay 100%. But I would never take anyone who I was not very comfortable with, so that person would need to be more than just a friend of my DGD, you know what I mean?

My DH is one of those guys who pays for family or dear friends, so eveyone tends to get a "free ride" once. But we save for these trips, and they really are a commitment for us.

 

[busymommy2pink]

Do you know this child/parents/family would be ok with a "gospel brunch?" The money is one thing, the religious stuff quite another, no?

I imagine that would have been disclose. As shocking as it sounds, often friends are people with similar values, so I imagine that would be the case here.

 

[jimim]

I also think that based on the responses, it is easy to see that this is a touchy subject in general. On a message board you can share your feelings, but when you have this discussion with a friend, you enter into circumstances that a lot of people prefer not to enter.

Right that's what I mean. If you were talking to this to someone you knew you are pretty much going to tell them what they want to hear cause it is just an uncomfortable situation I think if you feel different.

 

[ronandannette]

This was the wrong place to ask a question like this, to be honest. People answer based on their own emotional and personal feelings without regard to all situations being different.

It was nice of you to consider including your daughter's friend in the first place with the understanding that having a friend there would be a great addition to the trip.

You offered to cover the % of the trip that you can best afford, and there was nothing wrong with that. Anyone who thinks that it was wrong to ask someone to come along without intending to cover the entire cost of the trip needs to check their entitlement at the door. You were up front and direct about the expectations which allowed the other party to make a decision based on hard numbers.

There's nothing wrong with anything that you did. I don't think most people who go to Disney every year or multiple times per year (which makes up a large portion of the population of active users here) are able to grasp the perspective that for some people, visiting Disney does require socking away every spare dollar for a long period of time. It sounds like you are in that situation, and it sounds like the other family could be in the same situation. $900 or $1100 may not seem like a lot of money to some people, but to a lot of people it's a large sum of money. I get why you did what you did, and I don't know why anyone would be offended by being on the other side of the request.

As the OP came back to point out, she DIDN'T ask this question. Turns out what she wanted to know was whether or not reservations for the 3rd person could be cancelled if necessary. Who knew? We all went down the same rabbit hole in discussing the issue of who pays for what.

And for the record, I've followed this thread since the beginning and only one person actually said they'd be offended if they were invited and also asked to pay some of their own way. The vast majority of us that were on the side of "host pays for everything" simply said that if we were doing the inviting, we'd also expect to be paying. And that's not just rhetorical; many of us have actually done it. I'm not sure where your application of the term "entitlement" comes into play in such a scenario.