Asking a friend to join your vacation

[HopperFan]

LOL - that apparently wasn't clear as I don't think you got very many answers to that question.

This is true. When asking a question, it's best to get to the meat of the question. When you add the entire scenario then it looks like you are asking for input to all aspects of the story.

If OP has only said the blue part it would have been clear what the question was .... but since the bulk was other stuff, folks answered to that. To answer her question, she would have had to provide more info about her dates, tickets purchased etc.


I'm planning a surprise trip for my daughter's 16th birthday. I have asked the parents of one of her friends if her friend could come on the trip with us if we paid for $200 of the cost for her to join us (which would still leave them paying about $900). I haven't heard anything back yet from them. I hope I didn't offend them by asking them if she could go and if they could pay that much. I know my daughter would love to have her friend go on the trip with us and it will make the surprise just that much better. I really like this girl. She's a very sweet girl and I like her family too. Frankly, I'd love to take her whole family if I could. If they decide to let her go and something should happen that makes them decide not to let her go later, would she be able to be taken off of the reservation? How would that work? Any advice? Thanks!

 

[ronandannette]

This is true. When asking a question, it's best to get to the meat of the question. When you add the entire scenario then it looks like you are asking for input to all aspects of the story.

If OP has only said the blue part it would have been clear what the question was .... but since the bulk was other stuff, folks answered to that. To answer her question, she would have had to provide more info about her dates, tickets purchased etc.


I'm planning a surprise trip for my daughter's 16th birthday. I have asked the parents of one of her friends if her friend could come on the trip with us if we paid for $200 of the cost for her to join us (which would still leave them paying about $900). I haven't heard anything back yet from them. I hope I didn't offend them by asking them if she could go and if they could pay that much. I know my daughter would love to have her friend go on the trip with us and it will make the surprise just that much better. I really like this girl. She's a very sweet girl and I like her family too. Frankly, I'd love to take her whole family if I could. If they decide to let her go and something should happen that makes them decide not to let her go later, would she be able to be taken off of the reservation? How would that work? Any advice? Thanks!

I'd like this more than once if I could.

 

[jessg]

Am I the only one who thinks $4100 on a 4 day trip for 3 people is insane when thats about how much my 8 day 8 night trip for 4 is costing

 

[Jonny_Duck]

Am I the only one who thinks $4100 on a 4 day trip for 3 people is insane when thats about how much my 8 day 8 night trip for 4 is costing

Yeah I agree with you. But I suppose you only live once.

 

[eyehartdisney]

You posted your plan and asked what everybody thought - no one here attacked you in any way. You apparently respect the opinions of people who agree with you and are supportive but are defensive and dismissive with those who disagree. Interesting.

I think it's less that people aren't agreeing with her, and more people are actually calling her rude for asking. I think that's a bit over the line, don'tcha think?

 

[ronandannette]

I think it's less that people aren't agreeing with her, and more people are actually calling her rude for asking. I think that's a bit over the line, don'tcha think?

Honestly - no, I don't think the posts in this thread have been particularly hostile at all.

And for the record, I'm one of those people who has invited people, both children and adults, to accompany us on vacations. When we do the asking, we're prepared to pay and make that clear with the invitation. I've also been invited and had our DS invited, and been expected to foot our own bill. I wasn't offended in the least, even though it's not what I would personally do. (In those cases I declined the invitation DH and I received but we did send our DS with a friend's family once and paid the portion that they asked for.)

 

[IrishNYC]

How many threads are posted that begin by discussing hoe the child would have a lot more fun if there was a friend along? I do not think those people plan to treat the kid as an escort, but do think that the friends presence will enhance their own child's enjoyment.

If my kid needs to have a friend along to enjoy Disney, I'm not going to waste my money bringing my kid to Disney.

 

[dachsie]

If I invited one of my daughters friends on our trip then I would pay for whole trip...(excluding spending money) in my opinion if You cant afford to pay for her friend then you shouldnt even ask

Totally agree with this. If my daughter asked me if her friend could come, then I would say she could if she paid her share, but if I invite her, then I should pay, less her spending money.

 

[jrt1176]

Everyone will have their own opinion on this one...

As a kid, we occasionally took friends or family on a vacation, but we usually went with just as a family.

Many times flights were involved as well, but we always payed the entire amount.

Obviously, everyone's situation is different. If I did this now with my niece, I would still pay for the whole thing. While I think the friend's parents should give the friend spending money for things they want, I would still pay for everything for the friend.

Also, if I was the OP, I would just go with your daughter alone. Bringing the friend is a nice thought, but 3 is an odd number and many rides only seat 2, etc. I would go and spend a special time with your daughter.

 

[Nancyg56]

If my kid needs to have a friend along to enjoy Disney, I'm not going to waste my money bringing my kid to Disney.

We have one DGD and she is the child who hung our moon. She is 14 now and still, when we invite her to do things with us, she almost always wants to join us. Lucky us, right???? Well, my DH, who never was a girl in his life, has decided he knows more about girls than...well....girls! For years he has asked her if she wants to bring a fiend, and she has always said no. Not for any of the "excursions" we take. Friends to movies, day trips, that kind of thing, yes. Anything that is "special". No.

My poor DH is so flustered, he just does not understand that Kady wants that experience with us. She will often tramp along with him somewhere, or with me, and she is a joy. He still wants her to have a friend. I finally told him to enjoy that she is happy with us, and remember these times because without warning she may shut that switch off, and not want to be seen with any of the adults in her family!!! LOL!

 

[smiths02]

I heard back from the mom of the girl. Unfortunately the girl cannot come because it is expensive (which I completely understand and told her mom I would understand when I asked).

Since you heard back that money is the issue, and it is an issue for you...have you thought about scaling back?
Your trip price is expensive...meal plan for 3 adults and gospel Sunday brunch?
I guess you made your decision, but I might cut out a table service or downgrade tickets or room so my daughter could bring a friend if that would be fun for her.

 

[Nancyg56]

Since you heard back that money is the issue, and it is an issue for you...have you thought about scaling back?
Your trip price is expensive...meal plan for 3 adults and gospel Sunday brunch?
I guess you made your decision, but I might cut out a table service or downgrade tickets or room so my daughter could bring a friend if that would be fun for her.

This is exactly why I think the whole thing gets awkward. I cannot remember if the friend in this circumstance had any idea about the trip, but if she did, what a letdown! So what do you do? Scale back your own rip? Just let it go? No matter what you do at this point, there will be hurt feelings. You already set the price, so now to offer to pay could be insulting to the parents.

 

[Sparkie]

We have invited friends and asked them to share the cost. I usually provide the cost of the room, since I was going to pay that anyway and adding someone does not change that price. I also pay for food. What I have asked is the cost of the ticket, travel and spending money.

One invite or join however you want to view it was declined because the family had too many other sports related expenses and just couldnt come up with the extra money. One invite the child ended up already in Orlando for another event and joined us halfway through the trip.

Then there were the 2 boyfriend joins- would not recommend this one- it wasnt a money issue- but we call the inviting a boyfriend to Disney as the relationship kiss of death..... Neither boyfriend invite is still the boyfriend of either daughter.

OP- I dont think it was rude to ask for the family to pay a portion of the trip but if you really want her to go then I think you should reconsider the amount that was asked for. I also think 3,000 for a 4 day weekend is pricey.

 

[Jajone]

I took my daughter last summer with 3 of her friends. I did state up front that anyone coming would need to pay airfare and ticket in. I covered townhouse rental, car rental, all food and any additional activities. No one had a problem with it. I purchased travel insurance to cover cancel for any reason. They were all volleyball players and had potential injury up to the last minute. I also tried to be budget wise to make the trip affordable all around. Perhaps there are ways you could cut the budget to be able to pay for the other girl to come.

BTW, my daughter is leaving in 2 weeks to spend a week in Florida with her best friend for her 16th birthday. I will be paying about $700 total for her. Flights and ticket to Universal. I did not feel this was any issue.

 

[Accident]

Wow, now that I've seen the list of what the $900 was for, there are things that could be adjusted so the costs were minimal if any...

I'm not sure if you got the answer to the "what happens if I just book her and she doesn't come". Disney is very detailed when things are none transferable and non-refundable. The meal plan, tickets, etc that's pretty easy with enough warning to get removed from teh reservation and get your money back. Special events, that's where you may be out the expense but again disney is really good at indicating when that is the case.

 

[Laneybelle]

My husband and I are two adults without children and we have a best friend that is more like a sister who we travel with quite a bit. We do things differently for different trips. We are going to Disney Labor Day weekend this year and were planning on going regardless of whether our friend joins us. She decided she wants to go so she is just paying the up charge of having an extra adult in the room, plus all of her expenses for food and tickets. However, we are planning a trip together to California next year so she will pay 1/3 of the hotel, car rental, etc plus all of her expenses. We did the same thing on a joint planned trip to NYC in 2014. Basically, if we plan together we split the costs more evenly and if we're going regardless and she decides to join she just pays any extra costs associated with her joining. I know it's a different situation with 3 adults and no children, but my point is that we decide how to handle the situation on a case by case basis and work it out in a comfortable way for all of us. It has never been awkward and there have been times we've invited her along and she's unable to for reasons related to expense or prior obligations and that's ok too!

 

[princessjadesmom]

~ None of this matters at all because the girl is unable to come regardless.
~Yes, I agree this is a very expensive vacation. Normally our Disney trips are much less expensive (value resorts, quick service dining, no extras).
~Even if making the trip cheaper would allow the girl to go, I am not willing to do that for this trip.
~This is basically my daughter's dream trip. I have been booking things that I would never normally book to make this as much of an amazing, once in a lifetime type of trip that I can afford. (POFQ-because my daughter loves Princess and the Frog and New Orleans; MVMCP-because she has never been to Disney at Christmas time; DDP [instead of quick service plan]-because there are table service restaurants that she has been saying she would like to eat at; House of Blues Gospel Brunch- because she has been obsessed with trying that since the first time she saw it)
~Neither one of the girls knows anything about this trip, so there is no let down for either one of them over the friend not being able to go.
~At some point (on a different trip), I may book a much less expensive trip and be able to pay for the majority of the price for the girl to come with us.

 

[jrt1176]

It sounds like a special trip for you both!

Honestly, I think it's better that just the two of you go together and experience it all!

~ None of this matters at all because the girl is unable to come regardless.
~Yes, I agree this is a very expensive vacation. Normally our Disney trips are much less expensive (value resorts, quick service dining, no extras).
~Even if making the trip cheaper would allow the girl to go, I am not willing to do that for this trip.
~This is basically my daughter's dream trip. I have been booking things that I would never normally book to make this as much of an amazing, once in a lifetime type of trip that I can afford. (POFQ-because my daughter loves Princess and the Frog and New Orleans; MVMCP-because she has never been to Disney at Christmas time; DDP [instead of quick service plan]-because there are table service restaurants that she has been saying she would like to eat at; House of Blues Gospel Brunch- because she has been obsessed with trying that since the first time she saw it)
~Neither one of the girls knows anything about this trip, so there is no let down for either one of them over the friend not being able to go.
~At some point (on a different trip), I may book a much less expensive trip and be able to pay for the majority of the price for the girl to come with us.

 

[ronandannette]

It sounds like a special trip for you both!

Honestly, I think it's better that just the two of you go together and experience it all!

Totally this ^^.

We travelled with a friend for DS twice. The first time the kids were young and it was just like having an extra member of the family. The second time (to DLR and it was the friend's first visit there), they were 17 and the two buddies left DH and I in their dust. It was a good trip, but definitely not the quality family time we were used to.

 

[leebee]

OP, it sounds like you and your DD will have an amazing time on this trip! We love MVMCP, and have always wanted to try the Gospel Brunch at House of Blues- I'm jealous! The only thing I'd suggest that might make this more affordable is to consider paying for your meals OOP; in our experience (and we always do TS meals), we save money by paying for our food rather than being on the DDP- especially if you are eating at HoB. Look at the menus that are posted around (the ones at allears.net seem to be very up-to-date) to see if you can save money by paying OOP.

We have been to WDW for 25+ trips, all from the northeast. On only one of these trips did we take along a friend for my DD; DD was 11, friend was 9, and it was their idea that the friend join us. When I talked to the friend's mom, I was very clear as to what the trip would entail, what I was covering, what the friend's family would need to cover. Basically, I figured I was already paying for the hotel room and rental car, so didn't figure those into the budget we asked for. The friend's family covered the friend's airfare, park pass, souvenirs, and food (although I often paid for things like mickey bars and other snacks- basically the friend paid for her lunch and supper- breakfast was included at the hotel). The friend's parents were happy that someone would be willing to take their daughter along and share this experience with her- especially as THEY have no interest in traveling to Disney- and were more than willing to pay their child's share. I am sure if my plans were out of reach for them financially, they would have graciously turned down the invitation, but wouldn't have expected that I'd make the overall vacation cheaper, just so I could take their daughter along with us.