Are Disney weddings forbidden for Catholics to attend??

[pink_tink8i8]

the more I read in this thread the more I feel for you. I think you should just do what you want. I'm stressed out over the whole thing so I can only imagine how you are and you don't need that. you have enough stress to worry about for the planning etc. You can't force people to come. I say, let them stay home. It seems like you are trying to do everything to make them happy but you can't. you've at least tried.

 

[hope1826]

not sure yet. We were considering having a church ceremony when we got back but after reading all of this i dont want to even have it in the church now. It's terrible.... and I am a devout catholic myself... I think its insane....

Maybe you can look into what MLA1977 wrote about.

I am really trying not to judge my decliners, especially since they have not directly told us that religion is their reason for declining. But this is definitely not helping the case for teaching my future children to follow any one religion.

Catholics can attend any wedding they chose to attend. They are not obligated by the church to only attend the weddings of their Catholic friends and family. In Florida there is some kind of option of being married by a priest from the Old Catholic Church (google it for more info).

I've heard how some people have had problems with their home parish requiring them to return to Orlando and have their wedding blessed by a priest in the archdiocese.

 

[hope1826]

the more I read in this thread the more I feel for you. I think you should just do what you want. I'm stressed out over the whole thing so I can only imagine how you are and you don't need that. you have enough stress to worry about for the planning etc. You can't force people to come. I say, let them stay home. It seems like you are trying to do everything to make them happy but you can't. you've at least tried.

Thank you. I gave up on stressing about a month ago, there is no reason to worry that things won't go perfectly, because so many things have already gone wrong. I'm just kind of in this zen place right now, where I don't care about anything.

I just had a brilliant idea!! LOL... one of the other things going wrong is that a few of the guests who did accept the invitation are bringing their extended families to Disney (parents/ grandparents) and DF and I felt terrible that we couldn't accommodate them at the wedding as well. But now that the Roman Catholics are declining, maybe we can extend invitations to the extra people already coming!!

It's just sad for DF, and I was wondering what the probability of it really being the reason was. After speaking to the priest this morning, I'm pretty sure it is their reason. It's just sad. The decliners were his aunts and uncles and one of his best friends.

 

[pink_tink8i8]

that's sad...but there is a bright side, now you get to invite people who actually really want to be there! (you should ask the decliners for the invitations back ($25/invitation I need to see these invites )

 

[hope1826]

that's sad...but there is a bright side, now you get to invite people who actually really want to be there! (you should ask the decliners for the invitations back ($25/invitation I need to see these invites )

That's definitely a good point. We actually had to tell them that we couldn't afford to invite them and they were very sad, they did really want to be there. But we can say that we made room for them. We have to figure out a nice way to say it.

The invitations were on the "Invitation" thread last week or the week before. Not sure where it is now. Do you really think I could ask for them back? I think that would be so mean, but maybe a little deserved. I dunno.

 

[InstImpres]

My understanding is each priest has some leeway in their decision. My DSIL wanted to be married 7 months after she was engaged and was told no by the priest she asked and had known for years (must be engaged 9 months so they know you aren't pregneant, would not accept any test to prove it). My than DF and I, approached another priest at the same church...I am Jewish, he is Catholic, we were married at the catering hall. He agreed to marry us (we had a rabbi & a priest at the ceremony) if we participated in precanna. When I expressed concern about it being in contradiction to my believes, we were told anywhere necessary to substitute the words "belief in religion or higher power".

So, the bottom line is, I think people can stretch things to work or not work for them, depending who they ask and how much they want it. (I am not saying the OP doesn't want the guests, I am saying the guests are not trying).

Hope my story helps, I know it gives a bit of a confusion but I think that is the point, there are many answers on this topic

Good luck

 

[mla1977]

From what I read on the website for the Old Catholic Church, they have the following logic:

Roman Catholic church does not recognize weddings outside of church.
RC does recognize weddings performed by Old Catholic priests.
OC recognizes weddings performed outside of church.
RC will recognize OC wedding performed outside of church.

That's it in a nutshell. I'm still not sure how I feel about the OC church though. I personally would be doing more research on it before I get married. I may even send a message to Fr. Roderick (Daily Breakfast podcast) since he does a good job clarifying these issues. I don't know if our priest would marry us, or how DBF would feel about a non-Catholic ceremony. I still need the ring before that topic is brought up.

 

[myprincessgirlisa]

i wouldnt ask for the invites back...even though they DO deserve it!!lol
Can you do a Evite??

Is DF really upset about all this too??
or is getting to the point where hes tired of the whining & is ready to move forward??

This REALLY stinks!!
Why cant people just be HAPPY for you two...why does it have to come down to "its this way or NO way"
People need to realize we ALL have our OWN lives & unless they fully support/own us...they dont have the right to dictate how we live our lives!!
Theres gonna be ALOT of people missing out!!

I TRUELY hope you guys have the BEST wedding day EVER & that everyone has a GREAT time & its memorable & you have a LONG & HAPPY marriage.

 

[lov2b@disney]

Thank you. I gave up on stressing about a month ago, there is no reason to worry that things won't go perfectly, because so many things have already gone wrong. I'm just kind of in this zen place right now, where I don't care about anything.

I just had a brilliant idea!! LOL... one of the other things going wrong is that a few of the guests who did accept the invitation are bringing their extended families to Disney (parents/ grandparents) and DF and I felt terrible that we couldn't accommodate them at the wedding as well. But now that the Roman Catholics are declining, maybe we can extend invitations to the extra people already coming!!

It's just sad for DF, and I was wondering what the probability of it really being the reason was. After speaking to the priest this morning, I'm pretty sure it is their reason. It's just sad. The decliners were his aunts and uncles and one of his best friends.

Thats the way to look on the bright side of things


It is sad that they cant come to support the two of you-

 

[disneychickforever]

This really stinks!

I was brought up Roman Catholic...now I am 19 and I don't attend services anymore.

I have a feeling that when it comes time to get married I might have an issue, lol.

But the odd thing is, my cousin and his wife just had a non-catholic (I believe) ceromony at Nigara Falls, because they were pregnant. My Nana (OLD FASHIONED ITALIAN CATHOLIC) was there and supported it..as did her sister...

I'm so confused hehe. Especially since I don't think I will marry in my faith (I hate how corrupt it is...I use to be the most devout Catholic you met also, and I never rubbed it on others. I was always accepting of everyone. It got to the point that NO ONE believed I was Catholic because I could accept my homosexual friends and support them...And LOADS of other stuff that was "uncatholic")

I'm having my wedding at Disney when the time comes point-blank. If my family doesn't want to show up, oh well, to bad, more yummy cake for me!

 

[caryndisneydiva]

hope, i really feel for you! i'm considering making the change to the episcopal church because of issues just like this. it makes me mad that i can no longer receive communion, penance or any of the other sacraments because i chose to get married at disney and live with my husband before we were married.

if it makes you feel better, both of my grandparents and my grandmothers sister (my aunt and uncle) are REALLY active in their nj rc church and they attended our wedding. i'm sure they don't feel like they sinned just for attending our wedding (to be honest, i think they were just happy that we finally got married and stopped living together).

i really really feel for you. this situation stinks, but you're not alone...

 

[GlobalDiva]

What bothers me about what your RC guests did is that they didn't have the b*lls to tell you either by phone or via letter of their intentions and reasonings. As I mentioned in one of my posts, I HAVE heard of strict Catholics not attending this type of wedding. But usually, if someone is THAT much of a strict adherent to religious law, they will have no problem telling you to your face why they refuse to attend your wedding.

I want to clarify because I think a few Disboard members don't understand the issue at hand--The issue is not that they would be attending the wedding of a non-Catholic, as I think one poster mentioned--yes, a Catholic can attend any wedding. The issue is that of the "invalid wedding"--attending the wedding of someone who is still officially a member of the Catholic Church, but is choosing to get married outside a Church in a non-Catholic ceremony. Roman Catholics are required to get married within the Catholic Church in a Catholic ceremony, and if they don't, they must either get a blessing beforehand (with all the baggage that that entails), or formally leave the Catholic Church to have their non-Church wedding.

I know that most of us who are sensible and easy-going look at this and think, 'What the hell is wrong with these people? They should just be happy for you, etc.' but as painful and frustrating as it is, you just have to accept that there are just many people who adhere to VERY strict religious beliefs, and they don't bend for ANY reason whatsoever. For these people, religion is more important than the people in their lives. As "religious" as your DF's relatives think they are however, I believe they will regret later in life not celebrating your marriage.

Personally, I think it's a TOTAL load of bullsh*t, and all it does is give other people an excuse to be judgmental and self-righteous. Most of the weddings I have attended in my life have been these kinds of "invalid" weddings, and according to the rules, my own wedding will be invalid too, but this is how I'll be sleeping at night....

1.) Don't sweat the small stuff...
2.) Everything is small stuff...

The RC relatives can snivel and sneer all they want... Your wedding and marriage will be FABULOUS

 

[Starr W.]

Oh my, that's so sad!! I'm so sorry to hear about your predicament.

My family and most of our friends are Roman Catholic and we have all been to several non-Church weddings of Catholic brides and grooms, and it was never an issue for anyone. Of course, I can see a Church itself expressing disapproval, but the guests? I can't really picture that. I don't know...unless they're SUPER old-fashioned, pre-Vatican II Catholics, like Mel Gibson or something

I wouldn't read into it too much though; they may well have declined for financial reasons; it's common to decline destination wedding invites because many people can't spend the money on airfare, plus hotel, plus gift. I know it sucks, but 'tis a common issue for us Dis brides

Did your DF's family ever express anger that the wedding wasn't happening in a Church?

Or if she's a super Polish Catholic like my MIL(very pre-Vatican II). Man she threw a fit when we were going to go to Lake Tahoe for our wedding(she was not going to go).

 

[mla1977]

I did have friends who married first and later had a full Catholic ceremony (in Philly - just to give a reference point). They got married after only a few months of dating. They now have one child (baptised in the Catholic church). Next time I see them I'll ask what they had to go through for the Catholic ceremony.

 

[hope1826]

My understanding is each priest has some leeway in their decision. My DSIL wanted to be married 7 months after she was engaged and was told no by the priest she asked and had known for years (must be engaged 9 months so they know you aren't pregneant, would not accept any test to prove it). My than DF and I, approached another priest at the same church...I am Jewish, he is Catholic, we were married at the catering hall. He agreed to marry us (we had a rabbi & a priest at the ceremony) if we participated in precanna. When I expressed concern about it being in contradiction to my believes, we were told anywhere necessary to substitute the words "belief in religion or higher power".

So, the bottom line is, I think people can stretch things to work or not work for them, depending who they ask and how much they want it. (I am not saying the OP doesn't want the guests, I am saying the guests are not trying).

Hope my story helps, I know it gives a bit of a confusion but I think that is the point, there are many answers on this topic

Good luck

Thank you for your story!! I think it's confusing that the RC church does not have one set standard. Or maybe they do and I just don't understand it.

I don't have a problem with saying higher power or God in our ceremony. We are using Rev. Kevin Knox and having a religious ceremony with only a few phrases changed. I believe in reincarnation and want our vows to be forever, not just "until death". So we are saying God throughout the ceremony, just adding other weird stuff.

From what I read on the website for the Old Catholic Church, they have the following logic:

Roman Catholic church does not recognize weddings outside of church.
RC does recognize weddings performed by Old Catholic priests.
OC recognizes weddings performed outside of church.
RC will recognize OC wedding performed outside of church.

That's it in a nutshell. I'm still not sure how I feel about the OC church though. I personally would be doing more research on it before I get married. I may even send a message to Fr. Roderick (Daily Breakfast podcast) since he does a good job clarifying these issues. I don't know if our priest would marry us, or how DBF would feel about a non-Catholic ceremony. I still need the ring before that topic is brought up.

What is the Old Catholic Church? I just googled it and found a few different websites and I am more confused now. Some of the sites said that the RC church does recognize OC marriages and a few others said that the RC Church does not recognize OC marriages.

I think you should talk to your DF about it before you get engaged. My DF and I talked about it and I begged him to talk to his mom. But he didn't. Not even 24 hours after he proposed, we were all together at the Baptism of the granddaughter of the first couple who declined our invite. She asked what church we were going to use. We said "NONE" and she was hysterically crying for hours in a church parking lot. And almost every time we meet since then, she brings it up again and cries. Even though he has told her that it is not going to happen multiple times. And I am afraid she may become hysterical at the Disney wedding.

My point is that I can't even imagine how much worse this could have been if my DF and I hadn't discussed this before he proposed. He knew exactly what he was getting into.

i wouldnt ask for the invites back...even though they DO deserve it!!lol
Can you do a Evite??

Is DF really upset about all this too??
or is getting to the point where hes tired of the whining & is ready to move forward??

This REALLY stinks!!
Why cant people just be HAPPY for you two...why does it have to come down to "its this way or NO way"
People need to realize we ALL have our OWN lives & unless they fully support/own us...they dont have the right to dictate how we live our lives!!
Theres gonna be ALOT of people missing out!!

I TRUELY hope you guys have the BEST wedding day EVER & that everyone has a GREAT time & its memorable & you have a LONG & HAPPY marriage.

Thank you for your great wishes for us!!

DF is having a harder time believing that religion is the reason.He is annoyed that they won't tell us why and that they waited until now to decline, but he is still trying to find other reasons they could have declined. But he didn't speak to the priest today. I don't know if I should tell him what the priest said, or just let him come to his own conclusions. I don't want to stir things up. I just want to understand.

Thats the way to look on the bright side of things


It is sad that they cant come to support the two of you-

Thank you lov2b. At least we do have support from the guests who are coming and for you all!!

This really stinks!

I was brought up Roman Catholic...now I am 19 and I don't attend services anymore.

I have a feeling that when it comes time to get married I might have an issue, lol.

But the odd thing is, my cousin and his wife just had a non-catholic (I believe) ceromony at Nigara Falls, because they were pregnant. My Nana (OLD FASHIONED ITALIAN CATHOLIC) was there and supported it..as did her sister...

I'm so confused hehe. Especially since I don't think I will marry in my faith (I hate how corrupt it is...I use to be the most devout Catholic you met also, and I never rubbed it on others. I was always accepting of everyone. It got to the point that NO ONE believed I was Catholic because I could accept my homosexual friends and support them...And LOADS of other stuff that was "uncatholic")

I'm having my wedding at Disney when the time comes point-blank. If my family doesn't want to show up, oh well, to bad, more yummy cake for me!

Maybe your cousin was not allowed to have a Catholic wedding under the circumstances. I'm really not sure about all of the rules.

hope, i really feel for you! i'm considering making the change to the episcopal church because of issues just like this. it makes me mad that i can no longer receive communion, penance or any of the other sacraments because i chose to get married at disney and live with my husband before we were married.

if it makes you feel better, both of my grandparents and my grandmothers sister (my aunt and uncle) are REALLY active in their nj rc church and they attended our wedding. i'm sure they don't feel like they sinned just for attending our wedding (to be honest, i think they were just happy that we finally got married and stopped living together).

i really really feel for you. this situation stinks, but you're not alone...

Thank you Caryn! What is penance and what are the other sacraments? My DF says he is not going to give them up, even though he is supposed to. I have no idea how that works.

We live together also. And I thought they would be happy that we were finally getting married too. But I guess not. EEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKK, I just realized something else. We have gotten engagement cards from lots of people, but none from the Roman Catholics. Is that because we live together and we are sinners!!???

Is Mark catholic too?

What bothers me about what your RC guests did is that they didn't have the b*lls to tell you either by phone or via letter of their intentions and reasonings. As I mentioned in one of my posts, I HAVE heard of strict Catholics not attending this type of wedding. But usually, if someone is THAT much of a strict adherent to religious law, they will have no problem telling you to your face why they refuse to attend your wedding.

I want to clarify because I think a few Disboard members don't understand the issue at hand--The issue is not that they would be attending the wedding of a non-Catholic, as I think one poster mentioned--yes, a Catholic can attend any wedding. The issue is that of the "invalid wedding"--attending the wedding of someone who is still officially a member of the Catholic Church, but is choosing to get married outside a Church in a non-Catholic ceremony. Roman Catholics are required to get married within the Catholic Church in a Catholic ceremony, and if they don't, they must either get a blessing beforehand (with all the baggage that that entails), or formally leave the Catholic Church to have their non-Church wedding.

I know that most of us who are sensible and easy-going look at this and think, 'What the hell is wrong with these people? They should just be happy for you, etc.' but as painful and frustrating as it is, you just have to accept that there are just many people who adhere to VERY strict religious beliefs, and they don't bend for ANY reason whatsoever. For these people, religion is more important than the people in their lives. As "religious" as your DF's relatives think they are however, I believe they will regret later in life not celebrating your marriage.

Personally, I think it's a TOTAL load of bullsh*t, and all it does is give other people an excuse to be judgmental and self-righteous. Most of the weddings I have attended in my life have been these kinds of "invalid" weddings, and according to the rules, my own wedding will be invalid too, but this is how I'll be sleeping at night....

1.) Don't sweat the small stuff...
2.) Everything is small stuff...

The RC relatives can snivel and sneer all they want... Your wedding and marriage will be FABULOUS

Thank you so much for that explanation GlobalDiva. It was hard to understand what the priest said, but your explanation sounds right on.

Like I said before, the fact that they won't just come out and honestly tell us, is what bothers me the most. All three sets of couples/families sent cards, but the cards basically said "We really wanted to attend, but we regret that we cannot, but we are sure you will have a lot of fun."

WHATEVER, it is their choice to miss all of the fun. And you're right... it will be fabulous!!

I will take advice #1 and #2

 

[tink774]

This really stinks!

I was brought up Roman Catholic...now I am 19 and I don't attend services anymore.

I have a feeling that when it comes time to get married I might have an issue, lol.

But the odd thing is, my cousin and his wife just had a non-catholic (I believe) ceromony at Nigara Falls, because they were pregnant. My Nana (OLD FASHIONED ITALIAN CATHOLIC) was there and supported it..as did her sister...

I'm so confused hehe. Especially since I don't think I will marry in my faith (I hate how corrupt it is...I use to be the most devout Catholic you met also, and I never rubbed it on others. I was always accepting of everyone. It got to the point that NO ONE believed I was Catholic because I could accept my homosexual friends and support them...And LOADS of other stuff that was "uncatholic")

I'm having my wedding at Disney when the time comes point-blank. If my family doesn't want to show up, oh well, to bad, more yummy cake for me!

LOL you are so much like me it's scary. I attended private Catholic school for grades K-8, but now at age 19 I have turned more towards sprituality than religion and thus rarely attend any services (I love the way you phrased it in your OP, Hope ). My friends didn't believe that I was Catholic when I told them that I support gay marriage, haha.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. I'm terribly sorry that you and your DF are having to deal with these family members. Unfortunately, there will always be someone who isn't happy with your decisions, but I'm glad you have taken an optimistic view and can now extend invitations to family members who DO want to be present! And as Caryn said, they will probably look back years from now and wish they had been there!

My DBF and I have already decided that if/when we get married (been together for almost 3 years now) it will be at Disney. We are both Catholics and so are our family members, and they all know our plan. We've decided to have a Catholic wedding ceremony with just our immediate families present beforehand.

DBF's older brother and his fiancee (sorry, no accents on this computer) are planning to get married in the Catholic church this summer. They live together, have a baby (whom they have agreed to baptise and raise Catholic), she has an older child from a previous relationship, and she is not Catholic. They have barely done ANY planning, as the bride really doesn't care about the ceremony, but so far they have not hit any hitches with the church. So it's interesting to me that DBF and I would be the ones considered to be living in sin if we married outside the church.

Well, whatever happens with these family members, I hope that you and your DF just focus on enjoying your special day. You will still be getting married, regardless of whether or not a few ostriches are willing to pluck their heads out of the sand. That's what really matters!

Congratulations!!

 

[mla1977]

I think you should talk to your DF about it before you get engaged. My DF and I talked about it and I begged him to talk to his mom. But he didn't. Not even 24 hours after he proposed, we were all together at the Baptism of the granddaughter of the first couple who declined our invite. She asked what church we were going to use. We said "NONE" and she was hysterically crying for hours in a church parking lot. And almost every time we meet since then, she brings it up again and cries. Even though he has told her that it is not going to happen multiple times. And I am afraid she may become hysterical at the Disney wedding.

My point is that I can't even imagine how much worse this could have been if my DF and I hadn't discussed this before he proposed. He knew exactly what he was getting into.

I would love to have a Disney wedding and since my family is the Catholic family (he converted of his own free will), I would be the one dealing with potential family issues. If he wants a church wedding, I would gladly have one, but it is not a priority for me. I forsee more problems with some of our Catholic friends. Both of our BFFs are Catholic, but they are also Disney fanatics. I think it is their parents that would have the bigger issue. My mom is super-excited with the idea of a Disney wedding. I think it would be easier to convince him of the Disney wedding when I remind him of how many people would need to be invited if we have something close enough for ALL of my family to be invited.

My mom has been remarried 4 times, so I would laugh at her if she insisted on a church wedding. I did give her my blessing if she wanted to have a church ceremony with my step father (since my dad passed away, I think that she is okay to marry in the church again). I could see my aunt (godfather's wife) saying something about a non-church wedding, but her opinion doesn't matter to me (you should see the "nice" card that I got from her for Christmas reminding me to call him on his birthday - and including the date! I guess he doesn't tell her that I talk to him about once per month )

 

[caryndisneydiva]

T
Thank you Caryn! What is penance and what are the other sacraments? My DF says he is not going to give them up, even though he is supposed to. I have no idea how that works.

We live together also. And I thought they would be happy that we were finally getting married too. But I guess not. EEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKK, I just realized something else. We have gotten engagement cards from lots of people, but none from the Roman Catholics. Is that because we live together and we are sinners!!???

Is Mark catholic too?

mark was really into the church when he was younger, he was an altar boy and even taught ccd in his 20's. one of his former students just messaged him on myspace actually. he said the same things about communion and penance, but i just can't do that...

i don't remember what the other sacraments are...i was just concerned with baptizing my future children. i won't be able to do that in a church that will not recognize my marriage, so we're going to have to make a switcheroo...

 

[hope1826]

LOL you are so much like me it's scary. I attended private Catholic school for grades K-8, but now at age 19 I have turned more towards sprituality than religion and thus rarely attend any services (I love the way you phrased it in your OP, Hope ). My friends didn't believe that I was Catholic when I told them that I support gay marriage, haha.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. I'm terribly sorry that you and your DF are having to deal with these family members. Unfortunately, there will always be someone who isn't happy with your decisions, but I'm glad you have taken an optimistic view and can now extend invitations to family members who DO want to be present! And as Caryn said, they will probably look back years from now and wish they had been there!

My DBF and I have already decided that if/when we get married (been together for almost 3 years now) it will be at Disney. We are both Catholics and so are our family members, and they all know our plan. We've decided to have a Catholic wedding ceremony with just our immediate families present beforehand.................... So it's interesting to me that DBF and I would be the ones considered to be living in sin if we married outside the church.

Thank you Tink!!

I do have a question about one thing you wrote... if you and your DBF have a Catholic wedding ceremony before your Disney wedding, why would you be living in sin?

My understanding is that my guests would be able to come to the Disney wedding if we were having a Catholic Blessing or Ceremony at some point. But since we are not having a Catholic ceremony of any kind, then our marriage is "invalid" and we will be living in sin in the eyes of strict Roman Catholics, maybe even regular Catholics. So you wouldn't be living in sin.

 

[Starr W.]

I did have friends who married first and later had a full Catholic ceremony (in Philly - just to give a reference point). They got married after only a few months of dating. They now have one child (baptised in the Catholic church). Next time I see them I'll ask what they had to go through for the Catholic ceremony.

In our diocese, you were supposed to go through a premarital weekend retreat. The priest from MIL's church where we got married, about fell over when we told him we were both 30 and never married. He told us we didn't have to do the retreat, as it's mainly for couples who were young or who hadn't been out on their own in the "real world". We just had to meet with our priest a few times. He was on the young side and was somewhat realistic for a priest. MIL thought he was too modern for her tastes.

Only thing he was strict on was if he was going to marry us it had to be in the church, not even at a RC convent that has a wedding chapel(it's just for civil or protestant weddings) which we really wanted to use. That and raise the kids Catholic(which we aren't). I'm a protestant, so we had the no mass version of the ceremony.