Are Disney weddings forbidden for Catholics to attend??

[Swmhc]

mark was really into the church when he was younger, he was an altar boy and even taught ccd in his 20's. one of his former students just messaged him on myspace actually. he said the same things about communion and penance, but i just can't do that...

i don't remember what the other sacraments are...i was just concerned with baptizing my future children. i won't be able to do that in a church that will not recognize my marriage, so we're going to have to make a switcheroo...

Well, here is a little more info to confuse things...you know, the Catholic church reminds me of DFTW when it comes to getting concrete answers !!! When I married the first time, my husband had been married before and refused to go through the annulment process. So we were married in the Methodist church (his church though he NEVER attended). When my DD was born, we were able to baptize her in the Catholic church and she and I attended regularly, though I didn't participate in the sacraments. She went to parochial school for a while, but the teacher had issues with me being divorced and treated her poorly, so we transferred her into public school. She has been able to receive all sacraments up to date. She hasn't been confirmed yet as she is only 13.

 

[hope1826]

mark was really into the church when he was younger, he was an altar boy and even taught ccd in his 20's. one of his former students just messaged him on myspace actually. he said the same things about communion and penance, but i just can't do that...

i don't remember what the other sacraments are...i was just concerned with baptizing my future children. i won't be able to do that in a church that will not recognize my marriage, so we're going to have to make a switcheroo...

Oh... if I were catholic, I wouldn't be able to do that either. My DF says he is a "New- Catholic" and he makes up and follows his own rules. Maybe he and your DF go to the same church!

Wow, I don't even know if my DF knows that he can't have our future children baptized if we don't have a marriage the RCC will recognize. I don't particularly want our future children baptized, but I think he does. And I wasn't going to put up a fight if he did in the future. I will have to tell him that.


New Question!! Do you all think that the 130 strict Polish Roman Catholic people my FMIL is inviting to the Pre-wedding Bon Voyage (aka pretend real wedding she is throwing) will decline that invitation as well?

 

[tink774]

Thank you Tink!!

I do have a question about one thing you wrote... if you and your DBF have a Catholic wedding ceremony before your Disney wedding, why would you be living in sin?

My understanding is that my guests would be able to come to the Disney wedding if we were having a Catholic Blessing or Ceremony at some point. But since we are not having a Catholic ceremony of any kind, then our marriage is "invalid" and we will be living in sin in the eyes of strict Roman Catholics, maybe even regular Catholics. So you wouldn't be living in sin.

I should have specified that I meant if we didn't have a Catholic blessing/ceremony and married at Disney we would be living in sin. That's what I found odd in relation to DBF's brother's situation. Sorry! The reason we've decided to go ahead and have the small Catholic ceremony beforehand is because even though we do not attend services regularly, we are both been Confirmed and we plan to raise our children in the Catholic faith and have them baptised.

Oh, and to answer your question about what the other sacraments are, all seven (I have to list them all to remember them) are Baptism, Eucharist (Communion), Reconciliation (Penance), Confirmation, Marriage, Holy Orders, and the Blessing of the Sick.

 

[mla1977]

She went to parochial school for a while, but the teacher had issues with me being divorced and treated her poorly, so we transferred her into public school. She has been able to receive all sacraments up to date. She hasn't been confirmed yet as she is only 13.

I went to Catholic schools and my mom had similar problems. She coached the cheerleading squad when I was in 4th and 5th grade and resigned because some parents were apparently complaining about the divorced woman coaching the squad.

 

[caryndisneydiva]

Well, here is a little more info to confuse things...you know, the Catholic church reminds me of DFTW when it comes to getting concrete answers !!! When I married the first time, my husband had been married before and refused to go through the annulment process. So we were married in the Methodist church (his church though he NEVER attended). When my DD was born, we were able to baptize her in the Catholic church and she and I attended regularly, though I didn't participate in the sacraments. She went to parochial school for a while, but the teacher had issues with me being divorced and treated her poorly, so we transferred her into public school. She has been able to receive all sacraments up to date. She hasn't been confirmed yet as she is only 13.

see, here's the thing...i know that the rcc will baptize my future children, but i don't feel comfortable raising my children in a church that considers me a sinner. my friends daughter was married last summer and she lived with her fiance prior to her marriage. her church, that her family had tithed to for 25 years, refused to marry her. they had to go somewhere else and they are no longer welcomed in that parish. i have a big problem with issues like this. what hope's df says about being a "new catholic" i think is very common among the rc's of our generation.

this whole situation is just sad to me. hope, i wish you the best, don't let this ruin your big day...

let them keep the invitations, hopefully they're posted on every refrigerator and those un-guests can stare at it's beauty and realize that they're missing out!!!

 

[mla1977]

Hope,

Do you think the "real" ceremony will be done without a marriage license? That way your wedding in WDW will be you real ceremony no matter what and the thing FMIL wants will just be a "fun party." I don't see why people wouldn't go to WDW if you are having a "real" wedding before. I may have missed the details on the thing she is planning.

Also, I've been to protestant weddings where they have tried to say that everyone was welcome to received communion. The churches have claimed that their communion was acceptable for Catholics. One time I went up and the other time I didn't. Has anyone else seen that happen? I know at a Catholic mass, non-Catholics are not allowed to receive communion.

 

[hope1826]

see, here's the thing...i know that the rcc will baptize my future children, but i don't feel comfortable raising my children in a church that considers me a sinner. my friends daughter was married last summer and she lived with her fiance prior to her marriage. her church, that her family had tithed to for 25 years, refused to marry her. they had to go somewhere else and they are no longer welcomed in that parish. i have a big problem with issues like this. what hope's df says about being a "new catholic" i think is very common among the rc's of our generation.

this whole situation is just sad to me. hope, i wish you the best, don't let this ruin your big day...

let them keep the invitations, hopefully they're posted on every refrigerator and those un-guests can stare at it's beauty and realize that they're missing out!!!

So, you can have your children baptized even if they don't recognize your marriage?

That is really upsetting that people are just kind of banished, if they don't follow certain religious rules.

I left religion all together because the conclusion I came to (for myself - I know it's not for everyone) is that religion has very little to do with God. Religion is about people and controlling them. God would not have kicked your cousin out of his/her "church" and his/her followers would be able to have a valid marriage anywhere.

Thank you for the well wishes!! I won't let it ruin my day. I'm trying to ignore more and more. And I will. Even on that day I will tune people out and ignore them completely if I have to. I'm a pisces and REALLY SUPER shy in person, so they probably won't even realize that I'm not talking to them !!

 

[hope1826]

Hope,

Do you think the "real" ceremony will be done without a marriage license? That way your wedding in WDW will be you real ceremony no matter what and the thing FMIL wants will just be a "fun party." I don't see why people wouldn't go to WDW if you are having a "real" wedding before. I may have missed the details on the thing she is planning.

Also, I've been to protestant weddings where they have tried to say that everyone was welcome to received communion. The churches have claimed that their communion was acceptable for Catholics. One time I went up and the other time I didn't. Has anyone else seen that happen? I know at a Catholic mass, non-Catholics are not allowed to receive communion.

I was a protestant sunday school teacher. I was raised as a methodist and then we changed to pentecostal. In ALL protestant churches I have been too, EVERY human being who wants to take communion is allowed to take communion. I think there are some extremely strict protestant churches that may have different rules.

My FMIL and FFIL are throwing a party for 200 people (130 of their guests) a week before we go to Disney. There is no ceremony (and we do NOT want a ceremony there), but she has requested that I wear a wedding dress (that they are paying for) and there will be a jazz band and a wedding cake. It's going to be at Shadowbrook. I'm sure you Central Jersey brides know it.

 

[mermaidbride1108]

All of the above reasons are the reason sI do not want a church wedding. I totally understand its because they are old Polish Catholics, my church is a Polish church and basically DF would have to remake all of his Sacraments (he made them in the Lutheran Church) and promise to raise our children catholic. They would not except my DF. The weird thing is, to the chruch I am a ******* child technically. I'm from my mother's second marriage. She married at 18 because she was pregnant and that's what you had to do as a Catholic back then. She ended up miserable in her marriage. She divorced him and met my father (who she's been with for almost 25 years) and couldn't continue practicing the Catholic faith. But she did have me baptized and sent to a Catholic school. And they also said my mother was a sinner because she didn't force my brother(also a ******* child to them) to church. In particular, to attend a Catholic school. Now here's the kicker - my brother is mentally challenged and will always live in a group home and has a serious case. How do you force someone like that in church? he would disrupt the church plus he physical would not be able to sit still. I also think it depends on the pastor of the church. It makes all the difference and some Catholic churchs have a great community because of their Pastor.

Once I got older, I realized I had problems with the Catholic church. I am one of those 'new' catholics - pick and chose what I believe. But because of that, I do not plan to raise my children Catholic and that's why I'm not getting married in a Catholic church.

I have nothing against the Catholic church, nor do I want to offend anyone. I have nothing against anyone who firmly believes in all aspects in the Catholic religion. It's just not what I believe in.

I have to agree with you - If they are old style Polish Catholics, that may just be the reason they are declining. Again, I mean no offense to Polish people, I am Polish!

I think the Catholic faith is decreasing and I think it's pretty scary. There used to be 5 Catholic gradeschools in my neighborhood alone (and it's small!) Used to be almost 3 classes per grade in each. Now they can barely fill one class per grade in the newly condensed school.

That's just my 2 cents! I sincerely hope my comments don't offend anyone! They are just my opinions...

 

[dvc95]

I'm so sorry. When my dh and I married 25 years ago (yikes that's a long time ago) we were married in the Catholic Church, both of us raised catholics. I wanted to get married on the beach I felt god was everywhere and no matter where you married it was in the eyes of god. I was so put in my place by my dh priest (in a kind way) who was a true family friend, he took the time to explain the reasons as many other posters have contributed. If these people have declined based on their religious beliefs how sad, you would think that they could be honest with you

 

[nuttylawprofessor]

Well I came here to look at vow renewal stories and got drawn into your thread. Pardon my barging in here.

mark was really into the church when he was younger, he was an altar boy and even taught ccd in his 20's. one of his former students just messaged him on myspace actually. he said the same things about communion and penance, but i just can't do that...

i don't remember what the other sacraments are...i was just concerned with baptizing my future children. i won't be able to do that in a church that will not recognize my marriage, so we're going to have to make a switcheroo...

Well, the Episcopal Church welcomes you! It may be a nice compromise for you and your new family. The Episcopal Church is a catholic faith, and the ceremony and sacraments will be very familiar.

Wow, I don't even know if my DF knows that he can't have our future children baptized if we don't have a marriage the RCC will recognize. I don't particularly want our future children baptized, but I think he does. And I wasn't going to put up a fight if he did in the future. I will have to tell him that.


New Question!! Do you all think that the 130 strict Polish Roman Catholic people my FMIL is inviting to the Pre-wedding Bon Voyage (aka pretend real wedding she is throwing) will decline that invitation as well?

Your future children could absolutely be baptized in the RCC. They're always happy to have new members. Your husband, however, will no longer be welcome to receive the sacraments of the Eucharist or Penance since he has no intention of being married properly in the church. You have to be willing to confess the sin and change your ways. Confessing alone won't cure the defect.

I've walked on this path before. Please make sure you have an open and frank discussion about your religious plans for your future children. If you think the family is putting up a stink now, wait until there are children.

Also, I've been to protestant weddings where they have tried to say that everyone was welcome to received communion. The churches have claimed that their communion was acceptable for Catholics. One time I went up and the other time I didn't. Has anyone else seen that happen? I know at a Catholic mass, non-Catholics are not allowed to receive communion.

In the Episcopal Church, all baptized individuals are welcome at God's table, including Roman Catholics. But it is not acceptable to the RCC for a RC to receive communion in a non-catholic church.

My FMIL and FFIL are throwing a party for 200 people (130 of their guests) a week before we go to Disney. There is no ceremony (and we do NOT want a ceremony there), but she has requested that I wear a wedding dress (that they are paying for) and there will be a jazz band and a wedding cake. It's going to be at Shadowbrook. I'm sure you Central Jersey brides know it.

First, Shadowbrook, wow. I would agree with your earlier assessment that cost is not the issue. Second, watch out for a blessing sneak attack. Not to make light of it, but I've been down this path before as well. I was a guest at a similar party that wound up turning into a Catholic blessing. Groom was NOT happy with his MIL.

 

[chipscinderelly]

Oh girl I really feel for you! Are you SURE the reason they are not attending has to do with the church and not the fact that they may have other reasons (many think Disney is VERY expensive compared to going to a "home town wedding")? I would just hate for you to be so upset about this when it could be other things - more often than not Money - and most people when told about a wedding say they are coming in person... it's easier to decline by mail

To share in the Catholic experience I wanted to tell you about my wedding in 2000. I was raised Lutheran and married a very Catholic man from a very devoted Catholic family. We were married in my Lutheran church over 4 hours from his home parrish and his entire family (Irish Catholics - there were a ton of them) attended and blessed us and participated in our communion service (oooh naughty ). Unfortunately my husband died 4 months later in an accident and at his Catholic funeral I was welcomed (hello wife paying) and actually took communion as well with the blessing of the Parish Priest who realized I probably was going to convert as we went to their church each week. Please - no hate pm's or posts - yes, I know this was against the Catholic faith but wait until you are in the same situation before you judge please.

The reason I share this is to show that while the Church is strict on how they look at marriage and where it should take place there are parts and a lot of people who understand and will bless you and be happy for you.

Best wishes - your Disney wedding will be everything you dreamed of and will be attended by those who want to be there most!

 

[dislovr]

I feel for you and I am sorry for your situation. Catholics are very strict on their religion. I was raised catholic but no longer follow. I am now engaged and plan on getting married here in Pa in a garden ceremony. Well...my mother last night came to me crying that if I did not want to incooporate the Catholic church into my wedding then she wants nothing to do with it. So of coarse I am crying telling her that its not fair and appologizing that I don't have the same beliefs as her but I am entitled to my own. So...we are kind of on quiet terms. I say quiet because non speaking isn't an option for us.

Anyway...I don't know what to do. I don't want to give in because I don't believe in what she wants me to do, but I don't want my mom to ostrasize herself from my wedding all together. Hopefully she will come around.

 

[mla1977]

Nuttylawprofessor,

One of the weddings I attended was an Episcopal service. It was one of the most bizzare things for me since many of the words were the same. My other Catholic friend and I would be saying the prayers along with everyone, but then there would be a few words difference. The other service was a Lutheran service I believe. DBF was the Best Man, and I was praying that he used his head and didn't receive communion, but he went up along with the #2 groomsman. #2's wife and I wished that we could talk to them before to explain that they weren't supposed to receive the communion, but it was too late. After the ceremony, DBF tried to say that he was set for the week and didn't need to go to church on Sunday. (Not so since it was a Friday wedding, but that requires a whole other level of explanation for non-Catholics!)

 

[PrincessBride010103]

I'll throw in my 2 cents.
I'm Catholic (not really practicing but ya know in spirit)
I'm knocked up.
I'm having a Disney wedding.
When my baby is baptized I'll have my marriage blessed.
It makes everyone happy, so I figure, why not?

 

[wendy46001]

I'll throw in my 2 cents.
I'm Catholic (not really practicing but ya know in spirit)
I'm knocked up.
I'm having a Disney wedding.
When my baby is baptized I'll have my marriage blessed.
It makes everyone happy, so I figure, why not?

You’re the best...i love your out look on life
best of luck with your marriage baby and life
(the wedding is right around the corner, wow time flies)

 

[PrincessBride010103]

You’re the best...i love your out look on life
best of luck with your marriage baby and life
(the wedding is right around the corner, wow time flies)

Hey thanks Wendy!!!
I try to remember that the glass is half FULL!!
8 days till the wedding...ahhhh

 

[delmar411]

This is a long thread and I just stumbled upon it so I'm sorry if I'm repeating anything anyone already said.

Dh and I had a JP marriage due to circumstances outside our control. A year later we were married in the church w/o any issue at all. And I was 7mths pregnant to boot!

So you can do both and really strict Roman Catholics will not attend a JP wedding for ppl who are catholic and choosing to not be married in a church. I get that whole it's a sin to live together as man & wife but it's just a ceremony so that makes no sense to not attend...but I'm a lax'ed catholic. LOL

It also was no issue to get our children baptisms in the Roman Catholic church, even my oldest who is my ex's and myself but was baptized to my DH and myself.

 

[Lisella]

Wow, hope - so sorry you are having to deal with all of this. Whatever happens, what matters the most is that you and DF are happy and are doing what the two of you want to do and feel is right.

I was brought up Catholic and also no longer practice. And I also used to be one of those new-Catholics who received communion anyway, but these days if I find myself in a church, I no longer feel the need. I knew that the Catholic church did not recognize marriages performed outside of the church but I never heard that RC's could not attend a wedding of an RC if performed outside of the church - must be one of those old strict "rules" that someone made up along the way. I love how the rules are ever changing - did God suddenly call someone up and say don't do that anymore, etc. IMO its all nonsense, but people are entitled to their own beliefs - to each his own. Its just terrible that people are declining your invitation at this point.

Here is a funny for you -
I was married at 17 years old, preggers, by a JP.
I remarried in the Catholic Church a few years later (to a non Catholic and I do not recall promising to try and convert him, but we did have to promise to raise the kids RC which I had planned on anyways) - I now had 2 children and was a divorcee, but it was ok in the church's eyes - they did not recognize my first marriage because it did not happen in the church.
Whatever...

Anyhow, if you and your DF eventually decide to do it, I think you can simply renew your vows at the church. But I would only do that if you really think its what you both want. Otherwise, touche to the rest of them - go have a beautiful wedding!

 

[disneychickforever]

sorry what is JP?