Are dh and I just old fashioned?

[mickeyboat]

We usually vacation as a family, but in the last couple of years I have done some things without him.

I went to NC twice without him last year - once by myself to help take care of my dad and his wife after they were in a car accident, once during the summer with the kids. The year before I went to MN by myself for a summer family reunion. Summer is not a great time for DH to take vacations, as it is his busy time, and if he doesn't work, he doesn't get paid.

Last fall I went to France with my mother, sans DH or kids. The kids are too young to appreciate it, and DH just wouldn't appreciate it at all, so it made sense for me to go without them.

I would love for DH to travel with his dad or by himself to places where I have no interest in going (like hunting or fishing trips) - he deserves it.

As long as we still do something as a family, it doesn't really bother either of us to go by ourselves. Plus it gives each of us time alone with the kids, which is an adventure in itself.

Denae

 

[Chilehead Too]

My dh travels quite a bit for business. Sometimes it bothers me, mostly because I get overwhelmed with the kids, but for the most part it doesn't bother me. He will be gone Mothers day this year and really its no big deal. He feels horrible but ya know what, I am not his mother.(besides I'm thinking I may be getting a little hush money out of this one

As far as vacationing, we have very different ideas in what we like to do. We always take one mostly 2 vacations as a family yearly. But we are both realistic, I have no desire to spend 4 days golfing. He has very little interest in some of the things I like to do. And I don't find suffering thru a vacation good for anyone. Gosh, I look forward to spending time with my friends.... most of them anyways.

Whatever works I suppose.

 

[Nancy]

It has always bothered my MIL that I will take the children by myself. She has never left my FIL's side. She thinks I am deserting her son. Oh, how will he survive without me? Her views are very conservative. I respect her opinion but I continue to do what is right for my family.

Lori

My MIl doesn't get it either. When I'm gone she has to come over all the time to check on him and feed him. She thinks it's horrible that we go away and leave him home. What she doesn't realize is that he doesn't want to go with us. If he wanted to go with us he would!

 

[Planogirl]

My MIl doesn't get it either. When I'm gone she has to come over all the time to check on him and feed him. She thinks it's horrible that we go away and leave him home. What she doesn't realize is that he doesn't want to go with us. If he wanted to go with us he would!

It's funny. I used to feel bad about leaving DH home when DS and I went to WDW. Finally, I realized that he loved it! He doesn't much care for WDW and he enjoyed staying home watching shows about poker, eating Spam and just in general, doing his own thing. No more guilt here!

 

[Brier Rose]

DH and I never vacation without each other. I don't think there is anything wrong with it, it's just not for us.

I've been off on my own once, and couldn't wait to get back home,and DH couldn't wait for me to get home!

We are the type of couple who like to spend 24/7 together.

We've been happily married 15 years, and we haven't run out of things to talk about yet!

More than that though...we don't always need to talk! We just like being around each other.

 

[Evil Queen]

One of my best vacations, while I was married, was without him.

We still drove to Tenn. together, but he stayed with his parents and I stayed with mine. Our son, would spend 2 days with each parent/grandparents, then switch off.

It was wonderful, I didn't have to see ex-hubby except in the car, and for a few minutes each time while in Tenn. I also, had "me" time from DS, and time with DS. AWESOME!! Of course, hubby became my ex about 5 months after that trip.

 

[goodeats]

My mother took quite a few trips without my father. My father is not a great traveler. He does not like being away from home and gets aggravated easily. It was easier just to leave him at home. Plus she's a SAHM so she could travel whenever. She would usually take a trip with her sister (a teacher) once a year. They will be married 30 years next May.

Since being married in July '04, I have gone on a few bachelorette weekends and he has gone on a few bachelor weekends. It's OK to be your own person sometimes. I have also taken a long trip with my sister to WDW in Dec '05. DH has no interest in WDW, so dsis and I went. Hopefully I'll get DH to Disney in 2008, but I'm not holding my breath. I was thinking about planning a sister trip to London, but that doesn't seem right at this point. Especially since DH wants to go to London.

Although what's really funny about these trips without DH is that everytime I go on one, I get a call from my mother (you know the one who would freely travel without her DH) asking what my DH was going to eat? She was quite concerned that he'd starve to death. Don't worry Mom if Dad figured it out so will my DH!

 

[Snowysmom]

DH and I have been married almost 30 years and have always vacationed together and with the kids when they came along. However, in the future, I do see myself traveling with friends since I want to travel once the kids are grown and he doesn't. He says now he won't travel without the kids. On the other hand, I have alot of places to see and things to do. He says he will stay home and probably nap, watch TV, play guitar, and music. I can see it working out. It all depends on the couple.

 

[SamIAm21]

My husband's idea of a fun vacation is sitting in a boat on a lake somewhere in Missouri trying to convince a bass to eat his lure. My idea of a fun vacation is going to WDW, DL, or Las Vegas and I also love going to New Orleans {{ sniff }} and Savannah. I like to go go go and see see see, my husband wants to drag his boat down the road to the nearest fishing hole and commune with nature.

If we didn't take separate vacations, we'd both be miserable and not going anywhere. Last year, we went to WDW and he was about as miserable as a guy could be... He is the true Anti-Disney!

 

[JVL1018]

Vacation vacations are for the whole family in our case.
I'm talking the week long ones.
I would not want to go away for that long without my husband or children because we have a great time together and we want to go the same places. We travel well together.
We do go on little getaways without each other, I wouldn;t even call them vacations.

DH goes away every July to Baltimore for a firefighting convention.

I go away 1 or 2 weekends a year to visit friends that I met on the Sept 2001 babies message board.
I'm going away next Thurs-Sun as a matter of fact with 3 of them-we're meeting in New Orleans.
I've thought of taking each of the kids separately to WDW for a long weekend as well..but that's it, nothing longer. Why be apart when we can be together? If we didn't enjoy the same things it would be a whole different ball game though and I'd stay home alone, happily, before I'd ever go fishing or something.

Dh and I have been married 15 years, btw.

 

[Bob Slydell]

We do all of the above -- I have an annual golf trip I do, DW has trips that she goes on where she goes with the boys and her Mom to her Mom's place in Florida. We also do family vacations together and then there's the occasional short trip without any kids. Next year, we're planning a 10 day trip to Hawaii for our 10th anniversary, minus the kids. That'll be the longest we've been away from them together.

 

[ozarkmom]

I sometimes wish my husband would tell me and the kids to go on our summer vacation without him. He tends to get cranky and irritable. When we go to the beach he gets mad when the kids want to go to the water park or ride go karts etc. When we go to theme parks he hates the cost and always ends up being cranky. He loves to be out on boat on the lake. He and a group of men and their sons all took a long weekend to trout fish and he really enjoyed that. If I were out in the woods in a cabin with nothing to look forward to but a trout I'd be miserable. He has a buddy that's wanting to take the sons to Alaska next year and I'm hoping that if they do that then me and dd can go somewhere tropical!

 

[minnieandmickeymouse]

If I didn't go to WDW without my DH, we wouldn't be going much at all!! We have 4 kids and it would be just way to expencive to go every year. So I take one child a year while DH stays home for the week and watches the other kids. I get a break from being a SAHM, and DH gets to have a break from work. This year just DH and I did get a chance to take a quick Vacation together ALONE to WDW in feb! It was great! And I am hoping we will be able to do that more often. Belive me, I miss his terribly when I am down in WDW, and can't wait for all the kids to be old enough for me and DH to be able to go on all vacations together. It will happen, someday..

 

[Mimi Q]

DH and I take vacations together and separately- it just depends on the circumstances. We traveled to Orlando last November for 10 days as a family. This year the girls and I are going to the beach for a week in July with my family. DH doesn't like the beach, so he'll stay home and take care of Miss Puggles and the cats. Younger DD and I are going to WDW in September for five days cause I couldn't pass up the free dining deal. DH will stay home with our older DD since she will be in high school this fall and can't miss school for Disney. (and I did accompany older DD to Washington, DC last week on a school trip while DH stayed home with younger DD) Neither one of them wanted to return to WDW again so soon, so we are all happy with the vacation plans for this year.

 

[cteddiesgirl]

Well, I guess it just depends on the couple.
But to me, if you're going to marry someone, then that means that you want to be together and that you tend to enjoy the same things. Yes, there are times when a couple needs time apart, but a vacation is not one of them.
A business trip is one thing, but vacaction is togetherness time. My parents vacationed together. And I expect to do the same.
And if vacation means spending time with SO's family, then so be it. It's family.

 

[Bob Slydell]

But to me, if you're going to marry someone, then that means that you want to be together and that you tend to enjoy the same things.

But wanting to be together and sharing common interests are two completely different things. I love spending time with my DW and my kids, but we don't all share the same interests. Nor, for that matter, do we share the same vacation time. DW has a lot more than I do, so I don't think she should have to stay home just because I can't go on every vacation.

 

[mickeyfan2]

DH and I would never vacation without each other. We enjoy our time together.

 

[Mishetta]

One of the ladies I work with husband is going to Italy. He is leaving her home with two little kids (1 year and 4 years) She will be taking the boys on vacation on her own sometime this year. Today, the girl I work next to tells me that her husband just called and told her that he is leaving Friday to go visit his brother in Canada and he will be gone a week, if not longer. They have a 5 year old. When I asked her why she wasn't going with him, she told me that she will be going to visit her mother later in the summer. By herself.

Now dh and I vacation together. We like to be together. I went twice by myself (once when we were dating, the second time for 4 days 2 years ago.) We both hated it and I couldn't wait to get home.

So is vacationing seperately just something that people do these days??

I'm old fashioned too. I hate to travel without my DH. In fact, I wish he'd win the lotto so that we wouldn't be separated when he's at work all day! People think I'm crazy when I say that but I guess it's because we're still newlyweds. (We're celebrating our 12th wedding anniversary on a Disney Cruise next week!) Truthfully, DH does take a trip to CA every 2 years to visit his family & he only goes for a long weekend (like 3 or 4 days) & he calls me about 8 times per day! We miss each other so much when he's gone but it's cheaper for one to go than all 4 of us. Plus, if we all went, then we'd need a hotel, car, etc....when he goes alone, there is room for him to stay there.

Several months ago DH had to travel to Chicago on business. Everyone in his dept that had to go were extending their business days there to add a little bit of sight seeing. I thought my DH would do the same since he's never been there. You know what he did? He scheduled the absolute last minute flight out to catch his meeting & he had to spend the night since the last flight took off before his meeting ended so the next morning, he was on the first flight back home to us! He came home & said that we'll all have to go to Chicago one of these days since it seems there is much to see.

I do have friends that vacation apart from their spouses & feel they have a happier marriage on account of it. I guess whatever works for one doesn't always work for the other. Me, I'd much rather be with my DH than anyone else in the world! I know he feels the same too & I pray that feeling lasts forever for both of us!

 

[Becky2005]

we do both. DH and I have very different vacation styles. While on vacation I want to DO SOMETHING. Go Go Go. That's why I like WDW.

DH one the other hand would sleep until noon, sit around the room and read a book, lounge by the pool, then go out to dinner at night. To me that is boring. I'm not flying somewhere and renting a hotel room so I can do things the same things that I can do at home.

Wait!! I think you have my DH's twin (and I'm yours!). I can't STAND just sitting around doing nothing for very long, I get bored. I know DH and I talked about this recently and his ideal vacation would be a cabin somewhere on a lake with it being quiet - (and in my head all I'm thinking is "yeah, I can watch the grass grow" - I know I would be climbing the walls of that after about 1 day! I like nature and it's pretty to look at but after I've seen it and thought "gee that was pretty" - I'm done, I can't imagine doing it for 7 days straight without going stir crazy!).

Now, we haven't really taken seperate vacations (does going over a state for a weekend/couple of days count? I sometimes take the kids and go visit a friend that moved).

However, I would NOT mind doing WDW without DH - he doesn't like the place, doesn't really want to go and was grumpy when he did go. It really made it not that much fun with him along. I did offer to let him stay home but he does keep talking about coming with. We will probably try Ft. Wilderness next time, see if that works for him.

I don't think anything is unusual about doing seperate vacations though, especially if it's for example an all-girls/boys trip or something like that.

 

[va32h]

DH and I would never vacation without each other. We enjoy our time together.

Things like that imply that couples who do not vacation with each other don't enjoy their time together. I just don't think the two things are mutually exclusive.

It's possible to enjoy spending time with a person and also enjoy spending time with yourself.