Anyone else live in a "No cheating zone"?

[cm8]

I used to believe that cheating was an easy way out for someone that was not happy. I lived in a "no cheater" zone till I found out that my ex had cheated. I felt betrayed and experienced such hurt, I did not ever think that I would be able to get over it. It almost created havoc in my life. When I finally received the love of my life, it took a lot to let go of the past. I had to pray that I would never project my feelings onto my current husband for he was not the one who wronged me. If my current husband ever cheated, I would.............

Anyone who has been blessed to have a cheat free zone in their marriage was able to do what some of us could not. Respect works both ways and it seems that they both had enough of it to make sure that the way they really felt/feel about each other was known...

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Are you my husband posting on here? We did this exact same scenario! Complete with the video store job!

No, must be a coincidence. My wife does post on DIS, though, as MouseEarsJenny.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

So I went to sleep having no idea about this thread and where it was headed but I read it all this morning. Now while we both adore each other and do not believe that that other would cheat, he says he would forgive me. I asked why and he said we have 20 years invested here, no one knows him like I do and we have far too much love to just throw away. Having said that he also said said he knows I never would. I always wanted to be with only one man and I have been, I wouldn't throw that away for him or for myself.

I am not sure and hope I never have to find out what I would do. When we first married I said I could never forgive. I too would be lost without my DH but I don't think I could ever get over the trust issue. It is just the way it is. I was abandonded by both my mom and dad, dad at birth and mom not too long after. I still have issues from that. Thankfully DH knows this and knows that it would not only hurt our marriage if he strayed but would likely destroy me emotionally since it took a lot for me to fully trust him.

Anyway, I won't say never, but I do pray that I never have to find out where I would go. I believe that he cheating probably would destroy our marriage, me cheating (but I can speak for myself that this will not happen) may not. But honestly in all the years we have been together, the highs and the lows, this has never been a worry for me.

Despite his flaws (there are a few) and despite my flaws (there are many) we love each other and want for no one else.

I think the worst part of the end of our marriage would be us losing our best friends. I sure hope it never goes that way, and maybe I am living in a fairy tale but I really don't believe it will.

 

[rotlex]

Neither do the rest of us. That's why so many are posting that they don't get the point of your thread. It is assumed and expected that a marriage is a "no cheat zone". Your post seems to imply that your marriage is something of a novelty, somehow better than everybody else's because there is no cheating. You declaring your marriage a "no cheat zone" is exactly what the rest of us assumed we did when we stood at an altar and said "take this man/woman and cleave only onto him/her and forsake all others".

So, nobody's slagging you because you posted about your faithful marriage. We are just kind of perplexed because aren't all marriages supposed to be faithful? Isn't that the point?

After reading through this thread, I was about to post very similar comments to yours. Really not getting the point of the thread in general. Or the "no cheat zone" thing. If your in a marriage that is not "cheat free", it's not much of a marriage then is it? Pointless thread title?

Anyway, just for reference , very happily married here for 21 years this October. Been with the same beautiful, wonderful, loving woman since she was 17, and I was barely 20. We have truly lived a fairy tale life. Sure, there have been ups and downs; but I thank God every single day of my life for bringing us together all those years ago. If I had it all to do over again, I wouldn't change a THING!

 

[LuvOrlando]

Aww, that's nice MickeyMomofThree. I agree, losing my best friend in the world would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me too. Glad to read your story!

 

[skater]

So I went to sleep having no idea about this thread and where it was headed but I read it all this morning. Now while we both adore each other and do not believe that that other would cheat, he says he would forgive me. I asked why and he said we have 20 years invested here, no one knows him like I do and we have far too much love to just throw away. Having said that he also said said he knows I never would. I always wanted to be with only one man and I have been, I wouldn't throw that away for him or for myself.

I am not sure and hope I never have to find out what I would do. When we first married I said I could never forgive. I too would be lost without my DH but I don't think I could ever get over the trust issue. It is just the way it is. I was abandonded by both my mom and dad, dad at birth and mom not too long after. I still have issues from that. Thankfully DH knows this and knows that it would not only hurt our marriage if he strayed but would likely destroy me emotionally since it took a lot for me to fully trust him.

Anyway, I won't say never, but I do pray that I never have to find out where I would go. I believe that he cheating probably would destroy our marriage, me cheating (but I can speak for myself that this will not happen) may not. But honestly in all the years we have been together, the highs and the lows, this has never been a worry for me.

Despite his flaws (there are a few) and despite my flaws (there are many) we love each other and want for no one else.

I think the worst part of the end of our marriage would be us losing our best friends. I sure hope it never goes that way, and maybe I am living in a fairy tale but I really don't believe it will.

I love your post. Its sounds sweet and honest.

 

[bgirldeb]

Neither do the rest of us. That's why so many are posting that they don't get the point of your thread. It is assumed and expected that a marriage is a "no cheat zone". Your post seems to imply that your marriage is something of a novelty, somehow better than everybody else's because there is no cheating. You declaring your marriage a "no cheat zone" is exactly what the rest of us assumed we did when we stood at an altar and said "take this man/woman and cleave only onto him/her and forsake all others".

So, nobody's slagging you because you posted about your faithful marriage. We are just kind of perplexed because aren't all marriages supposed to be faithful? Isn't that the point?

 

[wvjules]

For heaven's sake, when exactly did I say that I think people who aren't like me are bad or wrong? When did I say that marriages that aren't like mine are bad or wrong? I know I didn't, because I don't think it.

I do, however, have a very firm belief of what is absolutely a deal breaker FOR ME. What is right for me is just that, right for me. How does me asking if there are any other people out there like me become a criticism of people who aren't? I never said there aren't any faithful people. I DID ask others like me to speak up because none of us ever say anything which gives the IMPRESSION we are in the minority. There is monumental difference, but it's pretty plain if you read what I actually wrote instead of making assumptions which have zero validity. But by all means, don't let validity get in the way of a good bashing.

Do you really have the impression that your "no cheating zone" marriage is a rarity?

 

[punkin]

Do you really have the impression that your "no cheating zone" marriage is a rarity?

Have you seen the cheating threads around here lately?

 

[wvjules]

Have you seen the cheating threads around here lately?

I guess not.

 

[LoriABil]

We've been married 8 years and together 12. We would have long discussions about this, and I would get so offended. "How dare him think I would cheat. He knows me better than that. Or at least he should.".

Before we got married he told me about his dad cheating on his mom. It really affected him. It's hard to deal with the occasional outbursts of paranoia (like when I couldn't get cell phone reception during a girls trip to Vegas, and called later) but I understand where it comes from.

Cheating is definitely a deal breaker. And I would never do it, not only because of a deeply held moral and religious value, but because it would break his heart. I don't see how you could put someone you love through that pain.

 

[wdwfan16]

WOW, I guess I totally misjudged the idea behind this thread. I just noticed the read count and am utterly floored. I don't get why being in a happy faithful marriage is such a big deal. I mean this is The Dis right, and Disney is the home of Prince Charming, Prince Eric ect right? Shouldn't stories about real life Prince Charming's be a happy read? Anyone else get the irony? I certainly never expected it and I still don't quite know what to make of it.

Going into this I thought some nice stories about happily ever after would be nice to read, I know I wanted to find some which is exactly what i said. How on earth a thread looking for feel good stories morphed into people thinking it was a critique on them is stunning to me because other than considering how sad the tragic stories make me feel I didn't give any of them a moments thought. Seriously, there is no hidden meaning, no hidden digs. Only on the DIS could a thread about being happy in a monogamous relationship drive people to pull out the pitchforks and torches. S C A R Y.

1st bold - I live it everyday but I don't need to title a threat "no cheat zone" to show how superior my marriage is to those who married cheaters.

2nd bold - Then title your thread something like "sweet things your spouse does for you that shows their love". Even those with cheaters have spouses who show love.


What is S C A R Y is that you still don't get what so many are tying to say.

 

[Magpie]

After reading so many threads about "kids these days", I almost started a thread asking if anyone else out there had teenagers who were super-awesome-totally-fantastic, like mine.

But I deleted it.

Because I realized that ultimately, some people would think I'm in total denial anyway, or else they'd think I was putting down their parenting skills.

And really, I already know the answer to my question. YES there are lots of teens out there who are really great kids. Just like YES there are lots of happy, faithful marriages out there.

So I don't need to confirm what I already know, I just need to remind myself to be thankful for what I have - and get off the computer, already.

 

[LuvOrlando]

What exactly is it that so many are trying to say? That it is indecent that I be vocal about being happy in a monogamous relationship. Yes, I get that, but I don't agree. So you see it's not that I don't understand you, I simply won't apologize for being appreciative of the life I have. Why should I? I don't accept that my mere existence is something I should be ashamed of, or hide.

Oh, and plenty of people post about their families little achievements. Who got into a good school, got accepted into a good program, is going on vacation, is getting married, just got a job, just lost weight, started a diet, bought a new house, got a promotion, having a BBQ, having a birthday party, just got pool, has family coming for a visit, had new baby, just got pregnant. Tons of good things are celebrated on the DIS, the list is endless and we all don't live the same lives so more often than not it's about being happy for other people. This is my achievement and I'm talking about it because the day I started the thread I was feeling a little sad. I know things can change for me and I could easily end up alone if my DH every strayed so i wanted to hear about to hear people's successes. But somehow monogamy is what, indecent? Intolerable? I should be properly ashamed of what, being in a Faithful stable relationship, or being happy about the blessing, being grateful? Don't think so.

 

[wdwfan16]

What exactly is it that so many are trying to say? That it is indecent that I be vocal about being happy in a monogamous relationship. Yes, I get that, but I don't agree. So you see it's not that I don't understand you, I simply won't apologize for being appreciative of the life I have. Why should I? I don't accept that my mere existence is something I should be ashamed of, or hide.

Oh, and plenty of people post about their families little achievements. Who got into a good school, got accepted into a good program, is going on vacation, is getting married, just got a job, just lost weight, started a diet, bought a new house, got a promotion, having a BBQ, having a birthday party, just got pool, has family coming for a visit, had new baby, just got pregnant. Tons of good things are celebrated on the DIS, the list is endless and we all don't live the same lives so more often than not it's about being happy for other people. This is my achievement and I'm talking about it because the day I started the thread I was feeling a little sad. I know things can change for me and I could easily end up alone if my DH every strayed so i wanted to hear about to hear people's successes. But somehow monogamy is what, indecent? Intolerable? I should be properly ashamed of what, being in a Faithful stable relationship, or being happy about the blessing, being grateful? Don't think so.

You do not get it. I could careless if your DH has only sex with your or the entire neighborhood.

 

[Luvchefmic]

What exactly is it that so many are trying to say? That it is indecent that I be vocal about being happy in a monogamous relationship. Yes, I get that, but I don't agree. So you see it's not that I don't understand you, I simply won't apologize for being appreciative of the life I have. Why should I? I don't accept that my mere existence is something I should be ashamed of, or hide.

Oh, and plenty of people post about their families little achievements. Who got into a good school, got accepted into a good program, is going on vacation, is getting married, just got a job, just lost weight, started a diet, bought a new house, got a promotion, having a BBQ, having a birthday party, just got pool, has family coming for a visit, had new baby, just got pregnant. Tons of good things are celebrated on the DIS, the list is endless and we all don't live the same lives so more often than not it's about being happy for other people. This is my achievement and I'm talking about it because the day I started the thread I was feeling a little sad. I know things can change for me and I could easily end up alone if my DH every strayed so i wanted to hear about to hear people's successes. But somehow monogamy is what, indecent? Intolerable? I should be properly ashamed of what, being in a Faithful stable relationship, or being happy about the blessing, being grateful? Don't think so.

I GET the intention of the thread I also GET that it seems to be a rare thing a no cheat zone marriage when we let ourselves read & listen to all the marriages that fall apart & it starts to seem like a monogamous relationship is rare. I also get the fact that some people have been cheated on and perhaps this is ripping open old wounds or hitting a nerve. I also get that some people sing the never say never song but that is their problem. OP take joy in your marriage...there are plenty blessed marriages with spouses that are committed forever.

 

[BellvilleDad]

I GET the intention of the thread I also GET that it seems to be a rare thing a no cheat zone marriage when we let ourselves read & listen to all the marriages that fall apart & it starts to seem like a monogamous relationship is rare. I also get the fact that some people have been cheated on and perhaps this is ripping open old wounds or hitting a nerve. I also get that some people sing the never say never song but that is their problem. OP take joy in your marriage...there are plenty blessed marriages with spouses that are committed forever.

Agreed. You're not alone, OP.

If the thread were actually as pointless as so many are complaining, then why are they even posting in it?

 

[MIGrandma]

You do not get it. I could careless if your DH has only sex with your or the entire neighborhood.

Then why not just back away from the thread and leave it alone?

OP, I'm truly sorry some here are coming down so hard on you. I've been in your shoes here on different topics and some people here can get so nasty it's ridiculous. Try to ignore them.

As others here, I have enjoyed reading the stories of good and happy marriages.

 

[disykat]

I GET the intention of the thread I also GET that it seems to be a rare thing a no cheat zone marriage when we let ourselves read & listen to all the marriages that fall apart & it starts to seem like a monogamous relationship is rare. I also get the fact that some people have been cheated on and perhaps this is ripping open old wounds or hitting a nerve. I also get that some people sing the never say never song but that is their problem. OP take joy in your marriage...there are plenty blessed marriages with spouses that are committed forever.

No you don't get it at all. I've never been cheated on and don't plan on being cheated on. Honestly, it's the furthest thing from my mind. Our point is that fidelity is what marriage is all about and there is something inheritantly wrong with the assumption that most marriages are not this way. I stood up before God and made a vow to my husband that I would be with him for "better or for worse." I did not say "unless you....."

Again, this thread is terribly depressing to me. As I said before it seems 1) people think most marriages involve cheating and 2) people have "deal breakers" where they go into their marriage thinking about what will break up their marriage vows. Depressing.

There is nothing wrong with talking about happy marriages. However, I will defend what I think marriage stands for.

 

[~disneydiva~]

I love reading the happy stories!

Sometimes I'm almost afraid to post anything on here because so many people are so judgemental.