Anyone else live in a "No cheating zone"?

[wdwfan16]

No you don't get it at all. I've never been cheated on and don't plan on being cheated on. Honestly, it's the furthest thing from my mind. Our point is that fidelity is what marriage is all about and there is something inheritantly wrong with the assumption that most marriages are not this way. I stood up before God and made a vow to my husband that I would be with him for "better or for worse." I did not say "unless you....."

Again, this thread is terribly depressing to me. As I said before it seems 1) people think most marriages involve cheating and 2) people have "deal breakers" where they go into their marriage thinking about what will break up their marriage vows. Depressing.

There is nothing wrong with talking about happy marriages. However, I will defend what I think marriage stands for.

 

[Piglet843]

No you don't get it at all. I've never been cheated on and don't plan on being cheated on. Honestly, it's the furthest thing from my mind. Our point is that fidelity is what marriage is all about and there is something inheritantly wrong with the assumption that most marriages are not this way. I stood up before God and made a vow to my husband that I would be with him for "better or for worse." I did not say "unless you....."

Again, this thread is terribly depressing to me. As I said before it seems 1) people think most marriages involve cheating and 2) people have "deal breakers" where they go into their marriage thinking about what will break up their marriage vows. Depressing.

There is nothing wrong with talking about happy marriages. However, I will defend what I think marriage stands for.

Nobody ever Plans on being Cheated on.
Nobody ever thinks it will happen to them (my significant other wouldn't do that).
...
Until it happens...

 

[SpecialK]

OP, the way you phrased your original post was off-putting to a lot of people -

"Anyone else out there manage to find a marriage that doesn't involve cheating or refuse to get married unless monogamy is part of the deal?"

That question infers judgement on people who are in unhappy marriages. I don't know anyone who entered a marriage assuming that there would be infidelity, yet I have a few friends who have suffered through that pain. Imagine how the people on this board who have not been graced with good relationships feel when they read your question.

Your intention may have been to celebrate good marriages, but that did not translate with your choice of words.

 

[Heidict]

It seems that because there have been people that have been hurt in their marriage due to infidelity that you aren't allowed to speak about your marriage if it's monogamous or happy. By doing so you could cause the other person to relive painful memories and hurt their feelings. If that is the case then I guess a lot of subjects are going to be off limits because it might bring up painful memories.

What is wrong with celebrating a good marriage? Maybe the OP wasn't worded perfectly, but I think we all know what was meant by it.

 

[~disneydiva~]

It seems that because there have been people that have been hurt in their marriage due to infidelity that you aren't allowed to speak about your marriage if it's monogamous or happy. By doing so you could cause the other person to relive painful memories and hurt their feelings. If that is the case then I guess a lot of subjects are going to be off limits because it might bring up painful memories.

What is wrong with celebrating a good marriage? Maybe the OP wasn't worded perfectly, but I think we all know what was meant by it.

 

[mumom95]

What exactly is it that so many are trying to say? That it is indecent that I be vocal about being happy in a monogamous relationship. Yes, I get that, but I don't agree. So you see it's not that I don't understand you, I simply won't apologize for being appreciative of the life I have. Why should I? I don't accept that my mere existence is something I should be ashamed of, or hide.

Oh, and plenty of people post about their families little achievements. Who got into a good school, got accepted into a good program, is going on vacation, is getting married, just got a job, just lost weight, started a diet, bought a new house, got a promotion, having a BBQ, having a birthday party, just got pool, has family coming for a visit, had new baby, just got pregnant. Tons of good things are celebrated on the DIS, the list is endless and we all don't live the same lives so more often than not it's about being happy for other people. This is my achievement and I'm talking about it because the day I started the thread I was feeling a little sad. I know things can change for me and I could easily end up alone if my DH every strayed so i wanted to hear about to hear people's successes. But somehow monogamy is what, indecent? Intolerable? I should be properly ashamed of what, being in a Faithful stable relationship, or being happy about the blessing, being grateful? Don't think so.

No one said you should be ashamed of being in a faithful stable relationship, or being happy about the blessing or being grateful.

What you shold be ashamed of is assuming other people aren't and then bragging that you are. And making the comment "believe it or not, we've managed not to destroy each other" is assuming most people do destroy each other.

If you had really just wanted to start a happy thread where you could read stories about happy marriages you could have said something like:

"It sure seems like a lot of people are suffering heartache due to problems in their marriage. I'd love to read some stories of how couples are able to make their relationship work and be happy. Maybe it will give us all a little hope."

And I also have to say that people need to be careful, karma can really hurt when it comes back to bite you. Because I've come to realize marriage is a lot like money, those that brag the most about everything they have usually aren't the richest.

 

[NMAmy]

No one said you should be ashamed of being in a faithful stable relationship, or being happy about the blessing or being grateful.

What you shold be ashamed of is assuming other people aren't and then bragging that you are. And making the comment "believe it or not, we've managed not to destroy each other" is assuming most people do destroy each other.

If you had really just wanted to start a happy thread where you could read stories about happy marriages you could have said something like:

"It sure seems like a lot of people are suffering heartache due to problems in their marriage. I'd love to read some stories of how couples are able to make their relationship work and be happy. Maybe it will give us all a little hope."

And I also have to say that people need to be careful, karma can really hurt when it comes back to bite you. Because I've come to realize marriage is a lot like money, those that brag the most about everything they have usually aren't the richest.

Very nicely said.

I'm in a happy relationship myself but I was one of the so-called "negative" posters because I posted about a previous relationship. I was pretty proud of myself and my perfect marriage until my ex started cheating and lying in our 13th year of marriage. I take nothing for granted now nor do I give myself all the credit for being in a happy relationship while others are not--I'm lucky in this second chance and I know it. Karma does like a nice smackdown.

 

[leighe]

Exactly. The OP didn't start a thread asking for stories about happy marriages, she started a thread basically saying that she'd never been cheated on because she'd chosen not to be - which is ridiculous and implies that other people DO choose to be cheated on.

No one said you should be ashamed of being in a faithful stable relationship, or being happy about the blessing or being grateful.

What you shold be ashamed of is assuming other people aren't and then bragging that you are. And making the comment "believe it or not, we've managed not to destroy each other" is assuming most people do destroy each other.

If you had really just wanted to start a happy thread where you could read stories about happy marriages you could have said something like:

"It sure seems like a lot of people are suffering heartache due to problems in their marriage. I'd love to read some stories of how couples are able to make their relationship work and be happy. Maybe it will give us all a little hope."

And I also have to say that people need to be careful, karma can really hurt when it comes back to bite you. Because I've come to realize marriage is a lot like money, those that brag the most about everything they have usually aren't the richest.

 

[cm8]

You do not get it. I could careless if your DH has only sex with your or the entire neighborhood.

psst....It's could NOT care less.....

 

[DMickey28]

DH and I have been together for 8 years and married for 6 years. Our one and only deal breaker from day 1 has been cheating as well. No questions asked, out the door. We will work through anything else.

 

[wdwfan16]

psst....It's could NOT care less.....

Thanks. I will try to get it right next time.

 

[NMAmy]

I did want to add that when confronted with a lot of couples divorcing or dealing with infidelity, I think it's very normal to look at one's own relationship and think, "Well, that could never happen to us because we work really hard at our marriage or love each other too much or would never divorce due to childhood trauma over divorce" or whatever reason fits. But the truth is, that it makes about as much sense as saying, "We'll never divorce because we always wear green on Thursdays." You can't control everything, sadly, and sometimes things just don't work out the way you'd hoped.

Please know that no one has a magic shield to protect them from divorce and folks who have had their life torn apart by infidelity are not there by their own choice. To insinuate that they've somehow brought it on themselves in an effort to make yourself feel better shows a real lack of compassion.

 

[Magpie]

Exactly. The OP didn't start a thread asking for stories about happy marriages, she started a thread basically saying that she'd never been cheated on because she'd chosen not to be - which is ridiculous and implies that other people DO choose to be cheated on.

That's how I understood "no cheating zone", too. As if a "no cheating zone" was something a person could create, or had some sort of control over.

I'm proud of many things I've done in my life - but meeting the love of my life is not one of them. I think I was just outrageously lucky, there.

 

[Acklander]

You can't control everything, sadly, and sometimes things just don't work out the way you'd hoped.

True, the only one you can control is yourself. I can claim I live in a "no cheating zone" all I want, but it doesn't make it so.

 

[wdwfan16]

True, the only one you can control is yourself. I can claim I live in a "no cheating zone" all I want, but it doesn't make it so.

The only claim I can make with 100% certainty is that DH lives in a "no cheating zone".

 

[disykat]

Nobody ever Plans on being Cheated on.
Nobody ever thinks it will happen to them (my significant other wouldn't do that).
...
Until it happens...

I'm not sure why you're rolling your eyes at me. That was my point.

It seems that because there have been people that have been hurt in their marriage due to infidelity that you aren't allowed to speak about your marriage if it's monogamous or happy. By doing so you could cause the other person to relive painful memories and hurt their feelings. If that is the case then I guess a lot of subjects are going to be off limits because it might bring up painful memories.

What is wrong with celebrating a good marriage? Maybe the OP wasn't worded perfectly, but I think we all know what was meant by it.

Well, no, we all clearly don't know what was meant by it. As many of us have said over and over there's nothing wrong with celebrating a good marriage! We seem to disagree that what the OP said did so.

The OP has come back on to defend that she is trying to celebrate marriage but keeps reiterating the same point - to me it sounds like her point is that married people should protect themselves with a "deal breaker" threat because doing so will protect them, but otherwise the assumption is that they will otherwise cheat. Call me negative, but I just find whole "cheating seems to be the norm" attitude offensive.

Do wedding vows no longer have "forsaking all others" and "for better or for worse" in them?

 

[RNMOM]

Wow. Just wow. I really felt the OP was just wanting a place to spread some less negative experiences about marriage. There have been so many posts about people with difficult marriages and I believe the OP felt we could all use a break from that. It seems many people can't allow that to happen.

Do we really need to micro analyze the intent of this person? I was appreciative of their intent but apparently I am one of the few.

No one really knows what the future will bring but if two people love one another and discuss the issues they find intolerable to them, I think it can help. If your spouse knows you will quit the marriage immediately if there is cheating, maybe, just maybe they will think twice about it. I really think many people never even approach life in a manner that would cause/allow/encourage cheating. If you dont' go around flirting, being in bars with lots of singles, putting yourself in questionable situations to begin with, you probably won't cheat. If you have had this happen to you you are more likely to think about it before doing it yourself.

Really folks, just chill.

 

[~disneydiva~]

Do we really need to micro analyze the intent of this person? I was appreciative of their intent but apparently I am one of the few.

Really folks, just chill.

Of course....its the DIS way!


I agree....chill people!


Now lets see some happy love stories!

 

[Luvchefmic]

Of course....its the DIS way!


I agree....chill people!

Now lets see some happy love stories!

Today a poster got nasty with another poster over PIZZA crust and their lack of taste..(all it was was a thread of Can you recommend ? )..
incredible even pizza isn't safe

 

[Vixen]

All i have to say is that you can never be 100% sure you have never been cheated on, thats just being delusional!