Anyone else live in a "No cheating zone"?

[Disney Doll]

Haven't read the whole thread, so I have no idea what it has degenerated in to...actually I have a pretty good idea...hence the reason I didn't read the whole thread!

I am happily married. I do not, nor have I ever, nor do I intend to, cheat. And yes, I have had opportunities & offers. I chose to honor my vow, plus I haven't met a man who can hold a candle to my DH.

My DH has been faithful to me as well. He is a man of character and integrity.

Both of us decided a long time ago that if the marriage was ever not working, we'd discuss it like 2 adults and come to a conclusion about what to do. We'd have enough respect for ourselves and the other one not to go sneaking around like a teenager trying to find a place to "make out" with someone where we wouldn't get caught. Plus, I have too much self-respect to ever go against my innate character and code of ethics by breaking my vow.

As far as if he DID cheat...as much as I would like to say that I would be able to stay and work it out, I know myself pretty well and if I was not able to trust him, I would not be able to stay married. I have the utmost respect for folks who can work through infidelity...I would assume it has to be a painful, difficult experience.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Do you really think that people stand at the alter and say "I do and will also get to do others"?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

 

[sunnyday123]

Add me to the mix. We have been married 19 years, have 4 kids, live in a suburban house (we are only missing the white picket fence), etc...

I have literally been asked if all 4 kids have the same dad, etc... I think it's because of the 10 year age difference of my oldest & youngest or something...???

I usually just answer with "why yes, we are the boring old couple" or something like that.

Really, nothing too excited or drama filled to post on a message board. The worst drama was that DH was unemployed & got a job recently. The bank screwed up our deposit but it's all fixed now & the only other drama is DD is attempting to learn to drive.

I really find it hard to belive people ( I am assuming strangers here ) ask you if all four children are from the same father.

 

[Rora]

Although DH and I have only been married since April of this year, we've been together since I was 15 (so that makes 9 years? If my math is correct..) and I made it clear from the start that if he ever cheated, I was done. Done done done. He felt the exact same way. We've, thankfully, had no problems and I hope it stays that way.

 

[Tarheel Tink]

Haven't read the whole thread, so I have no idea what it has degenerated in to...actually I have a pretty good idea...hence the reason I didn't read the whole thread!

I am happily married. I do not, nor have I ever, nor do I intend to, cheat. And yes, I have had opportunities & offers. I chose to honor my vow, plus I haven't met a man who can hold a candle to my DH.

My DH has been faithful to me as well. He is a man of character and integrity.

Both of us decided a long time ago that if the marriage was ever not working, we'd discuss it like 2 adults and come to a conclusion about what to do. We'd have enough respect for ourselves and the other one not to go sneaking around like a teenager trying to find a place to "make out" with someone where we wouldn't get caught. Plus, I have too much self-respect to ever go against my innate character and code of ethics by breaking my vow.

As far as if he DID cheat...as much as I would like to say that I would be able to stay and work it out, I know myself pretty well and if I was not able to trust him, I would not be able to stay married. I have the utmost respect for folks who can work through infidelity...I would assume it has to be a painful, difficult experience.

As always, well written!

We all know that you can start a thread on here saying "I love kittens..." and some people will not only open it but post on how they hate cats, think people who love them are freaks, had their face torn open by a cat once, etc. It really doesn't matter what the subject is; some people just can't help jumping in with negativity. Let's all be happy they aren't our neighbors or family!

 

[LuvOrlando]

I went off to go hang out with my kids and am so happy that this thread came back around while I was gone I'm thrilled to read more positive posts! Guess I'll keep reading after all. It's nice to read about how many people hold their partners in such high esteem.

 

[mrsltg]

I like your thread, OP. I've been married to my husband for nearly 11 years, together for 13. I can't imagine my life without him. This is why I can't say I would leave him if he cheated. There is too much history. Too much love and partnership to say one bad decision would be worth throwing all of it away. Oddly enough, my dh disagrees. He says cheating is a deal breaker. He was cheated on before and it hurt. However, I don't think if push came to shove he'd end our marriage over an indiscretion. It's a difficult and personal decision, you know? I just can't imagine saying "that's it!" and throwing up my hands over an affair. But, that's me and our marriage. To each his own.

PS - One time, DH and I were talking about just this topic. I said I couldn't cheat because the thought of another man touching me makes me feel ill. He said he couldn't do it because he couldn't bear the thought of the pain it would cause me. I felt bad. I was thinking about how it would feel for me, and so was he. He's a good egg. I think I'll keep him!

 

[Liberty Belle]

My husband and I have been married for 18 years and neither of us have ever cheated. In talking about it early on, dh said it would be a deal breaker for him and I said it would not necessarily be one for me.

We're committed to our marriage and family and love eachother. There have been ups and downs, but we've never turned to people outside of the marriage.

I don't think that's all that unusual.

 

[NC State]

I went off to go hang out with my kids and am so happy that this thread came back around while I was gone I'm thrilled to read more positive posts! Guess I'll keep reading after all. It's nice to read about how many people hold their partners in such high esteem.

Me too I love the postive thread.

 

[disykat]

I went off to go hang out with my kids and am so happy that this thread came back around while I was gone I'm thrilled to read more positive posts! Guess I'll keep reading after all. It's nice to read about how many people hold their partners in such high esteem.

I'm honestly confused and depressed by your posts. You keep saying it's supposed to be positive, yet you seem to be assuming that most people plan to cheat on their spouses and/or think it's fine that they do so. I'm really glad I don't live in that kind of reality.

I just don't see the positives in a bunch of people listing what they plan will break up their marriage.

 

[wdwfan16]

As always, well written!

We all know that you can start a thread on here saying "I love kittens..." and some people will not only open it but post on how they hate cats, think people who love them are freaks, had their face torn open by a cat once, etc. It really doesn't matter what the subject is; some people just can't help jumping in with negativity. Let's all be happy they aren't our neighbors or family!

This is not an "I love kittens" thread. This is an "Are we the only 'kitten loving house" thread. Big difference.

I'm honestly confused and depressed by your posts. You keep saying it's supposed to be positive, yet you seem to be assuming that most people plan to cheat on their spouses and/or think it's fine that they do so. I'm really glad I don't live in that kind of reality.

I just don't see the positives in a bunch of people listing what they plan will break up their marriage.

ITA

I believe almost all people plan to be faithful.

The other odd point of the OP is that if you do not post your married X years and no cheating or we too are a not cheating family that you must be unhappy.

Many are just pointing out one can think (see Edie) they are in a "no cheat zone" but the reality maybe different.

I know somebody who found out their DH cheated at his funeral. Talk about a whammy!!!!

 

[Magpie]

I'm reading Lust in Translation and the proportion of people who cheat compared to the people who don't has everything to do with culture. For instance in one American town the number of whites who cheat will be different from the number of blacks, and different still from the Latinos. Your perception of cheating is formed by your social group, and where you live, and your economic status (but the poorest people are not necessarily the biggest cheaters, either).

In a big international study they surveyed married and/or cohabiting people and asked which of them had more than one partner over the past year.

Togo was the "winner" with 37 percent of men saying they'd had more than one sexual partner over the last year. Interestingly, only 0.5 percent of woman were willing to admit to the same, meaning that 0.5 percent woman must have been a very busy lady!

The USA came in near the end of the list with only 3.9 percent of men and 3.1 percent of women having more than one partner. And not even all of those are cheaters, since the survey doesn't indicate which of these people got married part way through the year!

The USA beat out Norway and Great Britain, but surprisingly France beat the US. Yes, the French are more faithful to their lovers than Americans. So are the Swiss.

Bangladesh was the most faithful, with only 1.6 percent of men admitting to more than one affair, and women flatly refusing to answer the survey.

Anyway, no matter where you go in the world, the faithful outnumber cheaters.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I'm reading Lust in Translation and the proportion of people who cheat compared to the people who don't has everything to do with culture. For instance in one American town the number of whites who cheat will be different from the number of blacks, and different still from the Latinos. Your perception of cheating is formed by your social group, and where you live, and your economic status (but the poorest people are not necessarily the biggest cheaters, either).

In a big international study they surveyed married and/or cohabiting people and asked which of them had more than one partner over the past year.

Togo was the "winner" with 37 percent of men saying they'd had more than one sexual partner over the last year. Interestingly, only 0.5 percent of woman were willing to admit to the same, meaning that 0.5 percent woman must have been a very busy lady!

The USA came in near the end of the list with only 3.9 percent of men and 3.1 percent of women having more than one partner. And not even all of those are cheaters, since the survey doesn't indicate which of these people got married part way through the year!

The USA beat out Norway and Great Britain, but surprisingly France beat the US. Yes, the French are more faithful to their lovers than Americans. So are the Swiss.

Bangladesh was the most faithful, with only 1.6 percent of men admitting to more than one affair, and women flatly refusing to answer the survey.

Anyway, no matter where you go in the world, the faithful outnumber cheaters.

That sounds like an interesting book! I'll have to look for it.

 

[Luvchefmic]

I'm really trying to understand what the problem is. OP seemed to want to start a "warm fuzzy count our blessings" kind of thread. Having read so much crap here and in the media in our throw away society just how many marriages are strong and built on a foundation of NO cheating EVER....then of course its all misinterpreted that everyone is bragging or being smug, here comes the never say never crowd yada yada yada


A marriage CAN most definitely be a NO cheat zone whether it was a total agreement by the 2 parties between themselves, in a civil ceremony or as in our case with a covenant with Our Lord. Since based on OUR beliefs there are 3 not 2 in this union yes I can say until one of us is dead that this marriage is a NO cheat zone.
Period.

 

[sunnyday123]

I find this thread very bizarre. Everyone says cheating is a deal breaker when they get married and most of the people that have been cheated on have no idea. I know of no one that says it's okay for their spouse to cheat. Unless you are with your spouse 24/7 and have been with them on every business trip, bachelor party, boys trip, overtime shift, watching the game at their friend Bob's, bowling night, helping a friend fix their car, etc., you may believe your spouse has never cheated on you (as do I) but for sure, some of them have. From my friends and family, it's always the one's you would suspect the least.

I agree. Apparently however, we arae spreading evil and vile messages because there are some how had a marriage break up over cheating. I think everyone lives in a "no cheating zone", no one wants to be cheated on and I am pretty sure marriage and monogomy go hand in hand, or at least are supposed to do so.

I just find the posts-ok really one from one or two posters-muddled with an air of superiority. All I can say is never say never, and I know of many people who never thought it would happen to them, and it did.

I am happy all of you have very happy, stable marriages. Just be careful that pedastal you're on doesn't topple.

 

[Luvchefmic]

I agree. Apparently however, we arae spreading evil and vile messages because there are some how had a marriage break up over cheating. I think everyone lives in a "no cheating zone", no one wants to be cheated on and I am pretty sure marriage and monogomy go hand in hand, or at least are supposed to do so.

I just find the posts-ok really one from one or two posters-muddled with an air of superiority. All I can say is never say never, and I know of many people who never thought it would happen to them, and it did.

I am happy all of you have very happy, stable marriages. Just be careful that pedastal you're on doesn't topple.

Certainly NOT on a pedestal and if anyone who knows Fred & I IRL ever heard that they'd be Its certainly not all joy all the time...over years you have to work out alot of things but the key is together...we've had rough times and even a brief breakup: kids, money, inlaws, lose of jobs all can add stress we CHOOSE to grow stronger together in our faith we choose to spend time on our knees together rather than in the arms of another...it works for US...so YES we would BOTH say NEVER...EVER I am sure of 2 things in my life : where I will spend eternity and my husband and I would never cheat, ever....everything else; no gurantees but thats life.

 

[Magic Mom]

I think most marraiges are "no cheat zones"...until somebody cheats.


Kudos to those who haven't cheated, and hugs to those who have been cheated on.

 

[sunnyday123]

I think most marraiges are "no cheat zones"...until somebody cheats.


Kudos to those who haven't cheated, and hugs to those who have been cheated on.

Thats what I thought.

 

[clarabelle]

I look at this thread like this:
imagine if there had been lots of threads lately about say being overweight.
About how people want to lose weight but can't ect...
And then someone posted a thread about how they will never get fat, how they live in a "no chubby zone"
Many of us would think that person smug and self-righteous.

I don't think (aside from swingers) that anyone lives in a "cheating zone"

 

[Luvchefmic]

Anyone else out there manage to find a marriage that doesn't involve cheating or refuse to get married unless monogamy is part of the deal?

I've been with my DH for 20 years (married 17) and, believe it or not, we've managed to not destroy each other in that time. When we got married I made it absolutely clear that if he ever stepped out he's be alone because for me, it's a deal breaker. DH feels the same way. We're best friends and I can't imagine either of us being willing to sacrifice our partnership for something so worthless as an affair not to mention the whole reality that we entered into a covenant when we said "I do". Forsaking all others was/is sort of the point, at least for us.

So the point of this thread is to be anti-depressing, at least for me. Reading about the love lives of others on the DIS has been a bit depressing lately ( and hearing about real life stuff too, I know 3 couples getting divorced) and I just wanted to check if I'm really in such a short number or do people like me just have less to say? I mean a thread about laughing until I cried with my DH in bed watching "The Soup", sitting on the lawn with my DH's head in my lap talking about where we'll live when we retire and sitting quietly on the back swing with Mojito cracking up because my DH is a great storyteller isn't exactly going to pull in the high thread count numbers is it?

Anyone else?

Its a wonderful feeling up here on smug mountain isn't it I love your thread
and its a wonderful reminder of what and who is important in our lives.