Anyone else dislike where they live? How to make the best of it?

[StephMK]

We moved almost 4 yrs ago & it's still not growing on me. I know how to get to places, I can see the benefits of some aspects here but it's still not feeling like "home".

I'm usually pretty positive and am very thankful that DH is employed, etc.but this is still tough and hard to get past. I really do not want to stay here but the rest of the family is fairly happy overall. We do not live near any other family here and that is one of my big issues.

We're stuck til DD graduates in 2012 and if housing prices stay so low, we're probably stuck longer because while we're not negative, prices have dropped so we'd barely come above breaking even if we sold.

How do you cope or find the bright side if you're living someplace you really don't want to be?

 

[mommyof2princesses]

We are kinda in the same boat. We just moved here and our house just sold back home. It is a beautiful place, but it doesn't feel like home. We are house hunting, but part of me wants to just rent in case we decide we want to move somewhere else. Maybe we just need to found a house to make a home and we will like it better.

 

[Mersmom98]

I moved to my husband's town after we got married in 2009. I don't like it...at.all. It's a very, small rural town where everyone that lives there was born there, raised there and married someone that was born & raised there. The other parents treat me like I'm an outcast and I feel like I'm back in high school and not a part of the "in" crowd. It's ridiculous. They all stick together; I try to strike up conversations but they look at me like I have 2 heads. The only thing that helps me is that my daughter LOVES it. She is 12 and is thriving! The teachers have less students, so more one-on-one time. They have room for everyone on the sports teams, so you're automatically on the team if you choose to play. It really is a great place to raise a family. I just hope my daughter grows up to realize that there is more out there than our area code. Try to focus on the fact that your kids are happy. If they weren't happy, then that would be miserable.

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

I'm in the same boat. We were military and when DH got out of the Army and we moved he didn't have a job yet so we decided to move near his family. It was a mistake for many different reasons, I don't like it here. But I promised my kids that we wouldn't change schools again because my oldest ones have been in so many different schools already, I regret that, too.

I have lived one other place that I didn't like too. So here's what I do to try to make it more bearable:

Get involved. For me this usually means with the kids' sports and scouting, the more people I know the better.

Read the local newspaper. That way you can find out about things in your community that you might not have known about.

Google your city's Chamber of Commerce page.

Do some redecorating in your home. Move the furniture around, change a room up so you can at least like where you're at inside your home.

 

[skip323]

It will hopefully pass .... over time. I have lived in my current state, now, for about 15 or 16 years. Don't love it at all. I am in central Indiana and only grew up in a college town in Michigan but the differences, to me, are vast. There is a different mind set here, a significant lack of diversity compared to my much smaller city in MI and, worst of all, it is landlocked...NO natural larger body of water nearby!!! Pretty much anywhere in Michigan you can get to a lake within about 20 miles, I think, something like that. Not the case here! What I do know...the people are pretty nice here and I am grateful for that. My kids know no different so they are happy and I am LEAVING as soon as they graduate from high school! DH is from here but the agreement was to move after my stepkids graduated from high school (as their mom was here). Well, she moved a year after our marriage and I'm still sitting here waiting...13 years later!!!

I have tried to embrace this area as much as is possible and that has really helped! Though I miss my proximity to Canada, Indy is really just 2 or 3 hours away from many major cities in other states. I have really tried to be a "tourist" here and have, consequently, found lots of neat things that are unique in this state. Though they do not get the great cultural events that we did in my old town, they do get some and that always makes me happy so I try to hit musicals, symphony performances and ethnic festivals whenever possible.

In other words, though it may not be your favorite place, try to find somethings that you can love about it. I have made some good friends here. I don't have the history here that a lot of people have (no friends from grade school or college...nothing) but I have made some great friends through work, meeting parents at kid's sports, and I have excellent neighbors! These things will keep me "sane" until I can move (and at that point, if DH is still stalling he can stay here!!! )!

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I feel the same way about where we live. We are in a small area and we have been here for 7 years. While it has gotten better, I would LOVE to move. The only thing that keeps me going is our children being involved in school, cheer and soccer. If not for that, I would be lost.

I have moved several times in the past few years and I can honestly say that each time the only thing that has helped me is to find friends through church or different groups, or get involved in some type of hobbie that you really enjoy.

I wish you luck!!

 

[kymmyk13]

I feel the same way about where we live. We are in a small area and we have been here for 7 years. While it has gotten better, I would LOVE to move. The only thing that keeps me going is our children being involved in school, cheer and soccer. If not for that, I would be lost.

I have moved several times in the past few years and I can honestly say that each time the only thing that has helped me is to find friends through church or different groups, or get involved in some type of hobbie that you really enjoy.

I wish you luck!!

OK wher are you in Alabama. I live in a very small town in the middle of no where and I grew up right outside of Orlando.

 

[southern_redhead]

I was thinking of posting this same thing! I live in the tiny, rural town where I grew up. I loved it's closeness growing up but now it is biting us all in the hiney. No one will embrace new businesses or make changes - so our town is dying slowly. First people were laid off then brought back then laid off...now they are just gone. Sooo many out of work parents, it is sad!

My biggest issue is how complacent people here are. No one will make waves, no one will stand up and say "No, this isn't right." They all just say "Well, sigh, that's how it is." No major companies or stores will come here. We once existed on factories but now they are either gone or going. We are the poorest area, therefore have TONS of welfare programs. People from all over are moving here for our food stamps, free housing, etc.... Some of these people are nice and down on their luck, many are drug addicts and what have you I work at the school, I see them when they stumble in with their kids to register them.

People here just have a side-blinders on. They think if you go to church everytime the doors open you are automatically a better person than one that might not always go to church but tries to do right, help others, etc.. The only thing we have for youth is a sports program. Heaven forbid your kid not be an athlete. I have begged and begged my husband to move. He isn't even HERE, he works away 95% of the time. The hang up, I think, is he has an older child (not ours) who lives here and he sees it as abandoning him if we leave. I see it as drowning our 3 if we stay. I would leave in a heartbeat BUT with the economy the way it is selling our home and finding a new one and a new job for me could be difficult. Believe me, though, I am looking LOL

I just wanted to say I sympathize. I deal with it by traveling. A bunch! Every break from school we load up and go to a big city. Usually one DH is working in so we don't have to pay for lodging (his company pays) but sometimes, like this weekend, we all go somewhere else. I figure if I can't get my kids out right now I can at least let them know that there is more to life than Little League and hunting. They will see that other people have other opportunities and that, should they want them, they can one day (if it takes that long!) leave and go to a college somewhere else. I dont' want them to be afraid of "out there" like so many here are. We actually have people PROUD that they have never left our county. Sigh.

 

[palavra]

I 'll jump in here too. We live in a very small community in Georgia. Most of the people grew up here, and, although we've lived her for 5 ears, we are still considered outsiders because we have no family here and didn't grow up here. I teach at a small private school and enjoy my job. That is what has kept me sane during this time.

We are planning to move as soon as Dh gets out of seminary. That might be as early as next summer. Honestly, we are both looking forward to a change and new place where we hope the people will be a little more open to newcomers.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Hate where I live too.

I was born and raised in Pittsburgh. Our families are here. Never liked it, never will. This is a very friendly area , people are great, low crime rate and the best of the best sports team, but I would love to get OUT!!!

DH's company was bought over a few years ago and I thought this is it, I can finally get out. But then DH was offered another job here. Its a very good job , he is EXTREMELY lucky to have. Many is his profession are out of work so I am extremely grateful. So I'm stuck here until he retires. UGH!

 

[princessbride6205]

OP - I'm with you. Our nearest family is over 1000 miles away. Our closest friends have moved to other states to find jobs and our few remaining friends live nearly an hour away. Also, I hate the bitter cold winters. I've been trying to make the best of it as we have [relatively] stable jobs and a mortgage that's underwater. I don't want DD to start school here, but there's no way we'll be able to move that soon. Also DH and I are both nervous about finding new jobs in our field. If we moved, we'd be heading across the country. 2.5 years ago DH was one of the final candidates for a job in Orlando - I cried and cried when he didn't get it.
I try to stay in touch with friends that are further away, but I'm not very good at that. We Skype my parents 4 or 5 times a week, and they visit us often. We plan at least a week's vacation every winter to escape.

 

[MinnieVanMom]

I moved to my husband's town after we got married in 2009. I don't like it...at.all. It's a very, small rural town where everyone that lives there was born there, raised there and married someone that was born & raised there. The other parents treat me like I'm an outcast and I feel like I'm back in high school and not a part of the "in" crowd. It's ridiculous. They all stick together; I try to strike up conversations but they look at me like I have 2 heads. The only thing that helps me is that my daughter LOVES it. She is 12 and is thriving! The teachers have less students, so more one-on-one time. They have room for everyone on the sports teams, so you're automatically on the team if you choose to play. It really is a great place to raise a family. I just hope my daughter grows up to realize that there is more out there than our area code. Try to focus on the fact that your kids are happy. If they weren't happy, then that would be miserable.

I 'll jump in here too. We live in a very small community in Georgia. Most of the people grew up here, and, although we've lived her for 5 ears, we are still considered outsiders because we have no family here and didn't grow up here. I teach at a small private school and enjoy my job. That is what has kept me sane during this time.

We are planning to move as soon as Dh gets out of seminary. That might be as early as next summer. Honestly, we are both looking forward to a change and new place where we hope the people will be a little more open to newcomers.

I feel the pain of everyone posting here and especially the small town outsider posts. We live in a very rural mountain area where we are not part of the hand cart families that founded the area nor part of the 98% Mormon faith in the area. Now, I have a friend who is LDS, I like Utah LDS but in this small town they are 20 years back and shun us because we are not. We get treated very differently and it is obvious.

I just got back from Europe and have been depressed since returning. There is not a single major store within 1:45 drive each way for Home Depot, lowes, Sam's and all the big names. The little grocery in our town is over priced and there is nothing for the kids unless you are a member of the church. So each Saturday I drive 1:10 minutes to Jackson to take my DS to swimming lessons, then go to Smiths for groceries and try to find fun stuff up there to do, they have a single K mart but that is it.

Come winter we will be snowboarding but the wait for the mountain to open is long and I feel so depressed. I try to think of the positive. I have very clean air, ice cold water, no crime at all and I call the bank and move money on just a phone call. The schools have low teacher/student ratio and DH has two great jobs that help us pay for travel. The mountains are beautiful and winters are long with great snow.

I just want to go back to Germany where a high speed train can take you 3 different countries in under 4 hours.

 

[DisneyDizzy]

I am in the same boat. We are in UTAH! 1800 miles away from our friends and family. Everyone is all about hey you can ski, hike the mountains etc. Not really into that! We've been here almost 2 years now and yes, my husband has a FABULOUS job and that is what brought us here. He's trying to get a transfer back East, I'm hoping for Indianapolis. I love it there. And it is an easy 5 hour drive to family and not $1500 in plane tickets.

I think it is all about what you are used to. I can see where people would like it here. People who grew up in the culture or really enjoy the outdoor aspects. We have found that we are happiest here when we find ways to get out and explore the area. I could probably learn to live here if we got more involved. I think that is the key. We've moved A LOT in our life together. And we always enjoy places more when we become part of them. You have to become part of the community. Go to local events. Maybe a book club. Join the rec center or the local YMCA. Church if you are into that etc.

I know that if we put our minds to it, found people with similar interests, learned to like to do the outdoor things etc, we'd be fine. Our big stumbling block is that we had a baby, a preemie, and we really want her to know her family. Traveling home once or twice a year just won't cut it for us. Put things into perspective. The fabulous job and all the money in the world don't matter to us right now. The baby and I are lucky to be alive. We want to be closer to our family. All the adventures in the world pale to that.

I hope you find a way to enjoy where you are! I know how it feels to feel trapped some place you don't want to be. There are ways to make it work, though. I always tell myself there is no point in spending my life miserable!

 

[DisneyDizzy]

I feel the pain of everyone posting here and especially the small town outsider posts. We live in a very rural mountain area where we are not part of the hand cart families that founded the area nor part of the 98% Mormon faith in the area. Now, I have a friend who is LDS, I like Utah LDS but in this small town they are 20 years back and shun us because we are not. We get treated very differently and it is obvious.

I just got back from Europe and have been depressed since returning. There is not a single major store within 1:45 drive each way for Home Depot, lowes, Sam's and all the big names. The little grocery in our town is over priced and there is nothing for the kids unless you are a member of the church. So each Saturday I drive 1:10 minutes to Jackson to take my DS to swimming lessons, then go to Smiths for groceries and try to find fun stuff up there to do, they have a single K mart but that is it.

Come winter we will be snowboarding but the wait for the mountain to open is long and I feel so depressed. I try to think of the positive. I have very clean air, ice cold water, no crime at all and I call the bank and move money on just a phone call. The schools have low teacher/student ratio and DH has two great jobs that help us pay for travel. The mountains are beautiful and winters are long with great snow.

I just want to go back to Germany where a high speed train can take you 3 different countries in under 4 hours.

I didn't want to say it but since it sound like you are in Utah, too, yeah, not being LDS is our major stumbling block here. And like you, I really like all our LDS neighbors. They are so nice. Nice as long as we do things their way, though. And I don't blame them AT ALL. This is their culture. I like to surround myself with people with similar interests, too. But it is so hard to break in when you don't have the same activities and interests. My son HATES it here. He's 9. The advice we get is just go do the activities at the LDS Church. Go to the ladies group, etc. You don't have to be LDS to do a lot of the Ward activities. I guess it feels too much like giving in to us, though. I spent the first year trying to fit in and change. Why do we have to conform just to have friends. I actually had a play group ask me not to bring my morning cup of coffee! To a PUBLIC park. And that did it for me. If you are offended by my coffee, the problem ISN'T actually ME!!!! We were going to get our son Snowboarding lessons this winter but it looks like my husband's transfer is going to go through. I don't want any more adventures. Just take me back to the midwest. I just want an ordinary life and I'll adventure on great vacations!

 

[Mrs. Charming]

Wow, this boat is getting crowded! I'm jumping in, too. I'm not happy here, either. I moved here from Philly to be with DH. (about an hour away)
There isnt much to do, there aren't many non-chain restaurants, people are snobby, and it takes forever to get anywhere because its spread out, and it's EXPENSIVE!

We tossed around the idea of moving, but the meager help we do have would still be here. I don't want to go further from my mom than this (2.5 h) and DH's mom and grandmother would be upset although they dont see us much. Theyre a whopping 15 mins away yet we see them every 2-3 weeks.

The other thing is DH's job. We know its here, I am terrified to have him transfer and then he'd lose his job. That's our luck.

How to cope? I don't know. Thank goodness we have a good relationship b/c we'd both go nuts. We just end up shopping at Target a few times a week as a "something to do" activity.

 

[StephMK]

Well, it's comforting to know there are others out there but sorry everyone else is struggling too. I am generally a very positive, make the most of it person. We do enjoy getting around & visiting places we would not have seen otherwise. I am trying but it just gets depressing sometimes. We are looking at another winter starting up and I hate them.

The city is nice, we do try to get out but finances are pretty tight at the moment. We belong to a church, DD16 loves it, but it feels kinda tight knit, generations of families, not a huge group of kids, etc. They are nice but it's tough to feel totally comfortable. We shopped several to finally find this one with a minister we like.

The sports team my kids join always seem to have parents that already know each other & sit off to themselves or have family with them. The kids are old enough that most moms just drop off & sometimes don't even get out of the car. Most people have grown up here so it's just tough getting to know others better.

I did go back to school & hope my new future job will lead to some more happiness. My old work friends are divorced and DH's friends don't have similar aged kids. I guess I really miss family around and having entire families that are friends - we haven't been able to find those connections where the entire family can spend time with others, kwim? We used to have parties where the entire families would get together & all the kids would play.

It's just hard, my kids are the ones that only have me & DH or just one of us watching because we have no aunts/uncles/grandparents anywhere close. DH's closest family is 6 hrs away & mine are 1000+.

 

[luvdumbo]

I have lived in MN for ten years now and I am so over the long winters and bitter cold. I am planning on moving, more than likely to Nashville because I have great friends there. I am over analytical so I am analyzing moving in great detail before I make the leap. But I have already decided I am selling my house but I am waiting till April to put it on the market as the real estate market in MN slows to a crawl in the bitter cold.

 

[Zoesmama03]

I absolutely do not like Arizona(Phoenix area anyway) at all. I despise it here its filled of smog, dust and its all blah and dull. I've been here the better part of the last 17 years though so you'd think it would be "home" enough.

The bright side is I have some family here and my best and closest friend, it never snows and rarely rains(nice for not dealing with rain gear and double nice for no shoveling or requiring time in morning to warm your car up) and has everything in close proximity. So finding the good things helps. I replay those in my head often and deal with it.

I love Florida but it never seems to work out(tried 3 times to move there) for some reason or the other.

I guess its good I can only rent right now so its easier if I decide to up and move somewhere else. My best friend said she'd consider moving to Iowa so I joked(half joke anyway) we should go halves on a really huge moving truck. Her area would be a few hours from my ideal area though, I think. I have some extended family and step siblings there which would be cool(my cousins 10 year old and my 7 year old have never met outside of Facebook and they love chatting on the phone) and I'm willing to bet if I moved there my mom would follow shortly after with in a couple years. Both her sisters live there and their brother is in Missouri.

 

[macsmom09]

Is there still room to hop on this boat?!! I can't say I dislike where I live now, actually it has started to grow on me after 4 years; it's that I dislike that we are moving to Dallas next year. DH has landed his dream job with the feds and that's where he is assigned...after he finishes 7 months on training in another state 13 hours from home!! He keeps saying that after 3 years he can request a transfer, but at this point, I'm really trying to figure out how DS and I can stay here and he can be in Dallas for those 3 years I know it's totally unrealistic, but I can dream right???

Moving to Dallas makes us about 14 hours away from our family- not cool, especially since his family is here in our town now and my family is only 1.5 hours away. DS is so used to spending the weekends with my parents, and as the only grandchild, I'm not sure what either set of grandparents is going to do!

Any advice from readers in Texas?

 

[crl]

We plan at least a week's vacation every winter to escape.

This is the only thing that keeps me sane! Once November hit, the sun goes away and doesn't come back until April. (We beat Seatle on the list of cloudy days. ) But DH and I remind ourselves that he has a good job that we need to remember to be thankful for. The kids love our church and hate to miss any service. And our family is within driving distance (even though it may take a full day for some).