Another Wedding Spinoff--Alcohol at Reception

[Hikergirl]

The bride and groom are not "throwing a party"... They are starting a life together and are nice enough to invite you...

I prefer a cash bar..., I don't go to a wedding to drink on someone else's dime! Esp. a couple going to build a future together and wanting to share that with me!

Everyone saying that it's "expected", I think that's in poor taste.

The bride and groom ARE hosting a party. If they were just inviting you in the sharing of their life there would not be a reception. I don't care what they choose to serve at the party there are expectations that come when you receive an invitation to that wedding and reception. You don't need to act like you don't have them unless you really think we believe that you expect to walk into an empty room and stand there building a future with the bride and groom for 4 hours with no meal, or drinks, or dancing or music..........

 

[mi*vida*loca]

The bride and groom are not "throwing a party"... They are starting a life together and are nice enough to invite you...

I prefer a cash bar..., I don't go to a wedding to drink on someone else's dime! Esp. a couple going to build a future together and wanting to share that with me!

Everyone saying that it's "expected", I think that's in poor taste.

A reception is most definitely a party.

Starting a life together is your wedding ceremony. Everything extra is a celebration or party or reception. However you want to word it.

 

[cluvsdisney]

A reception is most definitely a party.

Starting a life together is your wedding ceremony. Everything extra is a celebration or party or reception. However you want to word it.

Yep...I always felt the ceremony was for us/couple getting married and the reception was for the guests.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Yep...I always felt the ceremony was for us/couple getting married and the reception was for the guests.

Lots of people get married without a reception. My first marriage was at city hall and nothing after. We did go out to eat at the local diner right after. A few days later my MIL had a cake, food and drinks at her house and invited immediate family over to the house. My xh was leaving to Iraq that Thursday so it was mostly a going away party.

IF I ever get married again I will elope and again have no reception.

 

[AppleDumpling]

After speaking with the lady at the venue, she was very accommodating and said it might be best to just keep a running tab and pay for total drinks consumed rather than pay for a pre-set amount

This is the best way to go, IMO, especially if you have many guests who are not big drinkers. I would have chosen it too for my wedding, if it had been offered as an option.

 

[Skywalker]

When my nephew got married two years ago they didn't have any coffee with the cake. You either had alcohol, soda or water with it. We thought that was odd. When it was talked about with them a few weeks later they said they didn't drink coffee so they just didn't include it.

Some people are just too selfish to be good hosts lol.

My aunt was allergic to chocolate, but she always was the first one to make sure there was chocolate cakes at our birthday parties because she knew so many of us liked it best. She also couldn't drink coffee but made sure the coffee was on every morning. My other friend is a vegetarian but had meat options at her reception. Another friend hates country music but made sure there was some played because lots of her family likes it. These are examples of good hosts. I just don't get people who are like, well I don't drink alcohol or tea or coffee or eat pork or eat sweets or dance or like vegetables so no one else at my party will either - have a great time everyone!

 

[bcla]

Some people are just too selfish to be good hosts lol.

My aunt was allergic to chocolate, but she always was the first one to make sure there was chocolate cakes at our birthday parties because she knew so many of us liked it best. She also couldn't drink coffee but made sure the coffee was on every morning. My other friend is a vegetarian but had meat options at her reception. Another friend hates country music but made sure there was some played because lots of her family likes it. These are examples of good hosts. I just don't get people who are like, well I don't drink alcohol or tea or coffee or eat pork or eat sweets or dance or like vegetables so no one else at my party will either - have a great time everyone!

Not everyone has coffee with cake. I certainly wouldn't expect that at a wedding reception.

I'd have no issue. It would be nice if the invitations spell out what will be provided, but that there's a cash bar, open bar, beer/wine, or no alcohol at all specified on an invitation isn't a deal breaker for me. My ability to enjoy a party has little to do with alcohol.

Heck - I've been to some low-key wedding receptions and had a good time. One was more informal - almost like a business social with snacks and even a sushi chef (the bride was originally from Japan). Tables were limited, and it seemed more like they wanted the guests to mingle on their feet.

 

[cluvsdisney]

Lots of people get married without a reception. My first marriage was at city hall and nothing after. We did go out to eat at the local diner right after. A few days later my MIL had a cake, food and drinks at her house and invited immediate family over to the house. My xh was leaving to Iraq that Thursday so it was mostly a going away party.

IF I ever get married again I will elope and again have no reception.

I didn't say it was necessary nor do I think that they are, just that the topic is about receptions and *I* felt that when we were planning the reception part of our wedding, we came at it from a different angle than the ceremony portion.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I didn't say it was necessary nor do I think that they are, just that the topic is about receptions and *I* felt that when we were planning the reception part of our wedding, we came at it from a different angle than the ceremony portion.

I was agreeing with you. I should have stated that before I went on and on. lol

 

[cedricandsophie]

In our area,,,Chicago...it would be odd to have a cash bar at least until after the venue had officially closed. At my nieces wedding the bar offered everything including premium liquor and shots as well as wine poured at tables. It closed at 12 and the after party began. Many people began buying drinks and the bartenders joined in. I've only been to one dry wedding and that was a morning ceremony with a light lunch and cake served in church hall. I would certainly let everyone know in advance what to expect.

 

[pryncess527]

I grew up in a dry county, so I've been to plenty of dry weddings, or beer/wine only weddings. I have no problem with that and don't need to be warned.

I've never seen a cash bar, and am firmly in the camp of people who think a host should host the party they are comfortable with/can afford, but I find it highly odd for a host to ever suggest guests should pay for some portion of the evening.

Of course, if the wedding is at hotel and guests wander to the hotel bar, that's a different story -- obviously the couple can't force the bar to close -- but in general, I think everything provided in the reception area should be covered for all guests.

ETA -- I also think the concept of covering your plate is crap, so I would never alter my wedding gift plans based on cash vs open bar. My wedding gift budget is a function of my relationship to the couple, not a guesstimate as to how much they spent on me. I would have been horrified if I thought my wedding guests felt obligated to buy more expensive presents for me because of choices I made of my own free will when planning.

 

[cluvsdisney]

I was agreeing with you. I should have stated that before I went on and on. lol

ok...because I was agreeing with your original post so I was a little confused by your reply there. haha!!

 

[LynnTH]

Minnesota here. Cash Bar is common around here and is usually stated in the invitation. Usually it is with a combination of Host Bar for a while or Beer/Wine/Soft Drinks paid for anything else cash. I have no problem with any of these and if the invitation does not specify we automatically bring cash with. I have been to way too many weddings where because there is Open Bar - some of the guests feel the need to drink to excess. So many wasted drinks too. People would be off talking or dancing and leave their drinks somewhere but because it is Open Bar they just go get another. So many drinks thrown away.

So, I have no problem with some version of Cash Bars. To me , I don't think a Bride and Groom should have to pay thousands of dollars just so everyone can drink as much as they want. But I guess this is regional after reading all the replies.

 

[mummabear]

I can understand a cash bar. But not even having soda and iced tea available to your guests? Not cool.

I agree. My cousin got married at a fancy club in Vancouver, they were handing out champange and I ask the waiter for a juice instead (I was pregnant and breastfeeding) and was told no its not included.

Folks do that at the mini-marts here, but get hit with a 45 cent fee if they charge is less than$10.

Not allowed to add fees for eftpos here and we don't tip so its all good

Our venue included "one hour open bar" with our reception. Just before the hour was up, though, my FIL asked the bartender to keep a tab and he'd pay it. The bartender agreed and my FIL squared up at the end of the reception, even giving a 30% gratuity. We later found out from my BIL and SIL that the bartender still charged them for their drinks! A few other (close) guests, when asked, said that they paid cash for their drinks as well. I honestly don't know what happened in the end, if Dad complained to the venue or what. He and my MIL attended another wedding there a few months later, but it was a different bartender...

We had friends get married in Samoa, the resort that was the venue had an open bar no tab requirement, with only 40 guests who were all good friends/family they thought it would be no problem. Well the venue started packing up and setting up for breakfast right after dinner finished, no cake, no dancing (despite the bride ordering a cake), they got the bar tab and it was $10,000! It turns out the venue had allowed the local choir to load up the van with booze and added it to the tab and said "its an open bar and they were part of your wedding" Bride was in tears.

The bride and groom are not "throwing a party"... They are starting a life together and are nice enough to invite you...

The reception most certainly a party. And the hosts expect gifts as well.

 

[Mrs. Ciz]

FWIW - we are getting married this summer and will have open bar. We had the option to pay a flat per person fee of $20 for three hours, plus $5 per person for every hour thereafter. Our reception will be about 5 hours, so it would be about $30 per person to have open bar for the duration. The other option was to do a consumption package where you only pay for what is ordered. We figured this would come out cheaper, and many of our friends and relatives agreed. They also offer the option to cap the bar tab at a certain amount so you don't get a big bill at the end, but we didn't do that.

Make sure you tell the bartenders not to allow shots if you are on a consumption package. Those add up fast and get out of control. My dear friends could have bought a new car with what her consumption bar bill cost her - all because of shots! Either no shots or reconsider the cap.

 

[Mrs. Ciz]

This is the best way to go, IMO, especially if you have many guests who are not big drinkers. I would have chosen it too for my wedding, if it had been offered as an option.

I think it really depends on your guests. DH and I got married right out of college. We had 100 college kids/recent college grads at our wedding. I specifically chose a hotel with a per person per hour bar charge I could afford because I was terrified of getting a GIANT consumption bar bill. Considering how much alcohol my guests drank, we made the right choice for us!

 

[ashley0139]

Some people are just too selfish to be good hosts lol.

My aunt was allergic to chocolate, but she always was the first one to make sure there was chocolate cakes at our birthday parties because she knew so many of us liked it best. She also couldn't drink coffee but made sure the coffee was on every morning. My other friend is a vegetarian but had meat options at her reception. Another friend hates country music but made sure there was some played because lots of her family likes it. These are examples of good hosts. I just don't get people who are like, well I don't drink alcohol or tea or coffee or eat pork or eat sweets or dance or like vegetables so no one else at my party will either - have a great time everyone!

I don't drink coffee. It would literally never even occur to me that people would expect coffee with cake. There are so many of those things that are specific to people. I can't imagine trying to include all of them.

 

[CPanther95]

I don't drink coffee. It would literally never even occur to me that people would expect coffee with cake. There are so many of those things that are specific to people. I can't imagine trying to include all of them.

Yes, coffee definitely should be available for cake. Also for breakfast/brunch.

I prefer milk with cake, but coffee is a standard item offered with dessert.

 

[Skywalker]

I don't drink coffee. It would literally never even occur to me that people would expect coffee with cake. There are so many of those things that are specific to people. I can't imagine trying to include all of them.

Yeah but haven't you noticed when out for dinner that an offer of tea or coffee with dessert is pretty standard? Whether or not you drink it yourself, you had to have noticed??

 

[Nennie]

I've never been to a wedding that was cash bar, but if I was invited to one, I would definitely want to know ahead of time!

My parents went to a wedding in DC that was black-tie, and at the reception they were shocked to find out it was a cash bar...and it wasn't even "cash" b/c the guests had to actually go to a table to purchase drink tickets (beer, wine, or mixed drink) and then go over to the bar with their ticket. They said that their entire table was joking about the drink tickets and joking that they would have to take $$ out of the gift envelope to buy tickets! (They were joking, I wasn't there, but I'm guessing the guests really didn't take $$ out of the gift envelope).