Another Wedding Spinoff--Alcohol at Reception

[CookieandOatmeal]

I'd be really peeved if I arrived and found out soft drinks were on a cash basis. I might even say "screw this" and walk out. And of course retain my gift.

I so wanted to cross out the original amount on the check to cover the cost of my soft drinks lol but the hubs said to play nice since it was his cousin. I just felt it was so inconsiderate of the bride and groom to not at least cover some drinks for their guests who took time/money to come to your special event. Just felt like a money grab at that point after what we gave them. I know everyone has different priorities but I spent most of my wedding budget on food/bar/venue so we and our guests could enjoy the day equally. I am annoyed simply by how much she spent on herself and the decor over her guests' enjoyment- all I'm asking for is a soft drinks bar!!

 

[mummabear]

I so wanted to cross out the original amount on the check to cover the cost of my soft drinks lol but the hubs said to play nice since it was his cousin. I just felt it was so inconsiderate of the bride and groom to not at least cover some drinks for their guests who took time/money to come to your special event. Just felt like a money grab at that point after what we gave them. I know everyone has different priorities but I spent most of my wedding budget on food/bar/venue so we and our guests could enjoy the day equally. I am annoyed simply by how much she spent on herself and the decor over her guests' enjoyment- all I'm asking for is a soft drinks bar!!

Exactly, the bride and groom may want to remember that there has been a cost to the guests to be able to attend.

 

[Cantw8]

Sweet Baby Jesus..I can't believe how incredible selfish and self-centered some of you sound. Really??? You would cross out the gift check amount to cover the cost of your drinks????? This day is not about YOU (general you) it is about this couple. Cash bar/open bar/no bar..isn't up to you to judge, it is up to the couple or whoever is paying. You are a GUEST, not the main event. This is not a "regional" thing, I have been to various receptions in a couple of different states with or without alcohol, free or paid for it all depends on the believes of the couple and budget..it has little to do with being from a certain location. For those of you that NEVER carry cash, you don't tip the bartender??? With all your etiquette expertise how do you justify not tipping the bartender in venues where alcohol is available??? Jeeezzzz people, relax and enjoy an evening out and try to remember why you are there in the first place (puts on flame-proof suit)

 

[CPanther95]

For those of you that NEVER carry cash, you don't tip the bartender??? With all your etiquette expertise how do you justify not tipping the bartender in venues where alcohol is available???

Not a chance I would want my guests tipping the bartender or any of the servers at a wedding I was hosting. In fact the staff was told to flat out reject any tips with no exceptions. My oldest daughter's catering tab was $16,500 and $2,750 of that was the 20% gratuity that went directly to the staff.

 

[Cantw8]

Not a chance I would want my guests tipping the bartender or any of the servers at a wedding I was hosting. In fact the staff was told to flat out reject any tips with no exceptions. My oldest daughter's catering tab was $16,500 and $2,750 of that was the 20% gratuity that went directly to the staff.

Good point but did you write that on the invitation so people knew ahead of time? (I'm teasing) I would still offer a tip (as a guest), if it was turned down so be it..actually, I think of it more as a bribe to not be stingy with the booze

 

[mom2rtk]

It's settled. I'm bribing my kids to elope.

 

[CPanther95]

Good point but did you write that on the invitation so people knew ahead of time? (I'm teasing) I would still offer a tip (as a guest), if it was turned down so be it..actually, I think of it more as a bribe to not be stingy with the booze

I had ALL details included on a separate piece of stationary in with the invitation.

 

[CPanther95]

It's settled. I'm bribing my kids to elope.

A bribe would be a smart investment.

 

[mjkacmom]

Not a chance I would want my guests tipping the bartender or any of the servers at a wedding I was hosting. In fact the staff was told to flat out reject any tips with no exceptions. My oldest daughter's catering tab was $16,500 and $2,750 of that was the 20% gratuity that went directly to the staff.

But your guests have no way of knowing gratuities wouldn't be accepted. Around here, folks use tips to bribe the bartenders to look out for them at open bars - $20 up front and $1 or 2 per drink works well.

 

[Cantw8]

It's settled. I'm bribing my kids to elope.

and I am putting Mr CPanther in charge of my son's wedding, which BTW is open bar lol

 

[nkereina]

With all your etiquette expertise how do you justify not tipping the bartender in venues where alcohol is available???

I'm in the midst of planning my wedding and I have a cute bucket I asked my caterer if I could put on the bar for the bartender's tips. She informed me that the bartenders should not solicit for tips and that they're actually paid higher than minimum wage, not a tipped wage like a server at a restaurant. They also receive part of the 20% gratuity included in my contract price. The caterer said if people throw a dollar on the bar, the bartenders won't reject it, but they can't solicit for it and it's perfectly acceptable for guests not to tip since the bartenders are compensated accordingly and we have an open bar.

 

[RedAngie]

But your guests have no way of knowing gratuities wouldn't be accepted. Around here, folks use tips to bribe the bartenders to look out for them at open bars - $20 up front and $1 or 2 per drink works well.

So it might as well be a cash bar then.

 

[brooke789]

I'm in the midst of planning my wedding and I have a cute bucket I asked my caterer if I could put on the bar for the bartender's tips. She informed me that the bartenders should not solicit for tips and that they're actually paid higher than minimum wage, not a tipped wage like a server at a restaurant. They also receive part of the 20% gratuity included in my contract price. The caterer said if people throw a dollar on the bar, the bartenders won't reject it, but they can't solicit for it and it's perfectly acceptable for guests not to tip since the bartenders are compensated accordingly and we have an open bar.

And at my venue the bartenders flat out cannot accept tips. Has it been done? I'm sure. If they're caught they will be fired.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

It's settled. I'm bribing my kids to elope.

I'm just glad I don't have any daughters.

At our wedding the server offered soft drinks, water, tea and coffee. She also told people that if they wanted something hard, they could order from the bar. One table went to the bar for a drink, and brought it back into the reception.

No one was upset and I didn't receive any checks with crossed off amounts.

Nowadays it seems like you better include not only liquor, but top shelf stuff. And you need to include what is going to be offered in the wedding invitation so people know what they are getting themselves in for.

Heck, I've been to weddings that only offered lemonade, iced/sweet tea and water. And no, they didn't have unsweetened tea. They offered cake, mints and peanuts to eat. That was it. And I've been to weddings that had surf and turf including filet mignon, an open bar and they had waitstaff walking around offering caviar. Both invitations invited me to a wedding and reception.

Oh, and my husband and I had a great time at both receptions.

 

[nugov2]

And at my venue the bartenders flat out cannot accept tips. Has it been done? I'm sure. If they're caught they will be fired.

That is standard around here and that isn't exclusive to weddings. Any charity event or corporate event we've been to won't accept tips and will say exactly what you said...that they'll be fired if they take it, even if you are doing it to encourage better drinks. It is viewed as tacky and why any upscale venue around here includes tips in the bill for their staff.

 

[mjkacmom]

So it might as well be a cash bar then.

Not really - a beer here typically goes for about $6, a glass of wine $8, and is still be tipping on top of that. However, bartenders tend to be busier when there is an open bar.

 

[scrapquitler]

It's settled. I'm bribing my kids to elope.

My husband and I have said exactly that since we planned our own wedding (with the iron fists of both our mothers).

 

[DopeyDame]

I'm just glad I don't have any daughters.

At our wedding the server offered soft drinks, water, tea and coffee. She also told people that if they wanted something hard, they could order from the bar. One table went to the bar for a drink, and brought it back into the reception.

No one was upset and I didn't receive any checks with crossed off amounts.

Nowadays it seems like you better include not only liquor, but top shelf stuff. And you need to include what is going to be offered in the wedding invitation so people know what they are getting themselves in for.

Heck, I've been to weddings that only offered lemonade, iced/sweet tea and water. And no, they didn't have unsweetened tea. They offered cake, mints and peanuts to eat. That was it. And I've been to weddings that had surf and turf including filet mignon, an open bar and they had waitstaff walking around offering caviar. Both invitations invited me to a wedding and reception.

Oh, and my husband and I had a great time at both receptions.

I don't think anyone would have any issue at all with a wedding reception of lemonade and cake! (OK, I suppose some people would, but they'd be rude and tacky people.) If the couple wants a cake and tea reception, for religious reasons or financial reasons or just because they like cake and tea, then that's awesome! I'd be thrilled to celebrate with them however they want. And if they want filet and cavier and an open bad, that's awesome too and I'd be just as thrilled to celebrate with them however they want.

But I do get a little annoyed when someone invites me to a party and expects me to pay for something that is being offered to the guests at the party. I certainly wouldn't get huffy or think less of the couple, but yeah - I find it a little rude. (And I was a bit huffy at the wedding where I couldn't get anything but water from the water fountain for free. That was just whacky.)

 

[CPanther95]

and I am putting Mr CPanther in charge of my son's wedding, which BTW is open bar lol

LOL. Once was enough. My 2nd daughter spared me from a big wedding/reception. She wanted small and intimate. I told her that was a brilliant idea. Tell your son to contact me and I'll send him all my templates for menus, place cards, wedding favors, seating charts etc. A ton of time and work spent for a one-off event is such a waste.

Here was our menu:


Menu


Butlered Hors d’oeuvres


Grilled Shrimp Shooter with Salsa Verde

~

BLT Crostini

~

Herb Stuffed Mushrooms


Salad


Greens with Grilled Peaches, Grits Croutons and Sugared Pecans - Balsamic Vinaigrette


Buffet


Carved Peppercorn and Sea Salt New York Strip

~

Herb and Lemon Roasted Chicken

~

Pan Seared Grouper with Citrus Beurre Blanc

~

Twice Baked Potatoes with Cheddar and Chives

~

Orzo with Tomatoes, Fresh Basil and Shallots

~

Fresh Blanched Asparagus Spears

~

Grilled Summer Vegetables


Wedding Cake


Kentucky Butter ~ Chocolate Fudge ~

Strawberry with Pureed Strawberries~

Lemon Buttermilk with Lemon Glaze~

All Cakes Iced with Vanilla Buttercream


Late Night Noshing


Fresh Made Cheeseburger Sliders

~

Miniature Pizzas

~

Hand Made Milkshakes

 

[cabanafrau]

After I started the thread, I searched around on the internet. According to one snooty site, you're incredibly gauche. A keg at a wedding? If it's absolutely necessary to lower yourself to accommodate the plebeian guests, only high end craft beers in the bottle, please. With a glass, of course.

My homebrewing, craft beer afficionado hubby would tell the snooty site they're gauche. You get the good stuff on tap, either make it yourself, buy quality tapped craft brew or have a custom batch made and kegged for your event.