Shall we?
'Cause I'm outta here until July 10th. See "location".
Day Two, Sunday May 7th: I head back out to the SUV and tell the other four happyhaunts that we have checked in to the BWV. I also tell them that because it was so expensive... we get balloons. Whooo Hooo! They each take a balloon and Mellyman asks why I have a fourth one. I tell him that I have plans for the fourth one. I do not elaborate. I am a woman of mystery. Plus... I don't really know why I asked for it. Actually. We then meet the most unfortunate CM at the Boardwalk Resort. He is the man who will help us unload our luggage and groceries... onto TWO luggage racks and the stroller... and take them to our room. THEN he will go and park our car three miles from the hotel, itself, in valet parking. We quickly decided that we will valet park the whole trip. Whenever we can. It's vacation, after all. We're going to spend money like water, BABY! Unlike on our camping extravaganzas. Where we spend very little money... BUT drink tequila like water. OLE!
The happyhaunts, a broken stroller, DVC knapsack, four balloons, 3000 pounds of luggage, grocery bags full of junk food, one poor unlucky CM, two luggage racks and ONE KOALA head through the lobby and down the hall to find our room. We are on the first floor. Down a long hallway. Long long long...
Long
Long
Hallway.
I think our room is actually in the next state. Up. From Florida. Whichever one that is. Heh heh. Our room is nice, though. The bathroom door has a lock on it. Which, if you've read my other TR, you'll know is a much appreciated feature. The balcony is only about three feet up from the ground which is also a good feature. Because the boys like to climb. Things. Just like their mama. So sue us. We unload and Mellyman tips the poor CM. Well.
I hope.
Who knows?
We unpack and decide to go for a swim before we have to shower and head out for dinner. I pull out my assortment of bathing suits and try to make the big decision. If you remember... I brought five. Uhhhh, teen. Five-teen... fifteen of them. With me. I pick the white one. 'Cause I really like it and then I find everyone else's. We get ready and head down the long long long corridor towards the exit to the pool area. We wander towards the pool area and, as we walk, I try to prepare myself for my first sight of the Clown Pool. How bad can it really be? I ask myself.
It's bad.
The clown is horrible. As expected. I SWEAR that there is no way to make a clown look cute. Or friendly. Or anything less than a man-eating aberration of nature. But. This one was even WORSE. Because there is a water slide which comes out the thing's mouth. No crap. However, the kids and Mellyman were pretty excited. Because it's a taller, longer slide than at any of the other Disney resorts. That we've ever seen. Anyway. We grab a table for our stuff. They head up, excitedly, to do the slide and I grab the camera to take a bunch of pictures of the Clown zzubing up my loved ones.
First the Clown puked up Calvin. Then Beth. Tommy. Finally it blew Mellyman out with a tremendous splash.
Disgusting. But fun. I think.
They did it a buttload of times. For about 45 minutes. Until Mellyman called me over to the side of the pool and asked me if I was going to take a turn...
Mellyman: Come on, Mel! It's fun. Put the camera down and join us.
Me: Not on your life.
Mellyman: Why not?
Me: Because I believe that the moment I hit that slide, a second alternate chute will open up and I will end up down in the digestive system of that freaky clown. Not in the pool.
Mellyman: YOU are the freaky one, Mel. NOT the clown.
Me: No matter. What I'm sayin' is this: I would not end up coming out that clown's mouth. I'd end up more...errrr... SOUTH. That is what I'm sayin.
So I didn't. Go. But they did. A bunch more times. More of this:
And this:
This:
And, finally, this:
It was fun. For four happyhaunts. Who were involved in the clown's bulimia nervosa episodes.
We headed back up to our room. Got showered and dressed for dinner.
Then we jumped in our lovely valet-parked car and headed over to the first official Disney Dinner of our trip. It is always the same. We go to 'Ohanas. At the Poly. Because I did when I was a child. Only it had a different name then. And because Beth and I are smellers. We only truly believe we have arrived in The World when we smell that special smell that you find only at the Poly. And at Splash Mountain. It is the sweet Disney smell of dirty water. Humidity mixed with recycled filthy water. We love it. LOVE IT. And, then, we know we are HOME. Baby.
And... it appears... lots of other people are ALSO "Home". Because we end up waiting a good 45 minutes for our ADR to come up. The boys did this:
Beth took her wallet and went to the gift shops. Mellyman and I decided to do a little bit of drinking. He had a beer and I had an exotic $11.00 cocktail. In a pineapple. $11.00. In AMERICAN money. But it was worth it. There was a definite tropical buzz. Along with the yummy taste.
While we sat waiting endlessly for our table to come up, Calvin wandered over and we had one of our chats...
Calvin: What do we eat at this place? I can't remember.
Me: That's because you slept through it all last time.
Calvin: Oh yeah. Is this the place with the coconut races? And all the meat?
Me: You betcha. Plus they have the big bowls of shrimp and the chicken wings that Tommy really likes. Remember?
Calvin: God wouldn't eat here.
Me: (pause) Come again?
Calvin: I said that God wouldn't eat here.
Me: (pause) Is it because God doesn't limbo? Or like drinks served in big pineapples?
Calvin: God hates shrimp.
Me: Pardon?
Calvin: A kid in my class said he's not allowed to eat shrimp because of his religion. That God doesn't like people eating shrimp and seafood.
Mellyman: Well Calvin... some people have religious beliefs which... blah... blah... blah... blah... yada... blah.
(I felt the need to interupt his explanation)
Me: Hold on Melly. I think we should pursue this a little further. So. Calvin?
Calvin: Uh huh?
Me: Where WOULD God eat at Disney?
Calvin: Oh. Definitely Pecos Bills.
Me: Why?
Calvin: He'd like the topping bar.
Me: Oh. Good to know. Now... tell me: Would God stay on property or off?
Calvin: He'd stay at the All Star Movies.
Thankfully, at this moment, our beeper went off and we headed into 'Ohanas to enjoy our First Official Disney Dinner.
I can also tell you something for CERTAIN.
God was NOT at the table beside us.
To be continued. Up next: Rating our 'Ohana meal on the PeptoB scale. The fun and festivities at 'Ohana. Pictures. Of victory and defeat. AND... one of Me(l) happyhaunt attempting the limbo.
Stay tuned. See you in a couple of weeks!!!!
Amy
Shh, don't tell anyone! 
