Where was I?
Hummmmm... ah, yes. The five happyhaunts were about to head over to Universal. For the rest of the trip.
HA! Just kidding. Blech! My lips touched dog lips! Blech!
We were actually heading through the parking lot into
Walmart. Beth and Tommy leading the way. His hand tightly in hers. To keep him safe.
Moving on... now. As we entered Walmart I realized I had left my list in the car. Again. It was in the OPK. Of mine. So we're doing this shop from memory. 'Cause I'm feeling too lazy to walk back and get it. I still haven't slept much. I'm tired. So sue me. Calvin announces, immediately, that he's hungry. Again. That kid has a tapeworm. Or so his older sister thinks. She also thinks he smells funny. Most likely due to the worm infestation in his bowels. I just think he eats too much too fast. And has gas. So we go to buy him a hotdog. In Walmart. A Walmart hotdog. Blech! My lips touched dog lips! And... his touched pig parts. Blech! It was a hotdog on a stick with batter. On it. Ketchup and mustard. By the time he was finished I was on my way to the kids' clothing department to replace his shirt. Shorts and one sock. While I did the clothing run, Mellyman and the kids hit the grocery section. We needed drinks, breakfast foods and snacks. What we got was beer, wine, beer, wine, SunnyD, Cheetos and about forty Poptarts. Not only was this, perhaps, the most unhealthy assortment of food in our cart EVER... we could have swapped our grocery order with Britney and The KFed's and never skipped a beat. Oh yeah... we also got cream and bottles of water. Too. I grabbed some clothes for Calvin. And tried on a cute pair of shorts in my size. Which were SO short that I laughed. When I turned around in the mirror. To look at my butt. Most of which I could plainly see. Underneath the belt with leg holes. In it. I passed. On the shorts. Blech! I phoned Mellyman, incuring long-distance cell charges back to Canada, to see where he was. Because I like to spend $3.00 unwisely. And because it was $3.00 that someone had given me, instead of a card, and I wanted to squander it wastefully in their honour. 'Cause I know it would really BUG them.
I headed back towards the food section... because that's where Mellyman SAID he was. I truly didn't expect to find him there. Because those are the fun kinda tricks we like to pull on each other... but there he was. Looking at more snacks. And THEN... I saw IT. Yes IT. IT is a jar of dried beef product which I am unable to purchase in Canada. I have an appetizer recipe which calls for this as an ingredient. Along with cream cheese, garlic and pecans. So I always have to pick it up in the States. Sometimes I can't find it. What I'm saying is this: I was very excited to see it. At Walmart. So I shrieked a little shriek of surprise and grabbed it off the shelf and did my dance I reserve exclusively for preservatives, nitrates and meat by-products. It's a heck of a jig, FYI. Mellyman stared at me in horror as I shook all the junk in my trunk...
Mellyman: Mel! For the LOVE OF GOD, woman! You're scaring people who are just trying to buy themselves a can of sausages.
Me: Good. I did them a favour.
Mellyman: Yep. You're a peach.
Me: I am. I could have been doing this dance in the shorts I just tried on. Trust me, Mel. It's a BIG favour.
Mellyman: You know... you really are Tigger. With or without your dumb ears.
Me: What do you mean?
Mellyman: I mean Tigger is loud, bouncy and he annoys EVERYONE in the 100 Acre Woods. Especially RABBIT.
Me: Who's Rabbit?
Mellyman: Me.
Me: Oh. I thought you were Eeyore. My mistake.
Beth: Can my parents please stop embarrassing me in public now?
Oops. We finished our shopping by adding MORE Pepto Bismal and Tums to our cart. Which was funny when you think about what kind of food we were buying. I was half expecting the cashier to comment. Especially when I said, loudly, to Mellyman, "Honey... we were supposed to remember toothbrushes, too. But...nevermind... just throw in a buttload of gum instead."
We are the classiest of happyhaunts. But don't feel sorry for us. Because we found our meat in a jar! Baby!
We loaded up the SUV and headed back towards Disney property. Thankfully. We don't like to be outside of The World. For very long.
We found ourselves at the BWV before we knew it. Hooray! Welcome home! And all that crap! Mellyman let me out to go and check in and the rest of the happyhaunts waited in the car. I wandered through the door and found myself in the lobby. With Richardo Montalban. From Fantasy Island. I supposed he was a manager. Because he was welcoming people to The Boardwalk... not Fantasy Island... and because he had some balloons for the kids. He was a well-dressed, handsome, older gentleman in a full white suit. With an accent which made me want to drink rum and smoke a cigar. With him. Except that I hate cigars. He was very friendly and we chatted while I waited in line. I checked in and got our room number and our Keys to The World. I turned to leave and Mr. Roarke called me back. Over to him. "Would you care for a balloon?" He asked in his exotic manner. I asked for four. He gave them to me and said, "You have four children? I cannot believe it." I was charmed. I felt like Tattoo. For a second. But... taller. I told him that I had only three children. But that I wanted a balloon for my own purposes. Too. He smiled. I smiled. We parted. It was memorable.
I think.
Just like the ending of Casablanca. But with screaming children. In Mickey Mouse ears.
To be continued. Up next: The horror of the pool. Pennywise.
Shudder! And why Calvin thinks God wouldn't want an ADR for 'Ohanas.
