Am I the only "mean" mom during the summer?

[KarenB]

When my DSs were that age, I had them read every day. The one thing I made sure I did was set an example and I read when they had to. We turned off everything, found a comfy spot in the house and we ALL read the required amount of time. Many times it went way over the time I had set just because we enjoyed it. While I didn't make my kids do "schoolwork" other than read and maybe 5 minutes of math facts (orally, usually while waiting for appointments, in the car, etc.), I did make an effort to visit museums, state park nature programs, etc instead of worksheets. Please keep time for kids to be kids!! They grow up so fast.

Enjoy the summer time,
Karen

 

[DaisyD]

I can see having them read every week but there is no way I'm doling out homework in the summer. Kids get such short breaks as it is and I'm not filling it up with work. How would you like it if you were going on vacation and your boss handed you a stack of daily work? Sorry but I think that is mean! LOL!

 

[Kitty 34]

My sons didn't do school work in the summer. Instead they were allowed to run around, build forts, play with the neighborhood kids til dark, ride bikes, go to camp, etc. All three have received many academic awards thru school, two were National Honor Society members. My middle son even received a full tuition scholarship for his grades.

 

[Puffy2]

I'm ok with the homework stuff (it doesn't really sound like all that much and they will lose skills over the summer in subjects like math if they don't practice.). I'm pretty much ok with the chores as well, but the treadmill sounded a little weird considering that she seems active enough. (if she enjoys the treadmill that is different...)

 

[polly p]

We have rules all year long. During the school year, no TV,video games, computer(unless school related) Mon-Fri. Evenings and after school are for work, reading, and studying. They can work out or excersize.

Now that summer is approaching I have it varied by age. My 14 &16 yo have chores to do which are to be done weekly. They have to read daily, but no set time. We need to get through a certain number of books. We try to go to the library weekly. DD loves to read, ds has to be pushed. They also need to practice their instruments.

DD8 has everything spelled out. It works better for her to do it this way. She has to work on math facts, read for 15-20minutes, and practice piano 5X what is on her lesson plan. She also has chores that are done weekly. Typically chores are done on Friday unless they are daily chores.

Not too many complaints from my kids. I have an 11pm bedtime rule. Unless something is going on. They are usually bored in the am because many of their friends are on the computer all night into the wee hours of the morning. They usually do not surface until around 3pm. So am is when my kids get their stuff done.

They don't think I'm a mean mom. They know I do this for their own good.

 

[momm2four]

As far as her meltdown being a "cry for help", I don't buy that.

We told my 9 year old that he was not allowed to spend the night with a boy from school because we didn't know the family. He cried and wailed for an hour about how sad he was and how he would NEVER get over this, as well as telling me what a mean mom I was for not letting him have ANY friends. Should I have let him go home with a family that I knew nothing about simply because he lost his mind?

I have also seen him lay in the floor and cry because I told him that he needed to make his bed, take his dirty clothes to the laundry area and pick up the books in his floor. "I just can't do that much!" Give me a break!!!

Some kids are dramatic and will protest vehemently no matter how small the task assigned.

Do I agree with saddling kids down with loads and loads of schoolwork during the summer? ABSOLUTELY not!. Even through the schoolyear, I'm not a big homework advocate (I believe family time is just as important). I just don't think the OP is burdening her child, maybe just trying to give a tiny bit of structure to a free day. (Even SuperNanny advocates doing that with kids )

As far as the OP not wanting other opinions, I never got that vibe from her. It seems her reply was directed towards the posters who felt the need to disagree with her opinion in a NOT SO NICE way. There's a big difference in the reply, "I, personally, feel that would be a little too much work for my child", and commenting , "I'm glad you're not my mom. I would KILL myself if you did that to me." One response is a differing of opinions, the other immediately puts people on the defensive.

Lori P.

 

[VSL]

I didn't even have chores as a kid!

Yet, somehow, I got to Uni...

Really, I read when I wanted to (I love reading), I barely practised my piano (but I'm 'gifted', musically and artistically), and ran around outside like an idiot (the treadmill would have lost any novelty after about 10mins and I would no doubt resent organised exercise as a result).

I don't know. I just don't get this thing where so many parents have their kids reading for a certain amount of time, etc. throughout the summer. I guess it's an American thing, but we manage to get by just fine without it in the UK. I don't know of anyone whose parents made them do work during any school holidays. The most any of us were expected to do was keep our room tidy.

Really, the kids aren't going to forget everything over the summer. By allowing them to have some totally free time they'll recharge so much better for when they have to start doing school work again. Maybe this doesn't apply to certain special needs kids or whatever, but it probably applies to the vast majority of children.

 

[N.Bailey]

As far as the OP not wanting other opinions, I never got that vibe from her. It seems her reply was directed towards the posters who felt the need to disagree with her opinion in a NOT SO NICE way. There's a big difference in the reply, "I, personally, feel that would be a little too much work for my child", and commenting , "I'm glad you're not my mom. I would KILL myself if you did that to me." One response is a differing of opinions, the other immediately puts people on the defensive.

Lori P.

 

[Bob Slydell]

As far as the friends, she seems to always have someone over, unfortunately. Yesterday she had a friend from her class for about 5 hours. Today she called and had a church friend over along with the friend's brother. The next week she and the friend are the coaches for Vacation Bibile School for cheer. Needless to say she is a social butterfly. Sometimes she just wants a break from friends.

(bolding added by me)

Unfortunately? You're one of the first parents I've heard actually say that they wished their child had less friends. Does she want a break from friends or do you want a break from her friends?

 

[phorsenuf]

Here is what I require:
1 page of grammar
1 page of math
1 page of a punctuation/grammar review
3 days a week a short page of reading comprehension questions
20 minutes of piano
30 minutes of reading

Honestly looking at 1 hour, maybe 1 hour 10 minutes on a bad day. She also has to empty the dishwasher in the morning (OH WOE IS ME!!! DRAMA!! DRAMA!! ). She makes her bed daily, hangs her laundry which is about 1-2 times a week depending on how often I wash, and is required to do a daily pickup of her room and playroom---oh that is a killer and resulted in hysterics in the floor tonight. She was actually holding her head between her hands and screaming about how she "only has 2 hands. How can you make me do so much." And no she wasn't kidding. It was an actual meltdown. Yes, she is 9 not 3.

On days she doesn't have a scheduled physical activity (cheer, tennis) she must walk on the treadmill for 15 minutes--usually only 2-3 days a week.

Wow. I was kinda making a joke. Guess I am meaner than I thought. Honestly the piano and reading aren't an option ( and weren't during the school year either) , so the only thing optional is the 10-15 minutes of workbooks for grammar and math. As far as the treadmill, she is a bit overweight and her nutritionist and dr have suggested that. They actually said 5 days a week. She is extremely active: 3 days a week cheer, one day tennis, 1-3 days golf; we ride bikes often; we have a basketball goal and have fun after dinner; we swim every day. She just likes to eat, so I am much nicer than her doctor wants me to be. We never stop and she rarely watches TV so no lectures on that please.

The next week she and the friend are the coaches for Vacation Bibile School for cheer

In my opinion its sounds like she is maxed out on activities and maybe that's why she had a meltdown. She's only 9 and truthfully I don't see how she can handle a schedule like this. And yes, I have kids....LOL

(Bolding, color and size also edited by me)

 

[N.Bailey]

(bolding added by me)

Unfortunately? You're one of the first parents I've heard actually say that they wished their child had less friends. Does she want a break from friends or do you want a break from her friends?

Coming from a parent who has kids here constantly, I can understand where the OP is coming from. Since my kids were wee little, we've had kids at our home nonstop. At times, there can be as many as 8 kids here including my 2 teens. It can get expensive supplying drinks/food etc. too.

Now, I really wouldn't change things, but I do enjoy a break once in awhile.

When my children were younger, my SIL came to baby-sit for us one day. So many kids came by the house that she told them if they come back, she was going to call the police.

EDIT: BTW, my son doesn't like his friends spending the night so much anymore. They always want to stay up all night and he wants to go to bed. He pleads with me to say no if he's forced to ask if they can. LOL

He also does need a break from all the kids every now and again. There have been times that he's been grounded and he's happy about it so that he can get some down time.

This is precisely why I've switched punishment if chores aren't done to writing essays. Both my kids like being grounded at times, but neither one likes doing essays. LOL

 

[Crankyshank]

I personally feel that her schedule is too focused on activities and overscheduled, which leaves not enough down time. While I agree that it is important that kids keep up with their learning throughout the summer, I do feel you can have too much of a good thing.

I also completely disagree about forcing her on the treadmill every day. There's no better guarantee of ensuring rebellion (and possible negative relationship with food and exercise) than forcing a particular activity on him/her. Take it from personal experience.

 

[Disney Doll]

As a kid, I didn't have to do any schoolwork over the summer. I was an avid reader and chose to do that, but was never forced by my parents to read. We had a pool in our yard, so we were always in it, along with about a million neighborhood kids. My parents never seemed to mind, and in later years, after I was older, they always commented on how if we were in our yard, they were in charge, knew where we were, what we were doing, and with whom. Of course, at the time it was just cool and fun to have a pool and swim all day, but there was a method to their madness...we weren't hanging around somewhere getting into trouble.

As far as chores, I was required to clean my room on Saturday mornings. I had to trim the edges of the lawn along the sidewalk and driveway when my father cut the grass, I had to put my laundry away, although my mother usually washed it and hung it on the line. As I got older though, if she asked me to hang the clothes, I would. I had to generally not be a slob all over the house...you know, pick up after myself and so on. Dust the livingroom once in a while, vacuum once in a while...generally help out as needed, but nothing was written in stone as my responsibility. My parents sort of had a "we all live here so we do what needs to be done to keep things in order in the house" kind of an attitude. I used to like to help my father with home repair kind of stuff, as did my brother, which has stood us in good stead as adults, because we are pretty handy in general.

I didn't do any organized schoolwork such as worksheets etc over the summer, but I was a good student and always did well in school without it, so it wasn't necessary in my case. I didn't take any music lessons, so that wasn't an issue, I didn't take dance class, gymnastics etc., so that wasn't an issue.

I don't have kids, but your DD sounds a bit overscheduled to me. Maybe let the reading take care of the grammar worksheet. Does she need to do schoolwork every day in order to keep up??? Is she having that much difficulty in school so that if she doesn't do schoolwork every day, she will suffer greatly next year? Maybe she could do worksheets 2 or 3 days a week??? If not, maybe a little less of the extra-curricular stuff?

I think kids need downtime just like adults. They need time to be kids, look at the flowers, roll in the grass and so on.

 

[Disney Doll]

Mom doesn't make us do quite that much. We help out with laundry and dishes and help pick up/clean when necessary. Then we are pretty much free. If we complain we are bored though then she picks some unpleasant task for us to do. I have always self entertained but my 9 yo sister told mom she was bored. Mom gave her two ziploc bags, one for her hand and one to put things in, and made her pick up dog poo from my aunt's yard.(she has a golden retriever) Needless to say no one in this house has ever said the word bored again. lol

Clearly, your mother an mine went to the same "Mother School"!!!!!!!!!

 

[RadioNate]

Until this past year I homeschooled 9yodd, so we would school year round and take off time as appropriate. Well she went to 3rd grade this year. Imagine her surprise when I handed her work to do daily during the summer.

Here is what I require:
1 page of grammar
1 page of math
1 page of a punctuation/grammar review
3 days a week a short page of reading comprehension questions
20 minutes of piano
30 minutes of reading

Honestly looking at 1 hour, maybe 1 hour 10 minutes on a bad day. She also has to empty the dishwasher in the morning (OH WOE IS ME!!! DRAMA!! DRAMA!! ). She makes her bed daily, hangs her laundry which is about 1-2 times a week depending on how often I wash, and is required to do a daily pickup of her room and playroom---oh that is a killer and resulted in hysterics in the floor tonight. She was actually holding her head between her hands and screaming about how she "only has 2 hands. How can you make me do so much." And no she wasn't kidding. It was an actual meltdown. Yes, she is 9 not 3.

On days she doesn't have a scheduled physical activity (cheer, tennis) she must walk on the treadmill for 15 minutes--usually only 2-3 days a week.

So is she right? Is she the only child abused in this manner? Do I work her like a slave? Does every other child get to spend all of their day how they want...which in her case would be whining about how bored she is......HAHA

Slave, no. But if she is having an "actual meltdown" at 9 over it you might want to consider that she's getting stressed by your 'routine.' If she is breaking down over having to do all the things on you list maybe you are putting a little too much pressure on her. My DS goes into drama fits when he doesn't want to do something but he just turned 5.

I agree kid should so something in the summer but I don't agree with a totally riged schedule.

Here they are always talking about how much pressure kids are facing at schools. There is so much more testing and the schools put so much pressure on them to do well. The teachers are evaluated based on the kids scores, the schools rating and funding are tied to their scores, and their test scores are a big part of passing unto the next grade.

Kids need breaks, just like adults do. Sometimes it is ok just to do nothing.

ETA, I think the chores are fine. I think that is part of being in a family but I think that coupled with the schoolwork and other scheduled activities might get overwhelming at times. I sounds overwhelming to me and I'm 31!

 

[RadioNate]

Ok! Now, I am not a nasty person, but I can say that I am going to be nasty right now. Maybe if your mom had made you do grammar pages you would know that is it "allowed" and "BEcause" and "exactly". Not going to comment on the rest, as those are a few of the glaring ones. BTW, my dd is as happy as a child can be that is required to be accountable for her actions. Guess I should just let her be, and then she can grow up to be like my brother: in jail.

PUHLEESE. Do you have kids? My dd is a drama queen. She is going to give a drama if I make her clean up a game she played for the day. That is just how she is. She isn't ready to commit suicide yet. SHe seems happy child for the most part.

WOW. I was KINDA thinking as the thread went on that I was a little harsh but this was just downright nasty and uncalled for. It is an internet message board...people use short hand.

So if people don't say your a wonderful mother and they think your stressed out daughter should be doing more you get all snippy and nasty?

Oh and Miss Perfection, the word is PLEASE!

 

[71010]

Kids are not small adults. They are kids. A child can have structure without being bogged down with school work and lessons and an exercise routine? Let them be kids. During the summer my kids did their required reading from school and a few chores, but then they spent the day on the beach or at the pool. They managed to find what they truely loved to do through their own trial and error. How can a child grow into an adult learning to rely on themselves and their instincts if their not allowed to find their own way? Wow, now I can see why there are so many stressed out people. It starts when there young!!

 

[Mom21]

Ok. This is most likely be my last reply to this thread. I hope it dies a quick death.

First, I would like to apologize for my nasty post last night. I was just in shock at being called a bad mother, and hearing things like if you were my kid you would kill yourself, brought out a not so nice side of me. I do sincerely apologize as I posted in hurt and am not like that normally. Thank you to those that realized that.

Secondly, I really didn't expect to get a lot of answers where people did the same thing as I do. Actually, none of my friends do, so I didn't expect many here to do it either. However, not doing the same thing as I do, and saying so, is not the same thing as criticizing me as a mother because I do.

Lastly, my dd is the one that wants to do all of the activities (except for the grammar and math of course.....LOL). Even adding up all she does, that still leaves 10 hours a day for her to be a kid. She is just like any other kid.....she plays outside, swims (I can't believe someone actually highlighted that as being too much activity--she begs me to go into the pool several times a day), rides bikes, plays endlessly with her dolls. She begs for more cheer classes, and I have to tell her no. She would do it 6 days a week. For those that think she is too active, what do your children do with their time? Honestly my dd would rather swim, cheer, dance, etc than play computer or video games and watch TV. She got up the other morning at 6:30 and was asking me to call and find out what time the driving range opened so she could go golfing.

The only scheduled activities is the cheer 3 days a week (I wish she would quit to be honest) and the golf lesson on Sat mornings. Piano isn't an option, and she doesn't mind it. She will most likely only take half of her normal lessons this summer though due to our and her teacher's vacation schedules. The rest is done over the course of the day. She volunteered for VBS this week to help with cheer because her friend is doing it. Otherwise, she likely wouldn't have gone. Oh yeah, she will only do it 3 days as we are taking a mini vacation Thurs and Fri. And no, I won't make her do anywork those two days.....LOL. I think I will let her actually have some fun.

Hope this cleared things up a bit as far as our life. She is a drama queen and even makes jokes about it. She isn't abused. In fact, several of my friends comment on what a wonderful life she has, and that I am easier in some aspects than they are. Just not in academics I guess.

Oh yeah, the friend thing. That is new this year. When we homeschooled, she was always the one calling and begging people to come over. This year though it seems she always has someone calling her. She does like some time away from them. They always want to come here too. Guess I'm not so mean I scare off the other little kiddies....LOL. The other day she did come to me and ask me to tell a friend they needed to leave. She was just done with playing with him, and he didn't want to leave. Also, like another poster, my dd doesn't like her friends spending the night. She likes to go to bed and they want to stay up. She is a very rigid child when it comes to her bedtime.

Forgot to address the treadmill thing. I guess most missed my post that this was a strong suggestion from her doctor and a nutritionist that we visited. Actually the nutritionist said a minimum of 5 days a week. I guess I am just a pushover and only make her do it 2-3.

 

[bananiem]

I'm a former teacher. I feel the kids need to keep up their skills during the summer, but hang out and have fun too.
Doing worksheets is too much like school and they're dull and boring. How about having her re-write the ending to a book she read instead? You can check her grammer and punctuation that way plus checking her comprehension of the book.
For math try playing games like monoply or yahtzee without a calculator. Does she like Sudoku's? They're good for pattern and sequencing.
I am always a proponent of getting kids to work on skills without knowing they're working on skills.

 

[ZuZugal]

I'm mean all year round - not just in the summer.

THat's my story (too) and I'm stickin' to it!!