Am I the only "mean" mom during the summer?

[mudnuri]

wow

I'm not sure how to respond, I have to try to remember we all parent differently. That said-

Summer in our house is fun. The DD's are part of the summer reading challenge at the library every year, and we go there on Monday/Thursday of each week since they read so much. They read before bed, for at least 1/2 hour. Other than that, they do no structured 'schooling'.

I have day trips planned for this summer that have an educational side to them, however they are not aware of that part. They do not do book reports or grammar pages etc.

DD9 is moving onto middle school next year, and has asked me to help her this summer with 'note taking' skills. so we will work on that. Only- at her request.

They both have chores that are the same year round- they must keep their room cleans....

They also do not watch TV in the summer until after 7pm. Usually they are outside until just about bedtime, so thats not an issue either! We luck out in that we live backed up to a town playground, where they can run and play and bike all day. We also have quite a few children of the same age/grade in our neighborhood, so they are outside with them playing unless its a downpour. Since the clocks got changed, and the weather has warmed, they havent been inside except to eat and sleep after school!

thankfully both of my girls are above grade level academically, if they had issue's in a particular subject, I may change how we do summers, but I think in the end, it is best for them to have a relaxed summer...

Brandy

 

[Pembo]

My kids have nothing planned this summer and I like it that way.

 

[kasar]

My kids have nothing planned this summer and I like it that way.

That's us too. After this incredibly busy school year, we're totally chilling out this summer during the day. DDs both still have softball in the evenings but we're gonna loll by the pool, hang out with friends and basically goof off during the day. It's so out of character for us, but I'm totally looking forward to it.

My only rule is no TV or computer until their rooms are picked up. If they don't care about TV or computer they will leave their rooms a mess for that day (which is highly unlikely) or they can get it done quickly in the morning and have free time during the day. We all chip in with the regular household chores, always have.

 

[Magickndm]

Until this past year I homeschooled 9yodd, so we would school year round and take off time as appropriate. Well she went to 3rd grade this year. Imagine her surprise when I handed her work to do daily during the summer.

Here is what I require:
1 page of grammar
1 page of math
1 page of a punctuation/grammar review
3 days a week a short page of reading comprehension questions
20 minutes of piano
30 minutes of reading

All I can say is I'm glad you weren't my mom. I can see you not wanting her to lay around 24/7. but this is her summer. Give the poor kid a break.

 

[punkin]

My kids have summer day camp and reading assignments from school. They have a limit on TV and computer time. On weekends we hit museums. That is it. Laziness for children in the summer is a good thing. It recharges their batteries for the school year.

 

[SandraVB79]

Until this past year I homeschooled 9yodd, so we would school year round and take off time as appropriate. Well she went to 3rd grade this year. Imagine her surprise when I handed her work to do daily during the summer.

Here is what I require:
1 page of grammar
1 page of math
1 page of a punctuation/grammar review
3 days a week a short page of reading comprehension questions
20 minutes of piano
30 minutes of reading

Honestly looking at 1 hour, maybe 1 hour 10 minutes on a bad day. She also has to empty the dishwasher in the morning (OH WOE IS ME!!! DRAMA!! DRAMA!! ). She makes her bed daily, hangs her laundry which is about 1-2 times a week depending on how often I wash, and is required to do a daily pickup of her room and playroom---oh that is a killer and resulted in hysterics in the floor tonight. She was actually holding her head between her hands and screaming about how she "only has 2 hands. How can you make me do so much." And no she wasn't kidding. It was an actual meltdown. Yes, she is 9 not 3.

On days she doesn't have a scheduled physical activity (cheer, tennis) she must walk on the treadmill for 15 minutes--usually only 2-3 days a week.

So is she right? Is she the only child abused in this manner? Do I work her like a slave? Does every other child get to spend all of their day how they want...which in her case would be whining about how bored she is......HAHA

Since you asked our opinion, I will give my opinion, but I won't judge (well, i'll try to not judge)

OMG!!!!!!

OK, I have never ever ever done any schoolwork during the summer (must say I always loved to read, so I always read a lot, but it was never a "must"). I finished high school with good marks (especially taking in consideration I spent half of my last year laying on my back in a dark room)
I went to college and got my degree there + I got my MBA. No, I'm not bragging, just want to say that if you don't do school work during the summer, it doesn't make you dumb. (and in case you wonder about my spelling errors: English is only my fourth language)
Some kids NEED to keep up with some things during the summer, but watch out it doesn't make them disgusted from school work!!!

In the meanwhile, I'm almost 27 (I know, I'm getting grey hair, even more lol) and I still live with my parents (as many people of my age over here)
I pay a little bit to my parents because I still live there and in the best case I'll empty the dishwasher once a month
I also take my mom many times a year to musicals and other shows (and Disney character breakfasts and so) because she does my laundry, ironing, ... I have never ever seen our laundry machine in close-up. I know, it's sad, but I don't care

A threadmill? for a 9 y/o?? Make sure she won't be disgusted (do I spell this right??) by physical exercise. can't you find anything more fun to do? Like swimming or I don't know, buy a dog and go walk the dog?

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

The OP made me sad, and I've been thinking about it all morning. It's not that she has this schedule, it's the tone in the post, which maybe I'm misreading it (sorry if I am). Ir just seems like the "meanness" that the mom talks of and the "shock" of the child and the "drama " just seem so to the mom and maybe there are things that I had my kids do in the summer, but I tried not to if they were unhappy or seem "mean".

We always tried to make everything a learning experience when the kids were little. We read exciting books together, went to concerts, did little "projects" like collecting plants and leaves, and, I don't know, they seemed more fun than anything. The kids never complained, in fact, they seemed excited by them. They had their team sports and played their butts off. I didn't have to be a "mean" mom to get them to be productive in the summer.

 

[disykat]

I think it's funny that despite the fact that the OP said the work she expects (other than the music and reading) takes 10 minutes - people are still so freaked out by the word "worksheet" that they refuse to believe it. While worksheets aren't the best teaching technique, many kids love getting worksheets for review because they are easy and fast.

OP, I'm still with you - as are many here. Even many of the people who were freaked at your use of worksheets admitted they do expect reading or some sort of skill review.

Since many school districts give out summer packets composed of *gasp* worksheets, I guess they agree with you as well.

I think it's sad that 10 minutes of skill review gets this kind of criticism. Only one person has spoken against music lessons. Only a few against reading in the summer. The treadmill suggestion from the DR. was not well received, but I don't think anyone can argue the OP doesn't encourage other exercise opportunities.

The absolute most amazing part of this thread to me is, that in this world of overscheduled children - where it is rare that kids get to be home kicking around in the summer - the OP would be blasted for requiring her daughter to have one hour of scheduled stuff a day. I think the reality is that most kids are getting out of bed every morning for day camp or day care and would think the OP's daughter's schedule sounded very relaxing.

 

[disykat]

The OP made me sad, and I've been thinking about it all morning. It's not that she has this schedule, it's the tone in the post, which maybe I'm misreading it (sorry if I am). Ir just seems like the "meanness" that the mom talks of and the "shock" of the child and the "drama " just seem so to the mom and maybe there are things that I had my kids do in the summer, but I tried not to if they were unhappy or seem "mean".

.

Oh, come on! Every parent I know has laughed about some of their children's drama and about how their children think they are mean. When you child throws themself on the floor because they can't possibly set the table - it's funny.

I think if there aren't times your child thinks you are mean or "strict" - you probably are going too easy on them. (You may end up doing their laundry at 27!)

 

[jenks0718]

I think you are taking all the fun out of summer! I would never do that, but every mommy is different.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

Oh, come on! Every parent I know has laughed about some of their children's drama and about how their children think they are mean. When you child throws themself on the floor because they can't possibly set the table - it's funny.

I think if there aren't times your child thinks you are mean or "strict" - you probably are going too easy on them. (You may end up doing their laundry at 27!)

I tried to make an observation as gently as I could and I even said I could be wrong (I could be.) But you are being equally presumptuous because no, I never laughed at my kids when they were unhappy, it made me unhappy. I was either disappointed in them or empathizing, one of the other, but I didn't feel like laughing. I remember moms like that and it never seemed very attractive.

My kids are nearly all grown and all very responsible.

I'm only saying that I'm not arguing with her goal, only, perhaps, her approach.

 

[punkin]

I tried to make an observation as gently as I could and I even said I could be wrong (I could be.) But you are being equally presumptuous because no, I never laughed at my kids when they were unhappy, it made me unhappy. I was either disappointed in them or empathizing, one of the other, but I didn't feel like laughing. I remember moms like that and it never seemed very attractive.

My kids are nearly all grown and all very responsible.

I'm only saying that I'm not arguing with her goal, only, perhaps, her approach.

Yes you did say it very gently. I will say it less gently...OP is a mean mom, not because she wants her child to review her schoolwork (I may not agree with the method but I understand the motivation) but because she laughs at her child's feelings.

I wouldn't worry about this child being irresponsible, she will be out of the house like a bat out of hades as soon as she hits 18.

 

[disykat]

I tried to make an observation as gently as I could and I even said I could be wrong (I could be.) But you are being equally presumptuous because no, I never laughed at my kids when they were unhappy, it made me unhappy. I was either disappointed in them or empathizing, one of the other, but I didn't feel like laughing. I remember moms like that and it never seemed very attractive.

My kids are nearly all grown and all very responsible.

I'm only saying that I'm not arguing with her goal, only, perhaps, her approach.

I was not trying to imply that "your" kids are not responsible, nor that "you" laughed at them. I was only speaking of my experience. I probably should have reworded using to different pronouns to avoid misunderstanding.

I am surprised though, that you (and I do mean "you" in this instance!) never experienced watching your kids overdramatize something and finding it secretly amusing. I haven't personally talked with a parent before that hasn't had that experience. My kids can be pretty dramatic, and while I act disappointed or empathetic as the situation requires, yes, I find it amusing at times.

 

[disykat]

Yes you did say it very gently. I will say it less gently...OP is a mean mom, not because she wants her child to review her schoolwork (I may not agree with the method but I understand the motivation) but because she laughs at her child's feelings.

I wouldn't worry about this child being irresponsible, she will be out of the house like a bat out of hades as soon as she hits 18.

Wow - I'm constantly amazed at message board dynamics. I think if the first few answers to the OP had been "Oh, my dd can be so dramatic at times too" instead of what a killjoy/bad mom she was, this thread would have taken a totally different turn. I've seen MANY threads on the DIS, and experienced many moments IRL, where parents commiserate and laughingly compare the "drama queen" moments of their children. None of those parents would have laughed in their children's faces, but still found those moments amusing.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

My kids can be pretty dramatic, and while I act disappointed or empathetic as the situation requires, yes, I find it amusing at times.

Maybe it's just that my kids really weren't like that.

If I said, "Time to practice piano", I might get resistance, but I never got high drama. We were pretty firm, but it was all pretty calm. Oh, they got angry sometimes, but that just got them nowhere.

I really think kids take their cues from their parents. It's a circus if the parent makes it one.

 

[disykat]

I really think kids take their cues from their parents. It's a circus if the parent makes it one.

Ooh, good one! I've got to admit you made me laugh out loud. Maybe laughing when someone insults you is wrong too... sometimes I guess I just respond inappropriately! I appreciate both drama and comedy!

I enjoy my little drama kings. Their little dramatic moments, while they don't happen often, have given me memories I'll cherish.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

Ooh, good one! I've got to admit you made me laugh out loud. Maybe laughing when someone insults you is wrong too... sometimes I guess I just respond inappropriately! I appreciate both drama and comedy!

I enjoy my little drama kings. Their little dramatic moments, while they don't happen often, have given me memories I'll cherish.

Well, I see that I've insulted you and that wasn't my intention. I'm sorry. I think this hit a nerve (the topic, not you) because I have bad memories of my mother being the "mean mom" and we don't have a very good relationship now. We get along fine, but I never really felt like she liked me very much and I don't feel close to her. I tried very hard to be a different kind of mother and for me it worked. My kids and I are very close.

Please understand I was merely expressing my opinion of this topic and not trying to be emotional about anything about you.

 

[noodleknitter]

Yes you did say it very gently. I will say it less gently...OP is a mean mom, not because she wants her child to review her schoolwork (I may not agree with the method but I understand the motivation) but because she laughs at her child's feelings.

I wouldn't worry about this child being irresponsible, she will be out of the house like a bat out of hades as soon as she hits 18.

You've got to have a sense of humor if you are going to have kids... I've laughed at all of the histronics of my children...Imagine...they all still love me!

I don't see any problem with doing some bridge activities. Maybe if more parents did, there would be less children that cannot read or write. Teachers spend an average of 4 - 6 weeks every school year just reviewing. I would pick field trips, and outings over worksheets, but worksheets won't kill anyone.

My kids were always looking for physical, and mental stimulation during the summer. It is a time to play and sweat and enjoy. Studying and chores do not take that long, IMO.

 

[disykat]

Thank you. That does make sense. I was honestly having trouble understanding where you think finding something amusing equates being uncaring. I'm sorry you had that experience growing up. I really did find your circus comment humorous, although I don't agree with it.

Here is an example about drama king moments. This one my SON actually laughs about. The day they were choosing band instruments in 5th grade, my son had a little meltdown before school. "Why are you making me do this, it's supposed to be a choice, other people's parents aren't making them, you're so mean, I'll do it but I'm not going to enjoy it - I hope you're happy to see me so miserable" etc. All the while, I kept calmly saying that this is the way it is in our family, he will play for two years as a matter of course, and then he can choose whether to continue when he reaches junior high.

Well, he came home from school in LOVE! He had found his calling. He was going to be a band director when he grew up. He is in 7th grade now. The trumpet is his first love. One of his biggest dilemas is figuring out how he can practice on vacation because I can't possibly make him go two weeks without his trumpet.

Even my son sees the humor in that dramatic moment. Looking back at my childhood I see similar moments in my childhood and find humor in them, as I'm sure my parents did - like the time I ran away from home in 2nd grade because I didn't want to go to Sunday School. I lasted about 5 minutes. My parents certainly didn't laugh at my face, they really didn't say anything except to calmly tell me to get in the car it's time to go, but I'm sure they had a good chuckle out of my hearing.

 

[Disneyrsh]

i like your method

unfortunetly i work full time (that's another debate ) and
was unable to do what you did.

it sounds like you and the kids are having fun!

enjoy the summer

well, we all have our priorities...