Am I being selfish??

[MomofStitchandLewis]

Here's my thoughts as a public school teacher & Mom:

Since it's only 2 or 3 days to be missed with a 1st & 4th grader, if it were me I would go for it. (I have! With nearly the same ages for the same number of days. But then again, I am a teacher and did communicate in advance with the teachers and offer to teach whatever they missed at home.) The grandchildren will only be this age once and you may only have a limited amount of chances to do this type of thing in the future. The future is promised to no one.

With that being said, I do not think you are being selfish because you want to make memories (although it's your points, right?) but I would still talk to the parents of said gandchildren to see where they stand on this issue. Make sure that they place the same value on the trip as you do. If they don't, then they might see you as selfish. Otherwise, you may be good to go (except maybe in some of the cases where the attendance policies have become so controlling.)

Good luck and I hope you can make some kind of trip work for you all!

 

[hakepb]

I am an attendance coordinator for our school district and work very closely with the the prosecutor's office. As a pp stated, it is a law...and in Michigan, 10 unexcused absences will get you in front of the assistant prosecutor. Vacations are considered unexcused.

Even more than a state law, don't most states provide school funding based on attendance? Like most things, follow the money...why would a school want kids missing school (except when they have a communicable disease that would result in others missing school)

 

[turkeymama]

Even more than a state law, don't most states provide school funding based on attendance? Like most things, follow the money...why would a school want kids missing school (except when they have a communicable disease that would result in others missing school)

Which is exactly why schools are less likely to be lenient on attendance these days. As a mom who has taken the kids out for trips and as a teacher, I think it stinks. But I think a lot of the mandates and regulations stink. I see the reasoning behind many things, but that doesn't mean I like it.

 

[rcchello]

In our area there are a lot of people who visit their relatives in asia for long periods of time (month+). Part of that is because of the large expense to fly there.

The schools had to do something because the teachers could not be expected to provide a months homework or tutoring to make up missed work and tests.

The way they dealt with it was to set a maximum number of days you could miss school in a year. We all learned to take week long vacations anytime the school was closed for 2-3 days in a week, so we would not hit those maximums. Everyone in NJ goes to Disneyworld one of the first couple of weeks in Nov for Teachers convention.

 

[Sammie]

As a public school teacher turned stay at home mom who sends her children to private schools, this thread reminds me why I like the private system. I get to determine if my children should miss school without a government agency determining that I have made the wrong choice. And yes, I understand that there are terrible parents out there who have made bad decisions therefore making school districts have to create attendance policies like these. I just think it is unfortunate that we all have to suffer under it unilaterally.

Some private schools have very strict policies about taking students out for vacations.

Ours felt they gave everyone plenty of time to take a family trip with summer, fall, spring and holiday breaks.

Wanting to go at a less busy or cooler time would not have been received well by them and I understand completely.

 

[k3chantal]

Some private schools have very strict policies about taking students out for vacations.

Ours felt they gave everyone plenty of time to take a family trip with summer, fall, spring and holiday breaks.

Wanting to go at a less busy or cooler time would not have been received well by them and I understand completely.

At the same time, whatever sanctions they put on your family won't be in front of a judge. I know our private school doesn't give families a green light but they don't make it impossible either.

The additional reason I feel the way I do is my husband manages many employees. THEY take all summer and holiday breaks during the year, leaving us with few choices to take a vacation.

 

[Starr W.]

At the same time, whatever sanctions they put on your family won't be in front of a judge. I know our private school doesn't give families a green light but they don't make it impossible either.

The additional reason I feel the way I do is my husband manages many employees. THEY take all summer and holiday breaks during the year, leaving us with few choices to take a vacation.

You are lucky then because our country day school and a good chunk of the Catholic high schools have tougher unexcused attendance policies than our public district.

My SIL was in the principal's office just about every quarter when my nephew was at the in HS at the local co-ed Catholic high school. If you missed more than 2 days per quarter(didn't matter if you were sick) you parents had to go in for the "meeting" and discuss.

 

[k3chantal]

You are lucky then because our country day school and a good chunk of the Catholic high schools have tougher unexcused attendance policies than our public district.

My SIL was in the principal's office just about every quarter when my nephew was at the in HS at the local co-ed Catholic high school. If you missed more than 2 days per quarter(didn't matter if you were sick) you parents had to go in for the "meeting" and discuss.

We tend to not 'abuse' the policies. For example, we have absolutely no trips scheduled during school time this upcoming school year.

This thread is interesting because of how very different it is throughout our country. And yes, we are 'lucky' but only because as an educator myself, I understand the two systems we have available and have decided to use the one that is the most flexible for us.
I think my ultimate point is that education is greater than what you can learn behind a desk. And though I understand why schools have cracked down, I don't think it 'answers' the problem very well since it is motivated by financial loss on the parts of the school districts. I know, in my heart, when we took our boys on a cruise and spent time in Mexico, they learned more about the world than they would have if they had sat behind their desks that week. Could I have done that during the summer? In our particular case, no. My husband's work schedule is such that he needs to give his employees those preferred days. Thus, leaving us with 'times that are not as busy." And therefore, everyone needs to evaluate their own particular situation. It is just sad that a court system may chase you down if you find yourself in the 'wrong' system.....

 

[Starr W.]

We tend to not 'abuse' the policies. For example, we have absolutely no trips scheduled during school time this upcoming school year.

This thread is interesting because of how very different it is throughout our country. And yes, we are 'lucky' but only because as an educator myself, I understand the two systems we have available and have decided to use the one that is the most flexible for us.
I think my ultimate point is that education is greater than what you can learn behind a desk. And though I understand why schools have cracked down, I don't think it 'answers' the problem very well since it is motivated by financial loss on the parts of the school districts. I know, in my heart, when we took our boys on a cruise and spent time in Mexico, they learned more about the world than they would have if they had sat behind their desks that week. Could I have done that during the summer? In our particular case, no. My husband's work schedule is such that he needs to give his employees those preferred days. Thus, leaving us with 'times that are not as busy." And therefore, everyone needs to evaluate their own particular situation. It is just sad that a court system may chase you down if you find yourself in the 'wrong' system.....

My SIL was never sent to court, but I think the school was trying to see if my nephew was really sick(even though he was on the hockey team, he'd get a cold and end up with some sort of infections- you name it ear, upper respitory etc).

Now you should see how my elementary school is handling 2 of my youngest's friends who were diagnosed with cancer this spring. Used Skype so the kids could be in class and the teachers stayed after school to work with both students via skype. Same thing happened when the boy up the street had a blood clot and had to stay home due to medication.


Now at the same time, a new person in the neighborhood's sophmore in high school got put through the attendance wringer because of her daughter's "supposed" migraine headaches. Girl was struggling as she came from a less rigourous district . Quit walking my youngest to the corner because I got tired of listening to her complain that her daughter was getting a bum rap and the district was falling all over blood clot boy.

Private school gave my friend a really hard time with her 2nd grader when they had to go home to Colombia for FIL's funeral. She said you never saw such dramatic acting when asking for work for 3 days of school. No sympathy just you are making more work for me, same attitude from principal. Guess where he will be going to 3rd grade in a couple of weeks?

 

[BEASLYBOO]

I do it as little as possible, it's not only too much homework to make up but he misses out on class discussion and actual teacher teaching the class.

If I do it at all and this is public school I'm speaking off, near to a holiday the kids do very little anyway, they get done with exams & test nearly a week before Christmas, Thanksgiving etc.

We're going to Disney pre-Thanksgiving, he's off the Wed. before, we're taking Mon & Tues off too.

Do what works for you and the parents! Most schools have the POLICY but don't make a big deal of it! My son (10th grade this year) was up front with his teachers and they gave him his assingments.

 

[tb1972]

We have had this same predicament. I don't think it's a big deal for grades 1st and 4th to miss school. We would travel each Sept. for the past five years and our children missed four days of school. The teachers would ask the kids to keep a journal of their trip and my then Kindergartener made some illustrations of things he saw.

Elementary is not that tough to make up...middle school and beyond is difficult. My DD is going in 5th grade this year and has to switch classes for math & science. She now has three teachers instead of one so the homework is more of a challenge to keep up with. We decided to wait to travel when school is out so she doesn't lag behind.

 

[dianeschlicht]

This topic is ancient history for us anymore, since our "kids" are 43 and 37! However, I do recall taking them out a few days for WDW vacations a couple of times. Most of the time it was piggy backed onto one end or the other of regular school holidays. I remember staying a couple of days into January once, and adding a few days to one of the minor holidays like President's Day as well. We found even they did not want to take off days once they got over about 7th grade. It was just too difficult to make up the work. Each time we did take extra days, our kids always wrote a paper about something special they learned on the trip and turned it in. I know our son did a lot of the educational experiences that used to be offered by Disney. Sadly, I don't think they offer anything like those great classes anymore. I remember him taking photography and wildlife classes at the old Discovery Island.

 

[happymommy]

I think that since they are not your children; rather, they are your grandchildren, you really do not have a say in the matter. Sorry, but the parents need to make that choice. If my parents or in-laws asked me to pull my kids out of school for a vacation with them, I would tell them to come over here instead, and that we have plenty of other time off school for vacations.

Now, I did pull my kids out for 4 days last year for a family event. It was horrible to make up the work. I wouldn't do it again ever.

I understand you want this time together, but maybe it won't work out. Or you can go early and they can go just for the time off - we get Wed to Sun off for Thanksgiving here. That's 5 days.

 

[dianeschlicht]

We tend to not 'abuse' the policies. For example, we have absolutely no trips scheduled during school time this upcoming school year.

This thread is interesting because of how very different it is throughout our country. And yes, we are 'lucky' but only because as an educator myself, I understand the two systems we have available and have decided to use the one that is the most flexible for us.
I think my ultimate point is that education is greater than what you can learn behind a desk. And though I understand why schools have cracked down, I don't think it 'answers' the problem very well since it is motivated by financial loss on the parts of the school districts. I know, in my heart, when we took our boys on a cruise and spent time in Mexico, they learned more about the world than they would have if they had sat behind their desks that week. Could I have done that during the summer? In our particular case, no. My husband's work schedule is such that he needs to give his employees those preferred days. Thus, leaving us with 'times that are not as busy." And therefore, everyone needs to evaluate their own particular situation. It is just sad that a court system may chase you down if you find yourself in the 'wrong' system.....

I so agree with the highlighted parts of the quote above! My mother was a teacher, so we never traveled during the school year, but when we DID travel, I learned far more about geography and history than I ever did in a classroom. I think I could even throw science into that mix.

It truly is sad that school districts have to be tough on attendance just to get their funding share of the taxes we pay.

 

[smjj]

I think that since they are not your children; rather, they are your grandchildren, you really do not have a say in the matter. Sorry, but the parents need to make that choice. If my parents or in-laws asked me to pull my kids out of school for a vacation with them, I would tell them to come over here instead, and that we have plenty of other time off school for vacations.

Now, I did pull my kids out for 4 days last year for a family event. It was horrible to make up the work. I wouldn't do it again ever.

I understand you want this time together, but maybe it won't work out. Or you can go early and they can go just for the time off - we get Wed to Sun off for Thanksgiving here. That's 5 days.

Well of course it is their choice I never said it wasn't. But as the grandparents and the ones who are trying pull 3 families together to get this to work, providing the accommodations based on our 11 month window to ensure we can get a 3 bedroom Grand Villa and paying for many other extras involved in this venture we want to offer suggestions and seek compromises. So from this point of view we do have a say in it. What you never offer opinions and options to your kids on stuff like this?...smjj

 

[P-elmo]

1st and 4th grade? I would pull them in a minute. I am doing that, at least with my 5th, 4th, and Kindergartener. (This year the district will hate us - 2 1/2 days in November to California and 5 days in early Jan for DW.) Grades don't matter for anything until High School, really.


However ...

Update: I failed to mention that when we go one will be a first grader and the other will be in the 4th grade. Yes, we are the grandparents and have been taking our kids and now the grand kids to Disney for many years now. Family time(vacations) are just so important to us...smjj

It's completely the parents decision. If my parents (or my wife's) tried to impose upon us a decision that may make our kids miss school, I would get angry.

 

[turkeymama]

Well of course it is their choice I never said it wasn't. But as the grandparents and the ones who are trying pull 3 families together to get this to work, providing the accommodations based on our 11 month window to ensure we can get a 3 bedroom Grand Villa and paying for many other extras involved in this venture we want to offer suggestions and seek compromises. So from this point of view we do have a say in it. What you never offer opinions and options to your kids on stuff like this?...smjj

Your original question is "am I being selfish?"
Reading back through your responses, I have yet to see anything about the parent's feelings on the matter. What I did see was a lot of statements justifying your reasons for the the timing of the vacation, which is all fine and good. No problems there, especially since, as you pointed out, you are funding a large portion of the trip. Do the parents of said grandchildren not want to pull the kids from school? Do you feel you are being selfish?

 

[turkeymama]

1st and 4th grade? I would pull them in a minute. I am doing that, at least with my 5th, 4th, and Kindergartener. (This year the district will hate us - 2 1/2 days in November to California and 5 days in early Jan for DW.) Grades don't matter for anything until High School, really.

Whoa! Really? Then why do we bother? Honestly, that makes me cringe. While I agree the grades may not have a lifelong impact, there is a reason for the grades and they do matter.

 

[BEASLYBOO]

Thus why many of us unfortunately travel during the long, very hot summers so as not to desturb the little cherubs while they're at school learning! The pace that our children have during the school year is so different than how it was for us! They are at school from early morning to near dark with not only learning, but there's sports, before and after care. Most even have summer projects! Unfortunately absences (not just vacations but illnesses such as colds etc.) do affect children's grades and I'm sure that's why the schools have started to really enforce the rules.

But it certainly doesn't make you selfish and/or terrible or in-sensitive grandparents for wanting to make this trip happen for everyone! Lighten up folks!

 

[Lavaluma]

A year ago, I would have said a trip to Disney is worth your grandkids missing a few days of school. Now, I'm not sure I would agree with pulling them out of school if their school system is strict on absences. We went to Disney last November and our DS missed 5 days of school. We told the teacher at the beginning of the year, she sent homework home a few days before we left on our trip. Everything was fine until the second half of the year. Then, our normally healthy son ended up with pneumonia, croup twice, a stomach bug and pink eye. Luckily, our school is fairly relaxed on absences. We still made sure to get a Doctor's note for every day he missed just in case.