Am I being selfish??

[Deb & Bill]

When we met with our son's kindergarten teachers for the first time many years ago, we told them we had a trip planned to WDW for the first week of Dec (just like lots of members). They got a strange look on their faces and said, "well, if you have to, okay. But in the future you'll really want to not miss school." This was a private Catholic school. And based on what our son told us, we were glad we listened because the pace was so fast it was hard to catch up. We did take him out once for the marathon and he was so upset when we returned because he had missed school. So that was the end of missing school.

 

[mvc1997]

This thread has made me so very anxious. We have a grand gathering for our entire family 20+ of us for this Thanksgiving..
The reason for all of us to go together is because I have pancreas cancer.
It may be our last trip together.
I worry so about my oldest granddaughter. She has AP classes & is going into her Junior yr. of H.S. She has some very difficult classes ahead.
Our younger grandkids are off school the whole week of Thanksgiving.
But not the H.S.

Our family is coming from other states. My son's family I haven't seen for 2 years because I was in & out of hospitals. I get very emotional thinking of seeing them & hugging them!! (I haven't seen my son in a year, when he drove thru the night to be with me for some very serious surgery)
He can never take time off in the summer, it is not permitted in his job.

Oh I'm sorry for being so.. pouring out of my heart, but now I am feeling selfish for putting my oldest granddaughter at risk for her grades!
But I want this so much!
Is it really necessary to tell the school all of this?? It feels so private.
Can't the teachers just give them extra work to do while on vacation, so as not to get behind?? Is it that much work extra for the teachers??
I ask this of those of you who are teachers. Please respond.
Again, I'm sorry this is so long, & I'm too emotional. Thank You.

 

[k3chantal]

This thread has made me so very anxious. We have a grand gathering for our entire family 20+ of us for this Thanksgiving..
The reason for all of us to go together is because I have pancreas cancer.
It may be our last trip together.
I worry so about my oldest granddaughter. She has AP classes & is going into her Junior yr. of H.S. She has some very difficult classes ahead.
Our younger grandkids are off school the whole week of Thanksgiving.
But not the H.S.

Our family is coming from other states. My son's family I haven't seen for 2 years because I was in & out of hospitals. I get very emotional thinking of seeing them & hugging them!! (I haven't seen my son in a year, when he drove thru the night to be with me for some very serious surgery)
He can never take time off in the summer, it is not permitted in his job.

Oh I'm sorry for being so.. pouring out of my heart, but now I am feeling selfish for putting my oldest granddaughter at risk for her grades!
But I want this so much!
Is it really necessary to tell the school all of this?? It feels so private.
Can't the teachers just give them extra work to do while on vacation, so as not to get behind?? Is it that much work extra for the teachers??
I ask this of those of you who are teachers. Please respond.
Again, I'm sorry this is so long, & I'm too emotional. Thank You.

Your post is exactly my point I have been trying to make in this thread. Is school important, yes. But in the course of a lifetime, your granddaughter missing a few days of school won't make a difference at all. But what will potentially make a difference in her life are those memories that you will create while at Disney World or gasp...(anywhere else on a vacation)with her as a family.

I have taught for eleven years and the children I see that are negatively impacted by absences are those that are chronic. Just make sure that her parents communicate with the school about why they are taking this vacation and the importance of spending time with you. Also, make sure that your granddaughter asks for make up work way before the vacation so that the teachers have time to gather the work. If they are unable to provide the work before have the granddaughter bring as many textbooks as is practical with the luggage restrictions and hopefully they are like our school and have assignments posted online. Then, during 'downtimes' at the resort, she can do some studying.

Really, shouldn't make a difference if your child is average to above average in her studies. The only exception I would make is if she is struggling academically then every moment does dramatically matters. But even in this specific case, I would take her out because her time with you is finite.

Please don't stress. Enjoy your family and your vacation.

 

[BEASLYBOO]

I worry so about my oldest granddaughter. She has AP classes & is going into her Junior yr. of H.S. She has some very difficult classes ahead. Our younger grandkids are off school the whole week of Thanksgiving.
But not the H.S.

Oh I'm sorry for being so.. pouring out of my heart, but now I am feeling selfish for putting my oldest granddaughter at risk for her grades!
But I want this so much!

Is it really necessary to tell the school all of this??

Don't you feel guilty, it's probably one of the best times for her to go. As I stated earlier in this thread, we go pre-Thanksgiving for the week and I take my son out the Mon & Tues before, they automatically get the Wed. He's an IB student w/ several AP classes (10th) just like your GD and he managed very well.

At your GD's level making up the work shouldn't be too much of a burden if any, because on holiday weeks many schools slow down the curriculums, at best she probably will have reading to do.

And without going into great detail, I'm sure she can go to her teachers and ask for any assigments she may miss and they will work with her.

Enjoy the time with your family!

 

[turkeymama]

This thread has made me so very anxious. We have a grand gathering for our entire family 20+ of us for this Thanksgiving..
The reason for all of us to go together is because I have pancreas cancer.
It may be our last trip together.
I worry so about my oldest granddaughter. She has AP classes & is going into her Junior yr. of H.S. She has some very difficult classes ahead.
Our younger grandkids are off school the whole week of Thanksgiving.
But not the H.S.

Our family is coming from other states. My son's family I haven't seen for 2 years because I was in & out of hospitals. I get very emotional thinking of seeing them & hugging them!! (I haven't seen my son in a year, when he drove thru the night to be with me for some very serious surgery)
He can never take time off in the summer, it is not permitted in his job.

Oh I'm sorry for being so.. pouring out of my heart, but now I am feeling selfish for putting my oldest granddaughter at risk for her grades!
But I want this so much!
Is it really necessary to tell the school all of this?? It feels so private.
Can't the teachers just give them extra work to do while on vacation, so as not to get behind?? Is it that much work extra for the teachers??
I ask this of those of you who are teachers. Please respond.
Again, I'm sorry this is so long, & I'm too emotional. Thank You.

I think the point many of us have made is that it is not necessarily the teachers who have problems with this. Many school systems have such harsh attendance policies. It just makes it hard sometimes. I am a teacher and I have taken my kids out for trips before. I hesitate to do it now, for various reasons. I do not base that solely on the attendance policies, although I do consider them.

As for making up work, as you know, it isn't always that simple. Sometimes kids miss lab time and hands-on demonstrations. For students who do well in school, missing this class time will probably not affect them very much.

For the record, I don't think you or the OP are selfish. We all want what we want. It's how we treat people that matters, not wishing for time with our families (even if they miss school to make it happen).

 

[Brian Noble]

This thread has made me so very anxious.

Stop. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Continue planning this trip, and enjoy it.

Coming from me, that's pretty unusual. I'm a "don't take your kids out" sort of guy. But, remember when I wrote this?

for many families, it is not a choice between "miss school" and "don't form family relationships." It is a choice between "miss school and go at a less crowded/hot/expensive time", and "don't miss school and go during a more crowded/hot/expensive time."

Well, that's not you. It's not a choice of Thanksgiving or Summer for you, because of this:

The reason for all of us to go together is because I have pancreas cancer.

So, that's a great reason to be gone from school---EVEN IF she can't get the days excused, and EVEN IF she can't get the work in advance, EVEN IF she can't make up the work, and...yes...EVEN IF it means she gets a B instead of an A in a class or two.

As for what to tell the school, and how to manage that, that's really her parents' responsibility, not yours. They will know what best works with their school, and how to manage that process. Don't sweat it.

 

[mvc1997]

Thank You Brian, turkeymama, BEASLYBOO, & k3chantal, for your kind replies.
One never really knows how life can change in just one weeks' time.
Parents, Grandparents & Families hold your love ones close & enjoy everyday!

Thanks for all the encouraging words, school IS very important for our children and for their future. It makes a huge difference.
I am sure smjj wants the best for all of their grandchildren too.

But like many of us who are in DVC the memories are Priceless!

 

[SamSam]

I've been following this thread and not weighing in, but with mvc1997's post I have to give my take.

Family is so important and especially when there are circumstances such as this, then school (1 week for heaven's sake) take's a backseat.

My kids are grown and gone now, but we took them out for our WDW vacations every year. They were both excellent students, with many advanced classes during high school and they never had a problem with making up work. Actually at their high school they had to go to each teacher and have them sign off on the absence before our trip. Most teachers would give them their assignments ahead of time and (our kids) always finished this work before we left.

Every situation is different but most of all, you have to know your kids. And, of course, as I've read each school district is different.

 

[kylmac]

Mvc1997-please go and have the time of your life-Disney is for the memories and I am sure Mr. Disney would agree! Your granddaughter sounds plenty smart and capable and will be able to make up any work missed. This sounds like a too special opportunity and I would not miss it!
Best wishes-Elizabeth

 

[Deb & Bill]

...
I worry so about my oldest granddaughter. She has AP classes & is going into her Junior yr. of H.S. She has some very difficult classes ahead.
....

You may have to leave this one up to her about when she can get there. AP classes and Junior year are very, very important. They are very stressful. And as much as she wouldn't want to disappoint you, she is going to have to make a very difficult decision.

Maybe she could join the rest of the family after she gets out of school on Wednesday. She may need to work something out with her teachers, too.

I don't envy her decision at all.

 

[smjj]

Your original question is "am I being selfish?"
Reading back through your responses, I have yet to see anything about the parent's feelings on the matter. What I did see was a lot of statements justifying your reasons for the the timing of the vacation, which is all fine and good. No problems there, especially since, as you pointed out, you are funding a large portion of the trip. Do the parents of said grandchildren not want to pull the kids from school? Do you feel you are being selfish?

Good question, and the answer is split. One takes the attitude, what is 2 or 3 days at the most. The other set is wanting to go and is on the fense as to weather to take them out or not. They are still knocking their heads together thinking about it but the grandkids want to go very much. We will just have to wait and see. As for me, yes I guess I am being selfish. We took our kids out for years and they turned out fine and I think a lot of that is the importance we attach to family time together. This will probably be the last time we get to do anything like this as the kids get further up in school it will be much harder to pull them out. This might just be our last shot at a big and great Disney family vacation....smjj

 

[turkeymama]

Good question, and the answer is split. One takes the attitude, what is 2 or 3 days at the most. The other set is wanting to go and is on the fense as to weather to take them out or not. They are still knocking their heads together thinking about it but the grandkids want to go very much. We will just have to wait and see. As for me, yes I guess I am being selfish. We took our kids out for years and they turned out fine and I think a lot of that is the importance we attach to family time together. This will probably be the last time we get to do anything like this as the kids get further up in school it will be much harder to pull them out. This might just be our last shot at a big and great Disney family vacation....smjj

I don't think you are selfish for wanting them there and wanting the big family vacation. I'm sure you have figured out by reading through the responses, schools make it harder to have unexcused absences these days. It sounds like the parents are weighing their options. Hopefully they will come to a consensus soon and you get your wish. Try not to push too hard though. I agree with you on how important family time is. Because too many people abuse the system though, school districts are much tougher on absences than they were when I was in school (about 20 years ago).

 

[OurDogCisco]

I don't think you are being selfish for wanting a family vacation but I do think you can be more flexible about it. And, I can totally relate to your pain about planning a trip and trying to get schedules to match up. You are definitely correct in the grand scheme of things missing 3 days of school in 1st and 4th grade really won't have a huge effect on the rest of their lives. I totally agree with that.

However, being a parent is tough these days especially when it relates to school, sports, religion and/or work obligations. I can't tell you how hard it is to plan a trip. As your grandchildren age it will get harder. Then, when you tie in the emotional family time, it makes the decision even more difficult. Especially when you read the post above with the person with cancer. But one thing I've learned over the years and my kids are now in 6th and 10th grade that life isn't fair and sometimes we have to make scarfices.

We took my oldest out of school in 2nd grade for a week to go to WDW. It was in May it was a great time to go especially when you think of the savings with airfare. But I gotta tell you it was miserable school wise. You wouldn't think you'd be missing much at the end of the school year. We had filled out the forms to make up the missed worked. This was a packet of all the things that they did in class all week (my kid was in school 5 1/2 hours day and it was a lot of work). I'd say the packet was about 2 inches thick. So, our intentions were to spend the mornings in the park and come back to the room work on homework for 1 hour and then, go back to the park in the evenings. Well, with the 3 hour time difference and traveling taking all your energy it did not work that way. My kids were exhausted from all the walking. In 2nd grade you are too old for a stroller but when you spend all day in the park walking from the room to the bus stop to the park then, back to the bus stop to the room and then, back to the bus stop to the park and then, finally you walk back to the bus stop back to the room. We were staying at BCV so, we could walk to Epcot but then, Epcot was huge. Anyways, my point is that my kid was so exhausted and hot that when we came back to the room she didn't want to do homework she wanted to take a nap or swim. We never did the homework and attempted on the plane ride home and got through maybe half of it. Then, when we got back to home we had to spend the rest of the week finishing the packet and doing all the other crazy things that happen in May like open house, swim practice everyday, etc... Then, my daughter had to spend her recesses inside doing make up work that they didn't send with us. These were things that could only be done in the classroom environment. Finally, the last straw was when she informed me that she missed a field trip while we were gone. I know you think what is the big deal it is just a field trip. Every since that trip I do not miss school for vacation except maybe a day here or there. Also, learned that vacationing at Disney is exhausting and not always the best during school time. But that's our family and every family is different.

While we still love Disney we find other vacations are just as great. Maybe you could plan on renting a house off of VRBO and do something in the middle of everyone. You could have fun hanging out together. We own timeshares in Hawaii and we get our best family time on trips when we go to Hawaii because all we do is sit around and veg. It isn't all go, go.... Or we go somewhere local like Lake Tahoe and have just as much fun.

Just a different perspective and I do hope it works out that you have the best family vacation ever.

 

[happymommy]

I also agree that family time is special. I apologize for my previous comment; I just thought that you were indicating initially that the parents of the first and fourth graders did not want to take their children out of school for vacation and that you thought they should do so to join you on the vacation.

It would be hard to have everyone come together for a family grand gathering at Disneyworld, or at any vacation. The only times I've heard of folks being able to do this is summertime, since kids are out of school.

Coming down Wednesday to Sunday may work out for the kids' schedules, but I understand that doesn't give a lot of time together.

I just feel like if it were my family, I would have to tell my parents or in-laws that we don't pull our kids out of school for vacations anymore at all. Of course in my case, we don't vacation with them anyway! We have different ideas of fun so it would never happen!! But still, that is how I would have to handle it, even if my husband pushed it. It also wouldn't matter who was paying; that is beside the point and shouldn't factor in. It just should be what the parents want as far as the kids' school, and then let it go from there.

 

[chipdale74]

I think at that age they won't miss much. My dd is only 4 but I am already planning on taking her out of school in December so she can experience my favorite time at Disney. Teachers can take off to go on vacation (I know a lot of teachers). They do not get in trouble for it, why should the kids?

 

[WsPrincess]

This thread has made me so very anxious. We have a grand gathering for our entire family 20+ of us for this Thanksgiving..
The reason for all of us to go together is because I have pancreas cancer.
It may be our last trip together.
I worry so about my oldest granddaughter. She has AP classes & is going into her Junior yr. of H.S. She has some very difficult classes ahead.
Our younger grandkids are off school the whole week of Thanksgiving.
But not the H.S.

Our family is coming from other states. My son's family I haven't seen for 2 years because I was in & out of hospitals. I get very emotional thinking of seeing them & hugging them!! (I haven't seen my son in a year, when he drove thru the night to be with me for some very serious surgery)
He can never take time off in the summer, it is not permitted in his job.

Oh I'm sorry for being so.. pouring out of my heart, but now I am feeling selfish for putting my oldest granddaughter at risk for her grades!
But I want this so much!
Is it really necessary to tell the school all of this?? It feels so private.
Can't the teachers just give them extra work to do while on vacation, so as not to get behind?? Is it that much work extra for the teachers??
I ask this of those of you who are teachers. Please respond.
Again, I'm sorry this is so long, & I'm too emotional. Thank You.

I know others have said this but DO NOT feel guilty. Family is important and this is coming from a HS teacher. She may have work to do when she is gone and as long as everyone understands that, she will be fine. She is in AP classes for a reason, she can do the work and this is important.

I think at that age they won't miss much. My dd is only 4 but I am already planning on taking her out of school in December so she can experience my favorite time at Disney. Teachers can take off to go on vacation (I know a lot of teachers). They do not get in trouble for it, why should the kids?

I think this is an area specific thing. In my area, teachers cannot take vacation. We have had teachers denied time for their honeymoon since we have no vacation time built into our contract for personal choice (they had to take the time unpaid). We have sick days but planned vacations don't count so not every teacher has an opportunity to take off for vacations. I know I certainly don't.

 

[turkeymama]

I know others have said this but DO NOT feel guilty. Family is important and this is coming from a HS teacher. She may have work to do when she is gone and as long as everyone understands that, she will be fine. She is in AP classes for a reason, she can do the work and this is important.

I think this is an area specific thing. In my area, teachers cannot take vacation. We have had teachers denied time for their honeymoon since we have no vacation time built into our contract for personal choice (they had to take the time unpaid). We have sick days but planned vacations don't count so not every teacher has an opportunity to take off for vacations. I know I certainly don't.

This is us as well. One of the teachers at my school had to "call sick" for a major family event. Our principal knew the truth, but she made it clear she would not cover for the teacher if she got caught. We actually get 2 personal days but those are intended for appointments other than unplanned doctor visits.

 

[Deb & Bill]

I taught school for five years many years ago and I don't remember any vacation days other than the same days the kids were off unless it was a workshop day. If we did get vacation days, I got ripped off.

 

[Mississippian]

Most elementary schools teach very little, so if the kids are young take them and go. The kids are just lumped in classes with slow learners and sit all day so missing won't harm them. They could miss a month and not be behind.

Once the kids start taking algebra, chemistry and the like, missing a few days can really matter. It's not worth losing an "A" over.

 

[Deb & Bill]

Most elementary schools teach very little, so if the kids are young take them and go. The kids are just lumped in classes with slow learners and sit all day so missing won't harm them. They could miss a month and not be behind.

Once the kids start taking algebra, chemistry and the like, missing a few days can really matter. It's not worth losing an "A" over.

Where are your schools? Not where mine are. The kids really have lots of work and really progress. Most go on to college and they aren't going to go to college if they don't do anything in elementary or middle school.