Am I Being Insensitive

[Foohound]

I am having a family issue that I need some others advice on. I have a wonderful DN who is 9 years old. He has never been to Disney. I have taken his DS twice once when she was 9 and last year at 16. They are both my sisters children, but have different fathers. My problem is that my current DBIL and DS will not even talk about my DH and I taking my DN. We offered last year when we took his DS, and again for our Christmas 07 trip. The problem is that my DBIL has had three back surgerys and is permanetly disabled. He can hardly walk, he will never be able to work or even drive again.
My sister had to go back to work fulltime and just started a new job. My DN has been through alot this year, along with his mom and dad. He would love to go with us, but my sister keeps saying that her DH wants to take him for his first trip, and she will not deny him this. The reality is he will never be able to make such a trip, and she know that.
Is it fair to keep my DN from ever being able to go as a child just to appease his DF and DM who are both in denial.
The whole situation makes me feel bad for even wanting to take him.

Thanks

 

[dementia412]

Well I don't think you should have taken the girl last year if you couldn't take them both, that seems to be the insensitive part, then again we can't always be 100% fair about everything... I also think there is no way I'd let my kids go there for the first time without me even if it meant they never got to go. It's not like they'll die if they don't get to see the mouse. I would feel a little sad about them not going though.

I have to ask why you think they'll never go? Just because of the father's disability? Or is it a financial thing? It seems like an odd thing to assume they'll never go... am I missing something.

 

[Saffron]

I don't think you're being insensitive, I think you're a concerned auntie.

I wouldn't bring it up again. I think it's a sticky situation. It's a sad situation for you, probably sadder for you than for your nephew. I'm sure he doesn't know he'll never get there. Hopefully never will never happen and your brother-in-law and sister will be able to take him there soon.

 

[Disney Doll]

You have offered, his parents have said no, drop the subject.

Yes, the family has been through a lot recently. Maybe your DBIL will never be able to take him, but he will come to that conclusion himself eventually and may be more amenable at that time letting you take him. He is in denial right now about his physical situation and limitations...he has to have time to work through that, realize that he may never be able to take the boy to WDW and it would be nice if the boy got to see WDW at some point.

The time will come...they just need time to deal with their new reality.

 

[Cool-Beans]

It is very sweet of you to want to take them. But the parents have made their decision. Maybe we'd do it differently, but it isn't our decision to make.

I'd drop it like an anvil.

 

[Beth76]

You have offered, his parents have said no, drop the subject.

I agree. I also don't see why you think they'll never be able to go. If they want to take him some, then let them. That's their choice.

 

[janette]

Not really insensitive but I can see how they might feel. Is there a way you can help them all go?

I took one of my Great-nieces with us on a trip; her mom wanted to let her have a trip when she was young enough to enjoy WDW as a 6yo. She had a great time and they might be able to all go someday but the experience will be totally different not because she's been there before but because of the age difference. Maybe you can suggest that to your DSis and she could sell her DH on the idea.

 

[MariDisney]

I have to agree with the above posters. Maybe thinking about taking your DN to WDW is something that keeps your DBIL going. I personally would probably just drop the subject...and maybe really stretch to see if you can figure out a way for the whole family to go together. I don't know your DBIL's situation, obviously, but I'm one of those where there's a will there's a way kind of person. Is there any way you can think of that you might be able to get the whole crew there?

On another note, I did want to say that I think you do have a very generous heart to want to treat your DNiece and DNephew to wonderful vacations!!

 

[SwedishMeatball]

If they've said no for the upcoming trip, then drop it. However, I would offer again the next time you plan a trip. Perhaps sooner or later they'll change their mind if they haven't yet been able to take him.

 

[lulugirl]

You have offered, his parents have said no, drop the subject.

This is good advice.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I don't think the parents are being fair to him, but they are his parents and they can make that decision.

 

[Foohound]

Thanks for your input. The reason I know he will never go is that MY DBIL only has two options at this point, brain surgery or a permanent Morphine pump just to get through the pain he is in. This is after 10 specialists. The reason I took my niece last year is it was a promised graduation gift from my DH and myself. We promised her that trip for years as long as she graduated which she did with honors. She is now in college and we knew that would be the last trip with her for a long time. She lived with her father not my sister, or nephew. Her father never wanted to go, he likes to take cruises, so us taking her was never a problem.

Thanks for the advice. My DH and I have dropped it. I just hope that one day he will be able to go. I just hate that he is already almost 10, and time just keeps going by.

 

[mom2boys]

You have gotten good advice & it sounds like you are handling the situation appropriately.
If the subject ever comes up again, you might leave it open ended. Something like, if you ever change your mind, be sure to let us know.