Age to Get Married: For Your Kids

[mi*vida*loca]

I'm going to go against the grain & say sooner than later, ditto for having kids. I married at 27, kids born at 33 & 38. It didn't make our youth any easier & now all our friends are empty nesters while I'm worrying about 1st time drivers & upcoming college expenses.

There are pluses to it. I was young when I had my kids. DD will graduate when I'm 41. Most of my friends have toddlers. I am looking forward to being a younger hands on grandma when/if the time comes. I couldn't imagine pushing 60 when my kids graduate.

 

[Klayfish]

Why would you want to subject your children to such torture as marriage????

Real answer is I don't really care about the age specifically. I want them to be able to distinguish between true love and infatuation, as well as properly evaluate their lives (them and their significant other) and then make that decision. I met DW when we were both 25. I had dated a lot before that, and had many serious girlfriends. But none of them really felt permanent...I was still in school, or she was, or I hadn't "found myself" yet or whatever. However, when I met DW...in all truth...I knew within a few weeks that we would be married. We were living together within 6 weeks and married 2 years later. Sometimes you just "know", and I want my kids to understand how to make that decision.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I've told my DS I hope he waits until he gets out of grad school, gets a good job & has a down payment on a house. So far, he's right on schedule. That said, he knows we'll support him, regardless of the circumstances. More than anything I just don't want him to settle for the wrong woman.

 

[Magpie]

I just want them to find a good match. Someone who suits them, who brings out the best in them, and who is good for the long haul.

When they've found that person, then I don't think there's a wrong time to get married.

Life can be experienced as well (or even better!) with your best friend at your side.

 

[jliehr]

I think it depends a lot where you are from, people closer to large cities seem to wait, while more rural areas often marry younger.

My wife and I met in college, started dating at 18, got married at 23, had our son at 26/27, he will graduate HS when we are 45. Having him out of college by our early 50's will allow us to hopefully retire early. Can't imagine being 50+ with a teenager, but it works for many obviously.

 

[luvsJack]

Thanks all! You have made me feel better. I have been a bit torn because I know its coming sooner or later and she seems so young. I do know that they are enjoying every minute of their time together now. They do seem to be a good match. I hope they wait a little bit but I think more because it has been so fast and they need to know each other better, not because of their age. Having married early myself and divorced by 22, I can't help but be worried on the age thing, but I see dd making a much better choice than I did and for better reasons.

 

[Meriweather]

This is exactly what I tell my kids and I add in to travel a lot while you are carefree. I don't know how much it means coming from me since I got married at 20 and divorced at 28. But I'm trying. lol

My son has told me he wants to get married at 25 and start having kids around 27-28. I don't think that's so bad.

I just have to add that I also got married at 20 and am still married to the same DH, almost 43 years later. So it does work

 

[aprilgail]

I am hoping late 20's- would hate to see her married at 21! Would like to see her finish school, have her own career so she won't have to depend on someone else for money and hopefully get some traveling in first! I don't know to many people that have kids my daughters age that had them before 30- my birthmother on the other hand married at 15, had a kid at 15 and one at 16-I can't even imagine that- the guys that attracted me at 16 certainly would not be the kind of guy that attracted me in my mid 20's.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I only have a couple friends who had kids before 30, I had my first at 29 (definitely not planned), and was definitely one of the first. Most of our friends still have kids in elementary school/middle school, and we are 50. If you have kids under 25 here, I think it would be difficult being such young parents.

Parenting at any age is difficult. But, what I see of younger parents is a push to maintain that young "lifestyle" and just include their children in their lives. Older parents that I know tend to give more up "for the kids" and let their lives revolve around their schedules giving up their own lives to an extent. One also tends to have a lot more energy at 25 than 40.

I also don't think it makes marriage or parenting easier if one "establishes" themselves first. Independence & financial freedom can be difficult to give up once you're used to them. People who've never lived alone or had their own money might actually adjust better to marriage & parenthood than those who have spent a lot of time on their own.

 

[Colleen27]

I'm going to go against the grain & say sooner than later, ditto for having kids. I married at 27, kids born at 33 & 38. It didn't make our youth any easier & now all our friends are empty nesters while I'm worrying about 1st time drivers & upcoming college expenses.

We're at the other end - DH & I have been together since I was 20, and I'll be a 46yo empty-nester - and I have to admit it has its perks. As much as the socially correct thing to say is "Travel and enjoy life when you're young", that's a very upper-middle-class perspective. When I was young I was living in a crappy apartment and barely making ends meet after paying for school and living expenses. There was no travel other than a handful of crazy sleeping-in-the-car road trips, and those were mostly after DH & I were engaged and living together which freed up some "fun money" for us both. I know part of it is luck, that we're healthy and active in middle age, but I don't feel like I missed out on anything by traveling now when we can afford to do so with a certain level of comfort rather than trying to do it on a shoestring back then. And there's something to be said for not worrying about how college tuition or teen driver insurance will impact our ability to retire.

But really, I think a lot of it is a matter of chance. The right partner is so much more important than the right age/time, IMO.

 

[dish rag]

Son just did at 28 a few months ago. They are each others only and since age 18. She's a wonderful girl, only missed one question on the SAT. Great family, old money Jacksonville people. Even though, I advised my Son just once not to, to really think about it. He has a high income and some other things I advised him to get a pre nup signed he did not. They live a good life, spending this month in Europe traveling, been all over. I just know things change over the course of the years. But I wish them well.

 

[aprilgail]

Son just did at 28 a few months ago. They are each others only and since age 18. She's a wonderful girl, only missed one question on the SAT. Great family, old money Jacksonville people. Even though, I advised my Son just once not to, to really think about it. He has a high income and some other things I advised him to get a pre nup signed he did not. They live a good life, spending this month in Europe traveling, been all over. I just know things change over the course of the years. But I wish them well.

I would totally advise on a prenup if either party had things going into the marriage- anything you come into a marriage with should not be split if a divorce occurs. My friend stupidly learned that one- he had a house going into the marriage- and now had to buy his own half house from his soon to be ex- crazy.

 

[bdcp]

We were married at 21 (me) and 24 (DH) and I see nothing wrong with early marriage. Our boys were on their own by the time I was 47. Oldest DS (33) is still single and doesn't really date as he's very picky and won't date someone he doesn't see a future with. Youngest DS (31) got married at 26, a couple of weeks before his 27th b-day. His wife is the same age. DH and I did and do our traveling together. There's something to be said for shared experiences. We worked towards our first house, etc. The belief you have to have a house, no debt, etc before getting married takes away from some of the shared goals and teamwork that you get out of working towards those things as a couple. Those couples that I know got married later in life had a much harder time with "mine" vs "ours" and have more money arguments than those who went in as "ours" from day one.

 

[DLgal]

I don't think my kids will get married. They are both autistic and I just can't imagine either being married at this point, but who knows.

I don't think there is a specific age that is "right." I think it depends more on how sure you are that the person you will be marrying is THE ONE. I knew my husband was THE ONE almost immediately. We met at 19 in college. Married at 22, after graduating. DH is a USMC Officer so his career was solid. I went along for the ride, and found a full time job immediately. We had our first child at 25 and I became a SAHM by choice. We are now 38 and our kids are almost 13 and 11 and our marriage is still going strong. I am grateful that we married and had kids young, because looking down the pipe now at potentially needing to care for our sons well into their adulthood, we still have many good, youthful years ahead of us with the energy and financial ability to do so. By the time we actually retire in around 30 years, our "kids" will be in their mid 40's and hopefully self supporting. I shudder to think about how things would be if we had waited 10+ years to have kids...

When you know, you know. And it doesn't matter how old you are. It's fun to go through life's challenges together. There is never an ideal time to do anything. You just have to have faith, jump in, and go for the ride.

 

[MamaLema]

No later than 25 if it were up to me. Oldest is 20, been with gf for 4 years already.
Middle is 18, been with gf for 4 years.
So far so good

 

[Hikergirl]

For me it isn't an age thing, or even a when they finish school thing. I just want my kids to find the right person. Getting married isn't the be all end all for other things. As long as they are ready for that kind of commitment, they can get married and still pursue whatever else in life they want.

 

[Buckeye218]

No sooner than 27 or 28.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I guess I kind of picture him finishing college (or whatever schooling) first, but I agree that the "who" is way more important than the "when"!

I got married at 26 and had DS a month after I turned 30. I think it was good timing for me - a decent balance between the energy you have if you start young and the wisdom you've gained if you start later.

 

[eeyoreandtink]

I got married at 23 (DH was 31), had DD at 25, and am still married 15 years later. I would like to see her finish college before getting married, but I agree that who is far more important than when. I hope she finds someone as wonderful as her father. It's a tall order to fill.

 

[Gracie09]

Not a set age but I would like them to
1) graduate college or develop a trade
2) travel a bit - hopefully live abroad or in a part of the country not near me
3) have a job where they can pay their own bills
4) live on their own, or at a minimum with a roommate who is not their boyfriend/girlfriend