Age to Get Married: For Your Kids

[E&Cmom]

Obviously, it will be up to them and they are too young now to really think about it but hope they have finished school and started their careers. I got married "late" . I was 31 and DH was 34. It took me awhile to find Mr Right. I spent a lot of my 20s moaning that I would never end up getting married as I watched my friends get married. Apparently, I had to move across the country first. Lol. I had my children at 33 and 36.

 

[22Tink]

I got married at 18 and my husband and I are still happily together so if my kids wanted to marry early I'd be fine with that. That said, my oldest girls are both in their early 20s with no wedding in sight. My younger 2 are still in school so time will tell!

 

[powellrj]

My oldest got married at 24 and has been married for 8 years. They have already lived a lifetime. They have had lots of personal illnesses and death. DS graduated from college last week and will soon adopt her niece and nephew.

Middle DS is 26 and still lives at home. He broke up with a girlfriend last year and is still recovering. It was really a hard situation.

DD will be 21 next week and is concerned she isn't in a relationship. It doesn't both me, I want her to enjoy life! She goes to a small Christian College so she has had many of her friends who are already married or getting married. I think she has a wedding almost every weekend this summer.

DH and I were married very young which was very common where we grew up. Most of the kids we went to school with have all been married 30-40 years. I was 19 when we married and we will have been married 39 years in June. Yes your math is right, DD was born close to our 18th wedding anniversary, so just because you were married young doesn't mean you won't have kids later in life!

 

[Lilacs4Me]

After 25 for sure, but more importantly, I would like them to live on their own for a while without the worry of having to "deal" with another person's emotions, habits, input, involvement, etc. I want them to have a time in their life where the only person they have to worry about are themselves. I met DH at age 14 and we have been together ever since. I don't regret it for a minute - my life circumstances and his were optimal for the path we have walked - but our kids have been raised very differently than we were, and I think for the good of themselves and whatever future marriage they might have, it would be very beneficial for them to have a few years of independence.

DS17 refuses to have a girlfriend in high school because he sees his friends bogged down with teen girl angst and he doesn't want, or have time, to deal with it, plus he is adament about moving back to our home state for college/career and says he doesnt want to risk marrying someone from here who will eventually want to stay in this area, haha. Smart kid!! He keeps all girls strictly in the friend zone, lol, and says he sends them back to their boyfriends when they start to get dramatic

DD12 says she doesn't want to get married at all....she has a ton of friends that are boys but doesn't really like people touching her lol, so boyfriends are out for now. I feel for her future husband....

DS11 will be the one with all of the girls and their drama, I just know it. Theres already a few 5th grade girls who "like" him and he is being well trained by his big sister on how to deal with crazy women. He will probably be the one to marry at age 25. Haha

 

[luvsJack]

After 25 for sure, but more importantly, I would like them to live on their own for a while without the worry of having to "deal" with another person's emotions, habits, input, involvement, etc. I want them to have a time in their life where the only person they have to worry about are themselves. I met DH at age 14 and we have been together ever since. I don't regret it for a minute - my life circumstances and his were optimal for the path we have walked - but our kids have been raised very differently than we were, and I think for the good of themselves and whatever future marriage they might have, it would be very beneficial for them to have a few years of independence.

DS17 refuses to have a girlfriend in high school because he sees his friends bogged down with teen girl angst and he doesn't want, or have time, to deal with it, plus he is adament about moving back to our home state for college/career and says he doesnt want to risk marrying someone from here who will eventually want to stay in this area, haha. Smart kid!! He keeps all girls strictly in the friend zone, lol, and says he sends them back to their boyfriends when they start to get dramatic

DD12 says she doesn't want to get married at all....she has a ton of friends that are boys but doesn't really like people touching her lol, so boyfriends are out for now. I feel for her future husband....

DS11 will be the one with all of the girls and their drama, I just know it. Theres already a few 5th grade girls who "like" him and he is being well trained by his big sister on how to deal with crazy women. He will probably be the one to marry at age 25. Haha

I wouldn't count my chickens before they are hatched!

I would have said the same thing about dd just 6 months ago! I never dreamed she would even think of marriage before her late 20's. With the goals she has had set for herself for a long time, it just wasn't in the cards. Besides most of the guys she dated got on her nerves. She wasn't willing to change her mind about anything for anyone or to compromise in the least. And it was one strike and they were OUT.

And then her brother took her to a wrestling show so they could start training in January, she met prince charming that night and well, it has blossomed from there. From the moment they started talking there was such a change in her! Not in a bad way but you could just tell she was quite smitten. The change in her was quite amazing!

 

[mickeyboat]

DH and I decided to get married when I was 14 and he was 15. We ended up marrying when we were 21 and 22, and had our children when we were 28/29 and 29/30. Although we have had a very happy and successful marriage so far, and we are doing fine in our careers, I would not want my girls to marry that young. I hope they finish school, get established in their careers, and do some traveling before settling down.

 

[eeyoreandtink]

I see a lot of people saying travel before you marry. Why can't a young couple marry and travel together for a few years before having kids? Pooling incomes into one household means more money to travel with. That's what some friends of ours did. They had been together 4 years when they graduated college. They got married that summer and spent several years doing things they wanted to do together before they had kids.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I see a lot of people saying travel before you marry. Why can't a young couple marry and travel together for a few years before having kids? Pooling incomes into one household means more money to travel with. That's what some friends of ours did. They had been together 4 years when they graduated college. They got married that summer and spent several years doing things they wanted to do together before they had kids.

Yeah, I have to say as one who married late, traveling as a single, solo person didn't really appeal to me. It appeals to many, but I've done most of my post childhood traveling AFTER marriage, not before.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I see a lot of people saying travel before you marry. Why can't a young couple marry and travel together for a few years before having kids? Pooling incomes into one household means more money to travel with. That's what some friends of ours did. They had been together 4 years when they graduated college. They got married that summer and spent several years doing things they wanted to do together before they had kids.

I mean travel with friends while you are still carefree and single. You can do what you want when you want. Go to Cancun for Spring Break with your friends, hit up NYC with your girlfriends, etc. I'm not talking about expensive trips through Europe or a 10 day Mediterranean cruise.

For me it's more about doing things by yourself before settling down. I think it's important.

 

[aprilgail]

Yeah, I have to say as one who married late, traveling as a single, solo person didn't really appeal to me. It appeals to many, but I've done most of my post childhood traveling AFTER marriage, not before.

I traveled once as a single solo- the rest of the times not married but a bunch of friends would all go- we had great times!

 

[Colleen27]

I mean travel with friends while you are still carefree and single. You can do what you want when you want. Go to Cancun for Spring Break with your friends, hit up NYC with your girlfriends, etc. I'm not talking about expensive trips through Europe or a 10 day Mediterranean cruise.

Maybe it is because I married young, but I never compartmentalized life that way. Marriage didn't put an end to traveling with friends or by myself. Having kids put it on pause for a good long while, but now that the kids are older it is something that I'm making space for in my life again. To me, it wasn't "before marriage" for friends travel, then "after marriage" for couples travel, then "after kids" for family travel. They're all important and valuable. It is just the balance between them that shifts with life's changes.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Maybe it is because I married young, but I never compartmentalized life that way. Marriage didn't put an end to traveling with friends or by myself. Having kids put it on pause for a good long while, but now that the kids are older it is something that I'm making space for in my life again. To me, it wasn't "before marriage" for friends travel, then "after marriage" for couples travel, then "after kids" for family travel. They're all important and valuable. It is just the balance between them that shifts with life's changes.

I get it. I married at 20 and didn't do much traveling with friends when I was young. Now my kids are 17 and 11. I go on girls trips now. Probably 1-3 times a year. Overnights or weekend trips. I travel more in general and I do couples only trips with my SO.

IMO it is different when you are single with no responsibilities. Especially seeing my cousins and SO's cousins, who are in their early 20s going to Miami with friends or Cancun for Spring Break. Carefree and nothing to worry about back at home. They literally get up and go. I want my kids to experience that.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I traveled once as a single solo- the rest of the times not married but a bunch of friends would all go- we had great times!

I had a great group of single friends and we spent tons of time together. But, we could never get together on a trip. Beach vs mountain vs flying vs driving vs budget vs nicer, etc etc. 2 were teachers & couldn't go during the school year, 2 factory guys had their vacation timeframe dictated to them, 1 was a coworker of mine & we had difficulty being off at the same time, and so on.

I did take one big vacation with a single friend, and several weekenders. But, for group travel, I more often was a 7th or 9th wheel with my married friends LOL.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I am in the camp of not thinking the age matters much---so long as it is the right person for them. They are currently 20 and 18. The younger one isn't even dating anyone. The older one is, but it is the first serious relationship and still rather new. Who knows where it might lead? But I trust my kids to figure out their hearts and make sensible decisions that will work for them and their partners when the time comes---and don't much care if careeres are established or not, travelling has been done or not, etc

Personally, DH and I started dating right after I turned 19 (he was still 18) and got married at 23 (and had our first child 9 months later, right after I turned 24). That worked well for us. We like to say we "grew up together" and for us workign through all the struggles of being broke and young and starting careers and whatnot together was a good thing.
Like a couple of previous posters, I don't think we really missed out on travelling or having fun. We were broke and would not have been bale to travel/play much married or not, but we did what we could and always found ways to have fun and now we are 44 with the youngest about to graduate highschool and the means to travel and we DO with and without our kids. We have big plans for some nicer trips to areas that are more expensive to get to (expensive flights) in the coming years now that we can buy tickets for just the two of us. I liked how much energy we had as parents and being on the young side worked for us (my own mother was only 19 when she had me, and that worked for her---my mother in law was 30 when she had DH and that worked for her as well).

 

[QueenIsabella]

Well, I don't get a vote, really, but I would say I would want their major schooling done. I say that because DH got his master's after we were married. He did it at night, so we had 2 kids by the time he finished it. We got married at 23/24, and then waited 8 years to have kids. It worked for us, so I figure my kids can find a way to make it work, too.

Of course, my oldest graduates college this weekend, and has had exactly 1 boyfriend. She's very comfortable on her own, enjoying time with friends, starting her career. I know she's in no rush to get married.

 

[DawnM]

I would prefer they finish grad school, have a career, save for a good downpayment on a place to live, and be financially secure before even thinking about marrying.

DH and I got married at 29.

 

[MIGrandma]

It is different for everyone. There is no "right age" or "wrong age." It's the level of maturity and level of commitment that is important I think. DH and I were both 18 when we got married. Back then it wasn't so important that both spouses had a college education. DH grew up in a farming family and he knew at an early age that he wanted to go into partnership with his Dad and we started buying into the business a year after we got married. I have worked off and on during our marriage but we didn't "need" to have me work, unlike now with everything costing so much more generally both people in the marriage need to be working full time, which I think is unfortunate. We have always been able to communicate well with each other, which I think is very important in a marriage, and we will celebrate our 42nd anniversary in September.

Our son was 18 when he married the first time, and is now 41 and married for the 3rd time but this marriage seems to be working out for him. They have been married almost 6 years, separated for a few months and went to counseling and they got back together and seem stronger than ever.

Our daughter was 21 when she and her DH got married. They were engaged for 2 years and she had 2 years of college before they got married, but chose not to finish. They have been married almost 17 years and doing well.

 

[Skippy918]

I want to make sure they don't feel the pressure to get married and have kids. Looking back, it seemed like everyone was destined to the getting married and having kids and I felt like that's what you were supposed to do. I want them to have some fun being single and date others, but I am not going to pressure them into getting married or having kids. If I could go back and redo parts of my life, I would have dated others and waited longer to get married.

 

[dosekies]

I'll jump into this from the side of the kid! I met my fiancé in high school and we have been together for about 6 years now. We got engaged when I turned 21 and my parents were less than thrilled! They wanted to make sure it wasn't going to hold me back and keep me from living my life. They wanted to make sure we didn't rush into things and were financially set as well. Now that we both have stable jobs and are much more independent, my parents are definitely more comfortable with me getting married in the next few years. Probably around age 25-26.

 

[jrmasm]

No later than 25 if it were up to me. Oldest is 20, been with gf for 4 years already.
Middle is 18, been with gf for 4 years.
So far so good

I'd say no earlier than 25.