Age to Get Married: For Your Kids

[luvsJack]

If it was totally up to you, what age would you like to see your child wait for before marrying? Or if not an age, are there certain life experiences you would like for them to have before marrying?

 

[Kitty 34]

It ended up I waited for them to get married!!

My oldest son was 34, our 2nd son was 27 and our youngest son was 24. They all experienced lots of life experiences before getting married!

 

[Meriweather]

DS got married at 25.

I am ready for DD to get married, but she hasn't found the right person yet. She is 34

 

[mjkacmom]

I told my kids definitely not before 25! I want them to finish college/graduate school, have a solid career, and to live independently. I got married at 28 (after dating DH for almost 6 years), my sister got married at 30. Dd20 says that if she gets married, she'll be over 30.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If it was totally up to you, what age would you like to see your child wait for before marrying? Or if not an age, are there certain life experiences you would like for them to have before marrying?

My kids tell me they are not getting married. They are 20 and 26 and have long term BF's. My older dd lives with her BF.

 

[Christine]

I think any time after 26 sounds about right, but only if they've had experience with different types of relationships over the years. Personally, I'd be nervous about marriage in certain instances (that others are probably fine with).

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I told my kids definitely not before 25! I want them to finish college/graduate school, have a solid career, and to live independently. I got married at 28 (after dating DH for almost 6 years), my sister got married at 30. Dd20 says that if she gets married, she'll be over 30.

This is exactly what I tell my kids and I add in to travel a lot while you are carefree. I don't know how much it means coming from me since I got married at 20 and divorced at 28. But I'm trying. lol

My son has told me he wants to get married at 25 and start having kids around 27-28. I don't think that's so bad.

 

[mom2rtk]

This is exactly what I tell my kids and I add in to travel a lot while you are carefree. I don't know how much it means coming from me since I got married at 20 and divorced at 28. But I'm trying. lol

I actually think that should make it mean a lot.

 

[lorimay]

Well its not really our choice when our adult children decide to get married, but both my kids married their high school sweethearts, so they had long relationships from a young age.
My daughter met her husband at 15, they were together 5 years before marriage. Yes at 20, do I wish they would have finished all their schooling, of course. But Thank God 9 years later they are happily married with 2 kids. He is a law enforcement officer and she just went back to work, she has her Associates Degree, hoping she finishes her BA soon.
My son was just married 2 weeks ago at the age of 24, both of them have their BA's. They started dating at 16 and together 8 years before marriage.

 

[Colleen27]

When they're ready. I expect that'll be a different time for DS, who is a homebody studying a trade and already thinking in terms of home ownership, than it will be for DD who has her sights set on a doctorate and field research and world travels. Even thinking in terms of life experiences I want them to have, it varies so much from kid to kid. It doesn't matter how much I want DS to finish college and travel before settling down when he doesn't want to go to college and doesn't really enjoy traveling (not that I see him marrying any time soon either; for us, the "settling down" conversation has centered more around the costs and responsibilities of home ownership).

 

[mousefanmichelle]

I have an almost 23 year old son and his girlfriend is pressuring him to get married. I think he is too young but he likes to remind me that I got married at 20 (5 days shy of 21). My famous line of don't do what I do isn't working. He will do what she wants him to do, which is a whole other topic for a whole other thread.... I would want him to live some life before he settles down but that could be because I don't like his girlfriend.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I'm going to go against the grain & say sooner than later, ditto for having kids. I married at 27, kids born at 33 & 38. It didn't make our youth any easier & now all our friends are empty nesters while I'm worrying about 1st time drivers & upcoming college expenses.

 

[luvsJack]

Older DS got married too young. And I told him then that a lot would change for both of them in the next few years because of them growing and maturing. It did and the marriage fell apart. He is now married to a wonderful woman and they have a 3 year old. He is 35 now and they married when he was 32. Younger ds waited until he was 24 and I thought, at the time, they would last. They both seemed ready and they were best friends. Sadly they were only together about 5 years. He is now in a serious relationship with a great girl but doesn't say anything about marriage. But I don't know how much of their experiences has to do with their ages at the time and how much with them and the people they picked.


Now we have dd. She will soon be 19. Her bf is 23. And they are very happy. But they are getting very serious. The thing is they have been together for a short time. They met in January. Started dating in March. I know they have talked about marriage but I am not sure how seriously. They started this relationship being determined to "take things slow" and really get to know each other while still in the "talking" stage. But things sped up somewhere a long the way.

There is a lot going on in her life besides him. She just finished her freshman year of college. She has one more year at the community college. Right now she is taking online classes to get certified as a personal trainer and hopes to be working at a gym in the next year. She is traveling around with her brother for indy wrestling and loving it. She is training and they have some big hopes for her. She is looking at getting some great opportunities in that as there are several folks keeping up with her training and when she will be ready.

When they first really started showing signs of being that serious, we talked to her and she said "no I am not getting married any time soon. I have too much going on". But he has been gone for work for about 3 weeks and will be gone another 2. Her comments about it have changed (when noticing another friend on FB getting married. Not us really talking about her and him). I am hoping once he gets back that she will go back to it being a "long time". I am planning to have a conversation with her about it, but I don't want to approach it like I am demanding she do anything. Like pp said, its not really our choice. I just want her to think before she leaps, ya know?

Don't get me wrong, he is a great guy. If I was going to pick a guy for her, it would be someone like him or at least what I know of him. He is polite and always the gentleman. He lives to make her smile and just adores her. He treats her with the utmost respect and expects everyone else to. He has a great job and is financially responsible (except for wanting to spend money on her!) They truly enjoy spending time together and seem to have a lot of fun. But he is by no means perfect. I have to be careful how I word things to her as she tells him EVERYTHING and I have already offended him once. I do plan to tell him that she loves him so we accept him, that is just the way it works for us (if we have any complaining to do about him, we will do it in private, not with dd lol).

 

[prprincess]

I'd say when they feel that they are ready. Everyone is different. I waited until I was in my 30s which in hindsight, was late because then I had my children late, was diagnosed with cancer, and then couldn't have anymore kids. So after that particular life experience, I really wish I would have gotten married a little earlier so that I could have had my kids earlier, and had at least one more. We all learn at our own rates and through our own experiences.

As long as they are happy!

 

[EmptyNester]

We got married at 20 and 21 and have been together going on 23 years now. It wasn't easy but for us it worked out. However, it would have been easier if I had finished college before I got married instead of when I was 27 with two little children. I feel great about accomplishing that but it was still a struggle.

We've told our kids that it is their decision and that things work out the way that they are supposed to no matter when you decide to get married and have children. However, it is easier if you have a way to support yourself and your family and college or a trade is the safest way to do that.

Our daughter is 22 and will be graduating in December. Her current boyfriend has another year and a half after she does before he graduates. They seem to be on that path to marriage but it is ultimately up to them. I know she would love to be engaged, but her boyfriend really wants to have all of his ducks in a row before that happens.

Our son is almost 20 and is just finishing his Freshman year. He has a new girlfriend who is going to a different college next year so who knows where that will go. He has stated that he just wants to enjoy life right now and doesn't even want to think of getting married until he is at least 25.

I think it just depends on the couple and what they can deal with. Nothing is ever perfect. DH and I grew up together really, and in a lot of ways that brought us closer but for some people it makes things harder.

 

[MamaBelle4]

I met DH when I was 17 and knew I wanted to marry him. We married when I was 21 and he was 25.

If my girls want to get married at 20, 30, 40+ or never, I don't care as long as they are happy. I have told them, repeatedly, if you grow up and get married, I don't care who you choose, as long as he treats you as well as Daddy treats Mommy. That's all I care about. Whatever relationships they choose to have, that they are in loving and healthy ones. I don't prefer one way or another a particular age, I prefer they do what feels right for them and are happy.

 

[rotlex]

This is a tough one. On one hand, I'd like to see them get established job wise, money wise etc. On the other hand, my wife and I married at 21 and 19. Went through everything together and have been very happily married for the past 28 years. I thank God neither of our parents deterred us from early marriage, so I would never want to do the same to my children.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm going to go against the grain & say sooner than later, ditto for having kids. I married at 27, kids born at 33 & 38. It didn't make our youth any easier & now all our friends are empty nesters while I'm worrying about 1st time drivers & upcoming college expenses.

I only have a couple friends who had kids before 30, I had my first at 29 (definitely not planned), and was definitely one of the first. Most of our friends still have kids in elementary school/middle school, and we are 50. If you have kids under 25 here, I think it would be difficult being such young parents.

 

[bjscheel]

I'm going to go against the grain & say sooner than later, ditto for having kids. I married at 27, kids born at 33 & 38. It didn't make our youth any easier & now all our friends are empty nesters while I'm worrying about 1st time drivers & upcoming college expenses.

It won't bother me if my girls marry somewhat early, if it is the right guy. I was married at 19, had kids at 21 and 24. The 19 thing seems really young now that I have an 18 year old, but early 20s would be okay. I still got my bachelor's degree on time and will have an empty nest at 42, plenty young enough to enjoy whatever we want to do. And now we have the money to do it too I don't feel like I missed anything by not traveling or living alone or "finding myself" in my early 20s. Those things can be just as fun to do with your spouse.

 

[kimblebee]

I hope that my daughter waits to get married. Not like 50 and getting married, but late 20s would be good.

She's 16 and has been with her boyfriend for a year. She says she doesn't want to get married and definitely doesn't want kids. We'll see if that changes.