13 yr old grounded for life-20 months later~post 258!!

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

Just adding my $.02 here. I agree that I wouldn't give it back to him for Christmas. However, I do agree with Marie...New Year...new start.

I don't know what your holiday traditions are (she said tongue in cheek....some parents...oh my....actually go out without their children on New Years Eve!) but in our family we have a tendency to stay home, watch movies, play games, eat popcorn and some special goodies that I make and celebrate as a family.

I think if it was my son, at 12:01 of the "New Year," I'd give him the Ipod back along with the Ipod docking station (I'll add here that if it's the IHome clock radio one, I had one and hated it!! The clock light was WAY too bright even on the lowest setting). I'd also lay down the "ground rules" for the Ipod, give him a big mushy kiss and let him know that I loved him.

Hope that idea helps...and you're doing a great job Marie. I love the line about parenting not being for weenies...it's so true!!!

Karen

 

[TroyE]

I agree, I have tried the grounding for a semester and after a while they learn to not care, which is opposite of what you want. I would have a sit down and explain the rules and explain why you are giving it back. Tell him that everyone makes mistakes and that everyone gets chances.

Just adding my $.02 here. I agree that I wouldn't give it back to him for Christmas. However, I do agree with Marie...New Year...new start.

I don't know what your holiday traditions are (she said tongue in cheek....some parents...oh my....actually go out without their children on New Years Eve!) but in our family we have a tendency to stay home, watch movies, play games, eat popcorn and some special goodies that I make and celebrate as a family.

I think if it was my son, at 12:01 of the "New Year," I'd give him the Ipod back along with the Ipod docking station (I'll add here that if it's the IHome clock radio one, I had one and hated it!! The clock light was WAY too bright even on the lowest setting). I'd also lay down the "ground rules" for the Ipod, give him a big mushy kiss and let him know that I loved him.

Hope that idea helps...and you're doing a great job Marie. I love the line about parenting not being for weenies...it's so true!!!

Karen

 

[kmp1191]

Well, DS has been doing very good....(knock on wood!)
His grades are up and his attitude doesn't suck nearly as bad as it did!

Well, I was PLANNING on having his iPOD charged and ready for Christmas, but that plan kinda feel to the wayside....which is probably a good thing.

(for those new to this thread, DS is working at a horse barn for another DISer to pay me back the funds he..."borrowed". He started back in Sept/Oct and is still going strong. At the end of the year he will be done with the punishment and has decided he would still like to work out there.)

Anyway, this past week his boss has been pretty sick and DS had to go to work on Christmas Eve, Christmas morning, (BEFORE PRESENTS!) and Christmas evening! He also had to work this evening and will be out there again on Saturday & Sunday. I have to say, I am so impressed with him! He is so confident with the horses, knows exactly what to do with each horse and has no problem bringing them in & out of the barn. I can't remember all their names, let alone which one gets how much feed, but he doesn't have any problems!
The thing that I'm most impressed with....he doesn't complain about going out there. I thought when I told him that he was working on Christmas morning that he would be upset, but he just said...."ok".

Who is this kid? What happened to my angry teenager with the attitude? I don't think those days are completely gone, but they sure aren't around every day like they used to be.....he's actually.....dare I say....pleasant to be around! I'm not sure who this new kid is...but I hope he sticks around!!

Therefore, he will be getting the iPOD back this weekend. He's earned it. He's worked hard, he's learned his lesson, and.....(i hope i'm not jinxing myself...) he's matured!!

Thanks again for all your advice and opinions....and work offers!! Glad one of those offers was close and turned out to be a positive for him! (Although...the frozen moose poop covered rocks was awfully tempting!!!)

marie

(special thanks to TLSnell1981....let me know when you're ready for the 9yr old!!) Hope T feels better soon!!

 

[zurgswife]

Glad to hear such a wonderful end to your frustrating fall...

 

[mom23boys]

That is a wonderful update. Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Sharon

 

[pixie dust 112]

Good Job Mom! I was wondering how this turned out, maybe it all happened for a reason! Happy New Year!

 

[OceanAnnie]

Thanks for the update. Nice to hear the good news!

 

[disneymom3]

Thanks for the update and the glimmer of hope. I just called my sister on Christmas eve crying because DD 12 has been SO awful and snotty and mean lately. I could so relate to what you were going through in the fall. Good to hear the good kid has made a comeback.

 

[FSUDisneyGirl]

Merry Christmas, and I'm so happy to hear that things are going so well!

 

[RUDisney]

We decided to give my DS probation for Christmas. You could not have given a better gift to him. He was shocked that he still got the same number of presents as in year's past because of his transgressions this year, too. He was told in August that he'd be grounded for a year, so probation now is a welcome treat for him.

Like KMP's DS, he has really been a joy to have around. He does his chores willingly and he's been working to pay us back the money he "borrowed" from us, too.

DisneyMom3, I hope you can get your DD in line quickly. It's a much nicer household when they aren't being snotty.

TLSnell, I hope you feel better soon!

 

[Buckalew11]

marie,

Your post just makes me so happy--I have tears in my eyes! I think it is wonderful that he has come around like this and is enjoying the hard work even. You know there is such a thing as horse therapy (equestrian something or other) and I am not sure what all it is about but often work with animals and caring for animals truly does help people. And, as my DH says, "A little hard work never hurt anyone." He always includes DD (14) in wood cutting and the like. My mom thinks it is a bit "cruel" but I think it is a good thing for her--it sure does not hurt!

Anyway, it sounds so wonderful. I am really happy that this is having a happy ending for you, him, and the horses too!

God Bless you all (you,TLSnell, and your son) and I really hope he learned from this lesson. You handled it so well!!

 

[lillygator]

sounds like your ds is doing great. Great job!

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

Way to go mom...and DS!

K

 

[kmp1191]

Thanks guys~

Disneymom3~find a farm....QUICK!!! Before I found my TLSnell, I was going to have DS do volunteer work thru our church....clean-up abandoned apartment complexes, urban plunge, or volunteer at the zoo cleaning the elephant pens,or volunteer at the animal shelter...anything to prove to him he's not the "adult" he thinks he was....and that he has to realize that there are ALWAYS consequences.
DD9 is quickly finding this out as well! I've already cleaned out her room of everything except her clothes & bed because she refused to clean it....she doesn't even have her earrings anymore! I also informed her that if she continued to backtalk, that DS could use some help with cleaning the stalls. She's has a long road to go, but at least she knows I'm not joking anymore....her brother reminds her of that all the time too!!

Good luck to all of you....and I'm sure you'll hear from me again....trust me, he's good, but he's not perfect!!

marie

 

[TLSnell1981]

Thanks for the update and the glimmer of hope. I just called my sister on Christmas eve crying because DD 12 has been SO awful and snotty and mean lately. I could so relate to what you were going through in the fall. Good to hear the good kid has made a comeback.

Sorry, you are going through the "terrible" years. Too bad you don't live nearby.

KMP....words fail my emotions at the moment. I am sooooo happy for the little man!! and yes...he's become a young man I cannot express the gratitude for all the help this week. DS has FINALLY agreed to go to the Dr....first thing in the morning. I don't know how he's made it this long. The only time he's been this sick was when he was hospitalized!

Again, A GREAT BIG THANK YA'LL!!!!

 

[a1tinkfans]

Just came across the thread and read it with baited breath.

WHAT A RESULT, just awesome!!
Raising teens is no joke now a days, the options and choices are so vast for them.
Here's to continued growth and maturity to make the "right" choices for ALL our teens. I have my fingers crossed!!!


I am definitely using this as a "listen to this" dinner conversation!

 

[horseshowmom]

I know that I'm probably a little prejudices (as my user name suggests ), but I honestly believe that working with horses is a great way to help kids - hard work plus a genuine sense of responsibility.

I'm glad to hear things are going so well! Happy New Year!

 

[kmp1191]

Omg~I can't believe it's been almost 2 years since I posted this!!
Wow how time flies and things change!!

Ok~so here's an update~~

We left off at the end of 2008 with DS(then 13 & 7th grade) doing manual labor for some wonderful people at a horse barn. (For those of you that don't want to read the entire post~he had gotten an iPOD Touch for his birthday and decided to steal my credit card instead of earn $$$ to add more songs/etc. In addition to this, his grades were not the best, he was lying & stealing~and pretty much in general being a pain in the butt!)
After posting my delimma on the DIS~and stating that I would LOVE for DS to go to work on a farm to find out what manual labor was all about~I had several wonderful responses~one of which came from within 5 miles of me! (It's a small world after all!! )
DS worked from Oct-Dec 2008 for no pay~cleaning horse stalls, scrubbing water buckets, feeding and unloading hay! It wasn't easy~and I thank god for TLSnell for having the patience to show him how to do the job right~and not let him do it halfway. They didn't hesitate to make him go back and do it again if it wasn't done right! I told him at the end of 2008 that his debt to me was paid off~the sweat, blisters and sore muscles proved the point that you have to work for what you want.
Well~TLSnell opted to keep him on at the barn and to pay him for the work. It hasn't always been easy~(for me or DS)~but it's not something I would trade for the world!
So~where are we now??
DS will be 15 in August~and going into the 9th grade (HIGH SCHOOL~ugh!) His schedule at the barn will be changing in the next few weeks in order to give him a little more responsibility and to give TLSnell some much needed breaks in the evenings. His grades still aren't the best, but I'm a firm believer in choosing my battles, and if he's doing the work and turning it in~then I'm not going to harp on him. (B's & C's are fine with me!) He's "challenged" the rules from time to time, but he hasn't broken them~or any laws~thank god!! He still fights with his sister, but honestly, she has it coming alot of times! LOL
All in all~I have to say he's turning out to be a pretty decent young man! I know I have some of the most challenging years ahead of me~but I think we'll get thru them with only minor scrapes and bruises~
I owe alot to TLSnell~they didn't have to open their (barn) door to a 13 yr old city kid that had never had a blister (or a tick for that matter!). They didn't have to take the time to show him (more than once) how to muck a stall, or clean a water bucket. They didn't have to trust that he wouldn't screw up around the horses and end up getting hurt.
But they did. And for that I am forever greatful to them.

Thank you again TLSnell~and the DIS~ya'll are what they mean when they say~"It takes a village to raise a child."

(Oh~and I opened a savings account for DS~~now when he wants a game, or wants to buy a girlfriend a gift~he has his own $$ and can make that decision on his own!~~wow....get a job, make money~~what a concept huh?)

 

[Elmo9607]

Hehe...spending even an afternoon at a barn is enough to teach most people some life lessons.

I'd say that was a pretty good solution...other people are depending on his work, the work isn't easy, and if it's done wrong, can cause problems for the horses boarded there. It's definetly not work that can be done sloppy or halfway. I used to volunteer at a barn and did all that messy work in exchange for opportunities to ride the horses. It was worth every minute.

Whatever happened to the iPod Touch?

 

[pixie dust 112]

Nice update! Looks like you handles it well!