12 year old 7th grader afraid in football....Do I allow him to quit

[sam_gordon]

I'll certainly admit to disliking football and I wouldn't let my kid play it in the first place.

But danger is an issue. My kid never felt danger in the orchestra--it was a personality conflict with her tutor.

And we know the OP's child is genuinely afraid and isn't using that as an excuse?

I think there are assumptions being made... that he's playing "tentatively" because he's afraid, that he's telling his parents the real reason he wants to quit, etc. Granted, these may be happening, but I still think it warrants more investigation before allowing him to quit.

 

[njmom47]

My ds has been a life-long baseball player but has "played" football in HS. He comes home so wound up...I always say "Baseball is a kinder, gentler sport" than football. His football coach is loud and obnoxious and gets the kids super stoked. Ok, I get that appeals to the boys this age, their hormones are kicking in and you need the team to be physical and aggressive to a point. My ds (who is known as a man of few words) is a different kid during football season.
I wouldn't make him finish, but agree that maybe his brother could talk to him. Or if he's close with you, then maybe you can help him figure out what's going on.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Ohhhhh, yeah I'd let him quit.
No Hesitation!

If he seems THAT upset, something isn't right.
Whether it is his anxiety, something very wrong going on, whatever.

This is just NOT a 'make him see it thru' kind of thing to me.

I would be very curious to know just what is going on that is bringing this on. It really does sound like something is not really right. Some coaches (and parents) are just brutal. And, some of the experienced upper level players can be too. I am wondering if this type of thing is just not under control. Something just seems OFF here.

 

[Colleen27]

And we know the OP's child is genuinely afraid and isn't using that as an excuse?

I think there are assumptions being made... that he's playing "tentatively" because he's afraid, that he's telling his parents the real reason he wants to quit, etc. Granted, these may be happening, but I still think it warrants more investigation before allowing him to quit.

That's my take too. I'm not saying I wouldn't let my child quit; I'm simply saying that I'd investigate a little bit and try to see if another solution could be reached. Quitting should be a last resort, not an immediate response.

 

[JeanetteK]

I would never do that. Force a child who has realized that they made the wrong choice to keep doing it? Why?

My kids started so many different clubs, hobbies and sports. Today, 2 are adults, one is almost 18. They do what they love, not what I made them do as kids.

I get what you're saying here, but (1) mom didn't MAKE him join the team, he wanted to; (2) he tried out for the team and made it; and (3) by him making the team he filled a spot that another kid could have had if OP's son didn't try out for a sport that he decided after the fact that he didn't want to play. It was his decision to play. He basically took a spot on the team that another kid could have had. Now he doesn't want to play? If he's afraid, tell him to talk to the coach and just have him sit the bench for the season. I would tell him that he needs to see it through and if he doesn't want to play next season, that is his choice. But he made this choice this year, so he should stick with it.

 

[TheAviator]

I love football personally, it is the only sport I really half way care about. But with that being said, if I had a boy, I would most likely do everything in my power to prevent him from playing. Unless he was great at it and really wanted to play. It IS dangerous, there is no doubt about it. I would let him quit and not look back, soccer and basketball are plenty. Just my O

 

[MrsDuck]

It doesn't sound like a good "fit" for him. He should be comfortable with what he's doing.

This this this.

My mom forced me to play all sorts of sports as a kid. I HATED them all and was miserable. I was NEVER allowed to quit and really resented being forced to participate - I didn't learn any "lessons" from it, except that I wouldn't force my kids to do something they really didn't want to do.

OP: I'd let him quit.

 

[Colleen27]

Just went through the exact same thing with our son. He's a bigger kid and even though he didn't come home crying or complaining, he did express that because of his size, the coaches use him as the hitting bag. His exact words "Soandso tackle XXX as hard as you can". He didn't like it because some of the kids took it to extremes. We did NOT let him quit because once he joined, he took someone else's spot. He did not join as a freshman and we didn't blink an eye. He doesn't want to get hurt and that's fine with us.

This and another poster's comment about comparing the younger brother to the older one are good reasons to talk to the coach, rather than just up and quitting. Sometimes just speaking up makes a difference - coaches often route bigger kids to the rougher positions, or assume a younger child will follow in a sibling's footsteps, and if the player doesn't speak up and express his discomfort with the situation the coach can't accommodate him. I know some programs are more "old school" and wouldn't take that into account, but most coaches I've known do want to get the kids playing in positions that match up with both their abilities and their comfort levels/playing styles.

 

[Colleen27]

I get what you're saying here, but (1) mom didn't MAKE him join the team, he wanted to; (2) he tried out for the team and made it; and (3) by him making the team he filled a spot that another kid could have had if OP's son didn't try out for a sport that he decided after the fact that he didn't want to play. It was his decision to play. He basically took a spot on the team that another kid could have had. Now he doesn't want to play? If he's afraid, tell him to talk to the coach and just have him sit the bench for the season. I would tell him that he needs to see it through and if he doesn't want to play next season, that is his choice. But he made this choice this year, so he should stick with it.

Exactly. To me, it is like telling someone who hates their job to find something else before quitting and/or to give their current employer proper notice rather than just disappearing. No, you shouldn't stick with something you hate indefinitely, but there's a right and wrong way to walk away. Quitting after the season has begun without any attempt to identify or solve the problem through other means is the wrong way.

 

[Pigeon]

And we know the OP's child is genuinely afraid and isn't using that as an excuse?

I think there are assumptions being made... that he's playing "tentatively" because he's afraid, that he's telling his parents the real reason he wants to quit, etc. Granted, these may be happening, but I still think it warrants more investigation before allowing him to quit.

How do we know anything about how anyone feels?

Presumably the OP knows her own kid. I don't have boys, but I do have a 12 year old and I know a lot of her male friends. I can't imagine any of them trying to use being afraid of getting hurt as an excuse for anything. Most of them are at the full of bluster, tough guy stage.

I know my kids pretty well. If one of them tells me something, much to their chagrin, I've got pretty good intuition about whether or not it's true. I'll bet the OP knows her kids, too.

 

[Mkrop]

That's my take too. I'm not saying I wouldn't let my child quit; I'm simply saying that I'd investigate a little bit and try to see if another solution could be reached. Quitting should be a last resort, not an immediate response.

Exactly. To me, it is like telling someone who hates their job to find something else before quitting and/or to give their current employer proper notice rather than just disappearing. No, you shouldn't stick with something you hate indefinitely, but there's a right and wrong way to walk away. Quitting after the season has begun without any attempt to identify or solve the problem through other means is the wrong way.

How do we know anything about how anyone feels?

Presumably the OP knows her own kid. I don't have boys, but I do have a 12 year old and I know a lot of her male friends. I can't imagine any of them trying to use being afraid of getting hurt as an excuse for anything. Most of them are at the full of bluster, tough guy stage.

I know my kids pretty well. If one of them tells me something, much to their chagrin, I've got pretty good intuition about whether or not it's true. I'll bet the OP knows her kids, too.

And I know many 12 year old boys who know how to manipulate their moms by pulling the safety card vs not wanting to do all the hard work. They know how to pull their heartstrings

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

I am surprised by the number of parents who still have kids playing football.
No one I know has their kids in football anymore - simply too dangerous.

Too many studies on TBI - not worth the risk.

 

[Lynne M]

The reason doesn't matter. As an adult, I wouldn't continue a recreational activity that made me so miserable I came home crying every time. It's recreation. It's supposed to be fun. If it ain't fun, it's a waste of my time. Life is too short to be miserable just to make some sort of point about 'sticking with it'. I'll go find something that suits me better and stick with that.

And if I wouldn't do it, I sure wouldn't make my kid do it.

He sounds like a well-rounded kid, he participates in other activities, he plays other sports. This one isn't for him.

It's not like he's wanting to quit school, or even drop a class. It's a sport. Fun stuff. Hardly the end of the world if he drops one of the sports he plays.

 

[Mkrop]

I am surprised by the number of parents who still have kids playing football.
No one I know has their kids in football anymore - simply too dangerous.

Too many studies on TBI - not worth the risk.

Of all the kids I know from DS15 and DS10, only one boy suffered a concussion from football and DS15 played for 5 years. I know MANY more kids who got concussions in soccer and basketball. All the broken arms and legs have been from soccer.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Of all the kids I know from DS15 and DS10, only one boy suffered a concussion from football and DS15 played for 5 years. I know MANY more kids who got concussions in soccer and basketball. All the broken arms and legs have been from soccer.

I am talking long term effects of football. Not immediate injuries such as broken bones or ACL tears, etc. But the constant hitting of ones head.

 

[Mkrop]

I am talking long term effects of football. Not immediate injuries such as broken bones or ACL tears, etc. But the constant hitting of ones head.

But I know one girl who has had multiple concussions from playing soccer, and she is going to play in college...she will have long term effects.

And I know another young girl who played basketball, got a concussion, still has very bad headaches that keep her home from school. She too is playing high school ball.

These kids in these sports are getting concussions at an alarming rate these days. Many schools are requiring baseline testing NO MATTER what sport you play in. I know DS15's school does.

 

[FayeW]

The reason doesn't matter. As an adult, I wouldn't continue a recreational activity that made me so miserable I came home crying every time. It's recreation. It's supposed to be fun. If it ain't fun, it's a waste of my time. Life is too short to be miserable just to make some sort of point about 'sticking with it'. I'll go find something that suits me better and stick with that.

And if I wouldn't do it, I sure wouldn't make my kid do it.

He sounds like a well-rounded kid, he participates in other activities, he plays other sports. This one isn't for him.

It's not like he's wanting to quit school, or even drop a class. It's a sport. Fun stuff. Hardly the end of the world if he drops one of the sports he plays.

Absolutely. Sometimes on this board I wonder what alternate reality I've stumbled into. Seems like none of the adult Dis'ers except you and I have ever started an activity and discovered it wasn't the right fit and walked away. Doesn't seem like OP's son has a history of blowing off his commitments so don't really see what lesson he needs to learn by being forced to play a sport that he has realized, fairly early into the season, he doesn't want to play. Some other kid will be delighted to have the chance to move up.

 

[Colleen27]

And I know many 12 year old boys who know how to manipulate their moms by pulling the safety card vs not wanting to do all the hard work. They know how to pull their heartstrings

Exactly.

I am surprised by the number of parents who still have kids playing football.
No one I know has their kids in football anymore - simply too dangerous.

Too many studies on TBI - not worth the risk.

I'm a sports parent all the way around. Between my older two, we've done football, baseball, soccer, softball, basketball, cheer, track, and swim. And personally, I'm much more comfortable with football, where concussion risk is acknowledged, baseline testing is conducted, coaches are trained in recognizing the signs, and a policy is in place for treatment/recovery time, than I am with soccer or basketball where little to no attention is paid to the issue. The risk is there in any sport that has the potential for contact (and on occasion even in totally non-contact sports), but of all the youth programs we've been involved in football is by far the most proactive in both prevention and response.

 

[bookgirl]

My son just made the middle school football team, well in week 3 now...He hasnt played in a few years but has been coming home crying...Says he is afraid to get hurt. He is one of the bigger kids on team so its a bit of a shock. It was his decision to play as I tried to talk him out of it cause he was already playing soccer. He insisted. I am kinda old school that if you start something you finish it BUT if he is miserable and scared I am worried about his safety. I am not sure what to do here...He is playing soccer and isnt afraid there or on the basketball court. Do i force him to finish or let him turn in his pads. His big brother is the starting QB on the varsity so I think that is why he wanted to play...not positive though

Honestly I get the finish what you start thing. But in football if you're hesitant you're going to get hurt. As a big kid he'll get a lot of play just for the size factor. I'd let him quit.

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

Let him quit. We allowed our son to quit in Gr. 8.