12 year old 7th grader afraid in football....Do I allow him to quit

[tajz90]

It's important to honor a commitment. Maybe the parents can see he's crying more because he doesn't want to finish what he started than being truly scared.

Bottom line, their kid, their rules. I certainly would follow my own heart and mind over any opinions found on DISBoards.

 

[sk!mom]

Double post

 

[Hrhpd]

Fear on the field, especially for injury, leads to a player hesitating on the field. This can lead to a more dangerous situation. THAT is what worries me the most about this. It is fear that is leading your son to not want to play. I would be getting him off the field in that case.

I have HS varsity center. He has been playing full pads/tackle since he was 7.

I am also one of those that advocate finishing what you started and have applied it over the years to all my kids. I have been a very mean momma over the years

However, middle school football would be my one exception. There are boys on the line that have reached puberty and are huge. Then there are the smaller boys. It is quite the disparity in size, so the propensity for injury is a bit larger.

As noted above, if a player is scared on the field, they are going to hesitate or forget the play or a myriad of little things. If a player is not 100% focused, they are going to get hurt. It will be a self-fulfilling prophecy for the OP's son.

Since the OP's son has other sports he is enthusiastic about, I would loosen the requirements and let him quit this sport. But let him know that the same does not go for his soccer. He has to choose one or the other to finish out the season.

 

[DisneyCowgirl]

While I understand the "don't quit" thing, I also think we as parents should teach our children that there are many choices in life, and to not stick with something you don't like or are uncomfortable with, just for the sake of "not quitting".

If quitting means truly letting down the team, the others in a play, etc, that's different. But other than that, go in a different direction if something makes you unhappy.

Life if too short to make yourself be miserable...

This is true. The rule of "don't quit" should not be an absolute. It is equally important to recognize when you have made a mistake or a bad decision and be able to correct it.

 

[Colleen27]

Forgive me if I'm reading too much into this but it seems like maybe you're the one who wants him to play. Is football important to you but maybe not the activity for him?

I haven't read the OP that way at all. He said very early on that he discouraged football for one son... That certainly doesn't give the impression of someone who would force the other to play. I think reading "Daddy's making him play" into what the OP has said comes from the point of view I asked about earlier - that football is dangerous and not something a good parent would allow without reservations, much less encourage.

I can't speak for other schools, but it is ABSOLUTLEY NOT the case in my school or my husband's. If anything, it's the reverse: the atheletes know they had better keep up their grades or risk being benched. The same is true for behavior. Coaches are very understanding about kids who are late for practice because they needed extra help or had to make up a test. But heaven help the athlete who misses a practice because he got detention.

Football is practically religion in my town, and sports in general are very big. Athletes do get special treatment to help them maintain eligibility. They don't get a pass from teachers and they don't get someone to do the work for them, but there are tutoring and homework help resources available to athletes that are more extensive than what is offered to the student body as a whole. There's some logic to it - athletes can't take advantage of the available-to-all tutoring and academic support because those things are held immediately after school and conflict with practices - but the end result is that student-athletes have access to so many academic resources that laziness is really the only reason for failure.

 

[VickiVM]

My daughter was in dance 2 years of HS. In Texas, dance team is much like sports (and at her school, Spirit falls under Sports umbrella). Very disciplined, attend all football games, same rules of participation in practices as sports, etc.

I loved having her in dance, although it was a strain on the pocketbook. But she got so much out of it, became a much better student because of the regimented schedule, and well - what mom doesn't like to see their daughter looking cute out on the football field??

When tryouts came around the spring of her sophomore year for JR year (you have to tryout ever year regardless if you're on the team or not), she hem-hawed over it. I suggested (strongly, perhaps) that she may regret not trying out since she loved it so much.

Truth was, she wasn't as enthralled as she was earlier that year. It lost its luster, but she took my words to heart and tried out that March. Made the team. Went to camp in June.

Fast forward to her return from camp and she admitted that she just didn't want to do it anymore. (I almost cried thinking about all the non-refundable money we had already spent for the upcoming school year.) I blame myself for being a little pushy and maybe wanting this more for myself than for her.

I've gotten over it, she's gotten over it - had a fabulous JR year, is still very disciplined with her school work and looking forward to college planning this year!

We as parents sometimes need to take a very honest look at our own motives when it comes to the extra-curricular events we push (or suggest - whatever you want to call it) on our kiddos. They may just trying to tell us they're overwhelmed and need a break. There are others ways to enrich their lives and achieve a sense of health and well-being I learned my lesson (and would have saved about $800 if I trusted my daughters instincts earlier than later!!)

 

[North of Mouse]

My son just made the middle school football team, well in week 3 now...He hasnt played in a few years but has been coming home crying...Says he is afraid to get hurt. He is one of the bigger kids on team so its a bit of a shock. It was his decision to play as I tried to talk him out of it cause he was already playing soccer. He insisted. I am kinda old school that if you start something you finish it BUT if he is miserable and scared I am worried about his safety. I am not sure what to do here...He is playing soccer and isnt afraid there or on the basketball court. Do i force him to finish or let him turn in his pads. His big brother is the starting QB on the varsity so I think that is why he wanted to play...not positive though

Would be a 'no brainer' for me. I'd definitely let him quit.

 

[North of Mouse]

It's important to honor a commitment. Maybe the parents can see he's crying more because he doesn't want to finish what he started than being truly scared.

Bottom line, their kid, their rules. I certainly would follow my own heart and mind over any opinions found on DISBoards.

But - she's 'asking' on the disboards!
Personally, I would never ask family decisions advice like this on the dis.

 

[dolphindan1]

But you ARE forcing him to play. He's asked to quit and you made him go back. Football is a dangerous sport so I fail to see why you would want him to continue unless it's important to you. You've stated that he's involved in another sport so really there should be no worry that wanting to quit is a character flaw.

Sports seem really important to you. Even to the point of hindering academics for your older son.

I am not hindering anything academically....He just isnt that great of a student....What I mean by that is he isnt straight A's...He takes honors classes and does ok...basically a b student....He has study hall and 2-3 hours after school before football to study and so far he ahs been using the time wisely....I just dont see how he does it is my only point

My youngest agreed to give it this week and decide if if wanted to continue playing or not....So far he has had 2 good practices this week...even looks like he won kickoff duties, Soccer advantage I guess...He came home today and said he got hit by the 2 biggest kids on the team and it wasnt that bad...I said well thats good so do you still wanna quit? He said no I think I will finish the year....I said OK its your decision not mine and I would have supported you either way...I think it really came down to him not knowing how to do something because since I had him in the yard teaching him to tackle his brother he has done fine...I am proud he tackled that fear....

as far as asking on here...I live in small town USA and didnt want a bunch of rumors to start and wanted outside opinions on how to handle this as my wife and I are both dont quit something you start type people....I really just wanted to hear opinions...thats all nothing more

 

[dolphindan1]

But you ARE forcing him to play. He's asked to quit and you made him go back. Football is a dangerous sport so I fail to see why you would want him to continue unless it's important to you. You've stated that he's involved in another sport so really there should be no worry that wanting to quit is a character flaw.

Sports seem really important to you. Even to the point of hindering academics for your older son.

Sports are important to me...Yes I agree...I played everything in HS and even had several offers to play college basketball...I even coach HS basketball and Baseball now....So yes very important...But not to the point where I force my kids to play anything....I never made either kid play any sport...there decisions only...

 

[castmemberb4]

Yes! I have known two kids in this same position both bigger kids and quitting was the right decision for them, I think so often coaches push them into playing in a sport that is not for them because it's what the coach wants. In one of the cases I know, the kid became the state wrestling champ and the other was an All Star Baseball player. Let them indulge in the sport or NO sport that makes them happy.

 

[PizzieDuster]

I am not hindering anything academically....He just isnt that great of a student....What I mean by that is he isnt straight A's...He takes honors classes and does ok...basically a b student....He has study hall and 2-3 hours after school before football to study and so far he ahs been using the time wisely....I just dont see how he does it is my only point

My youngest agreed to give it this week and decide if if wanted to continue playing or not....So far he has had 2 good practices this week...even looks like he won kickoff duties, Soccer advantage I guess...He came home today and said he got hit by the 2 biggest kids on the team and it wasnt that bad...I said well thats good so do you still wanna quit? He said no I think I will finish the year....I said OK its your decision not mine and I would have supported you either way...I think it really came down to him not knowing how to do something because since I had him in the yard teaching him to tackle his brother he has done fine...I am proud he tackled that fear....

as far as asking on here...I live in small town USA and didnt want a bunch of rumors to start and wanted outside opinions on how to handle this as my wife and I are both dont quit something you start type people....I really just wanted to hear opinions...thats all nothing more

Good for him! Just make sure he knows to be aggressive on kick off & returns, it's those blind hits that scare the crap out of me! Every player is on tape and every coach is watching to see who hit who. My son returned kick off and punts. I hated it and almost couldn't watch ~ when that point that the ball is in the air and you see them all running towards him One time I was in Arizona visiting my sick mother in law when I got a text he fumbled the punt return (varsity game). Then the other team scored and won. He got hit...hard. Didn't wave it off. I hate that stuff LOL I was thankful for the 8 hour drive home so he'd be over it by the time I walked in the door Thankfully, the coaches got him right back in there. When he was younger, a freshman, he learned a good lesson. On kick off return, he wouldn't go 100% and wouldn't hit his "friend". Well, that "friend" knew there are no friends on the field at practice. He got lit by his "friend". He was so mad and never let it happen again.