$110,000 in Debt (college)

[disfan07]

I will be graduating with about half of that (about $55,000). We really had no other choice.
We dont qualify for grants, or even subsidized loans because my dad "makes too much" which is complete crap. My college fund basically disappeard paying for medical bills. I ended up with something like $20,000 of the $60,000 I originally had it there. We've been paying through the nose in bills for the past 6 years PLUS we had to move across the country for my dads job which took a big chunk of savings. FAFSA says that our expected family contribution this year is $31,500...yeah...there's no way. We're happy if we can contribute about $5,000 for the year. The costs for next year will be about $23,000. We are hoping to get away with borrowing the same amount we did last year, $17,500.

My parents have an affordable mortgage (they put down a down payment of about $250,000 for a $420,000 house), they have 1 car payment which has about 3 years left I think, they have NO credit card debt. They very very rarely use the credit card. So students having to take out loans is not necessarily parents or the student being irresponsible. We can't plan for everything in life...unfortunately, life got the best of us.

2004- the medical bills start coming and and have continued since then
fall 2004- my dad was laid off from his job
winter 2004- his company found him a new position....for $30,000 less/year
fall 2007- my dad is notified that he will be let go within the next 9 months when the project ends...meanwhile, he got another $10,000 pay cut
2008- move across the country for new job which drained our savings
2011- the medical bills continue and we see no end in sight

Now, I am usually one of the first ones to say how spoiled this generation is and expect eveyrthing to be handed to them (I grew up with A LOT of that around me because of where I lived...and I admit, i was like that when I was in middle school) but even families who plan for their childs education can be blindsided.

So before you make judgments about how parents should be looking into the future and saving for their childs college, etc, I would stop and think that maybe its not as black adn white as some of you seem to think it is.

 

[eliza61]

I will be graduating with about half of that (about $55,000). We really had no other choice.
We dont qualify for grants, or even subsidized loans because my dad "makes too much" which is complete crap. My college fund basically disappeard paying for medical bills. I ended up with something like $20,000 of the $60,000 I originally had it there. We've been paying through the nose in bills for the past 6 years PLUS we had to move across the country for my dads job which took a big chunk of savings. FAFSA says that our expected family contribution this year is $31,500...yeah...there's no way. We're happy if we can contribute about $5,000 for the year. The costs for next year will be about $23,000. We are hoping to get away with borrowing the same amount we did last year, $17,500.


2004- the medical bills start coming and and have continued since then
fall 2004- my dad was laid off from his job
winter 2004- his company found him a new position....for $30,000 less/year
fall 2007- my dad is notified that he will be let go within the next 9 months when the project ends...meanwhile, he got another $10,000 pay cut
2008- move across the country for new job which drained our savings
2011- the medical bills continue and we see no end in sight

Now, I am usually one of the first ones to say how spoiled this generation is and expect eveyrthing to be handed to them (I grew up with A LOT of that around me because of where I lived...and I admit, i was like that when I was in middle school) but even families who plan for their childs education can be blindsided.

So before you make judgments about how parents should be looking into the future and saving for their childs college, etc, I would stop and think that maybe its not as black adn white as some of you seem to think it is.

Not being cruel but you are in a unique situation and we can always find the "exeption to the rule".

I think what most are advocating, especially those of us with kids, is that as a parent some times it is up to us to make the really hard choices. We don't want to step on our kids dream and all our us probably in some way try to shield our kids from tough choices and disappointments but sooner or later, tough choices have to kick in.

Now in your case, what happens in 5 or 6 years when your student loans become due along with your medical bills? So now you have tough choices, your father is making a lot less and they have medical bills, maybe now is the time to go part time or to a community college?

I'm not saying that any of your choices are wrong but I am saying that you need to go in eyes wide open, what type of economy we are in, what economist are saying about the immediate future (most agree that high unemployment is here for a while) and what happens with all that debt in 4 or 5 years.

So basically you don't have the luxury of pleading "I did not know" and you have to make a judgement call based on information today whether these choices you are making now going to be worth it in 5 years.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

My parents paid for my education at a state university also and I plan on doing the same for my kids. To do that, though, has required me to always work. I would have liked to be a SAHM but unfortunately my husband is only an average earner even though he has a degree from a private college. I am hoping some day my sons don't resent me for sending them to daycare when they were babies, but they are thankful I am putting them through college with no loans.

I think this is some of the problems kids have today. Their moms quit their careers to stay home with them. They focused only on them and would have died before allowing someone else to "raise" their children. They ran them to every activity they could involve them in and were too busy volunteering at school and athletic events to hold down jobs. Now it is time for these kids to go to college and they will need to borrow all the money.

I hear some of the moms at my son's middle school say they are way too busy every day to have outside jobs. I just want to ask them what they do with all the hours their teens are in school.

Wow! You sound really bitter about having to put your kids in day care. I completely disagree with your assessment of SAH moms. What makes you think they are any more inclined to have their kids take out college loans. SAHM's don't make tough financial choices? Don't see the value of an education? Realize that some decisions require sacrifice? You might want to think about why you're making such sweeping generalizations.

As to the original article, the student and her parents are to blame. She wants to be an adult, but not face the consequences of her actions like an adult. It's so much easier to blame the school or Sallie Mae or whatever, when nobody put a gun to her head to make these bad decisions. her parents shouldn't have co-signed the loan, and they should have schooled her better in the long-term costs of her decision. I have precious little sympathy.

 

[5forDiz]

Children this poor get full rides, book funds, etc. Needs based scholarships are very readily available. Plus, you can continue to get food stamps and other government aid while in college.

Yes they do, I thought the very same things that you state here when I read the post made by Abbey's Mom..... even after reading the 2nd post it seems financial guidance she got was lacking in pointing her towards more available aid.

 

[bluesaturn]

I already hear so many students complain: I have a good A-B average! Why am I not getting a scholarship? Well, because only the best of the best get scholarships. LOTS of people have A-B averages. I think college is the first time in their live that some students really hear "no" to something significant.

It doesn't help that for years they've heard from adults that they will get scholarships to college. Everyone gets scholarships to college. Of course there's tons of scholarship money out there.
And they're probably hearing this from some parent who doesn't even have kids in college yet, but their nephew's best friend's girlfriend got a full ride to Georgetown so it must be true.

 

[JandT'smom]

Wow! You sound really bitter about having to put your kids in day care. I completely disagree with your assessment of SAH moms. What makes you think they are any more inclined to have their kids take out college loans. SAHM's don't make tough financial choices? Don't see the value of an education? Realize that some decisions require sacrifice? You might want to think about why you're making such sweeping generalizations.

As to the original article, the student and her parents are to blame. She wants to be an adult, but not face the consequences of her actions like an adult. It's so much easier to blame the school or Sallie Mae or whatever, when nobody put a gun to her head to make these bad decisions. her parents shouldn't have co-signed the loan, and they should have schooled her better in the long-term costs of her decision. I have precious little sympathy.

Could not agree with you more. As a stay at home mom I only returned to work when my kids went to college and all that I make pays tuition, so no as a SAHM I did not plan to and will not take loans to put my kids through school. As for the girl she and her parents made a bad choice and now she will have to deal with it, it is part of being an adult, We all have made good and bad choices it is part of life.

 

[disykat]

Could not agree with you more. As a stay at home mom I only returned to work when my kids went to college and all that I make pays tuition, so no as a SAHM I did not plan to and will not take loans to put my kids through school. .

Every SAHM I know is in a better position to pay for college than most people who live on two incomes, having lived off one income for many years. When they go back to work the second income can go straight towards college. I know many people who have done this, including myself.

There are lots of ways to save for and/or pay for college without excess loans. I'm not sure where bunny's bitterness stems from, but it's sure too bad if she was unhappy with her choices and has to take it out on people who chose different things than she did.

 

[fortwildernessishome]

My parents paid for my education at a state university also and I plan on doing the same for my kids. To do that, though, has required me to always work. I would have liked to be a SAHM but unfortunately my husband is only an average earner even though he has a degree from a private college. I am hoping some day my sons don't resent me for sending them to daycare when they were babies, but they are thankful I am putting them through college with no loans.

I think this is some of the problems kids have today. Their moms quit their careers to stay home with them. They focused only on them and would have died before allowing someone else to "raise" their children. They ran them to every activity they could involve them in and were too busy volunteering at school and athletic events to hold down jobs. Now it is time for these kids to go to college and they will need to borrow all the money.

I hear some of the moms at my son's middle school say they are way too busy every day to have outside jobs. I just want to ask them what they do with all the hours their teens are in school.

This is one of the strangest posts yet!!
-I am sure that your sons won't resent you, although, you, however sound like you resent every SAHM out there!!! Not every SAHM runs their kids to every activity they could involve them in, or were too busy volunterring to hold down jobs!!!!! I havent met a SAHM yet that would "die" if someone else cared for their child!!!! As far as wanting to ask the SAHM at your sons middle school what they do all day......well, I am sure that they could enlighten you if you asked. However, you may not want to until you can find some peace with your decision to work all of these years so that you could pay your kids full college bill. Again, I certainly wouldnt worry about your kids resenting your decision to work, I think most kids, if brought up in a caring way, appreciate what their folks have done for them.

 

[LoveBWVVBR]

This is one of the strangest posts yet!!
-I am sure that your sons won't resent you, although, you, however sound like you resent every SAHM out there!!! Not every SAHM runs their kids to every activity they could involve them in, or were too busy volunterring to hold down jobs!!!!! I havent met a SAHM yet that would "die" if someone else cared for their child!!!! As far as wanting to ask the SAHM at your sons middle school what they do all day......well, I am sure that they could enlighten you if you asked. However, you may not want to until you can find some peace with your decision to work all of these years so that you could pay your kids full college bill. Again, I certainly wouldnt worry about your kids resenting your decision to work, I think most kids, if brought up in a caring way, appreciate what their folks have done for them.

At the risk of being flamed, I agree (at least in some cases) with the person who posted that about SAHMs. Bear in mind that I am a SAHM right now! Out of all of my SAHM friends, I'm the only one who has planned for college. I can't even begin to tell you the things that some of their kids are going without (way beyond college tuition) so that these SAHMs can continue to stay home, volunteer in their kids' schools, etc. I actually told one of my friends that she needed to get a job when she was complaining about finances. She was just horrified at the suggestion. Um, your outgo is way more than your income...you need to get a job. I've seen way too many SAHMs who can't even remotely afford to be SAHMs lately to disagree with the poster that you responded to. They are riding the SAHM train into the ground and beyond because they just don't want to go back to work. It's not one or 2...it's like my entire MOMS Club! What I don't *get* is how they don't see that this will come back to hurt them and the kids down the road. College tuition is the least of their problems (right now, anyways). Flame away, but I am seeing this a LOT lately.

 

[The Pink Cupcake]

I think this is some of the problems kids have today. Their moms quit their careers to stay home with them. They focused only on them and would have died before allowing someone else to "raise" their children. They ran them to every activity they could involve them in and were too busy volunteering at school and athletic events to hold down jobs.

Yes. Those crazy moms who decided to stay home and raise their children What idiots they are volunteering and being involved with their child's activities Can you believe they focus on their children instead of their careers Can you believe they don't drop them off at a daycare for 8+ hours a day? What the heck is wrong with these women?

 

[The Pink Cupcake]

At the risk of being flamed, I agree with the person who posted that about SAHMs. Bear in mind that I am a SAHM right now! Out of all of my SAHM friends, I'm the only one who has planned for college. I can't even begin to tell you the things that some of their kids are going without (way beyond college tuition) so that these SAHMs can continue to stay home, volunteer in their kids' schools, etc. I actually told one of my friends that she needed to get a job when she was complaining about finances. She was just horrified at the suggestion. Um, your outgo is way more than your income...you need to get a job. I've seen way too many SAHMs who can't even remotely afford to be SAHMs lately to disagree with the poster that you responded to. They are riding the SAHM train into the ground and beyond because they just don't want to go back to work. It's not one or 2...it's like my entire MOMS Club! What I don't *get* is how they don't see that this will come back to hurt them and the kids down the road. College tuition is the least of their problems (right now, anyways). Flame away, but I am seeing this a LOT lately.

Wow. You are the only one out of all of your SAHM friends that actually deserves and can afford to be a SAHM? Amazing. Good for you!

 

[The Pink Cupcake]

Every SAHM I know is in a better position to pay for college than most people who live on two incomes, having lived off one income for many years. When they go back to work the second income can go straight towards college. I know many people who have done this, including myself.

 

[LoveBWVVBR]

Wow. You are the only one out of all of your SAHM friends that actually deserves and can afford to be a SAHM? Amazing. Good for you!

Not hardly. I'm sorry if this makes me a terrible person, but I don't believe in being a SAHM past when the kids go to school, ESPECIALLY if your kids are going without for you to do so. Why on earth would I feel like I "deserved" to be a SAHM past that point? I can't justify that, nor would I want to. There are WAY too many SAHMs in my community anyways who seem to turn a blind eye to their financial situations. I think that it was an astute point on the part of the poster who had the courage to post that. I read a GREAT article about this recently where the author was cautioning other women not to be SAHMs. It didn't sound bitter to me at all. It sounded like she had gained perspective and wisdom due to her life experiences. Her sons were due to go off to college and she couldn't even pay the bills nevermind their tuition. We would then turn from supporting her career-SAHMhood to chastising her for saddling her kids with huge college loans.

One other thing. NOBODY *deserves* to be a SAHM or SAHD. It's not a God-given right. It's something that works for some families for a period of time, but it should be constantly reevaluated IMHO. This is the Budget Board. Let's be honest that being a SAH parent is a choice with financial consequences. It doesn't hurt to look at the budget and evaluate whether or not having a parent at home is really, truly in the family's best interest. There are many reasons to work beyond the immediate need for income. Divorce, retirement, etc. can all tank the best-laid plans. This is why I can't wrap my mind around women remaining SAHM's (or men remaining SAHD's) past when the kids are in school. Working and maintaining a career is, in part, self-preservation. That mindset is definitely not the norm in the community of SAHMs that I know, though.

 

[FINFAN]

good luck to her. If Mr. Right comes along and spoils all this careful planning, you may indeed get some grandchildren;0. After all, she's not quite 21 yet.

well, she is aware that life is what happens while you are making plans,and that many old-fashioned people can't grasp that she is not merely biding her time in school waiting for Mr. Right. The guy she has been with for the last 4 1/2 years shares the no kids/ low cost choices/is studying in the same field/ dirt cheap wedding( if there is a wedding) view, and yes, he and his family know up front what her debt will be . However, I'll let her know that in 3 months when she turns 21 a magic button will go off and change everything that she has always been honest with herself over . Really? Even if she does change her mind, she knows the debt is to be paid off prior to anything. According to her payment plan, it will be paid by age 32.I know people who did not have college debt at 50 who still do not own a home (by choice) or have kids..and *gasp* are divorced from Mr. Right..some more than once. Her career will be as as established as someone without a loan, or least she will have the same opportunity as the rest of her fellow graduates that apply themselves...just like anyone She is a bit more independant than being swayed by a Mr. Right. If there is a Mr. Right he will be so because he understands her lifestyle/choices...not because he is going to change them.
WHY is it ok with everyone to go into debt for a house/cars/kids...all the things that are considered OK but NOT for an education? The author of the article took out loans not realizing how they would affect her life/limit her choices...not the same thing. So I guess, she should not have attended school, to be a productive person in society...and just hung out in bars looking for Mr. Right because the ripe old age of 21 was approaching? Wow...

 

[The Pink Cupcake]

Not hardly. I'm sorry if this makes me a terrible person, but I don't believe in being a SAHM past when the kids go to school, ESPECIALLY if your kids are going without for you to do so. Why on earth would I feel like I "deserved" to be a SAHM past that point? I can't justify that, nor would I want to.

I know many-a-SAHM that continue to stay at home when their children go to school. Their bills are paid, they go on wonderful vacations, they are able to volunteer at school and run their children to activities. They don't have to worry about job schedules and get the house in order, bills paid and errands run before the weekend so the entire family can enjoy a stress free few days. They are fit physically, financially and mentally.

It works for them. No justification from you needed The fact that you sit at your computer, patting yourself on the back while saying you are the ONLY SAHM that you know that is financially secure seems like you need to associate with more intelligent SAHMs

 

[crisi]

Every SAHM I know is in a better position to pay for college than most people who live on two incomes, having lived off one income for many years. When they go back to work the second income can go straight towards college. I know many people who have done this, including myself.

Although after having been out of the job market for 15-20 years, the jobs that a SAHM are going to get aren't always likely to be able to pay tuition, room and board. And if you have two going to college at the same time, you'll probably still need loans if you haven't saved. Its one of those decisions that is going to involve some risk (all decisions do).

We've both worked and have lived off one income for many years. The second one funds college savings (and some other things, but most of it is college or other investments). But we have two kids a year apart in age. If I send them to the University of Minnesota and they live at home, I have $30k worth of tuition bills per year while they are both in school. There aren't many jobs where you'll take home $30k if you don't have a recent job history.

I can send them to Metro State and they can live at home for a mere $6k/year each. I'm a Metro State alum. But you don't get taken very seriously with a Metro State degree. That would be my last choice for a degree.

Other options for my kids (for four year schools) are either private or state schools where I need to add room and board in. Then I have a minimum of around $18k per year per kid.

 

[jodifla]

I know many-a-SAHM that continue to stay at home when their children go to school. Their bills are paid, they go on wonderful vacations, they are able to volunteer at school and run their children to activities. They don't have to worry about job schedules and get the house in order, bills paid and errands run before the weekend so the entire family can enjoy a stress free few days. They are fit physically, financially and mentally.

It works for them. No justification from you needed The fact that you sit at your computer, patting yourself on the back while saying you are the ONLY SAHM that you know that is financially secure seems like you need to associate with more intelligent SAHMs

All you have to do is look around these boards to see how the SAHM thing falls apart quickly when a spouse loses a job. And you see the post titles "11 years out of the work force, and can't even get an interview."

I agree with PPs that too many SAHMs think it's their right to stay home, regardless, even when it damages the family finances.

 

[nunzia]

Yes. Those crazy moms who decided to stay home and raise their children What idiots they are volunteering and being involved with their child's activities Can you believe they focus on their children instead of their careers Can you believe they don't drop them off at a daycare for 8+ hours a day? What the heck is wrong with these women?

There has always been a bit of the 'us versus them' thing for SAHM and working moms..I chose to stay home with my kids and did all that volunteering and running around and girl scouts, boy scouts, gymnastics (DH cleaned the gym on his days off to afford that one)...yadayada..we were pretty poor back then, but felt it was worth it. I did have a clay sculpting business that I ran from home and sold my stuff to gift shops in the southwest and Colorado..when my DH went back to school in a different state I also threw in a bunch of part time jobs to get by. I'm sure many looked at me and thought 'if she'd get a job they could rid of that crappy wood paneled station wagon.."
My dughter has to work and really would go nuts not..so yep, there's alot of preschool and me watching the grandkids..my son who lives here, his wife quit work when she was pregnant and the baby is nearly 2 and she is just now starting to talk about going back to school for a career..My son is a police officer so his schedule will always be erratic and day care certainly doesn't stop when a child hits school..there is a severe shortage around here of after school or school days off/vacation time choices for care for school aged kids. My other daughter in law also stayed home with the kids and has gone back to school, and I relly home they aren't piling up debt for this..
As far as all this debt, ..I really think no matter what the grand plans, down the road, anyone with this kind of debt will regret it..life does happen..
My son had a scholarship to art shool, lost it when he quit due to 'life' (here come kids!) and struggled and went back and delivered pizza and made it through.
My daughter did get a bunch of scholarships..and she worked incredibly hard against odds to get that GPA, fill out form after form, hustle and work and all that. We are fortunate that NM has a lottery scholarship that pays tuition if you keep a reasonalbe GPA and don't take a break in your schooling..so if you go to your local university branch (as my dd did) that has reasonable tuiton, and then transfer to the main campus and continue all of the above, you can get out and walk into a nice job with little or no debt. My DD has about 5K of debt..and she had her second child on a Friday and had to be back to school on a Monday to take a test..she could not take a semester off or she'd lose that scholarship money. Believe me..now that she is in the real world and working and owns a house and a van and kids have space camp and soccer, and gymnastics and and and..she is very glad to not have that education debt hanging over her. She has the same degree as those with much bigger debt and once you are out of school it is your skills that shine, not where you went to school.

 

[LoveBWVVBR]

I know many-a-SAHM that continue to stay at home when their children go to school. Their bills are paid, they go on wonderful vacations, they are able to volunteer at school and run their children to activities. They don't have to worry about job schedules and get the house in order, bills paid and errands run before the weekend so the entire family can enjoy a stress free few days. They are fit physically, financially and mentally.

It works for them. No justification from you needed The fact that you sit at your computer, patting yourself on the back while saying you are the ONLY SAHM that you know that is financially secure seems like you need to associate with more intelligent SAHMs

The latter part might actually be a good point, sadly. Either those moms are already back to work in my area or else they never left their jobs in the first place, though.

It just strikes a nerve with me to think of the SAHMs that I know who are staying home and volunteering at the expense of their kids' futures (and, in at least a few cases, their present situations also ) When I read that post about how being a SAHM can cause children to have to take out heavy college loans, I really had to agree. It may be a matter of perspective and/or where we live. You see well-off SAHMs. I don't. We did plan for our kids' college by doing Florida Prepaid, but if we didn't have that option then I'd be back to work and the kids would be in daycare in order to more fully fund a 529 plan.

Maybe it's unique to where I live, but a lot of the people in my MOMS Club get EIC's, Medicaid for the kids and Foodstamps. We're not talking about SAHMs rich enough to go on vacations and live it up while being SAHMs. We're talking about people that the Budget Board would jump all over because they're "living off of the taxpayer". College is truly the least of their concerns. Again, it might be where I live, but it's more common to be talking about foreclosure than it is to be talking about college savings around here.

 

[MrsPete]

good luck to her. If Mr. Right comes along and spoils all this careful planning, you may indeed get some grandchildren;0. After all, she's not quite 21 yet.

Yeah, I think MANY young people go through an "I'm not gonna have kids" phase. I dated a guy in college who was rabidly anti-children, and I tried that thought process on for size -- in the end, it was one of the things that drove us apart. Anyway, I think many young people think this way because 1) some young people devote so much energy to their careers and getting out on their own that they can't imagine fitting kids into that mix, especially since kids take away some of your freedom, and they figure they'll just forego that part of life -- but then as they grow older, they realize that you get better at balancing your life, and you can have all that "me time" and have kids. 2) some people are worried about the money. And certainly other individual factors come into play.

And don't forget: Mr. Right sometimes comes with a built-in family.

The point: I've known LOTS of young people who SAID they didn't intend to have kids . . . but then changed their minds.

The other point: I'd encourage my kids not to make financial decisions that'd make it difficult /impossible for them to change their minds on big things like kids and home ownership. As another poster said, 18-year old me thought she had her future planned out; 44-year old me has done about 50% of those things and has chosen quite a few paths at which 18-year old me would've scoffed.

Wow! You sound really bitter about having to put your kids in day care. I completely disagree with your assessment of SAH moms. What makes you think they are any more inclined to have their kids take out college loans. SAHM's don't make tough financial choices? Don't see the value of an education? Realize that some decisions require sacrifice? You might want to think about why you're making such sweeping generalizations.

Bitter and confused. In one post, she's managed to put down SAHMs and lament the fact that she isn't one.

I personally know a couple people who decided that staying at home was more important than college and made the decision NOT to save, figuring that loans are available. Not my priorities, but also not my children who are affected by their choices.

Every SAHM I know is in a better position to pay for college than most people who live on two incomes, having lived off one income for many years. When they go back to work the second income can go straight towards college. I know many people who have done this, including myself.

Well, if you're saying that the SAHM can go back to work (probably when the kids are in school -- not a bad plan at all) and can bank the money towards college, that's absolutely true -- but that's POTENTIAL college help. It's not the same as saying they're in a better position to pay for college TODAY.

And don't assume that two-income families are spending every penny they make. My husband and I have always saved a large portion of our incomes, even back when we made significantly less, and the power of compound interest has been building those savings for years.

There are WAY too many SAHMs in my community anyways who seem to turn a blind eye to their financial situations.

Make that "way too many Americans seem to turn a blind eye to their financial situations", and I'll agree with you. I don't think the ostrich-with-its-head-in-the-sand when it comes to finances is limited to SAHMs. Being a SAHM may bring a different set of financial issues, but it also brings a different set of financial helps. The real question is, Where is the point of diminishing returns for the SAHM? Many people set that point at the youngest child starting school -- the point at which the large expense of daycare disappears.

Speaking only for myself, we considered this choice when our girls were born -- and occasionally discussed whether it was still the right choice. When our girls were younger and my pay was smaller, I could've stayed home and done about as well month-to-month: That is, I could've saved the daycare cost, economized more on necessities using the time I had, and could've given up one car (if we'd given up the second car, we absolutely would've saved big bucks). BUT the other side of that coin is that by working I built up years towards my pension, worked my way up the salary ladder, and now am much better off financially than I would've been if I'd stayed home those early years. Our family was fine except on the rare occasions that my husband traveled for more than a day or two for business -- then life was miserable. If he'd done that more often, the scales would've tipped the other direction.

well, she is aware that life is what happens while you are making plans,and that many old-fashioned people can't grasp that she is not merely biding her time in school waiting for Mr. Right.

You're hearing something that people aren't saying. Sarcasm doesn't help your point.

I sincerely hope my girls have fulfilling careers and find success in the work world -- and I'm doing lots of things to help them in their first steps down that path. However, that doesn't mean that I don't ALSO want to see them find Mr. Right and have families.

The larger point is that what she wants today at 21 may well not be what she wants later in life. She's still very young. When I was 21 I was engaged to my long-time fiance, was a senior in college, and could see clearly where my life was headed. At 22 I'd broken up with the fiance, met another guy, and changed my mind about my career as I embarked on my second degree.

The point: I was young and still deciding what I was going to do with my life.