11 year old acting strange

[beattyfamily]

Wow, it sounds like you are describing, to a tee, my 13 year old son. He is VERY smart yet naive and forgetful. My so has been tested.

I would fight to get her neuropsychological testing done. That is the best way to figure out if there is an underlying issue causing what you describe.

Good luck.

 

[beattyfamily]

Thank you all so much for the quick responses. Yes, it sounds like I need to find some counseling for her.

I don't think she is autistic, but of course I am not an expert. She is very smart also, even though she works very slowly at everything. I'm worried about her, I've kept hoping that she will just "grow out" of this stage, but it doesn't seem she is.

As a PP said, I also have questioned myself about whether this is just her personality...but it truly feels like there is more to it than that.

Allison

Just an FYI...you canbe autistic and yet VERY smart.

 

[a82allison]

Wow, it sounds like you are describing, to a tee, my 11 year old daughter. She is VERY smart yet naive and forgetful. My daughter has been tested. She's had these and other issues since she was a toddler.

My daughter falls under the title of Asperger Syndrome although she doesn't fit in that category neatly. She is a unique little girl that doesn't perfectly fit into any syndrome category but she is closest to Asperger Syndrome.

I would fight to get her neuropsychological testing done. That is the best way to figure out if there is an underlying issue causing what you describe.

Good luck.

Where do I look to do this? Who do I talk to? I don't even know where to begin really. Just a regular psychiatrist?

 

[Wishing on a star]

She is very immature for her age and she is extremely awkward socially. She does not make friends easily. She cannot match clothes together, unless it is jeans and a t-shirt, in which case anything goes. She does not care about her hair or show any interest in looking nice. I have to remind her to brush her hair, take a shower, brush her teeth...every day. If I don't say anything, she doesn't do it..

It sounds like you have pretty well described a child with some level of ASD.
Do you not have any education/training/experience for working with children with this type of disability/condition?

Also, it would concern me that this child has never been 'told' that she does have a birth-mother. And, that does not mean that she has not realized this or found out in some way.

Do you have 'legal' custody of this child?

Was she ever adopted by you?

A LOT of things going on here.

Note: I have not read any of the responses or further information...

 

[beattyfamily]

Where do I look to do this? Who do I talk to? I don't even know where to begin really. Just a regular psychiatrist?

you can ask your primary care doctor for a referral, you can ask the school for a recommendation (and I believe most schools can actually do the testing for you themselves and its free) or you can do some online research of your own for a local family psycological facility that has a neuropsychologist.

Good luck!

 

[RadioNate]

Just an FYI...you canbe autistic and yet VERY smart.

I was going to post the same comment. Especially with Aspergers, kids are very smart.

I'd also encourage you to tell her the truth about her paternity. Why the secret? She may already know or suspect since I'm sure people around her know. At this age you'll need a good therpist to help navigate that.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Since any possible ASD issues are a neurological thing, and not psychological, many would suggest that one go to a good (possibly pediatric) neuro-psychologist.

And, after a thorough neuro-psych evaluation, I too would suggest that you all see a psych./counselor to sort thru any other issues, such as her birthmother, that you need to begin to face right away.

 

[Mkrop]

Where do I look to do this? Who do I talk to? I don't even know where to begin really. Just a regular psychiatrist?

who does she see for her ADHD? I have a DS who has ADD who sees a Developmental Ped at a Children's Hospital. They aslo deal with autistic children.

I would definitely look at getting her reevaluated. Her meds might not be the right ones or there could be other concerns/issues going on.

In the meantime, I would work with her on the other things, coordinate outfits for the week, so she can dress herself (heck as a grownup I wish I had Garanimals to tell me what goes with what!), work with her on cleaning her room, make her do it but maybe in small doses, with your guideance. I know I can tell DS13 to go clean his room and he will wander around it for a bit until I tell him to specifcally tell him to pick up the trash, hang up clothes etc.


Good luck mom, she is lucky to have you care about her!

 

[Green Tea]

My first stop would likely be a developmental pediatrician at a university hospital....someone well versed in all aspects of child growth and development. From there you can go to the specialists they think you need whether it be a neurologist, a psychiatrist, counselor, or someone concerning her small physical size.

A psychiatrist is definitely best at the medication issues for ADHD, working with depression, etch. But you might have more going on, or less. I really would see the developmental pediatrician first. It will be a lengthy appointment the first time, and likely you will send other records to him/her prior to the appointment.

 

[a82allison]

It sounds like you have pretty well described a child with some level of ASD.
Do you not have any education/training/experience for working with children with this type of disability/condition?

Also, it would concern me that this child has never been 'told' that she does have a birth-mother. And, that does not mean that she has not realized this or found out in some way.

Do you have 'legal' custody of this child?

Was she ever adopted by you?

A LOT of things going on here.

Note: I have not read any of the responses or further information...

I do have experience working with ASD on some level. I am an ESE teacher, but I teach mostly learning disabled and emotionally disturbed kids. I've only had one ASD student, and he was a 1st grader that was a "runner" and escape artist, and non-verbal. So no, nothing like what I have seen in my daughter. Also, working with kids at school is much different when you see a disability in your own child.

If I could re-do the way we went about our daughter "not-knowing" about her bio-mom, I would do it differently. But the thing is, it's already done. We have to work from right here, right now. My daughter knows she HAS a birth-mom, she just thinks it is me. I do not treat her any differently from our other kids. Yes, working with a counselor to give her that knowledge is something that I know I can't keep putting off.

My ex-husband has legal custody of her. I do not have any custody. My ex and I have mutually agreed that her being with me is best for her. bio-mom will never be an issue. I do not have any kind of rights, I cannot just "adopt" her, as I am no longer even married to her father. It's a much more difficult thing, and again.. I wish I had adopted her while we were still married, but I didn't. There was not a reason I didn't. It just didn't seem necessary at the time, she is and has always been my daughter in every sense except for biologically.

She may be suffering from something that happened "in-utero" from bio-mom, or maybe she knows more than I think she does.. but I do not believe for any minute that I have CAUSED a problem. Sure I am not perfect.. but what mother is? Should I have already told her about bio-mom? probably.. but I can't re-do it.

 

[Mkrop]

Dont focus on the would of could ofs.... focus on what you can do. Work with your ex to get her reevaluated. Help her with her hygiene, clothes and room, but then also add to the list seeking the help of a counselor to SOMEDAY tell her the truth. Maybe with everything else going on, now is not the best time but take yourself and ex to a counselor so you can begin laying the groundwork to some day tell her.

 

[grafxgirl]

Perhaps it is her meds, but have you considered Autism? I have currently taken 3 Masters classes in Special Education, and working with kids who have a variety of disorders, and am in no way an expert, but this was the first thing that popped into my mind. Autism presents itself in many ways. One of the other posters mentioned Aspergers, which is a form of Autism.

 

[golfgal]

I do have experience working with ASD on some level. I am an ESE teacher, but I teach mostly learning disabled and emotionally disturbed kids. I've only had one ASD student, and he was a 1st grader that was a "runner" and escape artist, and non-verbal. So no, nothing like what I have seen in my daughter. Also, working with kids at school is much different when you see a disability in your own child.

If I could re-do the way we went about our daughter "not-knowing" about her bio-mom, I would do it differently. But the thing is, it's already done. We have to work from right here, right now. My daughter knows she HAS a birth-mom, she just thinks it is me. I do not treat her any differently from our other kids. Yes, working with a counselor to give her that knowledge is something that I know I can't keep putting off.

My ex-husband has legal custody of her. I do not have any custody. My ex and I have mutually agreed that her being with me is best for her. bio-mom will never be an issue. I do not have any kind of rights, I cannot just "adopt" her, as I am no longer even married to her father. It's a much more difficult thing, and again.. I wish I had adopted her while we were still married, but I didn't. There was not a reason I didn't. It just didn't seem necessary at the time, she is and has always been my daughter in every sense except for biologically.

She may be suffering from something that happened "in-utero" from bio-mom, or maybe she knows more than I think she does.. but I do not believe for any minute that I have CAUSED a problem. Sure I am not perfect.. but what mother is? Should I have already told her about bio-mom? probably.. but I can't re-do it.

Your ex needs to give you LEGAL guardianship of this girl at least so you CAN get her help. Dr's and whatnot really won't be able to do anything just on your say so because you are not legally responsible for her. It wouldn't be any different in the eyes of the clinic if you took my child to the dr's office and wanted medical treatment.

 

[Jaime4004]

I agree with PPs, sounds like a lot of classic symptoms for Aspergers... I wouldn't ditch your general pediatrician, if you like him or her for regular medical issues. They just aren't specialists... I would ask for a referral from your pedi, or from the school, on testing. Depends on your area, but could be a pedi neurologist, developmental pedi, or child psychiatrist/psychologist.

 

[NikkiLovesWDW!]

I do have experience working with ASD on some level. I am an ESE teacher, but I teach mostly learning disabled and emotionally disturbed kids. I've only had one ASD student, and he was a 1st grader that was a "runner" and escape artist, and non-verbal. So no, nothing like what I have seen in my daughter. Also, working with kids at school is much different when you see a disability in your own child.

That's the thing about autism....it covers such a wide range of symptoms. It sounds like the child you had experience with was a more extreme case. There are also very high-functioning autistic children (and adults). We have a lot of autistic kids in my school so I have seen such a range! From the screamers and runners to the ones who just shut down when schedules change. And in my experience, those children ARE very smart!

 

[badblackpug]

I have a few other thoughts. The staring into space? Have you had her evaluated for a seizure disorder? It's a possibility that these episodes are "absence seizures." Is the knot tying new since the ADHD meds? It could be anxiety. The meds are stimulants, and can cause anxiety. The messiness and disorganization are pretty common, for both an adolescent and a kid with ADHD. She may just be immature or a late bloomer. My friends daughter has ADHD and some learning issues. She is the same age as my son, but emotionally much more immature.

You are in the same situation as my sister. She is raising, technically, her step daughter. She met her ex husband when her daughter was a baby, she has raised her since. (her bio mom is also a drug addict) She also has a son. She and her ex split a number of years ago, and her daughter stayed with her... and her ex is totally uninvolved. Doesn't pay child support, doesn't see the kids. My niece, however, knows the situation. Hindsight being 20/20, you probably should have told her, but I wouldn't know how to go about telling her now. All 4 of my kids are adopted and it is just something they have always known. Of course, since they are of a different race it would be impossible to hide it.

As for neuropsych testing, find your nearest university-based hospital and/or children's specialty hospital. They usually have departments.

 

[december]

I :

 

[Duchie]

I was wondering how the diagnosis of ADD came about. Was this done by her doctor, or by a psychiatrist?

 

[hedgehog2owl]

Did she do the blank stare stuff before she started Concerta? That's how ADD meds made ME feel. Even if they did help with school stuff.

 

[SaraJayne]

You've had lots of information thrown at you in this thread.

One way to maybe help you narrow the focus a bit is did the issues (staring into space, knot tying, etc) start before she started taking meds? In other words, has she always been that way?

Or are those behaviors something she started after the meds? If it was after, her meds might need to be adjusted/changed to levels where she is able to function better.