Your RSVP is too late!!

[hereyago]

I say "Too bad so sad."

ITA and if the Mom didn't rsvp bythat certain time, snooze you lose.

My DD's friend's mom is like this. We will invite said kid over, the mom will say i will get back to you. Then she will later show up, no call and want her kid to be here. What?! She has done this twice. I am not going to wait hours to see if someone is coming, my bad.

She did it one time and I had taken DD out. She calls and asks where we are at, i say we are out. She wants us to meet her so her dd can be with us while she goes out to dinner with friends. UM NOPE.

She has also tried to volunteer me to have her kid spend the night so she and her husband can go out, which they do a lot. but since I am a single mom, i don't have anything to do-her words. I was like, um, DD is going with her dad and it is my time to go out and have fun. If I want to invite your kid, I will, but it doesnt work for me the other way around.

I think instead of saying where the party will be,etc. people should just write the date and time and more info will be given if they rsvp, so for those cases where kids just show up, that wouldn't happen if they don't know where it is at.

back to OP situation: seriously some of these posters are all getting their knickers in a knot about Mary. Here is a hint: Mary will have some trials and tribulations, it is called life. You can't blame the OP because the Mom didnt rsvp let alone want the OP to play taxi. SOme of you are softies, great, but people will also take advantage and play you for suckers. I for dang sure am not going to try to hunt down parents if they don't rsvp and call and make sure they arent coming.

 

[EMom]

I will NOT call someone to ask them to RSVP to my RSVP. Once I've sent the invitation, the ball is in their court. If people actually RSVPed and called to let you know whether they were coming OR NOT, you'd know what number to expect. Nowadays, too many people just can't be bothered. Sadly, I believe many of them are waiting to weigh the various "offers" that come in before they decide what to do.

I gave DH the facts of this situation and asked DH what he'd do in this situation. He said he'd do the same thing as I had thought I'd do. No way I'd fork over $50 minimum to cover the cost of adding a kid whose parent couldn't be troubled to call until four days after the RSVP deadline and then has the gall to expect me to haul her kid to and from the party when I have all the party prep to do.

There is a reason these venues need head counts and therefore, parents need invitees to RSVP. So, the OP invited another kid to fill in the extra prepaid spot because that kid's family is going through a hard time? That's her right. The spot was paid for and she could do a kindness for someone who needed it.......And in her place, I would have figured the other kid wasn't coming after the RSVP deadline had long passed. That's why there's a DEADLINE.

I'd call the mom and tell her that when she didn't RSVP, I invited a family friend since the spot was already paid for. I'd explain that adding her DD now would add at least $50 to the cost and had not planned for that.....But maybe the girls can get together at another time. Maybe mom will learn to RSVP on time. Forget the part about picking her kid up and taking her up....That is too bizarre to even address.

To sum it up, the kid's mother created this problem and the OP does not need to make it her problem. She does not have to be a doormat for a person who doesn't seem to mind imposing on others. Yes, the little girl might be hurt, but the blame is all her mother's. There are families out there who cannot afford a spare $50, or to whom it would make a big difference in the weekly budget. I say, tell the mom the truth and let her deal with it.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

The last bday party DS10 had was at home. So RSVPs were asked for, but not essential. I made enough of everything for all the invitees, and had enough candy and take home prizes. I had one phone call that said their child was coming, and also her sister and brother. They didn't ask, they just let me know! I was so shocked, I just said "...uh...ok."? When they showed up..the classmate (8) was accompanied by the older sister (9 or 10) and 4 year old brother! And the parents left them!! (They were of a different culture, so maybe this is common.) Anyway, I did what I could..I had about 15 kids and 20 were invited. But..I had a scavenger hunt planned that involved a walk outside around our community pond..about 1/2 mile. I ended up having to carry the little boy because he got tired!

Anyway..I survived. I learned long ago that home parties relieve a lot of stress, and organized "destination" parties breed it. Oh yes, when everyone was leaving, some siblings came with parents to pick up the kids and were expecting goodie bags! I had done a pinata, so the candy was all gone, but my going away prizes were being eyed. One kid even asked if she could take one home to her sister!

This year - no parties. I am taking the boys to the NickHotel for two days in June. It will cost more than two birthday parties, but the lack of stress and organizing will be well worth it.


Anyway....good luck, OP.

 

[AKL_Megs]

Wow. Why don't you just let her bowl by herself a few lanes away from all the other girls?

Ah, yeah. I never said that, thanks.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

Absolutely agree! Seriously, it's not that big of deal. Also, today is Tuesday. I am assuming the party is this weekend. That seems like more than enough time to add a little girl to the party. Money wise, what are we talking about, $20? Twenty buck to make a kid happy...I'll buy that. Plus, if this child, Mary, were part of the original guest list, maybe your daughter would really like her friend at her birthday.

You shouldn't have filled Mary's "spot" with a B-list invitee almost a week before the party. That's tacky.

The OP must be new to the birthday party game.

1) Never assume those that don't RSVP won't be there.
2) Be prepared for parents to drop siblings, friends off with the invited guest

Add me to the "you would be a ***** list. And mainly because you filled the spot more than a week out with a child not good enough to make the original list. And you didn't take a few minutes to double check with Mary's Mom to see if there was a reason she didn't RSVP in time before inviting another child.

That is just as rude, if not ruder and definitely tackier, than the mom rsvp'ing only 4 days late, yet still over a week before the party.

Now you can potentially hurt the feelings of two little 8 year olds. What did you do, fill her spot 24 hours after the rsvp deadline?

We have hosted and/or attended a zillion bowling parties over the years at all sorts of alleys. EVERY single one of them had an "emergency" add on fee for just this sort of thing. Every one had a set package price for x amount of kids, but you could add on with a per kid fee. The per kid fee is a bit more expensive per child than the per child package fee, but usually not more than a couple of bucks. So, say your package is $100 for 10 kids, the add on fee would be $15 per kid.

Otherwise, buy a couple of lines of bowling for the little girl (can't be over $5.00) and tell the alley to put her in with your kids. Then buy a hot dog or a slice of pizza and a drink for the kid.

There are plenty of solutions that would not entail "serious" cash as you put it, if you really wanted this to work.

However, I would tell the mom that your car is full and that you can't provide transportation, but could give them the names of the other invitees in case they might be able to carpool with them.

You screwed up going to the B list so quickly, now you are in a jam. If you don't make it work for your original invitee, that would put you very, very high up in the ***** category for me. Flexibility and understanding in life is a good thing. Taking it out on 8 year olds to prove a point and being intractable is not.

 

[Briarmom]

I agree with the first part of your post..I would have called Mary's mom, too. But I also disagree just as strongly with the last part of your post. "Stuff" doesn't happen 24/7 for a week straight. (Assuming the OP sent the invites out at least a week before the deadline.) So yeah, Mary's mom either lacks class, or is lazy, or lacks knowledge of common etiquette..and no, we are not talking Emily Post wedding level of etiquette...we are talking about basic common sense. When an invite says, RSVP..it does NOT mean "whenever" or if you feel like it.

But, as with most of these threads on the DIS, we are only getting part of the story. For example, I in no way believe that Mary's mom called and said 'sorry we're late, Mary will be there but you'll need to give her a ride there and back'. Not without some other information.

Is Mary's mom lazy? I don't know. I don't know if Mary lives with her dad 3 days a week and her mom is just now hearing about it. I don't know if her mom is single and works 13 hour shifts to put food on the table. I don't know if the OP mailed the invites or had her daughter hand them out at school. What if she handed Mary her invite 2 days later than the other kids? It seems that Mary is older than her dds, so maybe she didn't see Mary the same day as she saw the other kids? I don't know if Mary's mom only goes to the mailbox once a week.

I could go on, but what I'm saying is, there are a lot of variables.

Poor little girl. I think the OP already decided to exclude her. This is one reason, I just don't do birthday parties. Too many crazy parents and hurt feelings all around - we do family parties and that is it.

Agreed. I feel bad for Mary because her mom probably told her she RSVP'd and now she'll be excluded.

and the host mom is unwilling to shop for another balloon!

Yeah, this is just bizarre.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I'm in the OP's corner and I think there's nothing ***** about it at all. Guests have responsibilities as well and one of those responsibilites is the common courtesy (HA! not too common anymore). When a host asks for an RSVP, it's the guest's responsibility to let the host know whether or not you'll be there at the appointed time. OP gave enough notice to the families and 9 of the 10 were able to commit by the deadline. Whatever Mary's mother excuse could be, what it comes down to is that her priorities obviously took precidence over the OP's. To which the old saying applies: You snooze, you lose. That's life.

My old fashioned sense tells me that the RSVP deadline was there for a very good reason. If the party was important to Mary's mother then she would have made the effort to schedule a party that her little girl really wanted to go to and RSVP'd. Mary's disappointment should lie totally with her mother and not the OP for not making an exception for one special snowflake. Maybe this will be a learning experience for Mary that she needs to stay on top of Mom if she wants to attend important functions that her mother holds the keys to. That's life.

If it were me, I'd tell Mary's mother that I'm sorry but like airline seats, there were a limited number of slots for this party and she didn't reserve her seat in time. They are all taken now. Maybe next time.

 

[TLSnell1981]

Why assume the OP has everyone's phone number? For years dd handed out invites to her entire class (per school rules), but we only had a classroom directory with phone #s the last 2 yrs.

I've never had trouble acquiring a phone number of a party guest. OP never tried to call. At least, she didn't say so. The number of guests and the timing of the responses were obviously quite important. I would have attempted a phone call.

I've had many parties throughout the years. I try to have all the bases covered. It may be an inconvenience, but I have enough experience to know this comes with the territory.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

I'm in the OP's corner and I think there's nothing ***** about it at all. Guests have responsibilities as well and one of those responsibilites is the common courtesy (HA! not too common anymore). When a host asks for an RSVP, it's the guest's responsibility to let the host know whether or not you'll be there at the appointed time. OP gave enough notice to the families and 9 of the 10 were able to commit by the deadline. Whatever Mary's mother excuse could be, what it comes down to is that her priorities obviously took precidence over the OP's. To which the old saying applies: You snooze, you lose. That's life.

My old fashioned sense tells me that the RSVP deadline was there for a very good reason. If the party was important to Mary's mother then she would have made the effort to schedule a party that her little girl really wanted to go to and RSVP'd. Mary's disappointment should lie totally with her mother and not the OP for not making an exception for one special snowflake. Maybe this will be a learning experience for Mary that she needs to stay on top of Mom if she wants to attend important functions that her mother holds the keys to. That's life.

If it were me, I'd tell Mary's mother that I'm sorry but like airline seats, there were a limited number of slots for this party and she didn't reserve her seat in time. They are all taken now. Maybe next time.

Even airlines overbook and still manage to usually get everybody on board, even if they have to upgrade them.

I flew on an overbooked flight with no seat reservations just last week. My entire party was accommodated by putting us up in Business class.

 

[3prettyprincesses]

Even airlines overbook and still manage to usually get everybody on board, even if they have to upgrade them.

I flew on an overbooked flight with no seat reservations just last week. My entire party was accommodated by putting us up in Business class.

I guess that the OP should make Mary the birthday girl then! A definite upgrade from plain party guest! I'm totally kidding and don't mean anything snarky by this. Just ttrying to lighten the mood here!

 

[AKL_Megs]

Yeah, this is just bizarre.

You're just out to get me tonight, aren't you!

Hey, look on page one, OP talks about how hard it is to get ahold of another Mylar.

This thread is getting ridiculous. But it is my entertainment for the night!

 

[Carly_Roach]

Is Mary's mom lazy? I don't know. I don't know if Mary lives with her dad 3 days a week and her mom is just now hearing about it. I don't know if her mom is single and works 13 hour shifts to put food on the table. I don't know if the OP mailed the invites or had her daughter hand them out at school. What if she handed Mary her invite 2 days later than the other kids? It seems that Mary is older than her dds, so maybe she didn't see Mary the same day as she saw the other kids? I don't know if Mary's mom only goes to the mailbox once a week.

I could go on, but what I'm saying is, there are a lot of variables.

Agreed. I feel bad for Mary because her mom probably told her she RSVP'd and now she'll be excluded.

I disagree. It's not the host's responsibility to cover for another person's life. Every single one of those excuses listed above says that the late mother's reasons for being late are more important that the mother who took time out of her life to plan a party and see it through.

Sorry, but if this party was as important to Mary as everyone seems to think it is, then Mary should have known to stay on top of things and make sure her mother knew something special was coming up. Yes, even at 8 children can be taught about taking responsibility and making sure you do your part.

Consider this a learning experience. If OP caves, then what Mary learns is that you can do anything as long as you have a good excuse. If OP holds the line, then Mary learns that life isn't always fair and she needs to pay attention to deadlines for issues that are important to her.

 

[Briarmom]

You're just out to get me tonight, aren't you!

Hey, look on page one, OP talks about how hard it is to get ahold of another Mylar.

This thread is getting ridiculous. But it is my entertainment for the night!

I'm agreeing with you. Again.
I think it is *really* bizarre that the OP somehow can't procure a balloon for something that's happening in a few days. I mean, it's a balloon!

 

[AKL_Megs]

I'm agreeing with you. Again.
I think it is *really* bizarre that the OP somehow can't procure a balloon for something that's happening in a few days. I mean, it's a balloon!

Sorry, my sarcastic radar got off of work at 10:30 I am tired.

Where did OP go? Maybe to call Mary's mom!

Clearly, I need sleep.

 

[Carly_Roach]

Even airlines overbook and still manage to usually get everybody on board, even if they have to upgrade them.

I flew on an overbooked flight with no seat reservations just last week. My entire party was accommodated by putting us up in Business class.

Fair enough. The upgrade will be Mary coming by later on next week for a playdate. Perhaps if business class is available, maybe Mary's mother will be willing to pay the $50.00 plus transportation to upgrade to the next tier.

Otherwise, if there are 80 seats available including business and first class, then there's no way you're going to get 81 passengers on that plane.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

I guess that the OP should make Mary the birthday girl then! A definite upgrade from plain party guest! I'm totally kidding and don't mean anything snarky by this. Just ttrying to lighten the mood here!

That was pretty funny! Also not being snarky.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I'm agreeing with you. Again.
I think it is *really* bizarre that the OP somehow can't procure a balloon for something that's happening in a few days. I mean, it's a balloon!

It's not just a balloon - it's $50.00 to upgrade to the next tier plus transportation.

 

[handinpocket]

But, as with most of these threads on the DIS, we are only getting part of the story. For example, I in no way believe that Mary's mom called and said 'sorry we're late, Mary will be there but you'll need to give her a ride there and back'. Not without some other information.

MTE, it just doesn't jive. I think that was thrown out there to get everyone here to agree and sympathize with the OP.

 

[Leajess99]

She is in the neighborhood, but in order to pick her up we would have to take 2 cars. We already have 5 people in the car. Plus we have to pick up the cake and balloons.

Honestly, it may be beneficial to have the second car available for extra space for gifts, leftovers, etc.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

OK, I got through the tread and need to add. For my DD8's 6th birthday we had 5 or 6 more come then were invited. All siblings. We had booked a bounce house (it was on a closed night, just our party was there. Well, it was open for parties that night but as it happened we were the only party.) Anyway, It too was a tiered price thing and I was going to have to pay $100 more dollars. I was fuming but being the person I am (not one to make waves) I was going to just pay it. The place was really nice about it, they did not make me pay for the siblings and food wise, we just had what we had (they didn't make the food there, they ordered pizzas based on my original numbers.) I had 1 mom out of 5 offer to pay for the sibling. I told her to offer it to the place since they were kind enough to not charge me and they gave it to our party hostess as part of her tip. (It was a great place, family run, didn't last long though I am afriad.)

OP, I am assuming yo uare new to the party thing. Wish I could tell you these instances are rare but they are not. You always have to assume some won't call, you always have to assume they may still come, you don't have to accept it like I did but you have to assume that some parents may bring siblings. It's annoying but if you are going to have parties you have to expect a little headache I'm afraid. It may not be right, but if you expect it, it won't be so irritating.