Your child's school rules: the stupid, weird, or just plain annoying

[pacrosby]

A me, me, me world? No you've got that all wrong. I am a firm believer in being resonsible, whether it is a 12 year old or their 35 year old parent. If a rule as in the "no drop of lunches" is in place then your 12 year old better make sure they remember it, and their parent better make sure they remind them. If they still forget well them they need to face the consequences of their actions. We aren't talking about toddlers here, we are talking about middle school students who can, with the exception of a medical condition, go without food for a few hours. Is it inconvenient, yes. Will its really suck, yes. But make no mistake they can get through their day an in the process learn a valuable lesson. So its not really me, me, me, its about you, you, you and that whole personal responsibilty thing

No, as I see it what you're saying is...

it doesn't inconvenience 'me', so I don't care if it inconveniences 'you'. It 'shouldn't' inconvenience 'you' because it doesn't inconvenience 'me'.

And honestl,y you can continue to defend the no drop off rule with your argument that they need to face consequences and learn to be responsible yadayadayada all you want but we are simply going to have to disagree. My kids are plenty responsble and have a very good understanding of consequences (believe me) . Having to go all day without anything to eat is teaching them nothing but that their school administration is full of controlling nincompoops.

 

[marcyinPA]

I think its a great lesson in responsibilty. I don't know what your day is like but there are more opportunities to eat in an entire day, so not having one meal at the exact time you are supposed to in one day isn't going to hurt any 12 year old. So while your previous post was a nice attempt to say we parents want our kids to "starve" because we don't want them to be fed, its not really accurate. My kids get home at 3:00 if they didn't eat their lunch at 12, they can have it at 3 when they get home. Phew, starvation diverted

Doesn't work for all kids, now, does it?! Mine goes to school at 7 am for early morning band/orchestra/jazz band every day. He has play practice after school until 4:30 three days a week. The other days, he gets home at 3:30. If he eats breakfast at 6:30am, and doesn't eat again until roughly 5pm...ummm...yeah, he'd be more than just a little hungry. He'd also be miserable, and probably forget to bring stuff home that he needed for homework. Not worth it.

Now, keep in mind that in my original post, I've only dropped a lunch off ONE TIME. One time in SEVEN years. So, no, I don't have a snowflake, and no, I'm not a helicopter parent. My kids are actually pretty responsible and don't forget much. And when they do forget stuff like homework or instruments, they deal. One thing I am not willing to budge on is food- and I don't care what the office says about that. Considering we are not repeat offenders, I think they can accept a lunch once.

For as much as our district pushes the "eat a good breakfast before state testing" thing, it really annoys me that they think going all day (and a long day for many kids who are involved in activities) without food because they forgot their lunch at home is acceptable.

 

[rabyoga]

I'm a 5th grade teacher in a public school. While I can't explain all the reasons behind every rule... I can help clarify one: The clear liquid in water bottles. The reason we have this rule is for textbook protection. It's bad enough when water spills on a textbook.. But if a colored liquid (like Gatorade,etc.) spills on a book, that makes the book virtually impossible to read.
That's our reasoning at our school. I assume that's why other schools have this rule as well. Hopefully that "clears" things up for some posters.

 

[torinsmom]

I haven't read the entire thread only a few posts but allowing me to say this:

Banning bookbags:

I clearly and vividly remember being a teenager. It is physically impossible to carry 5 notebooks, or a huge binder, plus books, pens, pencils and any other crap in your arms all day. Something is bound to get lost, it's not about them not being responsible it's just physically impossible. You can't do it as an adult, never mind as a teenager, not to mention that in the run from classroom to classroom 10 things fall from you. I see disorganized adults all the time and then they insist that their children keep it together. Why the hell are you expecting something that you yourself can't do? We parents expect from our children a perfection and functionality that we ourselves don't have? You want your children to learn about compassion and understanding others? Start by giving it to them first.

Dropping lunch/money:

I don't know about others but I allow myself to be human. Yes I have forgotten my lunch at home more than once, so have my kids. Out of let's say 100 days of school maybe once they have forgotten. It's not a daily occurrence, so I don't see why I shouldn't take the money when they do. However, I can't get out of work to get the money so instead since her school has the lunch money system we open an account and make sure it always has money by having an automatic payment system. The day she forgets her lunch she can easily pay it from there. I refuse to let anyone I know go hungry. As a teenager who went to bed hungry because her family didn't have enough money for food, I can't describe how horrible the feeling is. I just can't stand the thought, not even if it's for a few hours...

Water Bottles:

Alcohol in water bottles? Have the schools documented how many cases of alcohol in water bottles have they had? I'm not talking national statistics I'm talking a real incident in that school. If it has been one person out of 300 students why are we penalizing 299 people for the mistake of one? I'm seriously asking there. Working with schools have made me realize that many times rules have been put in place not by any incident but mostly by fear and mass hysteria of people. My kids had water bottles all of their elementary life and not once we were asked to switch it out to clear bottles. So I don't see what the problem is.

My own annoying rules. Attendance:

I understand the importance of school and I'm not saying that schools shouldn't enforce attendance. I think they should. However, can't we reach a middle ground here? Two years ago we had a death in the family and I pulled the kids out of school so we could attend the funeral. It was out of the country so they missed several days. My oldest was penalized for that and wasn't able to attend the last dance. One of her friends went on a vacation and was also penalized. Look, not all of us can take vacation at the times the school is out. I absolutely can't, would LOVE too, and believe me we have tried. So did the parents of her friends. The week they missed there was no exams or nothing strange and she was able to catch up in no time. Why don't we allow folks a little room to work with? My oldest daughter's high school has now a limit on Medical excuses. The maneuvers I've had to do to schedule doctors appointments is ridiculous. If it wasn't because she loves the school so much I would honestly pulled her from it, and homeschool her.

Attitude:

Please teachers don't take this the wrong way. I have a sister, 3 aunts and several friends who are teachers. I love teachers and I think it's an awesome profession. However, just as in any other profession, sometimes some folks attitude plain out stink. After volunteering extensively in schools for years, this year I'm taking a break. Yikes some teachers attitude is as if students are out to get them. They treat students horribly and then expect respect in return. You can't demand respect, it's earned folks. You can't treat anyone (no matter the age) with contempt and expect respect in return. It's the how the world works.

No touching rule:

In the real world there is no touching rule. I found this rule so ridiculous. If we want kids to learn about personal space and respecting others we need to start up by teaching them proper guidelines to how we touch others. Not make our lives easier by banning touching and be done with the problem, just because it makes us (the adults) our existence easier. I have yet to find one teacher who gives me a good reason for it.

TOTALLY AGREE! I am a teacher and respect is a 2 way street. You really can't expect kids or their parents to respect you if you don't show them the same courtesy.

 

[Poohforyou]

Or - the rules exist because, especially with the dire financial situation in most school districts, it's not within any budget to assign someone to administer the drop-offs.

Administer the drop-offs ? At my DD's middle school I go into the office with the forgotten item, tell one the secretaries my DD's name and leave the item on the pick up table. At the end of whatever period they're in the secretary gets on the PA and reads off the list of kids that need to come to the office. There is no special administering. At most it's 30 seconds of the secretary's time and part of her job.

As I said in an earlier post, assuming the school allows drop-offs and a parent is able to drop the item off I don't understand not doing so as long as it isn't a common occurance. I think it's just mean not to help a kid out if they make a very occasional mistake. People cut me slack when I make mistakes I don't know why kids should be held to a higher standard.

 

[mhsjax]

Administer the drop-offs ? At my DD's middle school I go into the office with the forgotten item, tell one the secretaries my DD's name and leave the item on the pick up table. At the end of whatever period they're in the secretary gets on the PA and reads off the list of kids that need to come to the office. There is no special administering. At most it's 30 seconds of the secretary's time and part of her job.

As I said in an earlier post, assuming the school allows drop-offs and a parent is able to drop the item off I don't understand not doing so as long as it isn't a common occurance. I think it's just mean not to help a kid out if they make a very occasional mistake. People cut me slack when I make mistakes I don't know why kids should be held to a higher standard.

Because here on the beloved Dis, you are either a perfect parent and perfect child, or a helicopter parent raising a snowflake, there is no middle ground many of the people here, at least that is what they would like us to think.

 

[EnchantedTales]

I'm a 5th grade teacher in a public school. While I can't explain all the reasons behind every rule... I can help clarify one: The clear liquid in water bottles. The reason we have this rule is for textbook protection. It's bad enough when water spills on a textbook.. But if a colored liquid (like Gatorade,etc.) spills on a book, that makes the book virtually impossible to read.
That's our reasoning at our school. I assume that's why other schools have this rule as well. Hopefully that "clears" things up for some posters.

That totally makes sense!!! Thanks for clarifying this!

 

[luvmy3]

No, as I see it what you're saying is...

it doesn't inconvenience 'me', so I don't care if it inconveniences 'you'. It 'shouldn't' inconvenience 'you' because it doesn't inconvenience 'me'.

Its not about inconvenience, its about the fact that I don't have a problem with the no lunch rule. Do you expect people to fight your battles even though they feel they aren't worth fighting for. What a strange thing to expect from others. If you feel the cause is worthy then by all means excercise your right to change it but please don't expect me to help you when its not a cause I feel needs to be changed. Thats not inconvenience sweetie, some people just don't see it your way

Doesn't work for all kids, now, does it?! Mine goes to school at 7 am for early morning band/orchestra/jazz band every day. He has play practice after school until 4:30 three days a week. The other days, he gets home at 3:30. If he eats breakfast at 6:30am, and doesn't eat again until roughly 5pm...ummm...yeah, he'd be more than just a little hungry. He'd also be miserable, and probably forget to bring stuff home that he needed for homework. Not worth it.

Now, keep in mind that in my original post, I've only dropped a lunch off ONE TIME. One time in SEVEN years. So, no, I don't have a snowflake, and no, I'm not a helicopter parent. My kids are actually pretty responsible and don't forget much. And when they do forget stuff like homework or instruments, they deal. One thing I am not willing to budge on is food- and I don't care what the office says about that. Considering we are not repeat offenders, I think they can accept a lunch once.

For as much as our district pushes the "eat a good breakfast before state testing" thing, it really annoys me that they think going all day (and a long day for many kids who are involved in activities) without food because they forgot their lunch at home is acceptable.

I understand its not the same for each child, but if there is a rule in place then the consequences will be the same for all children. If you have a child who can't function without a lunch then you better make darn sure your child has their lunch or some money on them. Its really not that hard and the fact that people here are saying "I'll send in the lunch, rules be damned" instead of doing what they can to make sure their kid leaves the house in morning with the lunch speaks volumes. So, you don't agree with the consequences of an action and you don't think the rules apply to you. Sorry, I'd rather my child miss a lunch and learn for themselves that they are (because a 12 year old is very capable of being) responsible for their actions, then have them learn that attitude. YMMV.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

Because here on the beloved Dis, you are either a perfect parent and perfect child, or a helicopter parent raising a snowflake, there is no middle ground many of the people here, at least that is what they would like us to think.

You forgot the terrible, neglectful, abusive parent whose children deserve to be pitied.

 

[mamacatnv]

Well, I'm certainly not going to disagree with you there but I wasn't aware anyone actually suggested doing that here? Did they?

DS12 is in middle school (7th grade). They do not allow drop offs of any kind. No forgotten homework, books, instruments, gym clothes, etc. While I understand WHY, and I do agree with the sink or swim on those things, and hopefully the lessons learned, they also do not allow drop offs of lunch or lunch money.

I have a HUGE problem with that. If your child does not have money in their lunch account, and they forget their lunch, they will not get ANYTHING to eat. They do not get a sandwich, or crackers, or anything. They don't get three strikes. You forget even one time, and you are S.O.L. I don't know how this is going to teach them any kind of lesson- except that they will be hungry and will not be able to focus on school lessons that day.

I did strong arm my way into the office once last year, and the secretary made me feel like garbage for dropping of my DS's forgotten lunch. It only happened one time. I told her there was no way I was letting my kid starve for the day. If he forgot his homework, then he would have to deal with those consequences. But I won't let him go hungry all day.

To answer your question Pacrosby, this is the post I originally responded to. She said it, not me, I didn't make it up.

You forgot the terrible, neglectful, abusive parent whose children deserve to be pitied.

You rang?

 

[marcyinPA]

Its not about inconvenience, its about the fact that I don't have a problem with the no lunch rule. Do you expect people to fight your battles even though they feel they aren't worth fighting for. What a strange thing to expect from others. If you feel the cause is worthy then by all means excercise your right to change it but please don't expect me to help you when its not a cause I feel needs to be changed. Thats not inconvenience sweetie, some people just don't see it your way



I understand its not the same for each child, but if there is a rule in place then the consequences will be the same for all children. If you have a child who can't function without a lunch then you better make darn sure your child has their lunch or some money on them. Its really not that hard and the fact that people here are saying "I'll send in the lunch, rules be damned" instead of doing what they can to make sure their kid leaves the house in morning with the lunch speaks volumes. So, you don't agree with the consequences of an action and you don't think the rules apply to you. Sorry, I'd rather my child miss a lunch and learn for themselves that they are (because a 12 year old is very capable of being) responsible for their actions, then have them learn that attitude. YMMV.

Honestly, I believe in mercy. So, if I have to bale my kid out once, I will. Both of my kids are responsible for their actions, but sometimes, stuff happens. They are human. I hope, in your life, someone has shown you some mercy. And I hope, in your life, you can show someone else mercy.

 

[marcyinPA]

To answer your question Pacrosby, this is the post I originally responded to. She said it, not me, I didn't make it up.

You rang?

I used the word "strong-armed" tongue and cheek, but yes...I did insist that they take my child's lunch bag off my hands and give it to him. Did I hold the secretary at gun-point? Of course not. Would I do this every day? No.

 

[C.Ann]

When - and why - did it become necessary for kids to carry water bottles around in school all day? Are we just talking about schools in year-round warm climates?

 

[hereyago]

When - and why - did it become necessary for kids to carry water bottles around in school all day? Are we just talking about schools in year-round warm climates?

DD13 has always been allowed, as well as the other students to carry water bottles starting in elementary school. In elementary they had a "news" program come on every morning and a segment was stretch, hydrate with a drink of water and a couple other things to "get their brains" in working mode.

We live in Souteastern VA., so no all year round warm weather.

 

[C.Ann]

DD13 has always been allowed, as well as the other students to carry water bottles starting in elementary school. In elementary they had a "news" program come on every morning and a segment was stretch, hydrate with a drink of water and a couple other things to "get their brains" in working mode.

We live in Souteastern VA., so no all year round warm weather.

Kids didn't do that when I was in school (when dinosaurs still roamed the earth) - nor when my own kids were in school (last one graduated in the early '90's) - so I thought it was a regional thing..

Thanks for the explanation..

 

[hereyago]

Kids didn't do that when I was in school (when dinosaurs still roamed the earth) - nor when my own kids were in school (last one graduated in the early '90's) - so I thought it was a regional thing..

Thanks for the explanation..

I'm 43 and growing up we never had water bottles, we had to use the fountains.

 

[luvmy3]

Honestly, I believe in mercy. So, if I have to bale my kid out once, I will. Both of my kids are responsible for their actions, but sometimes, stuff happens. They are human. I hope, in your life, someone has shown you some mercy. And I hope, in your life, you can show someone else mercy.

Oh good god now its about "showing mercy". Please stop making excuses, its clear you don't believe the rules apply to you and your kid, and you've been called out on it. Like I said before, I would rather my kids learn a lesson from having to deal with the consequences of their action than teach them that its okay if they don't follow the rules, mom will strong arm her way around them.

 

[Coconut36]

When - and why - did it become necessary for kids to carry water bottles around in school all day? Are we just talking about schools in year-round warm climates?

It's by no means required here and we are warm weather for a long long time..I believe it was 102 yesterday and I am not sure if we have temps under 90 in sight for the next week. I would say it is the norm for kids to bring a water bottle to school.

I do send my ODS with a water bottle mainly for lunch but the children are allowed to drink from them as needed during the day and I do like knowing he is well hydrated. PE 3x a week, outside in 100+ degree weather and dehydration is a concern here. I am not sure about other places and their reasons.

 

[marcyinPA]

Oh good god now its about "showing mercy". Please stop making excuses, its clear you don't believe the rules apply to you and your kid, and you've been called out on it. Like I said before, I would rather my kids learn a lesson from having to deal with the consequences of their action than teach them that its okay if they don't follow the rules, mom will strong arm her way around them.

You know nothing about me. You don't know who I am, or how I've raised my children. You assume that I expect everyone to bend for my kids. You know NOTHING.

I am not making excuses. I don't believe I am above the rules. I believe this particular rule is bogus and I am not the only parent who thinks so. I have spoken with the guidance counselor regarding it, and I think the rule needs to be changed. Or tweaked.

As far as mercy....Yes....this is about showing someone mercy. To me it is. You can roll your eyes all you want to. I feel sorry for you. (and I'm sure you'll have a comeback for that too...which is fine. Persecute away. I can take it.) And yes, I hope when you are down and out and need it most, someone will have mercy on you. I really do.

I'm finished. Goodbye.

 

[luvmy3]

You know nothing about me. You don't know who I am, or how I've raised my children. You assume that I expect everyone to bend for my kids. You know NOTHING.

I am not making excuses. I don't believe I am above the rules. I believe this particular rule is bogus and I am not the only parent who thinks so. I have spoken with the guidance counselor regarding it, and I think the rule needs to be changed. Or tweaked.

As far as mercy....Yes....this is about showing someone mercy. To me it is. You can roll your eyes all you want to. I feel sorry for you. (and I'm sure you'll have a comeback for that too...which is fine. Persecute away. I can take it.) And yes, I hope when you are down and out and need it most, someone will have mercy on you. I really do.

I'm finished. Goodbye.

I do know you don't think you have to follow the rules, you said as much in your pp. You taught your dd that its okay to break the rules because you think they are bogus. I don't need to know anything else, that's enough for the topic of this thread.
Oh and no need to feel sorry for me, you can save that sympathy for my kids though. They will grow up in a world full of snowflakes whose parents taught them that they don't have to follow rules they don't like. No need to try and fight to change them through the proper channels, you can just strong arm your way through.